Description: several fixes to dat files Origin: fortune-mod/1.99.1-4 --- b/datfiles/Makefile +++ a/datfiles/Makefile @@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ COOKIES=art ascii-art computers cookie definitions drugs education ethnic \ love magic medicine men-women miscellaneous news people pets \ platitudes politics riddles science songs-poems sports \ startrek translate-me wisdom work linux perl knghtbrd \ - paradoxum zippy debian + paradoxum zippy debian disclaimer tao STRFILE=../util/strfile --- b/datfiles/art +++ a/datfiles/art @@ -7,13 +7,14 @@ Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus. % A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to -judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased +judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally. + -- Robert Heinlein % A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. % A circus foreman was making the rounds inspecting the big top -when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are +when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are you the foreman around here?" he asked timidly. "I'd like to join your circus; I have what I think is a pretty good act." The foreman nodded assent, whereupon the little man hurried over to @@ -100,7 +101,7 @@ what he writes fiction. -- William Faulkner % A yawn is a silent shout. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % A young man wrote to Mozart and said: @@ -220,8 +221,9 @@ depths they were once able to plumb. Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children. -- Michael Joseph, "Observer" % -Bahdges? We don't need no stinkin' bahdges! - -- "The Treasure of Sierra Madre" +Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges. I don't have +to show you any stinkin' badges! + -- "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" % Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work. @@ -530,7 +532,7 @@ novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -- Fred Allen % I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything! - -- Bart Simpson + -- Bart Simpson % I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The curtain was up. @@ -656,7 +658,7 @@ I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song. % I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work. @@ -775,7 +777,7 @@ Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal. -- Lionel Trilling % Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal. - -- T.S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger" % In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems. @@ -824,15 +826,15 @@ twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. -- Rod Serling % It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a -statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious -to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, +statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious +to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour. -- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live" % It is up to us to produce better-quality movies. - -- Lloyd Kaufman, producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" + -- Lloyd Kaufman, producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" % It just doesn't seem right to go over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's condo. @@ -981,7 +983,7 @@ applications for. -- Dave Barry % Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar. - -- S.J. Perelman + -- S. J. Perelman % Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast. % @@ -1119,7 +1121,7 @@ OK. -- Dave Barry, "The Snake" % "My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?" - -- MadameX + -- MadameX % My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked. -- Peter Stack, movie review @@ -1139,7 +1141,7 @@ belonging to it. No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted. - -- W.H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand" + -- W. H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand" % No two persons ever read the same book. -- Edmund Wilson @@ -1216,7 +1218,7 @@ Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means? Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience. - -- R.S. Knapp + -- R. S. Knapp % Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents: @@ -1401,7 +1403,7 @@ Television -- the longest amateur night in history. -- Robert Carson % Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs. - -- Alfred Hitchcock + -- Alfred Hitchcock % Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. -- Ann Landers @@ -1461,7 +1463,7 @@ The covers of this book are too far apart. -- Book review by Ambrose Bierce. % The difference between waltzes and disco is mostly one of volume. - -- T.K. + -- T. K. % The faster we go, the rounder we get. -- The Grateful Dead @@ -1603,7 +1605,7 @@ THEN -- MONROE! NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!! -- The Rotten Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan -*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN! +*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN! A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters... 1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY! -- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title: @@ -1703,7 +1705,7 @@ The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing horror on a screaming world! -- The Crawling Eye (1958) -SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, scyscraper limbs, +SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs, giant desires! -- Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman (1958) @@ -1902,7 +1904,7 @@ ourselves along -- quite gracefully. % There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. - -- J.S. Bach + -- J. S. Bach % There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein. -- Red Smith @@ -1975,7 +1977,7 @@ Yabba-Dabba-Doo! Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures. % Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new -cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more +cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog! -- Bob & Ray % @@ -2178,7 +2180,7 @@ I can't think why not. -- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, from a letter to his cousin Maria, "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele % -Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail? +Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail? -- The Tasmanian Devil % Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. @@ -2237,8 +2239,31 @@ You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home. Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it! -- Mel Brooks, "The Producers" % -Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will +Naked children have never played in _our_ fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66. -- "Learning from Las Vegas", Robert Venturi, Denise Scott Brown, and Steven Izenour % +Sometimes I get the feeling that there are orgies going on all over New +York City, and somebody says, "Let's call Desmond," and somebody else says, +"Why bother? He's probably home reading the Encyclopedia Britannica." + -- Paul Desmond, jazz saxophonist +% +Usually, in the studio, on this sort of thing ... you just go out and have +a play over it, and see what comes, and it's usually -- mostly -- the first +take that's the best one, and you find yourself repeating yourself thereafter. + -- David Gilmour, on the famous guitar solo in "Time" +% +Rap music is just computerised crap. I listen to Top of the Pops and after +three songs I feel like killing someone. + -- George Harrison +% +I'm not sure how much writing happened. You know, let's play E minor and A for +an hour or two. Oh, that sounds all right, that'll take up five minutes. + -- Roger Waters, on the composition of "Breathe" +% +"Hiro has two loves, baseball and porn, but due to an elbow injury he +gives up baseball...." + -- AniDB description of _H2_, with selective quoting applied. + http://anidb.info/perl-bin/animedb.pl?show=anime&aid=352 +% --- b/datfiles/ascii-art +++ a/datfiles/ascii-art @@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ (V)(V)(V) (V)(V)(V) % ___ ______ Frobtech, Inc. - /__/\ ___/_____/\ + /__/\ ___/_____/\ \ \ \ / /\\ \ \ \_/__ / \ "If you've got the job, _\ \ \ /\_____/___ \ we've got the frob." @@ -77,10 +77,10 @@ MICRO ARTISTS GANG! MAY 1988 BE A HAPPY YEAR! _--~~~#####// ' ` \\#####~~~--_ -~##########// ( ) \\##########~-_ -############// |\^^/| \\############- - _~############// (O||O) \\############~_ - ~#############(( \\// ))#############~ + _~############// (O||O) \\############~_ + ~#############(( \\// ))#############~ -###############\\ (oo) //###############- - -#################\\ / `' \ //#################- + -#################\\ / `' \ //#################- -###################\\/ () \//###################- _#/|##########/\######( (()) )######/\##########|\#_ |/ |#/\#/\#/\/ \#/\##| \()/ |##/\#/ \/\#/\#/\#| \| @@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether. -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" % -You are here: +You are here: *** *** ********* --- b/datfiles/computers +++ a/datfiles/computers @@ -49,18 +49,18 @@ A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation. % A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected. % -A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who -had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether -various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue -invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake, -and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and -asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop -between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex -string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk -was enlightened. - -From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after -string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples, +A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who +had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether +various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue +invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake, +and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and +asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop +between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex +string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk +was enlightened. + +From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after +string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples, who passed it on to theirs. % A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a @@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ simple system that works. % A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - -- Mitch Ratcliffe + -- Mitch Ratcliffe % A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling the president one of the latest talking computers. @@ -107,15 +107,15 @@ the outsider, "because I want you to be happy." Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too". % - A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about + A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat." - The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden -itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden + The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden +itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect." - The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then + The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?" % A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox @@ -383,9 +383,9 @@ with social conventions?" % A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of -incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague -assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents -and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of +incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague +assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents +and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place. @@ -454,7 +454,7 @@ makes the manuals thicker. % Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. -- F. Brooks, "The Mythical Man-Month" - +% Whenever one person is found adequate to the discharge of a duty by close application thereto, it is worse execute by two persons and scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein. @@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ All constants are variables. Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER -updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a +updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a cold boot process. @@ -516,7 +516,7 @@ All the simple programs have been written. A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added. The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users. The -Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the +Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O. Please check fluid level by using the DIP stick which is located in the back of VMI monitors. Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging @@ -538,22 +538,22 @@ please communicate them by one of the following paths: For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.* -* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not +* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone. % === ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== CAR and CDR now return extra values. -The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble -to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as -well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to +The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble +to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as +well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to destructure a cons (SOME-CONS) into its two slots (THE-CAR and THE-CDR): (MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...) For symmetry with CAR, CDR returns a second value which is the CAR of the -object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been +object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack. This should hopefully help people who don't like using the garbage collector because it cold boots the machine so often. @@ -594,16 +594,16 @@ messages (such as IEC703, "disk error") and allows you to dequeue your job. % === ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== -The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage +The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage collection algorithm has been installed. With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17, -(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when +(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself. With SI:%DSK-GC- QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled. Unlike most garbage -collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather -than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly +collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather +than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly more Qs. As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you remember what SI:RDTBL-TRANS does?", and if you can't give a reasonable answer -in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable +in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user. % === ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== @@ -630,7 +630,7 @@ All your files have been destroyed (sorry). Paul. % Almost anything derogatory you could say about today's software design would be accurate. - -- K.E. Iverson + -- K. E. Iverson % Although it is still a truism in industry that "no one was ever fired for buying IBM," Bill O'Neil, the chief technology officer at Drexel Burnham @@ -641,14 +641,14 @@ bought it because I figured it was safe to buy IBM,'" Mr. O'Neil says. "I said, 'No. Wrong. Game over. Next contestant, please.'" -- The Wall Street Journal, December 6, 1989 % -AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has -been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an -import. This beer never really sold very well because the original -manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer -fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a -16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was -originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design -hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of +AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has +been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an +import. This beer never really sold very well because the original +manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer +fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a +16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was +originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design +hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway. % An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says @@ -657,7 +657,7 @@ An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms. % An algorithm must be seen to be believed. - -- D.E. Knuth + -- D. E. Knuth % ... an anecdote from IBM's Yorktown Heights Research Center. When a programmer used his new computer terminal, all was fine when he was sitting @@ -668,13 +668,13 @@ never when standing. Most of us just sit back and marvel at such a story; how could that terminal know whether the poor guy was sitting or standing? Good debuggers, though, know that there has to be a reason. Electrical theories are the easiest to -hypothesize: was there a loose with under the carpet, or problems with static +hypothesize: was there a loose wire under the carpet, or problems with static electricity? But electrical problems are rarely consistently reproducible. An alert IBMer finally noticed that the problem was in the terminal's keyboard: the tops of two keys were switched. When the programmer was seated he was a touch typist and the problem went unnoticed, but when he stood he was led astray by hunting and pecking. - -- "Programming Pearls" column, by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985 + -- "Programming Pearls" column, by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985 % An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. % @@ -766,8 +766,8 @@ images may be tolerated by the luxurious cults, but the true IBM faith relies on the austerity of the word. -- Edward Mendelson, "The New Republic", February 22, 1988 % -As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic -schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve +As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic +schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve The Problem, saving the documentation for later. % As of next Thursday, UNIX will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10. @@ -779,7 +779,7 @@ Please update your programs. As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code. % As part of an ongoing effort to keep you, the Fortune reader, abreast of -the valuable information the daily crosses the USENET, Fortune presents: +the valuable information that daily crosses the USENET, Fortune presents: News articles that answer *your* questions, #1: @@ -816,7 +816,7 @@ or putatively less buggy. The replacement of a working component by a new version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and efficient test cases will usually be available. - -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance. @@ -859,7 +859,7 @@ At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is quite untrue in practice. Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than blinkers it. - -- G.L. Glegg, "The Design of Design" + -- G. L. Glegg, "The Design of Design" % At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. @@ -889,7 +889,7 @@ Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein % -Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of +Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy. % Beware the new TTY code! @@ -897,8 +897,6 @@ Beware the new TTY code! Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies. -- David Nichols % -BLISS is ignorance. -% Both models are identical in performance, functional operation, and interface circuit details. The two models, however, are not compatible on the same communications line connection. @@ -950,7 +948,7 @@ Have I explained yet about the bytes? % By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun. - -- P.J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April + -- P. J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April Fool's column. % BYTE editors are people who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then @@ -1000,7 +998,7 @@ Civilization, as we know it, will end sometime this evening. See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information. % COBOL is for morons. - -- E.W. Dijkstra + -- E. W. Dijkstra % Cobol programmers are down in the dumps. % @@ -1018,7 +1016,7 @@ characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management. % COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal. - -- J.N. Gray + -- J. N. Gray % ... computer hardware progress is so fast. No other technology since civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price @@ -1058,7 +1056,7 @@ than the estimate the job will cost. % Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds. - -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system. If there's anything special we can do for you, anything at all, don't @@ -1077,9 +1075,9 @@ ANY LOST PROFIT, LOST SAVINGS, LOST PATIENCE OR OTHER INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. -- Horstmann Software Design, the "ChiWriter" user manual % -Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell -at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure -the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse +Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell +at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure +the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention being easier to stake. % @@ -1102,13 +1100,6 @@ enormous amount of hard work. But, a certain amount of unpredictable and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference between adequacy and excellence. % -Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking -process -- an exercise in logic, clear expression, and almost fanatical -attention to detail. It requires intelligence, dedication, and an -enormous amount of hard work. But, a certain amount of unpredictable -and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference -between adequacy and excellence. -% %DCL-MEM-BAD, bad memory VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears % @@ -1197,6 +1188,11 @@ understand that all things on the net, particularly insults, are meant literally. Link what transpires on the net to the causes of the Holocaust, if possible. If regular papers won't take the story, go to a tabloid paper -- they are always interested in good stories. + By arranging all this free publicity for the net, you'll become very +well known. People on the net will wait in eager anticipation for your every +posting, and refer to you constantly. You'll get more mail than you ever +dreamed possible -- the ultimate in net success. + -- Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette % Dear Emily: I'm still confused as to what groups articles should be posted @@ -1292,7 +1288,7 @@ DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale. (t (append (list (implode (nf a (car c)))) (nf a (cdr c)))))) (defun AD (want-job challenging boston-area) - (cond + (cond ((or (not (equal want-job 'yes)) (not (equal boston-area 'yes)) (lessp challenging 7)) () ) @@ -1306,7 +1302,7 @@ DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale. Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow. % Did you know that for the price of a 280-Z you can buy two Z-80's? - -- P.J. Plauger + -- P. J. Plauger % Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little. % @@ -1402,11 +1398,11 @@ until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera. % -DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to -read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only -came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is -divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed -separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going +DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to +read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only +came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is +divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed +separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available. % Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued. @@ -1474,7 +1470,7 @@ Even bytes get lonely for a little bit. % Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to computer technology? U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation. -The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in +The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in computer technology during World War II. At the C.W. Post Center of Long Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island public school adminis- trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth. At Harvard @@ -1507,7 +1503,7 @@ Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits. Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is bend a disk. - -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity, + -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity, commenting on the benefits of using computers in support of their movement. % @@ -1541,6 +1537,7 @@ this letter and broke the chain. Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in her terminal and she now spends her days writing documentation for IBM PC's. Don't break the chain! Send out your ten copies today! +% For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu. But if you also want to use \skip12 for horizontal glue, whether in math mode or not, the amount of skipping will be in points (e.g., 6pt). The rule is @@ -1567,11 +1564,9 @@ using ad hoc techniques. -- D. Gries [What's good about it? Ed.] % -FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. -% FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer. - -- A.J. Perlis + -- A. J. Perlis % FORTRAN is the language of Powerful Computers. -- Steven Feiner @@ -1735,7 +1730,7 @@ to conquer the world. Presently, they met Firmware, who was dressed in tattered rags, and hobbled along propped on a thorny stick. Firmware said to them: "The Tao lies beyond Yin and Yang. It is silent and still as a pool of water. It does -not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It does not seeks fortune, +not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It does not seek fortune, for it is complete within itself. It exists beyond space and time." Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes. -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming" @@ -1794,7 +1789,7 @@ How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? % How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work? % -Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!! +Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!! Oh wait... I'm a computer, and you're a person. It would never work out. Never mind. @@ -1884,8 +1879,8 @@ I have travelled the length and breadth of this country, and have talked with the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year. -- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall - publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior - editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new + publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior + editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new science of data processing), c. 1957 % I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. @@ -1917,7 +1912,7 @@ Years later, I went back to the same hotel. I noticed the room keys had been replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors. There was a computer in every doorknob. - -- Danny Hillis + -- Danny Hillis % I wish you humans would leave me alone. % @@ -2044,7 +2039,7 @@ lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive Net Mail ... - -- Casey Leedom + -- Casey Leedom % If Machiavelli were a hacker, he'd have worked for the CSSG. -- Phil Lapsley @@ -2108,14 +2103,14 @@ was running the wrong version of the gateway which was giving out the wrong network number? Never supposed to happen. Tough. Supposing that your software discovers that the gateway is now giving out a different network number than before, what's it supposed to do about it? This is not discussed -in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you +in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you get my drift. % If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some. % If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, -is somehow enobled and no-one dare criticise it. +is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticise it. -- Pierre Gallois % If you teach your children to like computers and to know how to gamble @@ -2348,8 +2343,8 @@ It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one. sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all. In other words... their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws. - -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products - of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. + -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products + of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. % It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit. % @@ -2389,7 +2384,7 @@ cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing. really needed in the first place. I expect every installation has its own pet software which is analogous to the above. - -- K.E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa + -- K. E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa % It turned out that the worm exploited three or four different holes in the system. From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine @@ -2523,7 +2518,7 @@ Let the machine do the dirty work. Leveraging always beats prototyping. % Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code. - -- Dave Olson + -- Dave Olson % Like punning, programming is a play on words. % @@ -2588,11 +2583,11 @@ and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. % -Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. -can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look -identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The -ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the -ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the +Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. +can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look +identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The +ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the +ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. % MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that. @@ -2654,7 +2649,7 @@ moonlit night, some horrible persona has been jabbing away at, dragging magnets over, and surging these voodoo boxen. Fortunately, they seem to have gotten a bit bored and fallen asleep, for it looks like Cynthia may get to go home. However, she has made note to quickly put together a totem -of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaniful +of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaningful oxide, bus grant cards, gummy worms, and some bits of old pdp backplane to hang above the machine room. This totem must be blessed by the old and wise venerable god of unibus at once, before the idolatization of vme, q and pc @@ -2675,7 +2670,7 @@ MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched. Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ... % Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business. - -- P.J. Denning + -- P. J. Denning % Mommy, what happens to your files when you die? % @@ -2701,7 +2696,7 @@ know what we are doing. % Multics is security spelled sideways. % -MVS Air Lines: +MVS Air Lines: The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet @@ -2719,7 +2714,7 @@ mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU. I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would be better for us both if you were to just log out again. % -My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down +My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down by the seashore. % n = ((n >> 1) & 0x55555555) | ((n << 1) & 0xaaaaaaaa); @@ -2749,7 +2744,7 @@ Never trust an operating system. % Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain sex to a virgin. - -- Robert Heinlein + -- Robert Heinlein (Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.) % @@ -2858,18 +2853,18 @@ Nothing happens. % Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?" He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea. - "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly. -"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program, -born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the -program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever -stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here, + "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly. +"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program, +born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the +program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever +stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here, a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other -times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very -*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the -program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching -the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can +times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very +*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the +program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching +the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest -hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march. +hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march. "This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!" % "Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette." @@ -2989,24 +2984,24 @@ Only great masters of style can succeed in being obtuse. Most UNIX programmers are great masters of style. -- The Unnamed Usenetter % -Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by -placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer," +Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by +placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer," and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn -food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours +food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS -and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a -modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power +and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a +modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations. Hail, postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts. May your RAMS be fruitful and multiply. -- Curt Suplee, "Smithsonian", 4/83 % -OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS -Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously -too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you -open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone -drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer +OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS +Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously +too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you +open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone +drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold. % OS/2 Skyways: @@ -3053,7 +3048,7 @@ design is that now a system failure can usually be considered to be the result of two program errors: the first, in the program that started the problem; the second, in the recovery routine that could not protect the system. - -- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage + -- A. L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4. % @@ -3087,7 +3082,7 @@ Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. Pause for storage relocation. % Per buck you get more computing action with the small computer. - -- R.W. Hamming + -- R. W. Hamming % PL/I -- "the fatal disease" -- belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. @@ -3100,7 +3095,7 @@ Please go away. PLUG IT IN!!! % Premature optimization is the root of all evil. - -- D.E. Knuth + -- D. E. Knuth % Price Wang's programmer was coding software. His fingers danced upon the keyboard. The program compiled without an error message, and the program @@ -3130,7 +3125,7 @@ Programmers do it bit by bit. % Programmers used to batch environments may find it hard to live without giant listings; we would find it hard to use them. - -- D.M. Ritchie + -- D. M. Ritchie % Programming is an unnatural act. % @@ -3226,7 +3221,7 @@ Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil. % Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with -`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count +`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications). % Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how @@ -3325,7 +3320,7 @@ claim that the algorithm is a natural one. In fact, the creator of differential algebra, Ritt, committed suicide in the early 1950's, largely, it is claimed, because few paid attention to his work. Probably he would have received more attention had he obtained the algorithm as well. - -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J.F. Traub + -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J. F. Traub % Row, row, row your bits, gently down the stream... % @@ -3509,21 +3504,21 @@ so obviously designed and written by Real Men not be intended for Real Man use? % ***** Special AI Seminar (abstract) -It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge +It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge in order to perform well in complex domains. But knowledge alone is not -sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly, -we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call -"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a -wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought. -IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom -about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so -forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic -rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL -succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed -in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those +sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly, +we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call +"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a +wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought. +IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom +about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so +forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic +rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL +succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed +in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those underlying Plato's theory of government, Kant's metaphysics, Nietzsche's theory -of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe -IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly +of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe +IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration. % Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes. @@ -3573,7 +3568,7 @@ yourself in the morning. % Such efforts are almost always slow, laborious, political, petty, boring, ponderous, thankless, and of the utmost criticality. - -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts + -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts % Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the same rate as computers and over the same period: how much cheaper and more @@ -3611,7 +3606,7 @@ infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 % Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. - -- R.S. Barton + -- R. S. Barton % Testing can show the presense of bugs, but not their absence. -- Dijkstra @@ -3647,7 +3642,7 @@ The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull. -- Andy Purshottam % The 11 is for people with the pride of a 10 and the pocketbook of an 8. - -- R.B. Greenberg [referring to PDPs?] + -- R. B. Greenberg [referring to PDPs?] % The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing. -- T. Cheatham @@ -3696,7 +3691,7 @@ the inclination to get on a plane, but also the time. assembly language with the power of assembly language." % The clothes have no emperor. - -- C.A.R. Hoare, commenting on ADA. + -- C. A. R. Hoare, commenting on ADA. % The computer industry is journalists in their 20's standing in awe of entrepreneurs in their 30's who are hiring salesmen in their 40's and @@ -3836,21 +3831,22 @@ Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on target -- in less time, and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable. -If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal +If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal computer -- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do -to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines -for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can +to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines +for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied into Ethernet or other local-area networks. What about the new 16-bit -computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup, -they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what +computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup, +they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what Unix means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons. -- "InfoWorld", June, 1984 % The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system. + -- Nicholas Ambrose % The IBM 2250 is impressive ... if you compare it with a system selling for a tenth its price. @@ -4047,7 +4043,7 @@ The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on. The net is like a vast sea of lutefisk with tiny dinosaur brains embedded in it here and there. Any given spoonful will likely have an IQ of 1, but occasional spoonfuls may have an IQ more than six times that! - -- James 'Kibo' Parry + -- James 'Kibo' Parry % The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory, in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system. @@ -4076,7 +4072,7 @@ The number of computer scientists in a room is inversely proportional to the number of bugs in their code. % The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. - -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972 + -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972 % The only difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman is that the car salesman knows he's lying. @@ -4130,15 +4126,11 @@ The proof that IBM didn't invent the car is that it has a steering wheel and an accelerator instead of spurs and ropes, to be compatible with a horse. -- Jac Goudsmit % -The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of -whether submarines can swim. - -- Edsger W. Dijkstra -% The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much. % The relative importance of files depends on their cost in terms of the human effort needed to regenerate them. - -- T.A. Dolotta + -- T. A. Dolotta % The road to hell is paved with NAND gates. -- J. Gooding @@ -4172,19 +4164,6 @@ one can see only a very few things at once. The steady state of disks is full. -- Ken Thompson % - THE STORY OF CREATION - or - THE MYTH OF URK - -In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null, and -darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM was moving -over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there be registers;" and -there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried; and DEC separated the -data from the instructions. DEC called the data Stack, and the instructions -they called Code. And there was evening and there was morning, one interrupt -... - -- Rico Tudor -% The system was down for backups from 5am to 10am last Saturday. % The system will be down for 10 days for preventive maintenance. @@ -4212,7 +4191,7 @@ It came before the first kernel. % The tao that can be tar(1)ed is not the entire Tao. -The path that can be specified +The path that can be specified is not the Full Path. We declare the names @@ -4304,7 +4283,7 @@ We don't believe this to be a coincidence. There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. - -- C.A.R. Hoare + -- C. A. R. Hoare % There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. % @@ -4327,7 +4306,7 @@ recursively. (I do not know why the color blue was chosen; I'm sure it was the result of a long debate, spread over several meetings.) -- From Ken Arnold's "C Advisor" column in Unix Review % -There is is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. +There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen (President of Digital Equipment Corporation), Convention of the World Future Society, in Boston, 1977 % @@ -4549,7 +4528,7 @@ Thus spake the master programmer: Time sharing: The use of many people by the computer. % Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business. - -- H.R.J. Grosch (attributed) + -- H. R. J. Grosch (attributed) % To be a kind of moral Unix, he touched the hem of Nature's shift. -- Shelley @@ -4598,7 +4577,7 @@ in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software." [Once is too often. Ed.] % Top Ten Things Overheard At The ANSI C Draft Committee Meetings: - + (10) Sorry, but that's too useful. (9) Dammit, little-endian systems *are* more consistent! (8) I'm on the committee and I *still* don't know what the hell @@ -4637,8 +4616,8 @@ specification is that it should run noiselessly. % Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard. % -Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was -performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by +Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was +performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in her home. Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided @@ -4669,12 +4648,12 @@ throw the first person they see to the ground, tie the tourniquet on him, slash him with the knife, and apply suction to the wound. -- Jon Bentley % -Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. -to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even -though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. -Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have -to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you -either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been +Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. +to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even +though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. +Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have +to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you +either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years. BSD stout: Deep, hearty, and an acquired taste. The official brewer has released the recipe, and a lot of home-brewers now use it. @@ -4696,7 +4675,7 @@ stout or the sweetness of ale. % UNIX enhancements aren't. % -Unix Express: +Unix Express: All passenger bring a piece of the aeroplane and a box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, the @@ -4749,7 +4728,7 @@ either. If you need some help, give us a call. % UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch). - -- Andy Tannenbaum + -- Andy Tanenbaum % UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things. @@ -4767,7 +4746,7 @@ USENET would be a better laboratory if there were more labor and less oratory. User hostile. % Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. - -- S.C. Johnson + -- S. C. Johnson % /usr/news/gotcha % @@ -4779,8 +4758,8 @@ Vax Vobiscum % Vitamin C deficiency is apauling. % -VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top -and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or +VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top +and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. % VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M. @@ -4814,10 +4793,10 @@ everything and the Wirth of nothing? % We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise. - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge. - -- John Naisbitt, Megatrends + -- John Naisbitt, Megatrends % We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal. % @@ -4902,14 +4881,14 @@ they're not selling." Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible." [...] "The letters H, A, and L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters -I, B, and M. That is a IBM compatible as I can be." +I, B, and M. That is as IBM compatible as I can be." "Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge." "What kludge is that, Dave?" "I'm going to disconnect your brain." -- Darryl Rubin, "A Problem in the Making", "InfoWorld" % [We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things. - -- R.W. Hamming + -- R. W. Hamming % Welcome to boggle - do you want instructions? @@ -4948,7 +4927,7 @@ an End-user of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me." "It means the Thing to Do." "As long as it means that, I don't mind," said End-user humbly. - [with apologies to A.A. Milne] + [with apologies to A. A. Milne] % What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern computer? It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the @@ -5052,21 +5031,21 @@ Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation? % Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? % -Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that -looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. -Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but -in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially -slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, -for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you +Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that +looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. +Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but +in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially +slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, +for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it. % -Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's -wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like -Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the -cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep -drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say -they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has -some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the +Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's +wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like +Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the +cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep +drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say +they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has +some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew. % Windows Airlines: @@ -5075,14 +5054,14 @@ pilots very capable. The fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without warning. % -Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the -truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger -refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the +Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the +truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger +refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's -- -after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" +after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars. % -Wings of OS/400: +Wings of OS/400: The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, @@ -5229,7 +5208,7 @@ X windows: When you can't afford to be right. And you thought we couldn't make it worse. -If it works, it isn't X windows. +If it works, it isn't X windows. % X windows: You'd better sit down. @@ -5428,16 +5407,62 @@ As seen on slashdot about what you can do with your cable modems: The post is by "redgekko" % -"The biggest problem facing software engineering is the one it will - never solve - politics." - -- Gavin Baker, ca 1996, An unusually cynical moment inspired by working on a large - project beseiged by politics +"The biggest problem facing software engineering is the one it will + never solve - politics." + -- Gavin Baker, ca 1996, An unusually cynical moment inspired + by working on a large project beseiged by politics % -"Don't fear the pen. When in doubt, draw a pretty picture." - --Baker's Third Law of Design. +"Don't fear the pen. When in doubt, draw a pretty picture." + -- Baker's Third Law of Design. % Breakpoint 1, main (argc=1, argv=0xbffffc40) at main.c:29 29 printf ("Welcome to GNU Hell!\n"); -- "GNU Libtool documentation" % +I may have invented it, but Bill made it famous + -- David Bradley, inventor of the Ctrl-Alt-Delete + keystroke, during panel discussion with Bill Gates + at the 20-year celebration for the IBM PC. +% +We have a policy that we are not being hacked. + -- Lisa Kopp, Friendster rep, commenting on a security flaw + http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.06/dating_pr.html +% +Life is NP-hard, and then you die. + -- Dave Cock +% +Try to remove the color-problem by restarting your computer several times. + -- Microsoft Internet Explorer's README.TXT +% +One of the things I routinely tell people is that if it's in the news, don't +worry about it. By definition, "news" means that it hardly ever happens. If a +risk is in the news, then it's probably not worth worrying about. When +something is no longer reported -- automobile deaths, domestic violence -- when +it's so common that it's not news, then you should start worrying." + -- Bruce Schneier, in _CRYPTO-GRAM_, May 15, 2005. +% +In case it's not obvious, any solution to this problem that introduces a +dependency on Java is profoundly uninteresting to me. In fact, my +indifference to that could only be described as "sexual" in intensity. + -- Jamie Zawinski +% +"We wanted to build the chat system of the future, and we +ended up with application-layer multicast streaming media. In 1999. +We were a bit ahead of our time [∗∗]" + +[∗∗] This is marketing-speak for “wrong”; you can say the same thing +for a batter’s swing when he takes a strike. + -- Thomas Ptacek, http://www.matasano.com/log/914/ +% +Caution: Write-protection will not prevent a cartridge being erased by +bulk-erasure or degaussing. + -- HP Ultrium tape drive user's guide, page 12 +% +Why would you want to do this? You don’t, forget I even mentioned it. + -- Perl DBI documentation (v1.53) +% +Beware of the Turing tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing +of interest is easy. + -- Alan Perlis +% --- b/datfiles/cookie +++ a/datfiles/cookie @@ -1,33 +1,33 @@ "You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct." -- M. Somerset Maugham + -- M. Somerset Maugham % "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." -- Bert Lantz + -- Bert Lantz % -"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity." -- Oscar Wilde +"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity." + -- Oscar Wilde % "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." -- Voltaire + -- Voltaire % -"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique' -to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the -ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT -OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all -this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor +"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique' +to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the +ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT +OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all +this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor approaches the pot, he falls into the pit" -- John C. Dvorak + -- John C. Dvorak % "There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them" -- Heisenberg + -- Heisenberg % "It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling to get adapted to my kind of fooling" -- R. Frost + -- R. Frost % "Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!" -- Ben Jonson + -- Ben Jonson % And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight...Then he [the Lord!] said unto me, Lo, I @@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ The watchmen, going the rounds of the city, met me; they struck me and How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap -of wheat set about with lillies. +of wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two young roses that are twins. [Song of Solomon 7:1-3 (KJV)] % @@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ them. You're to make no compromise with them or show them any mercy. [Deut. 7:1 (KJV)] % I just thought of something funny...your mother. -- Cheech Marin + -- Cheech Marin % In the beginning, I was made. I didn't ask to be made. No one consulted with me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some @@ -96,109 +96,109 @@ If you're not careful, you're going to catch something. % That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers. -- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty" + -- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty" % Wherever you go...There you are. -- Buckaroo Banzai + -- Buckaroo Banzai % Life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. -- Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan + -- Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan % Lack of skill dictates economy of style. -- Joey Ramone + -- Joey Ramone % No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who has lived -at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capabe of. ... And if he does +at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of. ... And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate. -- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark + -- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark % Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue. -- Seneca + -- Seneca % When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find anyone. Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge. Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many. -- General James Gavin + -- General James Gavin % The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. -- Edmund Burke + -- Edmund Burke % You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth. -- Nicklaus Wirth + -- Nicklaus Wirth % Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner. -- Calvin Keegan + -- Calvin Keegan % Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. -- Niels Bohr + -- Niels Bohr % The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows. -- Frank Zappa + -- Frank Zappa % Things are not as simple as they seems at first. -- Edward Thorp + -- Edward Thorp % The main thing is the play itself. I swear that greed for money has nothing to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money. -- Feodor Dostoyevsky + -- Feodor Dostoyevsky % It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions. -- Robert Bly + -- Robert Bly % Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. -- Alan Turing + -- Alan Turing % Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation. -- Blaise Pascal + -- Blaise Pascal % After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect. -- Freeman Dyson + -- Freeman Dyson % There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. -- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare + -- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare % Do not allow this language (Ada) in its present state to be used in applications where reliability is critical, i.e., nuclear power stations, -cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missle defense +cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missile defense systems. The next rocket to go astray as a result of a programming language error may not be an exploratory space rocket on a harmless trip to Venus: It may be a nuclear warhead exploding over one of our cities. An unreliable programming language generating unreliable programs constitutes a far greater risk to our environment and to our society than unsafe cars, toxic pesticides, or accidents at nuclear power stations. -- C. A. R. Hoare + -- C. A. R. Hoare % Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked in the way he did. In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere as an indispensable article of equipment the coffee machine, which was no less important to him than his table or his white robe. -- Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac + -- Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac % "It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top." -- Hunter S. Thompson + -- Hunter S. Thompson % In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart has today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool -- programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they describe. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % The so-called "desktop metaphor" of today's workstations is instead an "airplane-seat" metaphor. Anyone who has shuffled a lap full of papers while seated between two portly passengers will recognize the difference -- one can see only a very few things at once. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % ...when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % A little retrospection shows that although many fine, useful software systems have been designed by committees and built as part of multipart projects, @@ -206,50 +206,50 @@ those software systems that have excited passionate fans are those that are the products of one or a few designing minds, great designers. Consider Unix, APL, Pascal, Modula, the Smalltalk interface, even Fortran; and contrast them with Cobol, PL/I, Algol, MVS/370, and MS-DOS. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % ...computer hardware progress is so fast. No other technology since civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price gain in 30 years. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % Software entities are more complex for their size than perhaps any other human construct because no two parts are alike. If they are, we make the two similar parts into a subroutine -- open or closed. In this respect, software systems differ profoundly from computers, buildings, or automobiles, where repeated elements abound. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % Digital computers are themselves more complex than most things people build: -They hyave very large numbers of states. This makes conceiving, describing, +They have very large numbers of states. This makes conceiving, describing, and testing them hard. Software systems have orders-of-magnitude more states than computers do. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % The complexity of software is an essential property, not an accidental one. Hence, descriptions of a software entity that abstract away its complexity often abstract away its essence. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer. -- Fred Brooks, Jr. + -- Fred Brooks, Jr. % Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex. -- Ellyn Mustard + -- Ellyn Mustard % The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best dangerous. -- Bjarne Stroustrup in "The C++ Programming Language" + -- Bjarne Stroustrup in "The C++ Programming Language" % The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it. -- Brian Kernighan + -- Brian Kernighan % -Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse. -- C. N. Parkinson +Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse. + -- C. N. Parkinson % There you go man, Keep as cool as you can. @@ -262,15 +262,15 @@ and you'll be Gary, Indiana. - Jessie in the movie "Greaser's Palace" Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound. - Peanuts % Police up your spare rounds and frags. Don't leave nothin' for the dinks. -- Willem Dafoe in "Platoon" + -- Willem Dafoe in "Platoon" % "All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific." --- Jane Wagner + -- Jane Wagner % "Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple his world. To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than against them is to attain literacy." --- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984 + -- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984 % "Computer literacy is a contact with the activity of computing deep enough to make the computational equivalent of reading and writing fluent and enjoyable. @@ -278,20 +278,20 @@ As in all the arts, a romance with the material must be well under way. If we value the lifelong learning of arts and letters as a springboard for personal and societal growth, should any less effort be spent to make computing a part of our lives?" --- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984 + -- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984 % "The greatest warriors are the ones who fight for peace." --- Holly Near + -- Holly Near % "No matter where you go, there you are..." --- Buckaroo Banzai + -- Buckaroo Banzai % Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted. % Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN! % "I'm growing older, but not up." --- Jimmy Buffett + -- Jimmy Buffett % Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man. % @@ -302,13 +302,13 @@ Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man. Your own mileage may vary. % "Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." --- Marvin The Paranoid Android + -- Marvin The Paranoid Android % "Send lawyers, guns and money..." --- Lyrics from a Warren Zevon song + -- Lyrics from a Warren Zevon song % "I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs." -- H. L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % "Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; @@ -341,7 +341,7 @@ nonsense. Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical thinking together keeps the field on track. --- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 + -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 % One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no @@ -349,7 +349,7 @@ longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. it is simply too painful to acknowledge -- even to ourselves -- that we've been so credulous. (So the old bamboozles tend to persist as the new bamboozles rise.) --- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 + -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 % Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage." @@ -359,14 +359,14 @@ pseudoscience. Pseudoscientists retain their beliefs and ignore or distort contradictory evidence rather than modify or reject a flawed theory. Because of their strong biases, they seem to lack the self-correcting mechanisms scientists must employ in their work. --- Thomas L. Creed, "The Skeptical Inquirer," Summer 1987 + -- Thomas L. Creed, "The Skeptical Inquirer," Summer 1987 % Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us -- and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along. --- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 + -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987 % Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging. % @@ -379,7 +379,7 @@ or putatively less buggy. The replacement of a working component by a new version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and efficient test cases will usually be available. -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % Each team building another component has been using the most recent tested version of the integrated system as a test bed for debugging its piece. Their @@ -387,11 +387,11 @@ work will be set back by having that test bed change under them. Of course it must. But the changes need to be quantized. Then each user has periods of productive stability, interrupted by bursts of test-bed change. This seems to be much less disruptive than a constant rippling and trembling. -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds. -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % It is a very humbling experience to make a multimillion-dollar mistake, but it is also very memorable. I vividly recall the night we decided how to organize @@ -404,8 +404,8 @@ the specifications and do it right. It would take ten months, three more than the schedule allowed. The control program manager had 150 men. He asserted that they could prepare -the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it would be -well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule. Futhermore, if +the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it would be +well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule. Furthermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling their thumbs for ten months. @@ -415,9 +415,9 @@ also be three months late, and of much lower quality. I did, and it was. He was right on both counts. Moreover, the lack of conceptual integrity made the system far more costly to build and change, and I would estimate that it added a year to debugging time. -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" % -The reason ESP, for example, is not considered a viable topic in contemoprary +The reason ESP, for example, is not considered a viable topic in contemporary psychology is simply that its investigation has not proven fruitful...After more than 70 years of study, there still does not exist one example of an ESP phenomenon that is replicable under controlled conditions. This simple but @@ -425,20 +425,20 @@ basic scientific criterion has not been met despite dozens of studies conducted over many decades...It is for this reason alone that the topic is now of little interest to psychology...In short, there is no demonstrated phenomenon that needs explanation. --- Keith E. Stanovich, "How to Think Straight About Psychology", pp. 160-161 + -- Keith E. Stanovich, "How to Think Straight About Psychology", pp. 160-161 % The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild animals, because man is and will always be a wild animal. --- Charles Galton Darwin + -- Charles Galton Darwin % -Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as concious selection. +Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as conscious selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of what we can be. Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed ourselves unrecognizably. --- Greg Bear + -- Greg Bear % "Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin." --- Michael O'Donohugh + -- Michael O'Donohugh % ...though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock of sewage from beginning to end. -- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War" @@ -446,14 +446,14 @@ beginning to end. -- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War" "It's like deja vu all over again." -- Yogi Berra % The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first. --- Blaise Pascal + -- Blaise Pascal % "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll % A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable. --- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % To be awake is to be alive. -- Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden" % @@ -473,16 +473,16 @@ The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of space and time. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge % What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens. --- Bengamin Disraeli + -- Bengamin Disraeli % Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan. We may as well think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant. -- Edmund Burke % For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong. --- H. L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. --- James J. Ling + -- James J. Ling % One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, @@ -503,7 +503,7 @@ the chance to be right, but give him no news or present him only with distorted and incomplete data, with ignorant, sloppy or biased reporting, with propaganda and deliberate falsehoods, and you destroy his whole reasoning processes, and make him something less than a man. --- Arthur Hays Sulzberger + -- Arthur Hays Sulzberger % Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance. -- James Bryant Conant @@ -517,7 +517,7 @@ electricity. -- Samuel F. B. Morse "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you." -- Alexander Graham Bell % It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud. --- J. C. R. Licklider + -- J. C. R. Licklider % It is important to note that probably no large operating system using current design technology can withstand a determined and well-coordinated attack, @@ -526,7 +526,7 @@ and that most such documented penetrations have been remarkably easy. Operating Systems Review, Vol. 14, No. 1, June 1980, pp. 7-20 % A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you. --- Ramsey Clark + -- Ramsey Clark % The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. -- James Baldwin @@ -535,13 +535,13 @@ Small is beautiful. % ...the increased productivity fostered by a friendly environment and quality tools is essential to meet ever increasing demands for software. --- M. D. McIlroy, E. N. Pinson and B. A. Tague + -- M. D. McIlroy, E. N. Pinson and B. A. Tague % It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river. --- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. --- Jean Cocteau + -- Jean Cocteau % Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the same rate as computers and over the same period: how much cheaper and more efficient @@ -550,11 +550,11 @@ answer is shattering. Today you would be able to buy a Rolls-Royce for $2.75, it would do three million miles to the gallon, and it would deliver enough power to drive the Queen Elizabeth II. And if you were interested in miniaturization, you could place half a dozen of them on a pinhead. --- Christopher Evans + -- Christopher Evans % In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals. You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them. --- Robert Lucky + -- Robert Lucky % Get hold of portable property. -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations" % @@ -577,7 +577,7 @@ expending from my own private fortune a larger sum than the government of England has spent on that machine, the execution of which it only commenced, I have received neither an acknowledgement of my labors, not even the offer of those honors or rewards which are allowed to fall within the reach of men -who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations... +who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations... If the work upon which I have bestowed so much time and thought were a mere triumph over mechanical difficulties, or simply curious, or if the execution @@ -590,12 +590,12 @@ such machinery impracticable... And at a period when the progress of physical science is obstructed by that exhausting intellectual and manual labor, indispensable for its advancement, -which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I think the +which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I think the application of machinery in aid of the most complicated and abtruse calculations can no longer be deemed unworthy of the attention of the country. In fact, there is no reason why mental as well as bodily labor should not be economized by the aid of machinery. -- Charles Babbage, Passage from the Life of a Philosopher + -- Charles Babbage, Passage from the Life of a Philosopher % How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb? @@ -603,20 +603,20 @@ How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb? % "Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hithiker's Guide to the Galaxy" + -- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" % Uncompensated overtime? Just Say No. % Decaffeinated coffee? Just Say No. % "Show business is just like high school, except you get paid." -- Martin Mull + -- Martin Mull % "This isn't brain surgery; it's just television." -- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % "Morality is one thing. Ratings are everything." -- A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom" + -- A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom" % Live free or die. % @@ -637,21 +637,21 @@ I've got a bad feeling about this. % The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force. -- Darth Vader + -- Darth Vader % When I left you, I was but the pupil. Now, I am the master. -- Darth Vader + -- Darth Vader % "Well, well, well! Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!" -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange" + -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange" % "There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a howling away at the sons of his father and going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like this one was." -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange" + -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange" % 186,000 Miles per Second. It's not just a good idea. IT'S THE LAW. % @@ -661,43 +661,43 @@ Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. % Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. -- Oscar Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % Single tasking: Just Say No. % "Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world." -- The Beach Boys + -- The Beach Boys % "Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas." -- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale" + -- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale" % "I think trash is the most important manifestation of culture we have in my lifetime." -- Johnny Legend + -- Johnny Legend % By one count there are some 700 scientists with respectable academic credentials (out of a total of 480,000 U.S. earth and life scientists) who give credence to creation-science, the general theory that complex life forms did not evolve but appeared "abruptly." -- Newsweek, June 29, 1987, pg. 23 + -- Newsweek, June 29, 1987, pg. 23 % Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading statements, sooner or later the product will speak for itself. -- Hajime Karatsu + -- Hajime Karatsu % In order to succeed in any enterprise, one must be persistent and patient. Even if one has to run some risks, one must be brave and strong enough to meet and overcome vexing challenges to maintain a successful business in -the long run. I cannot help saying that Americans lack this necessary +the long run. I cannot help saying that Americans lack this necessary challenging spirit today. -- Hajime Karatsu + -- Hajime Karatsu % Memories of you remind me of you. --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Life. Don't talk to me about life. -- Marvin the Paranoid Android + -- Marvin the Paranoid Android % On a clear disk you can seek forever. % @@ -706,11 +706,11 @@ The world is coming to an end--save your buffers! grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines. % It is your destiny. -- Darth Vader + -- Darth Vader % Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side. -- Han Solo + -- Han Solo % How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? @@ -729,25 +729,25 @@ I program, therefore I am. People are very flexible and learn to adjust to strange surroundings -- they can become accustomed to read Lisp and Fortran programs, for example. -- Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press + -- Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press % "I am your density." - -- George McFly in "Back to the Future" + -- George McFly in "Back to the Future" % "So why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here." - -- Biff in "Back to the Future" + -- Biff in "Back to the Future" % "Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in restraint." --- Dave Sim, author of Cerebrus. + -- Dave Sim, author of Cerebrus. % The existence of god implies a violation of causality. % "I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously." -- Doctor Graper + -- Doctor Graper % Operating-system software is the program that orchestrates all the basic functions of a computer. -- The Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, September 15, 1987, page 40 + -- The Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, September 15, 1987, page 40 % I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America @@ -756,49 +756,49 @@ one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. -- Francis Bellamy, 1892 + -- Francis Bellamy, 1892 % -People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his +People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them. --- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % -My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo of +My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here". - -- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % You can't have everything... where would you put it? --- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. --- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % -You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip +You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over? Well, that's how I feel all the time. --- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % -I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and -the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over +I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and +the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here". --- Steven Wright + -- Steven Wright % "Live or die, I'll make a million." --- Reebus Kneebus, before his jump to the center of the earth, Firesign Theater + -- Reebus Kneebus, before his jump to the center of the earth, Firesign Theater % The typical page layout program is nothing more than an electronic light table for cutting and pasting documents. % There are bugs and then there are bugs. And then there are bugs. --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % My computer can beat up your computer. -- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Kill Ugly Processor Architectures -- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Kill Ugly Radio -- Frank Zappa + -- Frank Zappa % "Just Say No." - Nancy Reagan @@ -812,7 +812,7 @@ and it's not just puberty. Not only do the schools and the media not teach much skepticism, there is also little encouragement of this stirring sense of wonder. Science and pseudoscience both arouse that feeling. Poor popularizations of science establish an ecological niche for pseudoscience. -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 + -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 % If science were explained to the average person in a way that is accessible and exciting, there would be no room for pseudoscience. But there is a kind @@ -825,29 +825,29 @@ astronomy column? And I believe it is also the fault of the educational system. We do not teach how to think. This is a very serious failure that may even, in a world rigged with 60,000 nuclear weapons, compromise the human future. -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 + -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 % "I maintain there is much more wonder in science than in pseudoscience. And in addition, to whatever measure this term has any meaning, science has the additional virtue, and it is not an inconsiderable one, of being true. -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 + -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 % I'm often asked the question, "Do you think there is extraterrestrial intelli- gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there, and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you -really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but +really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in. -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 + -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87 % Repel them. Repel them. Induce them to relinquish the spheroid. -- Indiana University fans' chant for their perennially bad football team + -- Indiana University fans' chant for their perennially bad football team % If it's working, the diagnostics say it's fine. If it's not working, the diagnostics say it's fine. -- A proposed addition to rules for realtime programming + -- A proposed addition to rules for realtime programming % It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach @@ -857,26 +857,26 @@ completely. . . .Not only does the bond between man and man come to be forged once again by the magic of the Dionysian rite, but alienated, hostile, or subjugated nature again celebrates her reconciliation with her prodigal son, man. -- Fred Nietzsche, The Birth of Tragedy + -- Fred Nietzsche, The Birth of Tragedy % The characteristic property of hallucinogens, to suspend the boundaries between the experiencing self and the outer world in an ecstatic, emotional experience, -makes it posible with their help, and after suitable internal and external -perparation...to evoke a mystical experience according to plan, so to speak... -I see the true importance of LSD in the possibility of providing materail aid +makes it possible with their help, and after suitable internal and external +preparation...to evoke a mystical experience according to plan, so to speak... +I see the true importance of LSD in the possibility of providing material aid to meditation aimed at the mystical experience of a deeper, comprehensive reality. Such a use accords entirely with the essence and working character of LSD as a sacred drug. -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD + -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD % I share the belief of many of my contemporaries that the spiritual crisis -pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only +pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only by a change in our world view. We shall have to shift from the materialistic, dualistic belief that people and their environment are separate, toward a -new conciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the -experiencing ego, a reality in which people feel their oneness with animate +new consciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the +experiencing ego, a reality in which people feel their oneness with animate nature and all of creation. -- Dr. Albert Hoffman + -- Dr. Albert Hoffman % Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails @@ -885,31 +885,31 @@ account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken -for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preperations +for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience. -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD + -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD % I believe that if people would learn to use LSD's vision-inducing capability -more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjution +more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjunction with meditation, then in the future this problem child could become a wonder child. -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD + -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD % In the realm of scientific observation, luck is granted only to those who are prepared. -- Louis Pasteur + -- Louis Pasteur % core error - bus dumped % -If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not +If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use. % "Come on over here, baby, I want to do a thing with you." -- A Cop, arresting a non-groovy person after the revolution, Firesign Theater + -- A Cop, arresting a non-groovy person after the revolution, Firesign Theater % "Ahead warp factor 1" -- Captain Kirk + -- Captain Kirk % Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship. @@ -921,7 +921,7 @@ have..." It screamed as the Gubru ship hit a cloud of drifting snowflakes. -- Startide Rising, by David Brin + -- Startide Rising, by David Brin % Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. @@ -938,34 +938,34 @@ Felson's Law: inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it. -There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between +There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes. Postjudice is not terrible. You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also. But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence. In some circles it is even encouraged. -- Carl Sagan, The Burden of Skepticism, Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46 + -- Carl Sagan, The Burden of Skepticism, Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46 % If a person (a) is poorly, (b) receives treatment intended to make him better, and (c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health. -- Sir Peter Medawar, The Art of the Soluble + -- Sir Peter Medawar, The Art of the Soluble % America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up. -- Oscar Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % Unix: Some say the learning curve is steep, but you only have to climb it once. --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Sometimes, too long is too long. -- Joe Crowe + -- Joe Crowe % When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. -- Edmund Burke + -- Edmund Burke % -Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad, we are +Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad, we are bringing home one unassailable fact -- [terrorism is] a crime by any civilized standard, committed against innocent people, away from the scene of political conflict, and must be dealt with as a crime. . . . @@ -976,33 +976,33 @@ the right to expect around the world, and with that cooperation let us shrink the dark and dank areas of sanctuary until these cowardly marauders are held to answer as criminals in an open and public trial for the crimes they have committed, and receive the punishment they so richly deserve. -- William H. Webster, Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 15 Oct 1985 + -- William H. Webster, Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 15 Oct 1985 % "Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst." -- Thomas Paine + -- Thomas Paine % "I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." -- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens" + -- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens" % "There is nothing so deadly as not to hold up to people the opportunity to do great and wonderful things, if we wish to stimulate them in an active way." -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry + -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry % "...proper attention to Earthly needs of the poor, the depressed and the downtrodden, would naturally evolve from dynamic, articulate, spirited awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect." -- David Baker, paraphrasing Harold Urey, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- David Baker, paraphrasing Harold Urey, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % "Athens built the Acropolis. Corinth was a commercial city, interested in purely materialistic things. Today we admire Athens, visit it, preserve the old temples, yet we hardly ever set foot in Corinth." -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry + -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry % "Largely because it is so tangible and exciting a program and as such will serve to keep alive the interest and enthusiasm of the whole spectrum of society...It is justified because...the program can give a sense of shared adventure and achievement to the society at large." -- Dr. Colin S. Pittendrigh, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- Dr. Colin S. Pittendrigh, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % The challenge of space exploration and particularly of landing men on the moon represents the greatest challenge which has ever faced the human race. Even @@ -1012,7 +1012,7 @@ goal. In fact, the assembly of the scientific and military with these human arguments creates such an overwhelming case that in can be ignored only by those who are blind to the teachings of history, or who wish to suspend the development of civilization at its moment of greatest opportunity and drama. -- Sir Bernard Lovell, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- Sir Bernard Lovell, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % The idea of man leaving this earth and flying to another celestial body and landing there and stepping out and walking over that body has a fascination @@ -1022,18 +1022,18 @@ honest with ourselves, we must admit that we needed that impetus extremely strongly. I sincerely believe that the space program, with its manned landing on the moon, if wisely executed, will become the spearhead for a broad front of courageous and energetic activities in all the fields of -endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out +endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out except in a mental climate of ambition and confidence which such a spearhead can give. -- Dr. Martin Schwarzschild, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- Dr. Martin Schwarzschild, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % Human society - man in a group - rises out of its lethargy to new levels of -productivity only under the stimulus of deeply inspiring and commonly +productivity only under the stimulus of deeply inspiring and commonly appreciated goals. A lethargic world serves no cause well; a spirited world working diligently toward earnestly desired goals provides the means and the strength toward which many ends can be satisfied...to unparalleled social accomplishment. -- Dr. Lloyd V. Berkner, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- Dr. Lloyd V. Berkner, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % The vigor of civilized societies is preserved by the widespread sense that high aims are worth-while. Vigorous societies harbor a certain extravagance of @@ -1041,14 +1041,14 @@ objectives, so that men wander beyond the safe provision of personal gratifications. All strong interests easily become impersonal, the love of a good job well done. There is a sense of harmony about such an accomplishment, the Peace brought by something worth-while. -- Alfred North Whitehead, 1963, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" + -- Alfred North Whitehead, 1963, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" % I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon... -- Lyndon B. Johnson + -- Lyndon B. Johnson % Life's the same, except for the shoes. -- The Cars + -- The Cars % Purple hum Assorted cars @@ -1057,33 +1057,33 @@ Laser lights, you bring All to prove You're on the move and vanishing -- The Cars + -- The Cars % Could be you're crossing the fine line A silly driver kind of...off the wall You keep it cool when it's t-t-tight ...eyes wide open when you start to fall. -- The Cars + -- The Cars % Adapt. Enjoy. Survive. % Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve. -- Anonymous + -- Anonymous % Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition. -- Isaac Asimov + -- Isaac Asimov % And the crowd was stilled. One elderly man, wondering at the sudden silence, turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said. Wide-eyed, the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the Emperor has no clothes! He is naked!" -- "The Emperor's New Clothes" + -- "The Emperor's New Clothes" % "Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of Silly Putty." -- Dennis Rawlins, astronomer + -- Dennis Rawlins, astronomer % To date, the firm conclusions of Project Blue Book are: 1. no unidentified flying object reported, investigated and evaluated @@ -1102,62 +1102,62 @@ Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself. -- Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer + -- Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer % Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. -- Kahlil Gibran + -- Kahlil Gibran % Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. -- Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian + -- Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian % Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire + -- Voltaire % If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. -- Woody Allen + -- Woody Allen % I cannot affirm God if I fail to affirm man. Therefore, I affirm both. Without a belief in human unity I am hungry and incomplete. Human unity is the fulfillment of diversity. It is the harmony of opposites. It is a many-stranded texture, with color and depth. -- Norman Cousins + -- Norman Cousins % To downgrade the human mind is bad theology. -- C. K. Chesterton + -- C. K. Chesterton % ...difference of opinion is advantageious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. -- Thomas Jefferson, "Notes on Virginia" + -- Thomas Jefferson, "Notes on Virginia" % Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. -- Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??) + -- Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??) % So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts serve to reassure us. -- Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest + -- Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest % -Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the +Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. -- H. L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve? The judgement of God -upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of +upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of criminal at the bar of justice. -- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist + -- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist % I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it. -- Joe Mullally, computer salesman + -- Joe Mullally, computer salesman % -Imitation is the sincerest form of plagarism. +Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism. % "Unibus timeout fatal trap program lost sorry" -- An error message printed by DEC's RSTS operating system for the PDP-11 + -- An error message printed by DEC's RSTS operating system for the PDP-11 % How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? @@ -1174,15 +1174,15 @@ It depends on how many bad ones he brought with him. % It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. -- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church. -- Thomas Paine + -- Thomas Paine % God requireth not a uniformity of religion. -- Roger Williams + -- Roger Williams % The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of @@ -1190,7 +1190,7 @@ the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors. -- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % Let us, then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind. Let us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without which @@ -1199,36 +1199,36 @@ that having banished from our land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled, we have yet gained little if we counternance a political intolerance as despotic, as wicked, and capable of a bitter and bloody persecutions. -- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature. -- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity. -- John Adams + -- John Adams % The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma. -- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % As to Jesus of Nazareth...I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his divinity. -- Benjamin Franklin + -- Benjamin Franklin % I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme. -- Oliver North + -- Oliver North % I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute -- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) -how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom +how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the @@ -1245,17 +1245,17 @@ effort to liberate the body and mind of man. It has been, at all times and everywhere, the habitual and incorrigible defender of bad governments, bad laws, bad social theories, bad institutions. It was, for centuries, an apologist for slavery, as it was the apologist for the divine right of kings. -- H. L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The notion that science does not concern itself with first causes -- that it -leaves the field to theology or metaphysics, and confines itself to mere +leaves the field to theology or metaphysics, and confines itself to mere effects -- this notion has no support in the plain facts. If it could, -science would explain the origin of life on earth at once--and there is +science would explain the origin of life on earth at once--and there is every reason to believe that it will do so on some not too remote tomorrow. To argue that gaps in knowledge which will confront the seeker must be filled, not by patient inquiry, but by intuition or revelation, is simply to give ignorance a gratuitous and preposterous dignity.... -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 + -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 % The evidence of the emotions, save in cases where it has strong objective support, is really no evidence at all, for every recognizable emotion has @@ -1265,29 +1265,29 @@ and that this desire proves it to be a fact, becomes puerile when it is recalled that there is also a powerful and widespread fear of annihilation, and that this fear, on the same principle proves that there is nothing beyond the grave. Such childish "proofs" are typically theological, and -they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to +they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to flatter themselves by believing that they are scientific gents.... -- H. L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon, however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable. -Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be +Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is even highly probable. -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 + -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 % The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom. -- Clarence Darrow + -- Clarence Darrow % We're here to give you a computer, not a religion. -- attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga + -- attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga % ...there can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is the practice of truth. -- George Jacob Holyoake + -- George Jacob Holyoake % "If you'll excuse me a minute, I'm going to have a cup of coffee." - broadcast from Apollo 11's LEM, "Eagle", to Johnson Space Center, Houston @@ -1297,7 +1297,7 @@ The meek are contesting the will. % I'm sick of being trodden on! The Elder Gods say they can make me a man! All it costs is my soul! I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!! -- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee + -- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee % On Krat's main screen appeared the holo image of a man, and several dolphins. From the man's shape, Krat could tell it was a female, probably their leader. @@ -1310,107 +1310,107 @@ proof that the Progenitors favor not you, but us! What better proof..." the artistry of it. These men are better than I'd thought. Their insults are wordy and overblown, but they have talent. They deserve honorable, slow deaths. -- David Brin, Startide Rising + -- David Brin, Startide Rising % "I'm a mean green mother from outer space" - -- Audrey II, The Little Shop of Horrors + -- Audrey II, The Little Shop of Horrors % Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and -cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people +cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions. -- Benjamin Spock + -- Benjamin Spock % Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. -- Andy Finkel, computer guy + -- Andy Finkel, computer guy % Being schizophrenic is better than living alone. % NOWPRINT. NOWPRINT. Clemclone, back to the shadows again. -- The Firesign Theater + -- The Firesign Theater % -Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical +Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different. -- The Firesign Theater + -- The Firesign Theater % ...this is an awesome sight. The entire rebel resistance buried under six million hardbound copies of "The Naked Lunch." -- The Firesign Theater + -- The Firesign Theater % We want to create puppets that pull their own strings. -- Ann Marion + -- Ann Marion % I know engineers. They love to change things. -- Dr. McCoy + -- Dr. McCoy % On our campus the UNIX system has proved to be not only an effective software tool, but an agent of technical and social change within the University. -- John Lions (University of New South Wales) + -- John Lions (University of New South Wales) % Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack + -- Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack % "You know why there are so few sophisticated computer terrorists in the United States? Because your hackers have so much mobility into the establishment. Here, there is no such mobility. If you have the slightest bit of intellectual -integrity you cannot support the government.... That's why the best computer +integrity you cannot support the government.... That's why the best computer minds belong to the opposition." -- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity + -- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity % "Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper .... everyone was eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is bend a disk." -- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity, +- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity, commenting on the benefits of using computers in support of their movement % Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone + -- Ed Bluestone % He's dead, Jim. % New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. -- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. -- Al Capone + -- Al Capone % The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to levitation. -Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the +Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the character does not have fire resistance. -- README file from the NetHack game + -- README file from the NetHack game % Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. -- Frank Zappa + -- Frank Zappa % I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not. But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am. -- Monty Python + -- Monty Python % "There is no statute of limitations on stupidity." --- Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3. + -- Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3. % There is a time in the tides of men, Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success. On the other hand, don't count on it. -- T. K. Lawson + -- T. K. Lawson % To follow foolish precedents, and wink With both our eyes, is easier than to think. -- William Cowper + -- William Cowper % It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters. -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65) + -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65) % One may be able to quibble about the quality of a single experiment, or about the veracity of a given experimenter, but, taking all the supportive @@ -1420,7 +1420,7 @@ merit a wise man's reflection. commenting on psi research % Nothing ever becomes real until it is experienced. -- John Keats + -- John Keats % Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness. % @@ -1446,15 +1446,15 @@ to keeping good people when the crunch comes, or investing money in something untried, only the brave reach deep into their pockets and play the game as it must be played. -- David Lammers, "Yakitori", Electronic Engineering Times, January 18, 1988 + -- David Lammers, "Yakitori", Electronic Engineering Times, January 18, 1988 % "We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting" ---Stanley Sutton + -- Stanley Sutton % Weekends were made for programming. -- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % -"Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his +"Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards." @@ -1478,7 +1478,7 @@ into doubt. This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks -- to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls. -- Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers" + -- Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers" % Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise our pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs @@ -1486,7 +1486,7 @@ and tears. ... It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious, inspires us with dread and fear, whether by night or by day, brings us sleeplessness, inopportune mistakes, aimless anxieties, absent-mindedness and acts that are contrary to habit... -- Hippocrates (c. 460-c. 377 B.C.), The Sacred Disease + -- Hippocrates (c. 460-c. 377 B.C.), The Sacred Disease % Modern psychology takes completely for granted that behavior and neural function are perfectly correlated, that one is completely caused by the other. There is @@ -1498,7 +1498,7 @@ have not reached that day yet: the working assumption is a necessary one and there is no real evidence opposed to it. Our failure to solve a problem so far does not make it insoluble. One cannot logically be a determinist in physics and biology, and a mystic in psychology. -- D. O. Hebb, Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological Theory, 1949 + -- D. O. Hebb, Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological Theory, 1949 % Prevalent beliefs that knowledge can be tapped from previous incarnations or from a "universal mind" (the repository of all past wisdom and creativity) @@ -1512,31 +1512,31 @@ the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out -claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to +claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidence and to provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with the accepted body of scientific evidence. ... -- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, pg. 215 + -- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, pg. 215 % "Ada is the work of an architect, not a computer scientist." -- Jean Icbiah, inventor of Ada, weenie + -- Jean Icbiah, inventor of Ada, weenie % Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof. There are many examples of outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific orthodoxies, but they prevailed with irrefutable data. More often, egregious findings that contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts. I have -argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic conciousness," +argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic consciousness," and the like, would entail fundamental revisions of the foundations of neuroscience. Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid handsome dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena than presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves offer more plausible alternatives. -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Conciousness: Implications for Psi +- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness: Implications for Psi Phenomena", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 163-171 % Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory. -- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution" + -- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution" % Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going around the sun. At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when @@ -1545,14 +1545,14 @@ can doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact. That all present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with respect to theories about how the process operates. -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life", +- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131 % ...It is sad to find him belaboring the science community for its united opposition to ignorant creationists who want teachers and textbooks to give equal time to crank arguments that have advanced not a step beyond the flyblown rhetoric of Bishop Wilberforce and William Jennings Bryan. -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life", +- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131 % ... The book is worth attention for only two reasons: (1) it attacks @@ -1566,11 +1566,11 @@ Now I lay me down to sleep I hear the sirens in the street All my dreams are made of chrome I have no way to get back home -- Tom Waits + -- Tom Waits % I am here by the will of the people and I won't leave until I get my raincoat back. -- a slogan of the anarchists in Richard Kadrey's "Metrophage" + -- a slogan of the anarchists in Richard Kadrey's "Metrophage" % How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb ? @@ -1587,44 +1587,44 @@ Let's not even consider a chainsaw. % As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try making it round this time. -- Mike Dennison + -- Mike Dennison % -This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms -industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to -comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the +This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms +industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to +comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, from his farewell address in 1961 + -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, from his farewell address in 1961 % This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance. -- Steven Wright, comedian + -- Steven Wright, comedian % Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. -- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % A lot of the stuff I do is so minimal, and it's designed to be minimal. The smallness of it is what's attractive. It's weird, 'cause it's so intellectually lame. It's hard to see me doing that for the rest of my life. But at the same time, it's what I do best. -- Chris Elliot, writer and performer on "Late Night with David Letterman" + -- Chris Elliot, writer and performer on "Late Night with David Letterman" % -e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data +e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap. -- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Whenever people agree with me, I always think I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % My mother is a fish. -- William Faulkner + -- William Faulkner % The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge. -- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % The more a man is imbued with the ordered regularity of all events, the firmer becomes his conviction that there is no room left by the side of this ordered @@ -1636,52 +1636,52 @@ doctrine can always take refuge in those domains in which scientific knowledge has not yet been able to set foot. But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the representatives -of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which +of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which is able to maintain itself not in clear light, but only in the dark, will of necessity lose its effect on mankind, with incalculable harm to human progress. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion -must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, +must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast powers in the hands of priests. In their labors they will have to avail -themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the +themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the True, and the Beautiful in humanity itself. This is, to be sure, a more difficult but an incomparably more worthy task. -- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt + -- Eleanor Roosevelt % Most non-Catholics know that the Catholic schools are rendering a greater service to our nation than the public schools in which subversive textbooks have been used, in which Communist-minded teachers have taught, and from whose classrooms Christ and even God Himself are barred. -- from "Our Sunday Visitor", an American-Catholic newspaper, 1949 + -- from "Our Sunday Visitor", an American-Catholic newspaper, 1949 % Those of us who believe in the right of any human being to belong to whatever church he sees fit, and to worship God in his own way, cannot be accused of prejudice when we do not want to see public education connected with religious control of the schools, which are paid for by taxpayers' money. -- Eleanor Roosevelt + -- Eleanor Roosevelt % Spiritual leadership should remain spiritual leadership and the temporal power should not become too important in any church. -- Eleanor Roosevelt + -- Eleanor Roosevelt % Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind... -- Percy Bysshe Shelley + -- Percy Bysshe Shelley % If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt, that atheists are as plentiful as blackberries... -- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), literary essayist, author + -- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), literary essayist, author % It is wrong always, everywhere and for everyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence. -- W. K. Clifford, British philosopher, circa 1876 + -- W. K. Clifford, British philosopher, circa 1876 % Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits @@ -1689,13 +1689,13 @@ that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh? We are a company of ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and darkness, learning only be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by -falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for +falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for our daily needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map -of our infintesimal parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that +of our infinitesimal parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all eternity for his faithlessness... -- Leslie Stephen, "An agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876 + -- Leslie Stephen, "An agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876 % Till then we shall be content to admit openly, what you (religionists) whisper under your breath or hide in technical jargon, that the ancient @@ -1705,41 +1705,41 @@ his ignorance. And, meanwhile, we will endeavour to be as charitable as possible, and whilst you trumpet forth officially your contempt for our skepticism, we will at least try to believe that you are imposed upon by your own bluster. -- Leslie Stephen, "An agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876 + -- Leslie Stephen, "An agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876 % Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire + -- Voltaire % What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature. -- Voltaire + -- Voltaire % It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because he is not of the same opinion, is a monster. -- Voltaire + -- Voltaire % I simply try to aid in letting the light of historical truth into that decaying mass of outworn thought which attaches the modern world to medieval conceptions of Christianity, and which still lingers among us -- a most serious barrier to religion and morals, and a menace to the whole normal evolution of society. -- Andrew D. White, author, first president of Cornell University, 1896 + -- Andrew D. White, author, first president of Cornell University, 1896 % The man scarce lives who is not more credulous than he ought to be.... The natural disposition is always to believe. It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough. -- Adam Smith + -- Adam Smith % I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a very technical boy. So I decided to get as crude as possible. These days, -though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to +though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to crudeness. -- Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson + -- Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson % -However, on religious issures there can be little or no compromise. +However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. @@ -1747,19 +1747,19 @@ But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position -100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a +100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C," and "D." Just who do -they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the +they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism." -- Senator Barry Goldwater, from the Congressional Record, September 16, 1981 + -- Senator Barry Goldwater, from the Congressional Record, September 16, 1981 % "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass." - Senator Barry Goldwater, when asked what he thought of Jerry Falwell's @@ -1772,63 +1772,63 @@ inconsistencies, exceptions, and contradictions. This is true in religion as it is in politics, and is self-evident to all except fanatics and the naive. As for the fanatics, whose number is legion in our own time, we might be advised to leave them to heaven. They will not, unfortunately, do us the -same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their +same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their protestations to peaceful intent, the bloody record of history makes clear that they are easily disposed to restore to the sword. My own belief in God, then, is just that -- a matter of belief, not knowledge. My respect for Jesus Christ arises from the fact that He seems to have been the most virtuous inhabitant of Planet Earth. But even well-educated Christians -are frustated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure +are frustrated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus because of the undeniable ambiguity of the scriptural record. Such ambiguity is not apparent to children or fanatics, but every recognized Bible scholar is perfectly aware of it. Some Christians, alas, resort to formal lying to obscure such reality. -- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of +- Steve Allen, comedian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of Conviction", edited by Philip Berman % ...it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability. -- Sidney Hook + -- Sidney Hook % A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism... we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying our nation today...our battle is with Satan himself. -- Jerry Falwell + -- Jerry Falwell % They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live. -- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proven innocent. -- George Orwell + -- George Orwell % As I argued in "Beloved Son", a book about my son Brian and the subject of religious communes and cults, one result of proper early instruction in the methods of rational thought will be to make sudden mindless conversions -- to anything -- less likely. Brian now realizes this and -has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with. The +has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with. The problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to a religious philosophy -- and it does not matter whether that philosophy -is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and -irrational -- the powers of reason are suprisingly ineffective in +is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and +irrational -- the powers of reason are surprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind. -- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of +- Steve Allen, comedian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of Conviction", edited by Philip Berman % Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him. -- Fyodor Dostoevski + -- Fyodor Dostoevski % We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major -prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual +prophet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual concerns, to say nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get Christians to agree among themselves about their relationship to God. But all will agree on a proposition that they possess profound spiritual @@ -1838,14 +1838,14 @@ the Deity is not only external, but internal and acts through them, and they themselves give proof or disproof of the Deity in what they do and think; if this further proposition can be accepted, then we come that much closer to a truly religious situation on earth. -- Norman Cousins, from his book "Human Options" + -- Norman Cousins, from his book "Human Options" % The Messiah will come. There will be a resurrection of the dead -- all the things that Jews believed in before they got so damn sophisticated. -- Rabbi Meir Kahane + -- Rabbi Meir Kahane % The world is no nursery. -- Sigmund Freud + -- Sigmund Freud % If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of @@ -1856,18 +1856,18 @@ denominations, each fairly sure that, with a fair field and no favor, it could make its own way; and each animated by a jealous fear that, if any connection of State and Church were permitted, some rival denomination would get an unfair advantage. -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher, +- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher, from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908 % Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be -submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered -samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to +submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered +samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to common tests. It is the essence of all dogmatic faiths to hold that any such "show-down" is sacrilegious and perverse. The characteristic of religion, from their point of view, is that it is intellectually -secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generall known; -authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary +secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generally known; +authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary ways...It is pertinent to point out that, as long as religion is conceived as it is now by the great majority of professed religionists, there is something self-contradictory in speaking of education in @@ -1878,7 +1878,7 @@ content of religion should be taught in this spirit; while those to whom the scientific standpoint is not merely a technical device, but is the embodiment of the integrity of mind, must protest against its being taught in any other spirit. -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher, +- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher, from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908 % In the broad and final sense all institutions are educational in the @@ -1887,9 +1887,9 @@ and disabilities that constitute a concrete personality...Whether this educative process is carried on in a predominantly democratic or non- democratic way becomes, therefore, a question of transcendent importance not only for education itself but for its final effect upon all the -interests and activites of a society that is committed to the democratic +interests and activities of a society that is committed to the democratic way of life. -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher + -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher % History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge, periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts @@ -1897,56 +1897,56 @@ them asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at intervals, casts its too narrow skin and assumes another... Truly the imago state of Man seems to be terribly distant, but every moult is a step gained. -- Charles Darwin, from "Origin of the Species" + -- Charles Darwin, from "Origin of the Species" % -...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and -concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our +...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and +concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our family, the Hominidae. -- Richard Leakey + -- Richard Leakey % It is inconceivable that a judicious observer from another solar system would see in our species -- which has tended to be cruel, destructive, wasteful, and irrational -- the crown and apex of cosmic evolution. Viewing us as the culmination of *anything* is grotesque; viewing us as a transitional species makes more sense -- and gives us more hope. -- Betty McCollister, "Our Transitional Species", +- Betty McCollister, "Our Transitional Species", Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 1 % "Well, you see, it's such a transitional creature. It's a piss-poor reptile and not very much of a bird." - Melvin Konner, from "The Tangled Wing", quoting a zoologist who has -studied the archeopteryz and found it "very much like people" +studied the archaeopteryx and found it "very much like people" % "You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape." -- Ellyn Mustard + -- Ellyn Mustard % "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God but to create him." - -Arthur C. Clarke + -- Arthur C. Clarke % "Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?" - -Ronald Reagan + -- Ronald Reagan % -"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things +"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know yet." - -Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % "Plan to throw one away. You will anyway." -- Fred Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month" + -- Fred Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month" % You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape. -- Ellyn Mustard + -- Ellyn Mustard % "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God but to create him." - -Arthur C. Clarke + -- Arthur C. Clarke % "Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?" - -Ronald Reagan + -- Ronald Reagan % -"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things +"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know yet." - -Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % The Middle East is certainly the nexus of turmoil for a long time to come -- with shifting players, but the same game: upheaval. I think we will be @@ -1958,7 +1958,7 @@ distant past -- play a role at least as standard-bearer in death and mayhem. Central Intelligence, former chairman and CEO of MCC. % ...One thing is that, unlike any other Western democracy that I know of, -this country has operated since its beginnings with a basic distrust of +this country has operated since its beginnings with a basic distrust of government. We are constituted not for efficient operation of government, but for minimizing the possibility of abuse of power. It took the events of the Roosevelt era -- a catastrophic economic collapse and a world war -- @@ -1974,13 +1974,13 @@ federal government. [the statist opinions expressed herein are not those of the cookie editor -ed.] % "I have just one word for you, my boy...plastics." -- from "The Graduate" + -- from "The Graduate" % "There is such a fine line between genius and stupidity." -- David St. Hubbins, "Spinal Tap" + -- David St. Hubbins, "Spinal Tap" % -"If Diet Coke did not exist it would have been neccessary to invent it." --- Karl Lehenbauer +"If Diet Coke did not exist it would have been necessary to invent it." + -- Karl Lehenbauer % I am approached with the most opposite opinions and advice, and by men who are equally certain that they represent the divine will. I am sure that @@ -1990,40 +1990,40 @@ respects, both. I hope it will not be irreverent of me to say that if it is probable that God would reveal his will to others on a point so connected with my duty, it might be supposed he would reveal it directly to me. -- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % In space, no one can hear you fart. % Brain damage is all in your head. --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason and careful scientific procedure fail. -- James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12 + -- James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12 % "It is better to have tried and failed than to have failed to try, but the result's the same." -- Mike Dennison + -- Mike Dennison % "Creation science" has not entered the curriculum for a reason so simple and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false, and because good teachers understand exactly why it is false. What could be more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious commodity in our -entire intellectualy heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing +entire intellectual heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment to a doctrine not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any general understanding of science as an enterprise? --- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Skeptical Inquirer", Vol. 12, page 186 + -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Skeptical Inquirer", Vol. 12, page 186 % It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and intimidation. % "Regardless of the legal speed limit, your Buick must be operated at speeds faster than 85 MPH (140kph)." --- 1987 Buick Grand National owners manual. + -- 1987 Buick Grand National owners manual. % "Your attitude determines your attitude." --- Zig Ziglar, self-improvement doofus + -- Zig Ziglar, self-improvement doofus % In arguing that current theories of brain function cast suspicion on ESP, psychokinesis, reincarnation, and so on, I am frequently challenged with @@ -2042,10 +2042,10 @@ Thufir's a Harkonnen now. % "By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun." --- P. J. Plauger, from his April Fool's column in April 88's "Computer Language" + -- P. J. Plauger, from his April Fool's column in April 88's "Computer Language" % -"If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight." --- attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory +"If you want to eat hippopotamus, you've got to pay the freight." + -- attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory % Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time alloted it. % @@ -2053,7 +2053,7 @@ Karl's version of Parkinson's Law: Work expands to exceed the time alloted it. % It is better to never have tried anything than to have tried something and failed. -- motto of jerks, weenies and losers everywhere + -- motto of jerks, weenies and losers everywhere % "Our journeys to the stars will be made on spaceships created by determined, hardworking scientists and engineers applying the principles of science, not @@ -2063,23 +2063,23 @@ aboard flying saucers piloted by little gray aliens from some other dimension." % "...all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned products, if they are built at all, are dogs!" --- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac", MIT Press, 1987 + -- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac", MIT Press, 1987 % -"To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite +"To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite improvements." --- Donald J. Atwood, General Motors + -- Donald J. Atwood, General Motors % "We will bury you." --- Nikita Kruschev + -- Nikita Kruschev % "Now here's something you're really going to like!" --- Rocket J. Squirrel + -- Rocket J. Squirrel % "How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars." --- Steve Martin + -- Steve Martin % "Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about." --- B. L. Whorf + -- B. L. Whorf % The language provides a programmer with a set of conceptual tools; if these are inadequate for the task, they will simply be ignored. For example, seriously @@ -2087,25 +2087,25 @@ restricting the concept of a pointer simply forces the programmer to use a vector plus integer arithmetic to implement structures, pointer, etc. Good design and the absence of errors cannot be guaranteed by mere language features. --- Bjarne Stroustrup, "The C++ Programming Language" + -- Bjarne Stroustrup, "The C++ Programming Language" % "For the love of phlegm...a stupid wall of death rays. How tacky can ya get?" -- Post Brothers comics + -- Post Brothers comics % "Bureaucracy is the enemy of innovation." --- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments + -- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments % "An organization dries up if you don't challenge it with growth." --- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments + -- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments % "I've seen it. It's rubbish." --- Marvin the Paranoid Android + -- Marvin the Paranoid Android % Our business is run on trust. We trust you will pay in advance. % "Infidels in all ages have battled for the rights of man, and have at all times been the fearless advocates of liberty and justice." --- Robert Green Ingersoll + -- Robert Green Ingersoll % The history of the rise of Christianity has everything to do with politics, culture, and human frailties and nothing to do with supernatural manipulation @@ -2113,13 +2113,13 @@ of events. Had divine intervention been the guiding force, surely two millennia after the birth of Jesus he would not have a world where there are more Muslims than Catholics, more Hindus than Protestants, and more nontheists than Catholics and Protestants combined. --- John K. Naland, "The First Easter", Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 2 + -- John K. Naland, "The First Easter", Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 2 % I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing. -- Darse ("Darth") Vader + -- Darse ("Darth") Vader % "All Bibles are man-made." --- Thomas Edison + -- Thomas Edison % "Spock, did you see the looks on their faces?" "Yes, Captain, a sort of vacant contentment." @@ -2127,13 +2127,13 @@ I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing. "The triumph of libertarian anarchy is nearly (in historical terms) at hand... *if* we can keep the Left from selling us into slavery and the Right from blowing us up for, say, the next twenty years." --- Eric Rayman, usenet guy, about nanotechnology + -- Eric Rayman, usenet guy, about nanotechnology % "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % "I think Michael is like litmus paper - he's always trying to learn." --- Elizabeth Taylor, absurd non-sequitir about Michael Jackson + -- Elizabeth Taylor, absurd non-sequitir about Michael Jackson % While it cannot be proved retrospectively that any experience of possession, conversion, revelation, or divine ecstasy was merely an epileptic discharge, @@ -2144,30 +2144,30 @@ of cosmic unity. When accounts of sudden religious conversions in TLEs the religious tradition, the parallels are striking. The same is true of the recent spate of alleged UFO abductees. Parsimony alone argues against invoking spirits, demons, or extraterrestrials when natural causes will suffice. --- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy of Spiritual +-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy of Spiritual Possession", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 3, pg. 255 % "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on." -- Samuel Goldwyn + -- Samuel Goldwyn % "We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement." --- Richard J. Daley + -- Richard J. Daley % "With molasses you catch flies, with vinegar you catch nobody." --- Baltimore City Councilman Dominic DiPietro + -- Baltimore City Councilman Dominic DiPietro % "Lead us in a few words of silent prayer." --- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach + -- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach % "I couldn't remember things until I took that Sam Carnegie course." --- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach + -- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach % "Right now I feel that I've got my feet on the ground as far as my head is concerned." --- Baseball pitcher Bo Belinsky + -- Baseball pitcher Bo Belinsky % "Ninety percent of baseball is half mental." --- Yogi Berra + -- Yogi Berra % Two things are certain about science. It does not stand still for long, and it is never boring. Oh, among some poor souls, including even @@ -2180,8 +2180,8 @@ method: hidebound, linear, and left brained. These people are the victims of their own stereotypes. They are destined to view the world of science with a set of blinders. They -know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and -tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the +know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and +tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the creativity, passion, and joy of discovery. And they are likely to know little of the continual procession of new insights and discoveries that every day, in some way, change our view (if not theirs) of the @@ -2190,11 +2190,11 @@ natural world. -- Kendrick Frazier, "The Year in Science: An Overview," in 1988 Yearbook of Science and the Future, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc. % -"jackpot: you may have an unneccessary change record" --- message from "diff" +"jackpot: you may have an unnecessary change record" + -- message from "diff" % "One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns." --- The Godfather + -- The Godfather % What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman? @@ -2202,16 +2202,16 @@ A used car salesman knows when he's lying. % "Those who will be able to conquer software will be able to conquer the world." --- Tadahiro Sekimoto, president, NEC Corp. + -- Tadahiro Sekimoto, president, NEC Corp. % "There are some good people in it, but the orchestra as a whole is equivalent to a gang bent on destruction." --- John Cage, composer + -- John Cage, composer % "I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard." --- composer John Cage, 1937 + -- composer John Cage, 1937 % I did cancel one performance in Holland where they thought my music was so easy that they didn't rehearse at all. And so the first time when I found that out, @@ -2223,179 +2223,179 @@ rehearse. And when I got to Amsterdam they had changed the orchestra, and again, they hadn't rehearsed. So they were no more prepared the second time than they had been the first. I gave them a lecture and told them to cancel the performance; they then said over the radio that i had insisted on their -cancelling the performance because they were "insufficiently Zen." +cancelling the performance because they were "insufficiently Zen." Can you believe it? --- composer John Cage, "Electronic Musician" magazine, March 88, pg. 89 + -- composer John Cage, "Electronic Musician" magazine, March 88, pg. 89 % "One day I woke up and discovered that I was in love with tripe." --- Tom Anderson + -- Tom Anderson % "Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." --- Robert Orben + -- Robert Orben % -The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or +The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. % -An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; +An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist fears this is true. % -"If John Madden steps outside on February 2, looks down, and doesn't see his +"If John Madden steps outside on February 2, looks down, and doesn't see his feet, we'll have 6 more weeks of Pro football." --- Chuck Newcombe + -- Chuck Newcombe % Dead? No excuse for laying off work. % Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself. % "When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic." --- John Kenneth Galbraith + -- John Kenneth Galbraith % "Nature is very un-American. Nature never hurries." --- William George Jordan + -- William George Jordan % "We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." --- George Bernard Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % "Flattery is all right -- if you don't inhale." --- Adlai Stevenson + -- Adlai Stevenson % "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." --- Bernard Berenson + -- Bernard Berenson % -"Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always +"Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing." --- Robert Orben + -- Robert Orben % -"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging +"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." --- William James + -- William James % "Tell the truth and run." --- Yugoslav proverb + -- Yugoslav proverb % -"The best index to a person's character is a) how he treats people who can't +"The best index to a person's character is a) how he treats people who can't do him any good and b) how he treats people who can't fight back." --- Abigail Van Buren + -- Abigail Van Buren % "Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning." --- Marlo Thomas + -- Marlo Thomas % "Life is a garment we continuously alter, but which never seems to fit." --- David McCord + -- David McCord % -"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children +"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults." --- Peter De Vries + -- Peter De Vries % "It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them." --- Alfred Adler + -- Alfred Adler % -"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is +"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." --- Helen Keller + -- Helen Keller % -"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is +"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % "Success covers a multitude of blunders." --- George Bernard Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % -"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while +"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." --- William Stekel + -- William Stekel % "Yes, and I feel bad about rendering their useless carci into dogfood..." --- Badger comics + -- Badger comics % -"Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?" --- Sonic Disruptors comics +"Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?" + -- Sonic Disruptors comics % -"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons +"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards." --- Soren F. Petersen + -- Soren F. Petersen % "You're a creature of the night, Michael. Wait'll Mom hears about this." --- from the movie "The Lost Boys" + -- from the movie "The Lost Boys" % "Plastic gun. Ingenious. More coffee, please." --- The Phantom comics + -- The Phantom comics % -The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words +The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy. % If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average. % -"A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a +"A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten." --- Doug Larson + -- Doug Larson % -"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody +"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was." --- Walt West + -- Walt West % "Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone." --- G. B. Stearn + -- G. B. Stearn % -"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with +"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current." --- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % -The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to +The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. % "But this one goes to eleven." --- Nigel Tufnel + -- Nigel Tufnel % "Been through Hell? Whaddya bring back for me?" --- A. Brilliant + -- A. Brilliant % "I don't know what their gripe is. A critic is simply someone paid to render opinions glibly." "Critics are grinks and - groinks." --- Baron and Badger, from Badger comics + groinks." + -- Baron and Badger, from Badger comics % "I've got some amyls. We could either party later or, like, start his heart." --- "Cheech and Chong's Next Movie" + -- "Cheech and Chong's Next Movie" % -"Israel today announced that it is giving up. The Zionist state will dissolve +"Israel today announced that it is giving up. The Zionist state will dissolve in two weeks time, and its citizens will disperse to various resort communities -around the world. Said Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir, 'Who needs the +around the world. Said Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir, 'Who needs the aggravation?'" --- Dennis Miller, "Satuday Night Live" News + -- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live" News % -"And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead -by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business +"And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead +by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report." --- Dave Barry + -- Dave Barry % SHOP OR DIE, people of Earth! [offer void where prohibited] --- Capitalists from outer space, from Justice League Int'l comics + -- Capitalists from outer space, from Justice League Int'l comics % "Roman Polanski makes his own blood. He's smart -- that's why his movies work." --- A brilliant director at "Frank's Place" + -- A brilliant director at "Frank's Place" % "The following is not for the weak of heart or Fundamentalists." --- Dave Barry + -- Dave Barry % -"I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain'" ---Tammy Faye Bakker +"I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain'" + -- Tammy Faye Bakker % Gary Hart: living proof that you *can* screw your brains out. % Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute, for they shall be know as Dentists. % -"I don't believe in sweeping social change being manifested by one person, +"I don't believe in sweeping social change being manifested by one person, unless he has an atomic weapon." --- Howard Chaykin + -- Howard Chaykin % -"Ever free-climbed a thousand foot vertical cliff with 60 pounds of gear +"Ever free-climbed a thousand foot vertical cliff with 60 pounds of gear strapped to your butt?" "No." "'Course you haven't, you fruit-loop little geek." @@ -2405,25 +2405,25 @@ strapped to your butt?" "I mean, like, I just read your article in the Yale law recipe, on search and seizure. Man, that was really Out There." "I was so WRECKED when I wrote that..." --- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL + -- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL % "Hi, I'm Professor Alan Ginsburg... But you can call me... Captain Toke." --- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL + -- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL % It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff. % "Time is money and money can't buy you love and I love your outfit" -- T.H.U.N.D.E.R. #1 + -- T.H.U.N.D.E.R. #1 % "Can't you just gesture hypnotically and make him disappear?" "It does not work that way. RUN!" --- Hadji on metaphyics and Mandrake in "Johnny Quest" + -- Hadji on metaphyics and Mandrake in "Johnny Quest" % "You shouldn't make my toaster angry." --- Household security explained in "Johnny Quest" + -- Household security explained in "Johnny Quest" % "Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully." --- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse + -- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse % "And kids... learn something from Susie and Eddie. If you think there's a maniacal psycho-geek in the @@ -2434,19 +2434,19 @@ It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff. underwear. 3) Warn the neighbors and call the police. But whatever else you do... DON'T GO DOWN IN THE DAMN BASEMENT!" --- Saturday Night Live meets Friday the 13th + -- Saturday Night Live meets Friday the 13th % Victory or defeat! % "Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion." --- Harlan Ellison + -- Harlan Ellison % -"It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even +"It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even *I* don't know how it works!" --- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse + -- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse % "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." --- George Carlin + -- George Carlin % A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem. % @@ -2456,14 +2456,14 @@ A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem. he's grown too powerful." "HO HO HO!" --- Duck's Breath Mystery Theatre + -- Duck's Breath Mystery Theatre % "If it's not loud, it doesn't work!" --- Blank Reg, from "Max Headroom" + -- Blank Reg, from "Max Headroom" % -"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the +"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the one holding it" --- Captain Combat + -- Captain Combat % Delta: We never make the same mistake three times. -- David Letterman % @@ -2473,40 +2473,40 @@ Delta: The kids will love our inflatable slides. -- David Letterman % Delta: We're Amtrak with wings. -- David Letterman % -"Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is +"Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. - -- John Kenneth Galbraith + -- John Kenneth Galbraith % "Hello again, Peabody here..." --- Mister Peabody + -- Mister Peabody % "It's the best thing since professional golfers on 'ludes." --- Rick Obidiah + -- Rick Obidiah % -"To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury -yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100 -feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can +"To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury +yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100 +feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can remain submerged for up to 3 weeks." --- Garrison Keillor + -- Garrison Keillor % -"Well, social relevance is a schtick, like mysteries, social relevance, +"Well, social relevance is a schtick, like mysteries, social relevance, science fiction..." --- Art Spiegelman + -- Art Spiegelman % -"One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're +"One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're real boring to look at. They're just badly designed. People from the left -often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design +often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design classes, you know?" --- Art Spiegelman + -- Art Spiegelman % "If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to the moon and back... and none of them would be complaining." --- a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times + -- a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times % "And remember: Evil will always prevail, because Good is dumb." --- Spaceballs + -- Spaceballs % Why are many scientists using lawyers for medical experiments instead of rats? @@ -2514,43 +2514,43 @@ experiments instead of rats? a) There are more lawyers than rats. b) The scientist's don't become as emotionally attached to them. - c) There are some things that even rats + c) There are some things that even rats won't do for money. % "During the race We may eat your dust, But when you graduate, You'll work for us." - -- Reed College cheer + -- Reed College cheer % -Pohl's law: +Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it. % -Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the +Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % "We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand." --- James Watt + -- James Watt % "I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness." --- Steve Martin + -- Steve Martin % "To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." --- Woody Allen + -- Woody Allen % Noncombatant: A dead Quaker. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % -"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it +"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again." --- Clint Eastwood + -- Clint Eastwood % -A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. +A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. --- Lew Col + -- Lew Col % Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off. @@ -2566,125 +2566,125 @@ Captain Penny's Law: time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool mom. % -"Because he's a character who's looking for his own identity, [He-Man is] +"Because he's a character who's looking for his own identity, [He-Man is] an interesting role for an actor." --- Dolph Lundgren, "actor" + -- Dolph Lundgren, "actor" % -"If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never +"If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." --- Max Von Sydow's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters" + -- Max Von Sydow's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters" % -"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. +"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again." --- Woody Allen's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters" + -- Woody Allen's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters" % "In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago." --- Dennis Miller, SNL News + -- Dennis Miller, SNL News % "Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core." --- Hannah Arendt. + -- Hannah Arendt. % Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi. (What Jove may do, is not permitted to a cow.) % -"I distrust a man who says 'when.' If he's got to be careful not to drink too +"I distrust a man who says 'when.' If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does." --- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_ + -- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_ % -"I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk -and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, -unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell +"I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk +and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, +unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk." --- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_ + -- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_ % All extremists should be taken out and shot. % "The sixties were good to you, weren't they?" --- George Carlin + -- George Carlin % "You stay here, Audrey -- this is between me and the vegetable!" --- Seymour, from _Little Shop Of Horrors_ + -- Seymour, from _Little Shop Of Horrors_ % From Sharp minds come... pointed heads. --- Bryan Sparrowhawk + -- Bryan Sparrowhawk % There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it 2) The rest of us % -"The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, -the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a +"The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, +the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut." --- some dinosaurs from The Far Side, by Gary Larson + -- some dinosaurs from The Far Side, by Gary Larson % -"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb +"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities." --- Robin Williams, _Good Morning Vietnam_ + -- Robin Williams, _Good Morning Vietnam_ % Why won't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy. % "You know, we've won awards for this crap." --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % It was pity stayed his hand. "Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito. --- _Bored_of_the_Rings_, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkein + -- _Bored_of_the_Rings_, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkein % A good USENET motto would be: a. "Together, a strong community." b. "Computers R Us." - c. "I'm sick of programming, I think I'll just screw around for a while on + c. "I'm sick of programming, I think I'll just screw around for a while on company time." --- A Sane Man + -- A Sane Man % -"He didn't run for reelection. `Politics brings you into contact with all the +"He didn't run for reelection. `Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid,' he said. `I'm staying home.'" --- Garrison Keillor, _Lake_Wobegone_Days_ + -- Garrison Keillor, _Lake_Wobegone_Days_ % -"If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and +"If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?" --- Garrison Keillor + -- Garrison Keillor % "Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk." --- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_ + -- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_ % "Poor man... he was like an employee to me." --- The police commisioner on "Sledge Hammer" laments the death of his bodyguard + -- The police commissioner on "Sledge Hammer" laments the death of his bodyguard % "Trust me. I know what I'm doing." --- Sledge Hammer + -- Sledge Hammer % -"Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and +"Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number... and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the F.B.I... BEEEP" - -- Blue Devil comics + -- Blue Devil comics % -"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, +"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." --- Fran Lebowitz + -- Fran Lebowitz % "If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?" --- Lily Tomlin + -- Lily Tomlin % Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC. % "Look! There! Evil!.. pure and simple, total evil from the Eighth Dimension!" --- Buckaroo Banzai + -- Buckaroo Banzai % "I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid" --- the artificial person, from _Aliens_ + -- the artificial person, from _Aliens_ % -"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead +"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy." --- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards + -- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards % David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans": * Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO * Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE" * Hourly motel rates * Vast majority of Elvis movies made here - * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some + * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some countries we could mention * Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies * Our well-behaved golf professionals @@ -2692,140 +2692,140 @@ David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans": % "Danger, you haven't seen the last of me!" "No, but the first of you turns my stomach!" --- The Firesign Theatre's Nick Danger + -- The Firesign Theatre's Nick Danger % Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. - -- Russian Proverb + -- Russian Proverb % -"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, +"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." - -- Howard Aiken + -- Howard Aiken % "When anyone says `theoretically,' they really mean `not really.'" - -- David Parnas + -- David Parnas % "No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it." - -- C. Schulz + -- C. Schulz % -"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make -empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made -a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the +"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make +empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made +a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell." - -- Saint Augustine + -- Saint Augustine % "For the man who has everything... Penicillin." - -- F. Borquin + -- F. Borquin % "I've finally learned what `upward compatible' means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes." - -- Dennie van Tassel + -- Dennie van Tassel % "The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones." - -- Nathaniel Howe + -- Nathaniel Howe % "It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underware." --- Norm, from _Cheers_ + -- Norm, from _Cheers_ % -Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that -you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, -"That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your +Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that +you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, +"That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." % "He don't know me vewy well, DO he?" -- Bugs Bunny % "I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood." --- Daffy Duck, Looney Tunes, _Robin Hood Daffy_ + -- Daffy Duck, Looney Tunes, _Robin Hood Daffy_ % "Would I turn on the gas if my pal Mugsy were in there?" "You might, rabbit, you might!" --- Looney Tunes, Bugs and Thugs (1954, Friz Freleng) + -- Looney Tunes, Bugs and Thugs (1954, Friz Freleng) % "Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich." --- Looney Tunes, Ali Baba Bunny (1957, Chuck Jones) + -- Looney Tunes, Ali Baba Bunny (1957, Chuck Jones) % "And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?" --- Looney Tunes, The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950, Chuck Jones) + -- Looney Tunes, The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950, Chuck Jones) % -"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun. And when it -disintegrates, it disintegrates. (pulls trigger) Well, what you do know, +"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun. And when it +disintegrates, it disintegrates. (pulls trigger) Well, what you do know, it disintegrated." --- Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century + -- Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century % "Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit!" --- Looney Tunes, "What's Opera Doc?" (1957, Chuck Jones) + -- Looney Tunes, "What's Opera Doc?" (1957, Chuck Jones) % "I DO want your money, because god wants your money!" --- The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_ + -- The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_ % -"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The +"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % "You show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him." --- Newspaperman from Frank Capra's _Meet_John_Doe_ + -- Newspaperman from Frank Capra's _Meet_John_Doe_ % "And we heard him exclaim As he started to roam: `I'm a hologram, kids, please don't try this at home!'" -- Bob Violence --- Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling, Bob Violence + -- Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling, Bob Violence % -"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet -themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against +"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet +themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: `Hey you stinking fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort.'" --- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live + -- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live % "There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum." ---Arthur C. Clarke + -- Arthur C. Clarke % "They ought to make butt-flavored cat food." --Gallagher % "Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends." ---Woody Allen + -- Woody Allen % "It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?" -- Peter Oakley % -"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, +"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, -scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only +scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers." --- an analysis of neo-Nazis and such, Badger comics + -- an analysis of neo-Nazis and such, Badger comics % -"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York -City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves +"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York +City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world." --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % -"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get +"Tourists -- have some fun with New York's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking." --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % -"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New -Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not +"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New +Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax." --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % -"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham +"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin." --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % "If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The television viewing public" --- David Letterman + -- David Letterman % "If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are probably hallucinating." --- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_ + -- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_ % What to do in case of an alien attack: @@ -2833,20 +2833,20 @@ What to do in case of an alien attack: 2) Avoid eye contact. 3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact. --- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_ + -- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_ % "Nuclear war would really set back cable." -- Ted Turner + -- Ted Turner % "You tweachewous miscweant!" --- Elmer Fudd + -- Elmer Fudd % -"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never +"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that deserve a series?" --- the alien guy, in _Explorers_ + -- the alien guy, in _Explorers_ % "Open Channel D..." --- Napoleon Solo, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. + -- Napoleon Solo, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. % Save the whales. Collect the whole set. % @@ -2855,154 +2855,144 @@ Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you. "The pyramid is opening!" "Which one?" "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!" --- The Firesign Theatre + -- The Firesign Theatre % "Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept." --- The Firesign Theatre movie, _J-Men Forever_ + -- The Firesign Theatre movie, _J-Men Forever_ % "My sense of purpose is gone! I have no idea who I AM!" "Oh, my God... You've.. You've turned him into a DEMOCRAT!" --- Doonesbury + -- Doonesbury % "You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!" --- Bloom County -% -"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* -you believe?!" --- Bullwinkle J. Moose -% -"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!" --- Monty Python and the Holy Grail + -- Bloom County % -"Take that, you hostile sons-of-bitches!" --- James Coburn, in the finale of _The_President's_Analyst_ +"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" + -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail % "The voters have spoken, the bastards..." --- unknown + -- unknown % -"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk" --- John Huston +"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk" + -- John Huston % "Be there. Aloha." --- Steve McGarret, _Hawaii Five-Oh_ + -- Steve McGarret, _Hawaii Five-Oh_ % "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro..." --- Hunter S. Thompson + -- Hunter S. Thompson % "Say yur prayers, yuh flea-pickin' varmint!" --- Yosemite Sam + -- Yosemite Sam % "There... I've run rings 'round you logically" --- Monty Python's Flying Circus -% -"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!" --- The Ghostbusters + -- Monty Python's Flying Circus % ...Veloz is indistinguishable from hundreds of other electronics businesses in the Valley, run by eager young engineers poring over memory dumps late into the night. The difference is that a bunch of self-confessed "car nuts" are making money doing what they love: writing code and driving fast. --- "Electronics puts its foot on the gas", IEEE Spectrum, May 88 + -- "Electronics puts its foot on the gas", IEEE Spectrum, May 88 % "Just the facts, Ma'am" --- Joe Friday + -- Joe Friday % "I have five dollars for each of you." --- Bernhard Goetz + -- Bernhard Goetz % Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Riches: A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased." --- John D. Rockefeller, (slander by Ambrose Bierce) + -- John D. Rockefeller, (slander by Ambrose Bierce) % All things are either sacred or profane. The former to ecclesiasts bring gain; The latter to the devil appertain. --- Dumbo Omohundro + -- Dumbo Omohundro % Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Forty two. % Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Absolute: Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by -limited monarchies, where the soverign's power for evil (and for good) is +limited monarchies, where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Disobedience: The silver lining to the cloud of servitude. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Administration: An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % A penny saved is a penny to squander. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Politician: An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Proboscis: The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk. --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % Inadmissible: Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with, and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves alone. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible because the person quoted was -unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous +unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous actions, military, political, commercial and of every other kind, are daily undertaken on hearsay evidence. There is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence. Revelation is hearsay evidence; that the Scriptures are the word of God we have only the -testimony of men long dead whose identy is not clearly established and +testimony of men long dead whose identity is not clearly established and who are not known to have been sworn in any sense. Under the rules of evidence as they now exist in this country, no single assertion in the Bible has in its support any evidence admissible in a court of law... @@ -3019,15 +3009,15 @@ destitute of value. --Ambrose Bierce % "Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'." - --John Sladek + -- John Sladek % "In the fight between you and the world, back the world." - --Frank Zappa + -- Frank Zappa % -Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are +Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are concerned with the fate of the project: "Don't worry about the mule. Just load the wagon." --- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle + -- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle % Ill-chosen abstraction is particularly evident in the design of the ADA runtime system. The interface to the ADA runtime system is so opaque that @@ -3035,20 +3025,20 @@ it is impossible to model or predict its performance, making it effectively useless for real-time systems. -- Marc D. Donner and David H. Jameson. % "Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % "Here comes Mr. Bill's dog." --- Narrator, Saturday Night Live + -- Narrator, Saturday Night Live % Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any. % -"Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project, -our company." --- A Group of Employees +"Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project, +our company." + -- A Group of Employees % -"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can -All Employees do for A Group of Employees." --- Mike Dennison +"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can +All Employees do for A Group of Employees." + -- Mike Dennison % One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at dinner alongside Mr. Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic. @@ -3058,9 +3048,9 @@ alongside Mr. Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic. Do you think that fair criticism?" "I am very sorry, sir," replied the critic, amiably, "but it did not occur to me that you really might not wish the public to know who wrote it." --- Ambrose Bierce + -- Ambrose Bierce % -Many aligators will be slain, +Many alligators will be slain, but the swamp will remain. % What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee. @@ -3068,23 +3058,23 @@ What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee. This is now. Later is later. % "I will make no bargains with terrorist hardware." --- Peter da Silva + -- Peter da Silva % "If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell." --- Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88 + -- Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88 % "Dump the condiments. If we are to be eaten, we don't need to taste good." --- "Visionaries" cartoon + -- "Visionaries" cartoon % "Aww, if you make me cry anymore, you'll fog up my helmet." --- "Visionaries" cartoon + -- "Visionaries" cartoon % I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older. % -Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the +Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. --- O. C. Ogilvie + -- O. C. Ogilvie % "Emergency!" Sgiggs screamed, ejecting himself from the tub like it was a burning car. "Dial 'one'! Get room service! Code red!" Stiggs was on @@ -3108,11 +3098,11 @@ bolted. National Lampoon, October 1982 % When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect. --- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy + -- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy % -We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drank -another six beers at a Young Life campsite. O.C. got into the supervisory -adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it. "This is the judgment day and I'm +We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drank +another six beers at a Young Life campsite. O.C. got into the supervisory +adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it. "This is the judgment day and I'm a terrifying apparition," he screamed. Then the heat made O.C. ralph in the bag. -- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs, @@ -3121,42 +3111,42 @@ bag. Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling everything. --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % -This is, of course, totally uninformed specualation that I engage in to help +This is, of course, totally uninformed speculation that I engage in to help support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it. -- Peter da Silva, speculating about why a computer program that had been changed to do something he didn't approve of, didn't work % -"This knowledge I pursure is the finest pleasure I have ever known. I could +"This knowledge I pursue is the finest pleasure I have ever known. I could no sooner give it up that I could the very air that I breath." --- Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective + -- Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective % "I got everybody to pay up front...then I blew up their planet." "Now why didn't I think of that?" --- Post Bros. Comics + -- Post Bros. Comics % "Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed." --- Robin, The Boy Wonder + -- Robin, The Boy Wonder % -The F-15 Eagle: +The F-15 Eagle: If it's up, we'll shoot it down. If it's down, we'll blow it up. --- A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago + -- A McDonnell-Douglas ad from a few years ago % -"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking +"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking operating system and get realtime performance, out of the box." --- Peter da Silva + -- Peter da Silva % "It's my cookie file and if I come up with something that's lame and I like it, it goes in." --- karl (Karl Lehenbauer) + -- karl (Karl Lehenbauer) % In recognizing AT&T Bell Laboratories for corporate innovation, for its invention of cellular mobile communications, IEEE President Russell C. Drew referred to the cellular telephone as a "basic necessity." How times have changed, one observer remarked: many in the room recalled the advent of direct dialing. --- The Institute, July 1988, pg. 11 + -- The Institute, July 1988, pg. 11 % ...the Soviets have the capability to try big projects. If there is a goal, such as when Gorbachev states that they are going to have nuclear-powered @@ -3168,7 +3158,7 @@ care what the price is. % There is something you must understand about the Soviet system. They have the ability to concentrate all their efforts on a given design, and develop all -components simulateously, but sometimes without proper testing. Then they end +components simultaneously, but sometimes without proper testing. Then they end up with a technological disaster like the Tu-144. In a technology race at the time, that aircraft was two months ahead of the Concorde. Four Tu-144s were built; two have crashed, and two are in museums. The Concorde has been @@ -3197,11 +3187,11 @@ Belenko: I know. "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 102 % "I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the people -there are hungry for information about the West. He was asked about many +there are hungry for information about the West. He was asked about many things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life in the Soviet Union. The first question he was asked was if we had exploding television sets. You see, they have a problem with the picture tubes on color -television sets, and many are exploding. They assumed we must be having +television sets, and many are exploding. They assumed we must be having problems with them too. The other question he was asked often was why the CIA had killed Samantha Smith, the little girl who visited the Soviet Union a few years ago; their propaganda is very effective. @@ -3224,7 +3214,7 @@ population of 17 million. Can you imagine that? -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976 "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110 % -"Remember Kruschev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was +"Remember Kruschev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was removed in disgrace. If Gorbachev tries to destroy the system or make too many fundamental changes to it, I believe the system will get rid of him. I am not a political scientist, but I understand the system very well. @@ -3241,33 +3231,33 @@ doesn't terrify you, it should. "I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as a house. So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer." --- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 + -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 % HP had a unique policy of allowing its engineers to take parts from stock as -long as they built something. "They figured that with every design, they were +long as they built something. "They figured that with every design, they were getting a better engineer. It's a policy I urge all companies to adopt." -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, "Will Wozniak's class give Apple to teacher?" EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 % "I just want to be a good engineer." --- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech +-- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech at the 1988 AppleFest % "There's always been Tower of Babel sort of bickering inside Unix, but this is the most extreme form ever. This means at least several years of confusion." --- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft, +-- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft, about the Open Systems Foundation % "When in doubt, print 'em out." --- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7 + -- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7 % "If you want the best things to happen in corporate life you have to find ways -to be hospitable to the unusual person. You don't get innovation as a +to be hospitable to the unusual person. You don't get innovation as a democratic process. You almost get it as an anti-democratic process. Certainly you get it as an anthitetical process, so you have to have an environment where the body of people are really amenable to change and can deal with the conflicts that arise out of change an innovation." --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % @@ -3277,7 +3267,7 @@ potential. To me a covenant is a relationship that is based on such things as shared ideals and shared value systems and shared ideas and shared agreement as to the processes we are going to use for working together. In many cases they develop into real love relationships." --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % Another goal is to establish a relationship "in which it is OK for everybody @@ -3287,28 +3277,28 @@ threatening. But we have found that both internally and with outside designers if we are willing to have this kind of relationship and if we're willing to be vulnerable to what will come out of it, we get really good work." --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % In his book, Mr. DePree tells the story of how designer George Nelson urged that the company also take on Charles Eames in the late 1940s. Max's father, -J. DePree, co-founder of the company with herman Miller in 1923, asked Mr. +J. DePree, co-founder of the company with Herman Miller in 1923, asked Mr. Nelson if he really wanted to share the limited opportunities of a then-small company with another designer. "George's response was something like this: 'Charles Eames is an unusual talent. He is very different from me. The company needs us both. I want very much to have Charles Eames share in whatever potential there is.'" --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % Mr. DePree believes participative capitalism is the wave of the future. The U.S. work force, he believes, "more and more demands to be included in the capitalist system and if we don't find ways to get the capitalist system to be an inclusive system rather than the exclusive system it has been, we're -all in deep trouble. If we don't find ways to begin to understand that +all in deep trouble. If we don't find ways to begin to understand that capitalism's highest potential lies in the common good, not in the individual good, then we're risking the system itself." --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % Mr. DePree also expects a "tremendous social change" in all workplaces. "When @@ -3320,33 +3310,33 @@ guy who comes in and says 'this isn't going to be a good day for me, my son is in jail on a drunk-driving charge and I don't know how to raise bail.' What that means is that if the supervisor wants productivity, he has to know how to raise bail." --- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's +-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988 % Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it. --- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept. 1982 + -- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept. 1982 % "What if" is a trademark of Hewlett Packard, so stop using it in your sentences without permission, or risk being sued. % -Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue of +Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue of political, military or financial power, and not necessarily wisdom or consideration for mankind -- if these leaders manage not to pull us over the brink into planetary suicide, despite their occasional pompous suggestions that they may feel obliged to do so, we may survive beyond -1988. --- George Rostky, EE Times, June 20, 1988 p. 45 +1988. + -- George Rostky, EE Times, June 20, 1988 p. 45 % The essential ideas of Algol 68 were that the whole language should be precisely defined and that all the pieces should fit together smoothly. The basic idea behind Pascal was that it didn't matter how vague the language specification was (it took *years* to clarify) or how many rough edges there were, as long as the CDC Pascal compiler was fast. --- Richard A. O'Keefe + -- Richard A. O'Keefe % "We came. We saw. We kicked its ass." --- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_ + -- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_ % "The stars are made of the same atoms as the earth." I usually pick one small topic like this to give a lecture on. Poets say science takes away from the @@ -3357,16 +3347,16 @@ my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light. A vast pattern -- of which I am a part -- perhaps my stuff was belched from some forgotten star, as one is belching there. Or see them with the greater eye of Palomar, rushing all apart from some common starting point when they were perhaps all together. -What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?* It does not do harm to the +What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?* It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little about it. For far more marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined! Why do the poets of the present not speak of it? What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent? --- Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988) + -- Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988) % If you permit yourself to read meanings into (rather than drawing meanings out of) the evidence, you can draw any conclusion you like. --- Michael Keith, "The Bar-Code Beast", The Skeptical Enquirer Vol 12 No 4 p 416 + -- Michael Keith, "The Bar-Code Beast", The Skeptical Enquirer Vol 12 No 4 p 416 % "Pseudocode can be used to some extent to aid the maintenance process. However, pseudocode that is highly detailed - @@ -3386,7 +3376,7 @@ found that it had any value as maintenance documentation." % "Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking." --- George McFry + -- George McFry % Sigmund Freud is alleged to have said that in the last analysis the entire field of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry. @@ -3398,7 +3388,7 @@ there is harmony within him, the world is harmonious. If rage shatters his inner harmony, the unity of the world is shattered. If desire arises within him, he utters the magic syllables that causes the desired object to appear. His wishes, his thoughts, his gestures, his noises command the universe. --- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 107 + -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 107 % An Animal that knows who it is, one that has a sense of his own identity, is a discontented creature, doomed to create new problems for himself for the @@ -3407,18 +3397,18 @@ knows what is, he is spared all the vexing problems that follow this discovery. But as soon as the human animal who asked himself this question emerged, he plunged himself and his descendants into an eternity of doubt and brooding, speculation and truth-seeking that has goaded him through the -centures as reelentlessly as hunger or sexual longing. The chimp that does +centuries as relentlessly as hunger or sexual longing. The chimp that does not know that he exists is not driven to discover his origins and is spared -the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end. And even if the animal -experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas or -to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit no +the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end. And even if the animal +experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas or +to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit no appreciation of beauty, for the greatest part of man's wisdom may be traced back to the eternal questions of beginnings and endings, the quest to give meaning to his existence, to life itself. --- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 193 + -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 193 % A comment on schedules: - Ok, how long will it take? + Ok, how long will it take? For each manager involved in initial meetings add one month. For each manager who says "data flow analysis" add another month. For each unique end-user type add one month. @@ -3437,37 +3427,37 @@ Some companies call their prototypes "releases", that's all. % UNIX Shell is the Best Fourth Generation Programming Language - It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a small - fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages. In - the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at a + It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a small + fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages. In + the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at a time. And, a line of code in the UNIX shell is one or more programs, which do more than pages of instructions in a 3GL. Applications can be developed in hours and days, rather than months and years with traditional systems. Most of the other 4GLs available today look more like COBOL or - RPG, the most tedious of the third generation lanaguages. + RPG, the most tedious of the third generation languages. -"UNIX Relational Database Management: Application Development in the UNIX +"UNIX Relational Database Management: Application Development in the UNIX Environment" by Rod Manis, Evan Schaffer, and Robert Jorgensen. Prentice Hall Software Series. Brian Kerrighan, Advisor. 1988. % "Laugh while you can, monkey-boy." --- Dr. Emilio Lizardo + -- Dr. Emilio Lizardo % "Floggings will continue until morale improves." --- anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USA + -- anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USA % "Hey Ivan, check your six." -- Sidewinder missile jacket patch, showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail of a Russian Su-27 % "Free markets select for winning solutions." --- Eric S. Raymond + -- Eric S. Raymond % "I dislike companies that have a we-are-the-high-priests-of-hardware-so-you'll- like-what-we-give-you attitude. I like commodity markets in which iron-and- silicon hawkers know that they exist to provide fast toys for software types like me to play with..." --- Eric S. Raymond + -- Eric S. Raymond % "The urge to destroy is also a creative urge." -- Bakunin @@ -3489,11 +3479,11 @@ like me to play with..." give fair play to those who might suffer by ignorance. It cannot be too ear- nestly urged, that an acquaintance with real facts will, in the end, be better for all parties." --- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks, - published around 1850 +-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks, + published around 1850 % - In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonesty - of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will + In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonesty + of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will possess such and such qualities; and he declares his belief to the world. If others differ from him in opinion concerning those qualities, it is open to them to say so; and the discussion, truthfully conducted, must lead to @@ -3501,60 +3491,60 @@ like me to play with..." lates invention. Nothing but a partial and limited view of the question could lead to the opinion that harm can result: if there be harm, it will be much more than counterbalanced by good." --- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks, +-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks, published around 1850. % "Wish not to seem, but to be, the best." --- Aeschylus + -- Aeschylus % "Survey says..." --- Richard Dawson, weenie, on "Family Feud" + -- Richard Dawson, weenie, on "Family Feud" % "Paul Lynde to block..." --- a contestant on "Hollywood Squares" + -- a contestant on "Hollywood Squares" % "Little else matters than to write good code." --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized delight. --- stolen and paraphrased from William Safire + -- stolen and paraphrased from William Safire % "Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward" --- William E. Davidsen + -- William E. Davidsen % "If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy." --- anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir + -- anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir % "Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. "You aren't nearly through this adventure yet," he added, and that was pretty true as well. --- Bilbo Baggins, "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien, Chapter XII + -- Bilbo Baggins, "The Hobbit" by J. R. R. Tolkien, Chapter XII % "A dirty mind is a joy forever." --- Randy Kunkee + -- Randy Kunkee % "You can't teach seven foot." -- Frank Layton, Utah Jazz basketball coach, when asked why he had recruited a seven-foot tall auto mechanic % "A car is just a big purse on wheels." --- Johanna Reynolds + -- Johanna Reynolds % "History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions." --- Ted Koppel + -- Ted Koppel % "Gozer the Gozerian: As the duly appointed representative of the city, county and state of New York, I hereby order you to cease all supernatural activities at once and proceed immediately to your place of origin or the nearest parallel dimension, whichever is nearest." --- Ray (Dan Akyroyd, _Ghostbusters_ + -- Ray (Dan Akyroyd, _Ghostbusters_ % It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old institutions and merely lukewarm defenders in those who would gain by the new ones. --- Machiavelli + -- Machiavelli % God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change, The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect, @@ -3577,11 +3567,11 @@ conduct that the law forbids. The Art and Craft of Judging: The Decisions of Judge Learned Hand, edited and annotated by Hershel Shanks, The MacMillian Company, 1968.] % -The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think it -should have done. Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the course -of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half. No country +The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think it +should have done. Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the course +of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half. No country should be so long without one. --- Thomas Jefferson in letter to James Madison, 20 December 1787 + -- Thomas Jefferson in letter to James Madison, 20 December 1787 % "Nine years of ballet, asshole." -- Shelly Long, to the bad guy after making a jump over a gorge that he @@ -3591,7 +3581,7 @@ You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike. % "If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's hairdo go down?" --- Robin Williams + -- Robin Williams % 8) Use common sense in routing cable. Avoid wrapping coax around sources of strong electric or magnetic fields. Do not wrap the cable around @@ -3601,7 +3591,7 @@ You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike. % "What a wonder is USENET; such wholesale production of conjecture from such a trifling investment in fact." --- Carl S. Gutekunst + -- Carl S. Gutekunst % VMS must die! % @@ -3614,42 +3604,42 @@ Pournelle must die! Garbage In, Gospel Out % "Being against torture ought to be sort of a multipartisan thing." --- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian + -- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian % "Facts are stupid things." --- President Ronald Reagan - (a blooper from his speeach at the '88 GOP convention) +-- President Ronald Reagan + (a blooper from his speech at the '88 GOP convention) % "The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into -the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to +the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion, misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the ideas of their opponents." --- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", +-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186 % "An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code." --- an anonymous programmer + -- an anonymous programmer % "To IBM, 'open' means there is a modicum of interoperability among some of their equipment." --- Harv Masterson + -- Harv Masterson % "Just think of a computer as hardware you can program." --- Nigel de la Tierre + -- Nigel de la Tierre % "If you own a machine, you are in turn owned by it, and spend your time serving it..." --- Marion Zimmer Bradley, _The Forbidden Tower_ + -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, _The Forbidden Tower_ % "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % "Card readers? We don't need no stinking card readers." --- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciencies, 1965, in a +-- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciences, 1965, in a particularly vivid fantasy) % Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness. @@ -3660,24 +3650,24 @@ Excitement and danger await your induction to tracer duty! As a tracer, you must rid the computer networks of slimy, criminal data thieves. They are tricky and the action gets tough, so watch out! Utilizing all your skills, you'll either get your man or you'll get burned! --- advertising for the computer game "Tracers" + -- advertising for the computer game "Tracers" % "An entire fraternity of strapping Wall-Street-bound youth. Hell - this is going to be a blood bath!" --- Post Bros. Comics + -- Post Bros. Comics % "Neighbors!! We got neighbors! We ain't supposed to have any neighbors, and I just had to shoot one." --- Post Bros. Comics + -- Post Bros. Comics % "Gotcha, you snot-necked weenies!" --- Post Bros. Comics + -- Post Bros. Comics % interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify --- Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language + -- Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language % "Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it." --- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % "How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?" "FIFTEEN!! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" @@ -3688,29 +3678,29 @@ interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify % "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crisis, preserved their neutrality." --- Dante + -- Dante % "The medium is the message." --- Marshall McLuhan + -- Marshall McLuhan % "The medium is the massage." --- Crazy Nigel + -- Crazy Nigel % "Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser." --- Vince Lombardi, football coach + -- Vince Lombardi, football coach % "It might help if we ran the MBA's out of Washington." --- Admiral Grace Hopper + -- Admiral Grace Hopper % Refreshed by a brief blackout, I got to my feet and went next door. --- Martin Amis, _Money_ + -- Martin Amis, _Money_ % The sprung doors parted and I staggered out into the lobby's teak and flicker. Uniformed men stood by impassively like sentries in their trench. I slapped my key on the desk and nodded gravely. I was loaded enough to be unable to tell whether they could tell I was loaded. Would they mind? I was certainly too loaded to care. I moved to the door with boxy, schlep-shouldered strides. --- Martin Amis, _Money_ + -- Martin Amis, _Money_ % I ask only one thing. I'm understanding. I'm mature. And it isn't much to ask. I want to get back to London, and track her down, and be alone with my @@ -3718,14 +3708,14 @@ Selina -- or not even alone, damn it, merely close to her, close enough to smell her skin, to see the flecked webbing of her lemony eyes, the moulding of her artful lips. Just for a few precious seconds. Just long enough to put in one good, clean punch. That's all I ask. --- Martin Amis, _Money_ + -- Martin Amis, _Money_ % "Love may fail, but courtesy will previal." --- A Kurt Vonnegut fan + -- A Kurt Vonnegut fan % New York is a jungle, they tell you. You could go further, and say that New York is a jungle. New York *is a jungle.* Beneath the columns of -the old rain forest, made of melting macadam, the mean Limpopo of swamped +the old rain forest, made of melting macadam, the mean Limpopo of swamped Ninth Avenue bears an angry argosy of crocs and dragons, tiger fish, noise machines, sweating rainmakers. On the corners stand witchdoctors and headhunters, babbling voodoo-men -- the natives, the jungle-smart natives. @@ -3735,92 +3725,92 @@ and then fires flower to ward off monsters. Careful: the streets are sprung with pits and nets and traps. Hire a guide. Pack your snakebite gook and your blowdart serum. Take it seriously. You have to get a bit jungle-wise. --- Martin Amis, _Money_ + -- Martin Amis, _Money_ % Now I was heading, in my hot cage, down towards meat-market country on the tip of the West Village. Here the redbrick warehouses double as carcass galleries and rat hives, the Manhattan fauna seeking its necessary level, living or dead. Here too you find the heavy faggot hangouts, The Spike, the Water Closet, the Mother Load. Nobody knows what goes on -in these places. Only the heavy faggots know. Even Fielding seems somewhat +in these places. Only the heavy faggots know. Even Fielding seems somewhat vague on the question. You get zapped and flogged and dumped on -- by almost anybody's standards, you have a really terrible time. The average patron arrives at the Spike in one taxi but needs to go back to his sock -in two. And then the next night he shows up for more. They shackle +in two. And then the next night he shows up for more. They shackle themselves to racks, they bask in urinals. Their folks have a lot of explaining to do, if you want my opinion, particularly the mums. Sorry -to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere. +to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere. A craving for hourly murder -- it can't be willed. In the meantime, Fielding tells me, Mother Nature looks on and taps her foot and clicks her tongue. Always a champion of monogamy, she is cooking up some fancy new diseases. She just isn't going to stand for it. --- Martin Amis, _Money_ + -- Martin Amis, _Money_ % "You tried it just for once, found it alright for kicks, but now you find out you have a habit that sticks, you're an orgasm addict, you're always at it, and you're an orgasm addict." --- The Buzzcocks + -- The Buzzcocks % "There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress." --- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % "You'll pay to know what you really think." --- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs + -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs % "We live, in a very kooky time." --- Herb Blashtfalt + -- Herb Blashtfalt % "Pull the wool over your own eyes!" --- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs + -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs % "Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix? If she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?" "The world," Lucas said. --- William Gibson, _Count Zero_ + -- William Gibson, _Count Zero_ % "Our reruns are better than theirs." --- Nick at Nite + -- Nick at Nite % Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. --- Ted Turner + -- Ted Turner % "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." --- The Wizard Of Oz + -- The Wizard Of Oz % "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." --- Karl, as he stepped behind the computer to reboot it, during a FAT + -- Karl, as he stepped behind the computer to reboot it, during a FAT % "It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us in trouble. It's the things we know that ain't so." --- Artemus Ward aka Charles Farrar Brown + -- Artemus Ward aka Charles Farrar Brown % "Don't discount flying pigs before you have good air defense." --- jvh@clinet.FI + -- jvh@clinet.FI % "In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble." --- Alan Perlis + -- Alan Perlis % "Pok pok pok, P'kok!" --- Superchicken + -- Superchicken % -Live Free or Live in Massachusettes. +Live Free or Live in Massachusetts. % "You can't get very far in this world without your dossier being there first." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "Flight Reservation systems decide whether or not you exist. If your information isn't in their database, then you simply don't get to go anywhere." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % -"What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their own +"What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their own data." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "The Avis WIZARD decides if you get to drive a car. Your head won't touch the pillow of a Sheraton unless their computer says it's okay." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "They know your name, address, telephone number, credit card numbers, who ELSE is driving the car "for insurance", ... your driver's license number. In the @@ -3828,15 +3818,15 @@ state of Massachusetts, this is the same number as that used for Social Security, unless you object to such use. In THAT case, you are ASSIGNED a number and you reside forever more on the list of "weird people who don't give out their Social Security Number in Massachusetts." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "Data is a lot like humans: It is born. Matures. Gets married to other data, divorced. Gets old. One thing that it doesn't do is die. It has to be killed." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "People should have access to the data which you have about them. There should be a process for them to challenge any inaccuracies." --- Arthur Miller + -- Arthur Miller % "Although Poles suffer official censorship, a pervasive secret police and laws similar to those in the USSR, there are @@ -3865,7 +3855,7 @@ apparatchiks." % "Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind, and a step that travels unlimited roads." --- John Galt, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_ + -- John Galt, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_ % Don't panic. % @@ -3875,110 +3865,110 @@ The bug starts here. % "Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same entropy to create bugs instead?" --- Steve Elias + -- Steve Elias % "The pathology is to want control, not that you ever get it, because of course you never do." --- Gregory Bateson + -- Gregory Bateson % "Your butt is mine." --- Michael Jackson, Bad + -- Michael Jackson, Bad % Ship it. % "Once they go up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department." --- Werner von Braun + -- Werner von Braun % "When the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail." --- Abraham Maslow + -- Abraham Maslow % "Imitation is the sincerest form of television." --- The New Mighty Mouse + -- The New Mighty Mouse % "The lesser of two evils -- is evil." --- Seymour (Sy) Leon + -- Seymour (Sy) Leon % "It's no sweat, Henry. Russ made it back to Bugtown before he died. So he'll regenerate in a couple of days. It's just awful sloppy of him to get killed in the first place. Humph!" --- Ron Post, Post Brothers Comics + -- Ron Post, Post Brothers Comics % "An honest god is the noblest work of man. ... God has always resembled his creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably found on the side of those in power. ... Most of the gods were pleased with sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine perfume." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "We are not endeavoring to chain the future but to free the present. ... We are the advocates of inquiry, investigation, and thought. ... It is grander to think and investigate for yourself than to repeat a creed. ... I look for the day when *reason*, throned upon the world's brains, shall be the King of Kings and the God of Gods. --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "I honestly believe that the doctrine of hell was born in the glittering eyes of snakes that run in frightful coils watching for their prey. I believe it was born with the yelping, howling, growling and snarling of wild beasts... I despise it, I defy it, and I hate it." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "Is this foreplay?" "No, this is Nuke Strike. Foreplay has lousy graphics. Beat me again." --- Duckert, in "Bad Rubber," Albedo #0 (comics) + -- Duckert, in "Bad Rubber," Albedo #0 (comics) % egrep patterns are full regular expressions; it uses a fast deterministic algorithm that sometimes needs exponential space. --- unix manuals + -- unix manuals % "A mind is a terrible thing to have leaking out your ears." --- The League of Sadistic Telepaths + -- The League of Sadistic Telepaths % "Life sucks, but it's better than the alternative." --- Peter da Silva + -- Peter da Silva % If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad? % "I shall expect a chemical cure for psychopathic behavior by 10 A.M. tomorrow, or I'll have your guts for spaghetti." --- a comic panel by Cotham + -- a comic panel by Cotham % "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." --- Will Rogers + -- Will Rogers % "An open mind has but one disadvantage: it collects dirt." --- a saying at RPI + -- a saying at RPI % "The geeks shall inherit the earth." --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % "Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers." --- Chip Salzenberg + -- Chip Salzenberg % "Elvis is my copilot." --- Cal Keegan + -- Cal Keegan % "The fundamental principle of science, the definition almost, is this: the sole test of the validity of any idea is experiment." --- Richard P. Feynman + -- Richard P. Feynman % How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb? Let's see, can you use a shell script for that or does it need a C program? % -"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart +"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart and rich." --- Calvin Keegan + -- Calvin Keegan % "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." --- Bertrand Russell + -- Bertrand Russell % Always look over your shoulder because everyone is watching and plotting against you. % "Let us condemn to hellfire all those who disagree with us." --- militant religionists everywhere + -- militant religionists everywhere % Baby On Board. % @@ -3988,18 +3978,18 @@ but is even bug for bug compatible in almost all features." for Parallel and Distributed Environments: The Mach Approach" % "The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected." --- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June, 1972 + -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June, 1972 % "Engineering without management is art." --- Jeff Johnson + -- Jeff Johnson % "I'm not a god, I was misquoted." --- Lister, Red Dwarf + -- Lister, Red Dwarf % Brain off-line, please wait. % --- --- uunet!sugar!karl | "We've been following your progress with considerable +-- +-- uunet!sugar!karl | "We've been following your progress with considerable -- karl@sugar.uu.net | interest, not to say contempt." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV -- Usenet BBS (713) 438-5018 @@ -4009,31 +3999,31 @@ th-th-th-th-That's all, folks! ----------- cut here, don't forget to strip junk at the end, too ------------- "Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!" --- Zippy + -- Zippy % Are you having fun yet? % "The vast majority of successful major crimes against property are perpetrated by individuals abusing positions of trust." --- Lawrence Dalzell + -- Lawrence Dalzell % "Perhaps I am flogging a straw herring in mid-stream, but in the light of what is known about the ubiquity of security vulnerabilities, it seems vastly too dangerous for university folks to run with their heads in the sand." --- Peter G. Neumann, RISKS moderator, about the Internet virus + -- Peter G. Neumann, RISKS moderator, about the Internet virus % "Seed me, Seymour" --- a random number generator meets the big green mother from outer space + -- a random number generator meets the big green mother from outer space % "Buy land. They've stopped making it." --- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % "Open the pod bay doors, HAL." --- Dave Bowman, 2001 + -- Dave Bowman, 2001 % "There was no difference between the behavior of a god and the operations of pure chance..." --- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ + -- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ % ...Saure really turns out to be an adept at the difficult art of papryomancy, the ability to prophesy through contemplating the way people roll reefers - @@ -4041,18 +4031,18 @@ the shape, the licking pattern, the wrinkles and folds or absence thereof in the paper. "You will soon be in love," sez Saure, "see, this line here." "It's long, isn't it? Does that mean --" "Length is usually intensity. Not time." --- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ + -- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ % Go ahead, capitalize the T on technology, deify it if it will make you feel less responsible -- but it puts you in with the neutered, brother, in with the eunuchs keeping the harem of our stolen Earth for the numb and joyless hardons of human sultans, human elite with no right at all to be where they are --" --- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ + -- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ % ...the prevailing Catholic odor - incense, wax, centuries of mild bleating from the lips of the flock. --- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ + -- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_ % ...At that time [the 1960s], Bell Laboratories scientists projected that computer speeds as high as 30 million floating-point calculations per @@ -4061,24 +4051,24 @@ defense system. Many computer experts -- including a National Academy of Sciences panel -- said achieving such speeds, even using multiple processors, was impossible. Today, new generation supercomputers operate at billions of operations per second (gigaflops). --- Aviation Week & Space Technology, May 9, 1988, "Washington Roundup", pg 13 + -- Aviation Week & Space Technology, May 9, 1988, "Washington Roundup", pg 13 % backups: always in season, never out of style. % "There was a vague, unpleasant manginess about his appearence; he somehow seemed dirty, though a close glance showed him as carefully shaven as an actor, and clad in immaculate linen." --- H.L. Mencken, on the death of William Jennings Bryan + -- H. L. Mencken, on the death of William Jennings Bryan % Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong. It was never like this for Mencken. He lived like a Prussian gambler -- sweating worse than Bryan on some nights and drunker than Judas on others. It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines. --- Hunter Thompson, "Bad Nerves in Fat City", _Generation of Swine_ + -- Hunter Thompson, "Bad Nerves in Fat City", _Generation of Swine_ % "This generation may be the one that will face Armageddon." --- Ronald Reagan, "People" magazine, December 26, 1985 + -- Ronald Reagan, "People" magazine, December 26, 1985 % ... The cable had passed us by; the dish was the only hope, and eventually we were all forced to turn to it. By the summer of '85, the valley had more @@ -4090,18 +4080,18 @@ the hazards of too much input, which is a very real problem with these things. Watching TV becomes a full-time job when you can scan 200 channels all day and all night and still have the option of punching Night Dreams into the video machine, if the rest of the world seems dull. --- Hunter Thompson, "Full-time scrambling", _Generation of Swine_ + -- Hunter Thompson, "Full-time scrambling", _Generation of Swine_ % "Call immediately. Time is running out. We both need to do something monstrous before we die." --- Message from Ralph Steadman to Hunter Thompson + -- Message from Ralph Steadman to Hunter Thompson % "The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down." --- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % "You don't go out and kick a mad dog. If you have a mad dog with rabies, you take a gun and shoot him." --- Pat Robertson, TV Evangelist, about Muammar Kadhafy + -- Pat Robertson, TV Evangelist, about Muammar Kadhafy % David Brinkley: The daily astrological charts are precisely where, in my judgment, they belong, and that is on the comic page. @@ -4132,7 +4122,7 @@ generally, has no place in a newspaper, let alone government. Unlike comics, which are part of a newspaper's harmless pleasure and make no truth claims, astrology is a fraud. The idea that it gets a hearing in government is dismaying. --- George Will, Washing Post Writers Group + -- George Will, Washing Post Writers Group % Astrology is the sheerest hokum. This pseudoscience has been around since the day of the Chaldeans and Babylonians. It is as phony as numerology, @@ -4140,7 +4130,7 @@ phrenology, palmistry, alchemy, the reading of tea leaves, and the practice of divination by the entrails of a goat. No serious person will buy the notion that our lives are influenced individually by the movement of distant planets. This is the sawdust blarney of the carnival midway. --- James J. Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate + -- James J. Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate % A serious public debate about the validity of astrology? A serious believer in the White House? Two of them? Give me a break. What stifled my laughter @@ -4155,9 +4145,9 @@ is averse to science...In general, these attitudes fall onto friendly American turf....But at the outer edges, this skepticism about science easily turns into a kind of naive acceptance of nonscience, or even nonsense. The same people who doubt experts can also believe any quackery, from the benefits of -laetrile to eye of newt to the movment of planets. We lose the capacity to +laetrile to eye of newt to the movement of planets. We lose the capacity to make rational -- scientific -- judgments. It's all the same. --- Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe Newspaper Company-Washington Post Writers +-- Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe Newspaper Company-Washington Post Writers Group % The spectacle of astrology in the White House -- the governing center of @@ -4186,7 +4176,7 @@ no theory for it, there are no observational data for it. It's been tested and tested over the centuries. Nobody's ever found any validity to it at all. It is not even close to a science. A science has to be repeatable, it has to have a logical foundation, and it has to be potentially vulnerable -- -you test it. And in that astrology is reqlly quite something else. +you test it. And in that astrology is really quite something else. -- Astronomer Richard Berendzen, President, American University, on ABC News "Nightline," May 3, 1988 % @@ -4225,7 +4215,7 @@ could threaten the country's position as a technological power. . . . The manifest widespread desire to reject rationality and substitute a series of quasirandom beliefs in order to understand the universe does not augur well for a nation deeply concerned about its ability to compete with its -industrial equals. To the degree that it reflects the thinking of a +industrial equals. To the degree that it reflects the thinking of a significant section of the public, this point of view encourages ignorance of and, indeed, contempt for science and for rational methods of approaching truth. . . . It is becoming clear that if the U.S. does not pick itself up @@ -4233,55 +4223,53 @@ soon and devote some effort to educating the young effectively, its hope of maintaining a semblance of leadership in the world may rest, paradoxically, with a new wave of technically interested and trained immigrants who do not suffer from the anti-science disease rampant in an apparently decaying society. --- Physicist Tony Feinberg, in "New Scientist," May 19, 1988 + -- Physicist Tony Feinberg, in "New Scientist," May 19, 1988 % miracle: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment. --- Webster's Dictionary + -- Webster's Dictionary % "The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs." --- Joseph Weizenbaum, _Computer Power and Human Reason_ + -- Joseph Weizenbaum, _Computer Power and Human Reason_ % "If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong." --- Norm Schryer + -- Norm Schryer % "May your future be limited only by your dreams." --- Christa McAuliffe + -- Christa McAuliffe % "It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it." --- Henry Allen + -- Henry Allen % "Life begins when you can spend your spare time programming instead of watching television." --- Cal Keegan -% -Eat shit -- billions of flies can't be wrong. + -- Cal Keegan % "We never make assertions, Miss Taggart," said Hugh Akston. "That is the moral crime peculiar to our enemies. We do not tell -- we *show*. -We do not claim -- we *prove*." --- Ayn Rand, _Atlas Shrugged_ +We do not claim -- we *prove*." + -- Ayn Rand, _Atlas Shrugged_ % "I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes." --- George Carlin + -- George Carlin % "My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol." - -- George Carlin + -- George Carlin % "I turn on my television set. I see a young lady who goes under the guise of being a Christian, known all over the nation, dressed in skin-tight -leather pants, shaking and wiggling her hips to the beat and rythm of the +leather pants, shaking and wiggling her hips to the beat and rhythm of the music as the strobe lights beat their patterns across the stage and the band plays the contemporary rock sound which cannot be differentiated from songs by the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, or anyone else. And you may try to tell me this is of God and that it is leading people to Christ, but I know better. -- Jimmy Swaggart, hypocritical sexual pervert and TV preacher, self-described - pornography addict, "Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll.", + pornography addict, "Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll.", The Evangelist, 17(8): 49-50. % "So-called Christian rock. . . . is a diabolical force undermining Christianity @@ -4291,97 +4279,97 @@ know better. % "Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a state of sin." --- John Von Neumann + -- John Von Neumann % "You must have an IQ of at least half a million." -- Popeye % "Freedom is still the most radical idea of all." --- Nathaniel Branden + -- Nathaniel Branden % Aren't you glad you're not getting all the government you pay for now? % "I never let my schooling get in the way of my education." --- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % These screamingly hilarious gogs ensure owners of X Ray Gogs to be the life of any party. --- X-Ray Gogs Instructions + -- X-Ray Gogs Instructions % A student asked the master for help... does this program run from the Workbench? The master grabbed the mouse and pointed to an icon. "What is this?" he asked. The student replied "That's the mouse". The master pressed control-Amiga-Amiga and hit the student on the head with the Amiga ROM Kernel Manual. --- Amiga Zen Master Peter da Silva + -- Amiga Zen Master Peter da Silva % "Thank heaven for startups; without them we'd never have any advances." --- Seymour Cray + -- Seymour Cray % "Out of register space (ugh)" --- vi + -- vi % "Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community." - - Oscar Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % "Ada is PL/I trying to be Smalltalk. --- Codoso diBlini + -- Codoso diBlini % -"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by mean of zeal, +"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." --- Justice Louis O. Brandeis (Olmstead vs. United States) + -- Justice Louis O. Brandeis (Olmstead vs. United States) % "'Tis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true." -- Poloniouius, in Willie the Shake's _Hamlet, Prince of Darkness_ % "All the people are so happy now, their heads are caving in. I'm glad they -are a snowman with protective rubber skin" --- They Might Be Giants +are a snowman with protective rubber skin" + -- They Might Be Giants % "Indecision is the basis of flexibility" --- button at a Science Fiction convention. + -- button at a Science Fiction convention. % "Sometimes insanity is the only alternative" --- button at a Science Fiction convention. + -- button at a Science Fiction convention. % "Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time." --- a coffee cup + -- a coffee cup % "The most important thing in a man is not what he knows, but what he is." --- Narciso Yepes + -- Narciso Yepes % "All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another." --- Ortega y Gasset + -- Ortega y Gasset % "We will be better and braver if we engage and inquire than if we indulge in the idle fancy that we already know -- or that it is of no use seeking to know what we do not know." --- Plato + -- Plato % "To undertake a project, as the word's derivation indicates, means to cast an idea out ahead of oneself so that it gains autonomy and is fulfilled not only by the efforts of its originator but, indeed, independently of him as well. --- Czeslaw Milosz + -- Czeslaw Milosz % "We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness; it is always urgent, "here and now," without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point blank." --- Ortega y Gasset + -- Ortega y Gasset % "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere." --- Dr. Seuss + -- Dr. Seuss % "When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest." -- Bullwinkle Moose % Remember, an int is not always 16 bits. I'm not sure, but if the 80386 is one -step closer to Intel's slugfest with the CPU curve that is aymptotically +step closer to Intel's slugfest with the CPU curve that is asymptotically approaching a real machine, perhaps an int has been implemented as 32 bits by some Unix vendors...? --- Derek Terveer + -- Derek Terveer % "Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything @@ -4390,7 +4378,7 @@ Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to -insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as +insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this @@ -4403,17 +4391,17 @@ if there is none in the forest to admire her. He hid in the bushes to find out, which vitiated his premise but made him happy. Moral: Empiricism is more fun than speculation." --- Sam Weber + -- Sam Weber % 1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2. % "I figured there was this holocaust, right, and the only ones left alive were Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, and the Cleavers." --- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" +-- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" is so nice % "Engineering meets art in the parking lot and things explode." --- Garry Peterson, about Survival Research Labs + -- Garry Peterson, about Survival Research Labs % "Why can't we ever attempt to solve a problem in this country without having a 'War' on it?" -- Rich Thomson, talk.politics.misc @@ -4427,12 +4415,12 @@ a 'War' on it?" -- Rich Thomson, talk.politics.misc I had done. My shame is gone and now I am looking for a submissive typewriter, any color, or model. No electric typewriters please! - --Rick Kleiner + -- Rick Kleiner % Professional wrestling: ballet for the common man. % "An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a -cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." - H.L. Mencken +cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." - H. L. Mencken % "Are those cocktail-waitress fingernail marks?" I asked Colletti as he showed us these scratches on his chest. "No, those are on my back," Colletti @@ -4443,10 +4431,10 @@ a mind of their own." National Lampoon, October 1982 % "Never give in. Never give in. Never. Never. Never." --- Winston Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % "Never ascribe to malice that which is caused by greed and ignorance." --- Cal Keegan + -- Cal Keegan % "Despite its suffix, skepticism is not an "ism" in the sense of a belief or dogma. It is simply an approach to the problem of telling what is @@ -4459,31 +4447,24 @@ allegiances. To be a skeptic, in short, is to refuse to be a victim. % "If you want to know what happens to you when you die, go look at some dead stuff." --- Dave Enyeart + -- Dave Enyeart % -"After one week [visiting Austria] I couldn't wait to go back to the United +"After one week [visiting Austria] I couldn't wait to go back to the United States. Everything was much more pleasant in the United States, because of the mentality of being open-minded, always positive. Everything you want to do in Europe is just, 'No way. No one has ever done it.' They haven't any more the desire to go out to conquer and achieve -- I realized that I had much more the American spirit." --- Arnold Schwarzenegger + -- Arnold Schwarzenegger % "I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest." --- Alexandre Dumas (fils) -% - Well, punk is kind of anti-ethical, anyway. Its ethics, so to speak, -include a disdain for ethics in general. If you have to think about some- -thing so hard, then it's bullshit anyway; that's the idea. Punks are anti- -ismists, to coin a term. But nonetheless, they have a pretty clearly defined -stance and image, and THAT is what we hang the term `punk' on. --- Jeff G. Bone + -- Alexandre Dumas (fils) % I think for the most part that the readership here uses the c-word in a similar fashion. I don't think anybody really believes in a new, revolution- ary literature --- I think they use `cyberpunk' as a term of convenience to discuss the common stylistic elements in a small subset of recent sf books. --- Jeff G. Bone + -- Jeff G. Bone % So we get to my point. Surely people around here read things that aren't on the *Officially Sanctioned Cyberpunk Reading List*. Surely we @@ -4495,26 +4476,26 @@ dead? Where are the profound statements that the `Movement' is or was trying to make? I think most of us are interested in examining and discussing literary (and musical) works that possess a certain stylistic excellence and perhaps a -rather extreme perspective; this is what CP is all about, no? Maybe there -should be a newsgroup like, say, alt.postmodern or somthing. Something less +rather extreme perspective; this is what CP is all about, no? Maybe there +should be a newsgroup like, say, alt.postmodern or something. Something less restrictive in scope than alt.cyberpunk. --- Jeff G. Bone + -- Jeff G. Bone % "Everyone's head is a cheap movie show." --- Jeff G. Bone + -- Jeff G. Bone % -Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few -concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields. --- Daniel Kimberg +Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few +concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields. + -- Daniel Kimberg % ...cyberpunk wants to see the mind as mechanistic & duplicable, challenging basic assumptions about the nature of individuality & self. That seems all the better reason to assume that cyberpunk art & music is essentially mindless garbagio. Willy certainly addressed this idea in "Count Zero," with Katatonenkunst, the automatic box-maker and the girl's -observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself, +observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself, rather than its output. --- Eliot Handelman + -- Eliot Handelman % It might be worth reflecting that this group was originally created back in September of 1987 and has exchanged over 1200 messages. The @@ -4527,25 +4508,25 @@ people with narrower visions, feel free. But I feel sad for anyone who thinks that alt.cyberpunk is such a monstrous group that it is in dire need of being subdivided. Heaven help them if they ever start reading comp.arch or rec.arts.sf-lovers. --- Bob Webber + -- Bob Webber % ...I don't care for the term 'mechanistic'. The word 'cybernetic' is a lot more apropos. The mechanistic world-view is falling further and further behind -the real world where even simple systems can produce the most marvellous -chaos. --- Peter da Silva +the real world where even simple systems can produce the most marvelous +chaos. + -- Peter da Silva % As for the basic assumptions about individuality and self, this is the core of what I like about cyberpunk. And it's the core of what I like about certain pre-gibson neophile techie SF writers that certain folks here like to put down. Not everyone makes the same assumptions. I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on tape. --- Peter da Silva + -- Peter da Silva % -Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show? Wavefront's latest box, or -the people who programmed it? Should Mandelbrot get all the credit for the +Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show? Wavefront's latest box, or +the people who programmed it? Should Mandelbrot get all the credit for the output of programs like MandelVroom? --- Peter da Silva + -- Peter da Silva % Trailing Edge Technologies is pleased to announce the following TETflame programme: @@ -4563,10 +4544,10 @@ TETflame programme: 3) The TETflame flaming representatives include: Richard Sexton, Oleg Kisalev, Diane Holt, Trish O'Tauma, Dave Hill, Greg Nowak and our most - recent aquisition, Keith Doyle. But all he will do is put you in his + recent acquisition, Keith Doyle. But all he will do is put you in his kill file. Weemba by special arrangement. --- Richard Sexton + -- Richard Sexton % "As I was walking among the fires of Hell, delighted with the enjoyments of Genius; which to Angels look like torment and insanity. I collected some of @@ -4576,7 +4557,7 @@ TETflame programme: HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 1 proof by example: - The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it + The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof. proof by intimidation: @@ -4597,17 +4578,17 @@ proof by exhaustion: proof by omission: 'The reader may easily supply the details' 'The other 253 cases are analogous' - '...' + '...' % HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 3 proof by obfuscation: - A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless + A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements. proof by wishful citation: - The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of + The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims. proof by funding: @@ -4615,26 +4596,26 @@ proof by funding: proof by eminent authority: 'I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP- - complete.' + complete.' % HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 4 proof by personal communication: - 'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete - [Karp, personal communication].' + 'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete + [Karp, personal communication].' proof by reduction to the wrong problem: - 'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is - decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.' + 'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is + decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.' proof by reference to inaccessible literature: - The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found - in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian + The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found + in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883. proof by importance: - A large body of useful consequences all follow from the + A large body of useful consequences all follow from the proposition in question. % HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 5 @@ -4643,42 +4624,42 @@ proof by accumulated evidence: Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample. proof by cosmology: - The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or + The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God. proof by mutual reference: - In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in - reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in - reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in + In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in + reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in + reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A. proof by metaproof: - A method is given to construct the desired proof. The - correctness of the method is proved by any of these + A method is given to construct the desired proof. The + correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques. % HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 6 proof by picture: - A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well + A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission. proof by vehement assertion: - It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the + It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience. proof by ghost reference: - Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in + Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given. % HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 7 proof by forward reference: - Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, + Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first. proof by semantic shift: - Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed + Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result. proof by appeal to intuition: @@ -4700,24 +4681,24 @@ Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force. 1990-1951. % "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % "What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite." --- Bertrand Russell, _Sceptical_Essays_, 1928 + -- Bertrand Russell, _Sceptical_Essays_, 1928 % "Were there no women, men might live like gods." --- Thomas Dekker + -- Thomas Dekker % "Intelligence without character is a dangerous thing." --- G. Steinem + -- G. Steinem % "It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side." --- Frank Zappa + -- Frank Zappa % "It's not just a computer -- it's your ass." --- Cal Keegan + -- Cal Keegan % "Let me guess, Ed. Pentescostal, right?" -- Starcap'n Ra, ra@asuvax.asu.edu @@ -4726,97 +4707,97 @@ dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side." mean)." -- Ed Carp, erc@unisec.usi.com -"Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain +"Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain cell per congregation. Starcap'n Ra, you pegged him. Good work!" --- Kenn Barry, barry@eos.UUCP + -- Kenn Barry, barry@eos.UUCP % "BTW, does Jesus know you flame?" --- Diane Holt, dianeh@binky.UUCP, to Ed Carp + -- Diane Holt, dianeh@binky.UUCP, to Ed Carp % "I've seen the forgeries I've sent out." --- John F. Haugh II (jfh@rpp386.Dallas.TX.US), about forging net news articles + -- John F. Haugh II (jfh@rpp386.Dallas.TX.US), about forging net news articles % "Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?" --- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US + -- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US % "Bite off, dirtball." Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM % "Oh my! An `inflammatory attitude' in alt.flame? Never heard of such a thing..." --- Allen Gwinn, allen@sulaco.Sigma.COM + -- Allen Gwinn, allen@sulaco.Sigma.COM % (null cookie; hope that's ok) % "In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % "Who alone has reason to *lie himself out* of actuality? He who *suffers* from it." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % "You who hate the Jews so, why did you adopt their religion?" --- Friedrich Nietzsche, addressing anti-semitic Christians + -- Friedrich Nietzsche, addressing anti-semitic Christians % -"Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of +"Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of nature are constantly broken for their sakes." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % "Science makes godlike -- it is all over with priests and gods when man becomes - scientific. Moral: science is the forbidden as such -- it alone is + scientific. Moral: science is the forbidden as such -- it alone is forbidden. Science is the *first* sin, the *original* sin. *This alone is morality.* ``Thou shalt not know'' -- the rest follows." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % "Faith: not *wanting* to know what is true." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % >One basic notion underlying Usenet is that it is a cooperative. Having been on USENET for going on ten years, I disagree with this. The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame. --- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@Apple.COM + -- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@Apple.COM % "Every group has a couple of experts. And every group has at least one idiot. Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained. It's sometimes hard to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all of the hassle and pain is generally caused by one or two highly-motivated, caustic twits." --- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@apple.com, about Usenet + -- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@apple.com, about Usenet % Backed up the system lately? % -"It doesn't much signify whom one marries for one is sure to find out next +"It doesn't much signify whom one marries for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else." --- Rogers + -- Rogers % "If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry." --- Chekhov + -- Chekhov % -"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with +"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." --- Goethe + -- Goethe % "In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved." --- Butler + -- Butler % -"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, `What does +"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, `What does woman want?'" --- Sigmund Freud + -- Sigmund Freud % "I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology." --- Thomas Jefferson + -- Thomas Jefferson % Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life. --- Dave Butler + -- Dave Butler % "The preeminence of a learned man over a worshiper is equal to the preeminence of the moon, at the night of the full moon, over all the stars. Verily, the learned men are the heirs of the Prophets." --- A tradition attributed to Muhammad + -- A tradition attributed to Muhammad % "The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a @@ -4824,34 +4805,34 @@ military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was consecrated to the specious demands of charity and devotion; and the soldiers' pay was lavished on the useless multitudes of both sexes who could only plead the merits of abstinence and chastity." --- Edward Gibbons, _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_ + -- Edward Gibbons, _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_ % "The question is rather: if we ever succeed in making a mind 'of nuts and bolts', how will we know we have succeeded? -- Fergal Toomey "It will tell us." --- Barry Kort + -- Barry Kort % "Inquiry is fatal to certainty." --- Will Durant + -- Will Durant % "The Mets were great in 'sixty eight, The Cards were fine in 'sixty nine, But the Cubs will be heavenly in nineteen and seventy." --- Ernie Banks + -- Ernie Banks % -"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr. +"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers -come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas +come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." --- Charles Babbage + -- Charles Babbage % -"I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic +"I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty* -- I call it the *one* mortal blemish of mankind." --- Friedrich Nietzsche + -- Friedrich Nietzsche % "The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of God and His Religion is to safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster @@ -4862,15 +4843,15 @@ of dissension and discord, of hate and enmity." world and of tranquillity amongst it's peoples...The greater the decline of religion, the more grievous the waywardness of the ungodly. This cannot but lead in the end to chaos and confusion." --- Baha'u'llah, a selection from the Baha'i scripture + -- Baha'u'llah, a selection from the Baha'i scripture % "Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong." --- Blair Houghton + -- Blair Houghton % "...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." --- Robert Firth + -- Robert Firth % Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars. What should I do? @@ -4885,7 +4866,7 @@ And it's not good enough to send the message by mail. Since you're the only one who really knows that it was Francis Coppola, you have to inform the whole net right away! --- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ + -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ % Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ... Q: How about an example? @@ -4909,7 +4890,7 @@ there, and a "comp" group will propagate your article further.) You may also find it is more fun to post the article once in each group. If you list all the newsgroups in the same article, some newsreaders will only show the the article to the reader once! Don't tolerate this. --- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ + -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ % Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do? @@ -4918,7 +4899,7 @@ that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that soiled clothing would when addressing an audience. --- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ + -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ % Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked as the Republican V.P. candidate. Should I post? @@ -4928,288 +4909,288 @@ the perfect way to inform people about such news events long after the broadcast networks have covered them. As you are probably the only person to have heard the news on the radio, be sure to post as soon as you can. --- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ + -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_ % What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle watch. --- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker + -- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker % Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive! --- Joan McGalliard (jem@latcs1.oz.au) + -- Joan McGalliard (jem@latcs1.oz.au) % "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par." -- Dave Mack (mack@inco.UUCP) "Yours is." --- Allen Gwinn (allen@sulaco.sigma.com), in alt.flame + -- Allen Gwinn (allen@sulaco.sigma.com), in alt.flame % A selection from the Taoist Writings: "Lao-Tan asked Confucius: `What do you mean by benevolence and righteousness?' - Confucius said: `To be in one's inmost heart in kindly sympathy with all + Confucius said: `To be in one's inmost heart in kindly sympathy with all things; to love all men and allow no selfish thoughts: this is the nature of benevolence and righteousness.'" --- Kwang-tzu + -- Kwang-tzu % "Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!" --- Daniel Hinojosa (hinojosa@hp-sdd) + -- Daniel Hinojosa (hinojosa@hp-sdd) % "Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator." -- Claude Shouse (shouse@macomw.ARPA) "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." --- Joseph C. Wang (joe@athena.mit.edu) + -- Joseph C. Wang (joe@athena.mit.edu) % "Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines." --- Bertrand Russell + -- Bertrand Russell % -"Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his +"Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his delight. A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger. He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. - Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause; and deceive not with + Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause; and deceive not with thy lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue." --- Proverbs, some selections from the Jewish Scripture + -- Proverbs, some selections from the Jewish Scripture % "As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. -This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." --- Matt Cartmill +This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." + -- Matt Cartmill % Heisenberg might have been here. % "Any excuse will serve a tyrant." --- Aesop + -- Aesop % "Experience has proved that some people indeed know everything." --- Russell Baker + -- Russell Baker % How many Zen Buddhist does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one not to change it. % "I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God." --- Sean Doran the Younger + -- Sean Doran the Younger % -"If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak." --- Phil Wayne +"If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak." + -- Phil Wayne % "my terminal is a lethal teaspoon." --- Patricia O Tuama + -- Patricia O Tuama % "I am ... a woman ... and ... technically a parasitic uterine growth" --- Sean Doran the Younger [allegedly] + -- Sean Doran the Younger [allegedly] % "Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?' --- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu + -- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu % "Money is the root of all money." --- the moving finger + -- the moving finger % "...Greg Nowak: `Another flame from greg' - need I say more?" -- Jonathan D. Trudel, trudel@caip.rutgers.edu "No. You need to say less." --- Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM + -- Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM % "And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic. Just because there are a few hunderd other people sharing your lunacy with you does not make you any saner. Doomed, eh?" --- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU + -- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU % "Obedience. A religion of slaves. A religion of intellectual death. I like it. Don't ask questions, don't think, obey the Word of the Lord -- as it has been conveniently brought to you by a man in a Rolls with a heavy Rolex on his wrist. I like that job! Where can I sign up?" --- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU + -- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU % -"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a +"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a cockatoo." --- George Bernard Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % -"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and +"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out." --- Montaigne + -- Montaigne % -"For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically +"For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition." --- Robert Briffault + -- Robert Briffault % "Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it." --- Baskins + -- Baskins % A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. % Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. % -Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is +Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. % "The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain." --- G. Fitch + -- G. Fitch % "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." --- Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % -"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have - included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This - technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My +"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have + included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This + technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go by some more." --- timw@zeb.USWest.COM, in alt.conspiracy + -- timw@zeb.USWest.COM, in alt.conspiracy % -"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in +"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in the cigarettes?" --- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970 + -- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970 % "If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet." --- Comedian Jay Leno + -- Comedian Jay Leno % "Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.'" --- Comedian Jay Leno + -- Comedian Jay Leno % "Well hello there Charlie Brown, you blockhead." --- Lucy Van Pelt + -- Lucy Van Pelt % "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." --- Ford Prefect, _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ + -- Ford Prefect, _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ % "Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "Let every man teach his son, teach his daughter, that labor is honorable." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "I have not the slightest confidence in 'spiritual manifestations.'" --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "It is hard to overstate the debt that we owe to men and women of genius." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "Joy is wealth and love is the legal tender of the soul." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray." --- Robert G. Ingersoll + -- Robert G. Ingersoll % "It is the creationists who blasphemously are claiming that God is cheating us in a stupid way." --- J. W. Nienhuys + -- J. W. Nienhuys % -"No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world. I just wish +"No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one." --- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN + -- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN % "Be *excellent* to each other." --- Bill, or Ted, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure + -- Bill, or Ted, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure % -The Seventh Edition licensing procedures are, I suppose, still in effect, -though I doubt that tapes are available from AT&T. At any rate, whatever -restrictions the license imposes still exist. These restrictions were and -are reasonable for places that just want to run the system, but don't allow -many of the things that Minix was written for, like study of the source in +The Seventh Edition licensing procedures are, I suppose, still in effect, +though I doubt that tapes are available from AT&T. At any rate, whatever +restrictions the license imposes still exist. These restrictions were and +are reasonable for places that just want to run the system, but don't allow +many of the things that Minix was written for, like study of the source in classes, or by individuals not in a university or company. I've always thought that Minix was a fine idea, and competently done. As for the size of v7, wc -l /usr/sys/*/*.[chs] is 19271. --- Dennis Ritchie, 1989 + -- Dennis Ritchie, 1989 % "Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure % "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." ---Matt Groening + -- Matt Groening % "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens." --- Woody Allen + -- Woody Allen % "The Street finds its own uses for technology." --- William Gibson + -- William Gibson % "I see little divinity about them or you. You talk to me of Christianity when you are in the act of hanging your enemies. Was there ever such blasphemous nonsense!" --- Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple" + -- Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple" % "You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?" --- Ronald Reagan + -- Ronald Reagan % "He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable perversion." --- Mick Farren, _When Gravity Fails_ + -- Mick Farren, _When Gravity Fails_ % "Conversion, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the human will." --- Virginia Woolf, "Mrs. Dalloway" + -- Virginia Woolf, "Mrs. Dalloway" % It's time to boot, do your boot ROMs know where your disk controllers are? % "What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying." --- Nikita Khrushchev + -- Nikita Khrushchev % "...a most excellent barbarian ... Genghis Kahn!" --- _Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure_ + -- _Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure_ % "Pull the trigger and you're garbage." --- Lady Blue + -- Lady Blue % "Oh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face..." --- a prisoner in "Life of Brian" + -- a prisoner in "Life of Brian" % "Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth." --- Milton + -- Milton % "If you can't debate me, then there is no way in hell you'll out-insult me." -- Scott Legrand (Scott.Legrand@hogbbs.Fidonet.Org) "You may be wrong here, little one." --- R. W. F. Clark (RWC102@PSUVM) + -- R. W. F. Clark (RWC102@PSUVM) % - "Yes, I am a real piece of work. One thing we learn at Ulowell is - how to flame useless hacking non-EE's like you. I am superior to you in + "Yes, I am a real piece of work. One thing we learn at ULowell is + how to flame useless hacking non-EE's like you. I am superior to you in every way by training and expertise in the technical field. Anyone can learn - how to hack, but Engineering doesn't come nearly as easily. Actually, I'm + how to hack, but Engineering doesn't come nearly as easily. Actually, I'm not trying to offend all you CS majors out there, but I think EE is one of the hardest majors/grad majors to pass. Fortunately, I am making it." -- "Warrior Diagnostics" (wardiag@sky.COM) "Being both an EE and an asshole at the same time must be a terrible burden for you. This isn't really a flame, just a casual observation. Makes me - glad I was a CS major, life is really pleasant for me. Have fun with your + glad I was a CS major, life is really pleasant for me. Have fun with your chosen mode of existence!" --- Jim Morrison (morrisj@mist.cs.orst.edu) + -- Jim Morrison (morrisj@mist.cs.orst.edu) % -"BYTE editors are men who seperate the wheat from the chaff, and then +"BYTE editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then print the chaff." --- Lionel Hummel (uiucdcs!hummel), derived from a quote by Adlai Stevenson, Sr. + -- Lionel Hummel (uiucdcs!hummel), derived from a quote by Adlai Stevenson, Sr. % THE "FUN WITH USENET" MANIFESTO -Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other -reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who -might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have -written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these +Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other +reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who +might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have +written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these postings. - One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY -good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For -instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too -mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become + One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY +good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For +instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too +mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become "I'm ...a... p...oof" but that's REALLY stretching it. Two. If I cut words off the beginning or end of a quote, I don't @@ -5221,52 +5202,52 @@ up the quote via fast-forwarding and stopping the tape, and without splicing, I don't put ellipses in. And by the way, I love using this mechanism for turning things around. If you think something stinks, say so - don't say you don't think it's wonderful. ... --- D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@cadape.UUCP) + -- D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@cadape.UUCP) % "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." --- Benjamin Franklin, 1759 + -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759 % "I am, therefore I am." --- Akira + -- Akira % -"Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance +"Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance it ourselves." --- Martin Fleischmann, co-discoverer of room-temperature fusion (?) + -- Martin Fleischmann, co-discoverer of room-temperature fusion (?) % -"I have more information in one place than anybody in the world." --- Jerry Pournelle, an absurd notion, apparently about the BIX BBS +"I have more information in one place than anybody in the world." + -- Jerry Pournelle, an absurd notion, apparently about the BIX BBS % "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." --- John Wooden + -- John Wooden % #define BITCOUNT(x) (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255) #define BX_(x) ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777) \ - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333) \ - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111)) --- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word + -- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word % -"If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its - laws. Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people +"If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its + laws. Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people most of the time." --- George Gerbner + -- George Gerbner % "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists - in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on + in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." --- George Bernard Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % "We want to create puppets that pull their own strings." -- Ann Marion "Would this make them Marionettes?" --- Jeff Daiell + -- Jeff Daiell % On the subject of C program indentation: "In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt." --- Blair P. Houghton + -- Blair P. Houghton % There was, it appeared, a mysterious rite of initiation through which, in one way or another, almost every member of the team passed. The term that @@ -5275,49 +5256,49 @@ was `signing up.' By signing up for the project you agreed to do whatever was necessary for success. You agreed to forsake, if necessary, family, hobbies, and friends -- if you had any of these left (and you might not, if you had signed up too many times before). --- Tracy Kidder, _The Soul of a New Machine_ + -- Tracy Kidder, _The Soul of a New Machine_ % "By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry." --- a Larson cartoon + -- a Larson cartoon % "But don't you see, the color of wine in a crystal glass can be spiritual. The look in a face, the music of a violin. A Paris theater can be infused with the spiritual for all its solidity." - -- Lestat, _The Vampire Lestat_, Anne Rice + -- Lestat, _The Vampire Lestat_, Anne Rice % "Love your country but never trust its government." --- from a hand-painted road sign in central Pennsylvania + -- from a hand-painted road sign in central Pennsylvania % I bought the latest computer; it came fully loaded. It was guaranteed for 90 days, but in 30 was outmoded! - - The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT + -- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT % -To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for -your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks". --- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG) +To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for +your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks". + -- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG) % "Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained." --- The Tao of Programming + -- The Tao of Programming % "Turn on, tune up, rock out." --- Billy Gibbons + -- Billy Gibbons % - EARTH - smog | bricks + EARTH + smog | bricks AIR -- mud -- FIRE -soda water | tequila - WATER +soda water | tequila + WATER % "Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol..." --- Crazy Nigel + -- Crazy Nigel % "Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all...." --- Thomas J. Kopp + -- Thomas J. Kopp % n = ((n >> 1) & 0x55555555) | ((n << 1) & 0xaaaaaaaa); n = ((n >> 2) & 0x33333333) | ((n << 2) & 0xcccccccc); @@ -5325,67 +5306,67 @@ soluble in alcohol..." n = ((n >> 8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n << 8) & 0xff00ff00); n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000); --- Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word. + -- Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word. % "All over the place, from the popular culture to the propaganda system, there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless, that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and to consume." --- Noam Chomsky + -- Noam Chomsky % "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked." --- John Gall, _Systemantics_ + -- John Gall, _Systemantics_ % -"In my opinion, Richard Stallman wouldn't recognise terrorism if it +"In my opinion, Richard Stallman wouldn't recognize terrorism if it came up and bit him on his Internet." --- Ross M. Greenberg + -- Ross M. Greenberg % -I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments of -others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use -of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, -such as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc. I adopted instead of them "I -conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it +I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments of +others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use +of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, +such as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc. I adopted instead of them "I +conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it appears to me at present". -When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the -pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him immediately some -absurdity in his proposition. In answering I began by observing that in +When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the +pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him immediately some +absurdity in his proposition. In answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present -case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc. +case there appeared or seemed to me some difference, etc. -I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I -engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I proposed my -opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction. I had -less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily -prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I +I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I +engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I proposed my +opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction. I had +less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily +prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right. --- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin + -- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin % "If I ever get around to writing that language depompisifier, it will change -almost all occurences of the word "paradigm" into "example" or "model." --- Herbie Blashtfalt +almost all occurrences of the word "paradigm" into "example" or "model." + -- Herbie Blashtfalt % "Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." --- Marvin the paranoid android + -- Marvin the paranoid android % Contemptuous lights flashed across the computer's console. --- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy + -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy % "There must be some mistake," he said, "are you not a greater computer than the Milliard Gargantubrain which can count all the atoms in a star in a millisecond?" "The Milliard Gargantubrain?" said Deep Thought with unconcealed contempt. "A mere abacus. Mention it not." --- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy + -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy % "But are you not," he said, "a more fiendish disputant than the Great Hyperlobic -Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler of Ciceronicus Twelve, the Magic and +Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler of Ciceronicus Twelve, the Magic and Indefatigable?" "The Great Hyperlobic Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler," said Deep Thought, thoroughly rolling the r's, "could talk all four legs off an Arcturan Mega-Donkey -- but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterward." --- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy + -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy % If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, Jolt Cola would be a Fortune-500 company. @@ -5396,47 +5377,47 @@ able to buy a nice little colonial split-level at Babbages for $34.95. If programmers wrote programs the way builders build buildings, we'd still be using autocoder and running compile decks. --- Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective + -- Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective % To err is human, to moo bovine. % "America is a stronger nation for the ACLU's uncompromising effort." --- President John F. Kennedy + -- President John F. Kennedy % "The simple rights, the civil liberties from generations of struggle must not be just fine words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert on weekdays, but living, honored rules of conduct amongst us...I'm glad the American Civil Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so." --- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson + -- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson % "The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria that ->from time to time threaten freedoms everyhere... Indeed, it is difficult +from time to time threaten freedoms everywhere... Indeed, it is difficult to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it not been for the Union's valiant representation in the courts of the constitutional rights of people of all persuasions, no matter how unpopular or even despised by the majority they were at the time." --- former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren + -- former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren % "The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each citizen to defend it. Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure." --- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % -"Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many +"Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy." --- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage + -- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage % -"And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what +"And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions." --- David Jones @ Megatest Corporation + -- David Jones @ Megatest Corporation % "Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser." --- Dave Thomas, "Strange Brew" + -- Dave Thomas, "Strange Brew" % "Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?" --- Frank Zappa, Feb 1, 1989 + -- Frank Zappa, Feb 1, 1989 % "The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and @@ -5444,32 +5425,32 @@ Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. "For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'" --- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy + -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy % "Don't think; let the machine do it for you!" --- E. C. Berkeley + -- E. C. Berkeley % "It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons, insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather than be the instrument of his army's downfall." --- Napoleon, "Military Maxims and Thought" + -- Napoleon, "Military Maxims and Thought" % "(The Chief Programmer) personally defines the functional and performance specifications, designs the program, codes it, tests it, and writes its documentation... He needs great talent, ten years experience and considerable systems and applications knowledge, whether in applied mathematics, business data handling, or whatever." --- Fred P. Brooks, _The Mythical Man Month_ + -- Fred P. Brooks, _The Mythical Man Month_ % "It ain't over until it's over." --- Casey Stengel + -- Casey Stengel % "If anything can go wrong, it will." --- Edsel Murphy + -- Edsel Murphy % "Yo baby yo baby yo." --- Eddie Murphy + -- Eddie Murphy % "You must learn to run your kayak by a sort of ju-jitsu. You must learn to tell what the river will do to you, and given those parameters see how you @@ -5477,77 +5458,74 @@ than be the instrument of his army's downfall." as best you can. Even with the quickness and agility of a kayak, you are not faster than the river, nor stronger, and you can beat it only by understanding it." --- Strung, Curtis and Perry, _Whitewater_ + -- Strung, Curtis and Perry, _Whitewater_ % Everyone who comes in here wants three things: 1. They want it quick. 2. They want it good. 3. They want it cheap. I tell 'em to pick two and call me back. --- sign on the back wall of a small printing company in Delaware + -- sign on the back wall of a small printing company in Delaware % "More software projects have gone awry for lack of calendar time than for all other causes combined." --- Fred Brooks, Jr., _The Mythical Man Month_ + -- Fred Brooks, Jr., _The Mythical Man Month_ % panic: kernel trap (ignored) % "Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile." --- Karl Lehenbauer + -- Karl Lehenbauer % "Remember, extremism in the nondefense of moderation is not a virtue." --- Peter Neumann, about usenet + -- Peter Neumann, about usenet % "We dedicated ourselves to a powerful idea -- organic law rather than naked power. There seems to be universal acceptance of that idea in the nation." --- Supreme Court Justice Potter Steart + -- Supreme Court Justice Potter Steart % "What man has done, man can aspire to do." --- Jerry Pournelle, about space flight -% -"Well, it don't make the sun shine, but at least it don't deepen the shit." --- Straiter Empy, in _Riddley_Walker_ by Russell Hoban + -- Jerry Pournelle, about space flight % "If you can, help others. If you can't, at least don't hurt others." --- the Dalai Lama + -- the Dalai Lama % To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load. % "Just think, with VLSI we can have 100 ENIACS on a chip!" --- Alan Perlis + -- Alan Perlis % "...Local prohibitions cannot block advances in military and commercial technology... Democratic movements for local restraint can only restrain the world's democracies, not the world as a whole." --- K. Eric Drexler + -- K. Eric Drexler % -"The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill -and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back -- as, I think, he +"The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill +and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back -- as, I think, he will." --- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_ + -- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_ % "If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too." --- W. Somerset Maugham + -- W. Somerset Maugham % "Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed. Here's another of those self-satisfied doors. Life! Don't talk to me about life." --- Marvin the Paranoid Android + -- Marvin the Paranoid Android % One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand -hat was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for +hat was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about. --- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ + -- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ % Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free. @@ -5559,10 +5537,10 @@ and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus was the Empire forged. --- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ + -- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ % "Gort, klaatu nikto barada." --- The Day the Earth Stood Still + -- The Day the Earth Stood Still % > From MAILER-DAEMON@Think.COM Thu Mar 2 13:59:11 1989 > Subject: Returned mail: unknown mailer error 255 @@ -5571,16 +5549,16 @@ was the Empire forged. -- Bill Wolfe (wtwolfe@hubcap.clemson.edu) "Bill, Your brain no longer functions. Can you fix it at your end?" --- Karl A. Nyberg (nyberg@ajpo.sei.cmu.edu) + -- Karl A. Nyberg (nyberg@ajpo.sei.cmu.edu) % "Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!" --- Bryan Michael Wendt + -- Bryan Michael Wendt % "I got a question for ya. Ya got a minute?" --- two programmers passing in the hall + -- two programmers passing in the hall % I took a fish head to the movies and I didn't have to pay. --- Fish Heads, Saturday Night Live, 1977. + -- Fish Heads, Saturday Night Live, 1977. % What hath Bob wrought? % @@ -5592,68 +5570,68 @@ What hath Bob wrought? So let's just hope there is a promised land, And until then, ...as best as you can." --- Steppenwolf, "Rock Me Baby" + -- Steppenwolf, "Rock Me Baby" % "Help Mr. Wizard!" --- Tennessee Tuxedo + -- Tennessee Tuxedo % "The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own." --- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % "Unlike most net.puritans, however, I feel that what OTHER consenting computers do in the privacy of their own phone connections is their own business." --- John Woods, jfw@eddie.mit.edu + -- John Woods, jfw@eddie.mit.edu % "Don't talk to me about disclaimers! I invented disclaimers!" --- The Censored Hacker + -- The Censored Hacker % 'On this point we want to be perfectly clear: socialism has nothing to do -with equalizing. Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and -consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his +with equalizing. Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and +consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." This will be under communism. Socialism has a different criterion for distributing social benefits: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."' --- Mikhail Gorbachev, _Perestroika_ + -- Mikhail Gorbachev, _Perestroika_ % "Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception." -- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989 [apparently, good TV reception is a basic necessity -- at least in Tucson -kl] % -"All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for - conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to - be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally +"All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for + conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to + be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally structured thoughts." --- R. Buckminster Fuller [...and a total nonsequitur as far as I can tell. -kl] + -- R. Buckminster Fuller [...and a total nonsequitur as far as I can tell. -kl] % "One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer terror." --- W. K. Hartmann + -- W. K. Hartmann % "It's when they say 2 + 2 = 5 that I begin to argue." --- Eric Pepke + -- Eric Pepke % Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." --- David Guaspari -% -"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary -to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one -ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a -job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing -forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient -he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a + -- David Guaspari +% +"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary +to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one +ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a +job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing +forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient +he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the "expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible." --- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work," p. 86 (1922): + -- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work," p. 86 (1922): % "The NY Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country..." --- Robert J Woodhead (trebor@biar.UUCP) + -- Robert J Woodhead (trebor@biar.UUCP) % "...'fire' does not matter, 'earth' and 'air' and 'water' do not matter. 'I' do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality @@ -5662,24 +5640,24 @@ fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great transformations of the world, but he does not see them as they were seen when man looked upon reality for the first time. Their names come to his lips and he smiles as he tastes them, thinking he knows them in the naming." --- Siddartha, _Lord_of_Light_ by Roger Zelazny + -- Siddartha, _Lord_of_Light_ by Roger Zelazny % -"Irrigation of the land with sewater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. +"Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'." --- Michael McClary, in alt.fusion + -- Michael McClary, in alt.fusion % "The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything." --- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California + -- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California % "We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from -being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented." --- Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, September 1948 +being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented." + -- Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, September 1948 % "You can have my Unix system when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers." --- Cal Keegan + -- Cal Keegan % We'll be more than happy to do so once Jim shows the slightest sign of interest in fixing his proposal to deal with the technical @@ -5689,3 +5667,6 @@ on a gasoline-powered internal combustion engine when the pistons and crankshaft are missing... -- Valdis.Kletnieks@vt.edu on NANOG % +It's always sad when the fleas leave, because that means your dog is dead. + -- Wesley T. Williams +% --- b/datfiles/debian +++ a/datfiles/debian @@ -1,12 +1,12 @@ -I think it's a little fantastic to try to form a picture in people's -minds of the Debian archive administration team huddled over their -terminals, their faces lit only by a CRT with a little root shell -prompt and the command -"/project/org/ftp.debian.org/cabal/s3kr1t/nuke-non-free.pl" all keyed -in and ready to go, their fingers poised over the enter key, a sweat of +I think it's a little fantastic to try to form a picture in people's +minds of the Debian archive administration team huddled over their +terminals, their faces lit only by a CRT with a little root shell +prompt and the command +"/project/org/ftp.debian.org/cabal/s3kr1t/nuke-non-free.pl" all keyed +in and ready to go, their fingers poised over the enter key, a sweat of lustful anticipated beading on their upper lips." - -- Branden Robinson in - <20031104211846.GK13131@deadbeast.net> discussing + -- Branden Robinson in + <20031104211846.GK13131@deadbeast.net> discussing his draft Social Contract amendment % If you are going to run a rinky-dink distro made by a couple of @@ -49,11 +49,11 @@ rename the distro from "stable" to "wobbly". < nickr> ^_^ -- in #debian-devel % -< sam> /.ing an issue is like asking an infinite number of monkeys for +< sam> /.ing an issue is like asking an infinite number of monkeys for advice -- in #debian-devel % -< DanielS> still, throne of blood sounds like a movie about overfiend +< DanielS> still, throne of blood sounds like a movie about overfiend and virgins or some crap -- in #debian-devel % @@ -76,4 +76,324 @@ rename the distro from "stable" to "wobbly". this wasn't chicken. -- in #debian-devel % +I was attacked by dselect as a small child and have since avoided +debian. + -- Andrew Morton +% +* joeyh installs debian using only his big toe, for a change of pace + -- in #debian-boot +% +* liiwi takes the whip and eyes pasc +< pasc> ohh!!! kinky! +< pasc> how convenient, I was just about to call in sick at work ;-) + -- in #debian-devel +% + Turns out that grep returns error code 1 when there are no matches. + I KNEW that. Why did it take me half an hour? + -- Seen on #Debian +% +It's simply unbelievable how much energy and creativity people have +invested into creating contradictory, bogus and stupid licenses... + -- - Sven Rudolph about licences in debian/non-free. +% + partycle: I seriously do need a vacation from this + package. I actually had a DREAM about introducing a + stupid new bug into xbase-preinst last night. That's a + Bad Sign. + -- Seen on #Debian shortly before the release of Debian 2.0 +% + Looks like the channel is back to normal :) + You mean it's not scrolling faster than anyone can read? :) + -- Seen on #Debian after the release of Debian 2.0 +% +Just to expand on what Ross said, it is undoubtedly too much to expect +of any distribution that it automatically detect whether or not the +person installing it can read simple English directions, and if he +can't, proceed without his input. That way lies madness. + -- Shawn McMahon on debian-curiosa@l.d.o +% + dackel: in general the *only* way to use a computer program + is to execute it. have you *ever* known a system utility whose + documentation recommended either deleting it, or throwing it + at a farm animal? + zedboy: Ummm... yes + dackel: install the manpages package. it should be there + already tho. + dackel: example of such a bovine utility? +* greycat wants a video of dackel throwing /usr/bin/file at a cow +% + Joy: thanks, joy + elmo: that's redundant, elmo + doogie: go play in traffic + ah, the elmo we know and love +% + joy/elmo: why can't the same ip be used? was this fire so + great that it burned the ip address? +% + Nothing says "I enjoy living with you" like the gift of + 3rd degree burns... + except, of course, turning his bed into a trebuchet. + That much effort must mean some sort of affection. +% + Anyone here knowledgable in matters of water fowl? If you + walk through a park, and a goose starts following you... and + ends up following you more than half a mile until you reach + your car... at 11pm. Is the goose rabid or something? +% + the problem with the 'go find a real girl' admonition is + that so few of them actually have naked transformation + sequences + Dude, my girlfriend changes like four times a day +% + If Unicron had a tech spec card, his motto would be "That + which does not become part of the One shall become Void." + which is sort of a grand-scale, apocalyptic version of "I + am what I eat." :) +% + udp - universal dropping of an pigeon +% + I've always wanted to have a web site with a big picture of a carrot on it +% + Bdale is a contraction of Barksdale. + Hm. It's definItely not something I'll ever remember. + Mind if I call you Wensleydale instead? +% + and those that say: fibre cables have a minimum bend radius and + pull tension? bah! *yank* + IT'S FIBER YOU FREAKS :P + culus, you hoser, it's fibre. am I gonna have to come over the + mountains and give you a wedgie? +% + Joy: Lets fork cat! :) + Joy: imagine a big pitchfork and a dead kitten on top of + it.. with blood running down.. +% + Damnit. I've got a month to write a paper. This involves + actually writing the chunks of code I'm going to be talking + about. + find a bunch of students and give it to them as an exercise + asuffield: I'm surrounded by a bunch of students. Last time I + let them touch code, I came back and found they'd rewritten + all the C++ code in C and all the C code in C++ + mwahaha + AND BROKE THE BUILD +% + what I like about Manoj is his desire for simple and small + solutions. like EMACS. or dvt. + well, dvt was _supposed_ to be simple + it only took 2 weeks to write + Manoj: It requires a *diagram* to explain what each part does. +% + ok, I will not marry Jo-Con-El's cow. +% + penis jokes are okay in mixed company. VMS is NOT!!! +% + ltd: Fine, go through life just pointing and grunting at + what you mean. Works for Mac users. +% +revision 1.17.2.7 +date: 2001/05/31 21:32:44; author: branden; state: Exp; lines: +1 -1 +ARRRRGH!! GOT THE G** D*** SENSE OF A F******* TEST BACKWARDS! +% + Overfiend's First Law of Package Quality: If the + maintainer likes to spell part or all of his name in + CAPS, the package will suck. +% + Intel. Bringing you the cutting-edge technology of 1979 + for 22 years now. +% + the key to proper French pronunciation is to pull the + corners of your mouth down as far as they can possibly go, + and then groan like you're constipated + you'll really nail the vowel sounds that way +% +<-- Overfiend has quit ("venturing forth to destroy strange new + worlds, and eat life and new civilizations") +% + the kind of landscape that laughs at "AWD" vehicles and + sends them tumbling into ravines +% + Joy: Hey, I'm an asshole. Assholes emit odious gas. + That's what we do. +% + as aj would say, waiting always works + either what you want happens, or you die and cannot be + perturbed anymore + the trouble with this philosophy is that aj sincerely + believes it +% +* doogie is turning into manoj + doogie: eventually, we all turn into Manoj + Manoj is Debian's iron + ultimately, we all decay to Manoj +% + but look at the French. You could spell every word in + their language phonetically using only about 6 letters + 4 consonants and 2 vowels + c, f, r, l. And the vowels? Well, one is the sound you + make when you have constipation; the other when you have + diarrhea + what do you expect from that diet of snails and frogs? +% +X-Manoj-Position-Advisory: Please note that Manoj Srivastava likely doubts + any facts posited and opposes any conclusions reached in this message. + + -- Seen in the headers of a mail from Branden Robinson +% + home is where the highest bandwidth is +% + no more perl ... it's depressing ... + i think perl and i need some time from each other + we made beautiful music together about a year ago ... + but times have change, we changed .. +% + I can usually supress the feelings that tell me to crash + tackle a girl into the bushes +% + bwah, vodka in my mouse +% + in a stunning new move I actually tested this upload +% + 3990 N Apr 15 Cute Girlfriend ( 45) Erotic Amateur Girlfriends + I wasn't aware you had professional girlfriends as well +% +However, my enthusiasm for the modular tree is tempered by some parts of +it not existing. + -- Daniel Stone on debian-{x,devel}, commenting on the + future of X +% +Does she think we just want to sit around painting debian swirls on our +toenails? + -- Erinn Clark, referring to the Debian-women project +% +modconf (0.2.37) stable unstable; urgency=medium + [...] + * Eduard Bloch: + - fixed Makefile broken Marcin Owsiany a while ago. The default manpage + has been overwritten with the polish translation. I still wonder why + nobody noticed this before. Closes: #117474 + [...] + -- Eduard Bloch Sun, 28 Oct 2001 12:53:27 +0100 +% +<|ryan|> I don't use deb + u poor man + netgod: heh + apt-get install task-p0rn +% +(It is an old Debian tradition to leave at least twice a year ...) + -- Sven Rudolph +% + gorgo: *lol* + joey: what's so funny? :) + shh, joey is losing all sanity from lack of sleep + 'yes joey, very funny' + Humor him :> + -- Seen on #Debian +% +* SynrG notes that the number of configuration questions to answer in sendmail + is NON-TRIVIAL + -- Seen on #Debian +% +* JHM wonders what Joey did to earn "I'd just like to say, for the record, + that Joey rules." + -- Seen on #Debian +% +Do people like check the Debian website every 5 minutes to check it hasn't +morphed into another one? Not that I'm one to talk, but some people seriously +need to get a life. + -- james on #Debian +% +* james would be more impressed if netgod's magic powers could stop the + splits in the first place... +* netgod notes debian developers are notoriously hard to impress + -- Seen on #Debian +% + * In anticipation of 2.10.02 release, updated to patchlevel + +ircu2.10.01+.config6-7.config7-8.lgline3.iwho.limit.glibc.motdcache2.trace.whois1-2.config8-9.statsw.sprintf2-3.msgtree2.memleak1-2+.msgtree2-3.gline8-9.gline9-10.invite2.rbr.stats.numclients.whisper.whisper1-2.stats1-2.nokick1-2.chroot.config9-11.snomask7-8.limi+t1-3.userip1-3.userip3-4.config11-12.config12-13.umode2-3.akillsbt.who4-5.kn.kn1-2.freebsdcore2.msgtree3-5.y2k.glibc1-2.rmfunc.msgf+lags2.who5-6.nickchange2.glibc2-3.modeless3 + -- From the annoucement of ircd 2.10.01-3 for Debian GNU/Linux +% +* Joey should not write changelog entries at 5:30am + * DFSC Free cgi library + What's that? DFSC? + Debian Free Software mroooooCows + -- Seen on #Debian +% + abuse me. I'm so lame I sent a bug report to debian-devel-changes + -- Seen on #Debian +% + eat Depends: cook | eat-out. + But eat-out is non-free so that's out. + And cook Recommends: clean-pans. + -- Seen on #Debian +% +You will not censor me through bug terrorism. + -- James Troup +% + Thinking is dangerous. It leads to ideas. + -- Seen on #Debian +% + Are we going to make an emacs out of apt? + APT - Debian in a program. It even does your laundry + -- Seen on #Debian +% +Debian is like Suse with yast turned off, just better. :) + -- Goswin Brederlow +% +Charles Briscoe-Smith : + After all, the gzip package is called `gzip', not `libz-bin'... + +James Troup : + Uh, probably because the gzip binary doesn't come from the + non-existent libz package or the existent zlib package. + -- debian-bugs-dist +% + Lemme make sure I'm not wasting time here... bcwhite will remove + pkgs that havent been fixed that have outstanding bugs of severity + "important". True or false? + jim: "important" or higher. True. + Then we're about to lose ftp.debian.org and dpkg :) +* netgod will miss dpkg -- it was occasionally useful + We still have rpm.... + -- Seen on #Debian +% +Being overloaded is the sign of a true Debian maintainer. + -- JHM on #Debian +% +I am amazed that no-one's based a commercial distribution on Debian +yet - it is by far the most solid UNIX-like OS I've ever installed, +and I've played with HP/UX, Solaris, FreeBSD, BSDi, and SCO (not to +mention OS/2, Novell, Win95/NT) + -- Nathan E. Norman +% +> +The branden dodges your magical sigh. The branden attacks you with a +slew of words! The branden misses! + + -- Henning Makholm in +% +I don't think 'It's better than hurling yourself into a meat grinder' +is a good rationale for doing something. + -- Andrew Suffield in + <20030905221055.GA22354@doc.ic.ac.uk> on debian-devel +% +< Overfiend> whew. +< Overfiend> I really need to get some sleep. +< Overfiend> but it sure was fun talking guitars, politics, and lesbians. +% +Whoever asked if the debian organization was dead isn't reading +debian-devel. 66 messages in one day, and it's not over. I find it +difficult to keep up. + -- Bruce Perens +% +< asuffield> fibre in the US is such a joke. in the civilized parts of + the world, DSL *starts* at the speeds where US fibre lets off +< joshk> asuffield: australia is a nation full of savages? +< asuffield> joshk: they've got about one 9600 modem between the whole + damn country + -- in #debian-devel +% +< nobse> bleh... last night I had a dream... someone NMU'ed vim... + nightmare + -- in #debian-devel +% --- b/datfiles/definitions +++ a/datfiles/definitions @@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ A friend will let you hold the ladder while he goes up on the roof to install your new aerial, which is the biggest son-of-a-bitch you ever saw. - -- Esquire, May 1977 + -- Esquire, May 1977 % 2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what @@ -113,7 +113,7 @@ Adult, n.: % Advertising Rule: In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the - reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, + reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, that it is curable. % Afternoon, n.: @@ -280,7 +280,7 @@ Atlanta: Auction: A gyp off the old block. % -audophile, n: +audiophile, n: Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music. % Authentic: @@ -772,7 +772,7 @@ Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will. % Christmas: - A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry + A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best response time of the entire year. % @@ -1217,7 +1217,7 @@ Eagleson's Law: is an optimist, the real number is more like three weeks.) % economics, n.: - Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith. + Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" % Economies of scale: @@ -2253,7 +2253,7 @@ ink, n.: A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % innovate, v.: To annoy people. @@ -2518,7 +2518,7 @@ Laws of Computer Programming: (3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. (4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. (5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. - (6) The value of a program is proportional the weight of its output. + (6) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. (7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it. % @@ -2708,7 +2708,7 @@ Magpie, n.: % Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. - -- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960 + -- N. R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960 Corollaries: (1) The bigger the theory, the better. @@ -2787,7 +2787,7 @@ Maryann's Law: You can always find what you're not looking for. % Maslow's Maxim: - If the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything like + If the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything like a nail. % Mason's First Law of Synergism: @@ -2839,9 +2839,9 @@ Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards. % Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American: - Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that + Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent which is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city can - never hope to acquire it. + ever hope to acquire it. % Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of. @@ -2953,7 +2953,7 @@ Molecule, n.: closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion ... - -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" + -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" % Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented @@ -2963,7 +2963,7 @@ momentum, n.: What you give a person when they are going away. % Moon, n.: - 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See + 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC). % Moore's Constant: @@ -3031,7 +3031,7 @@ new, adj.: Different color from previous model. % Newlan's Truism: - An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the + An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. % Newman's Discovery: @@ -3222,7 +3222,7 @@ Pandora's Rule: Never open a box you didn't close. % Paprika Measure: - 2 dashes == 1smidgen + 2 dashes == 1 smidgen 2 smidgens == 1 pinch 3 pinches == 1 soupcon 2 soupcons == 2 much paprika @@ -3473,7 +3473,7 @@ Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity. (2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front. (3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of legs for a horse. -(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. +(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. (5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs. Topics is be covered in future issues include proof by: @@ -3494,7 +3494,7 @@ prototype, n.: prototype is not expected to work. % Pryor's Observation: - How long you live has nothing to do + How long you live has nothing to do with how long you are going to be dead. % Pudder's Law: @@ -3810,7 +3810,7 @@ QOTD: Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn. - -- Goodstein, States of Matter + -- Goodstein, States of Matter % QOTD: Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch. @@ -4537,7 +4537,7 @@ The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver." % The real man's Bloody Mary: - Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire + Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery. Fill a large tumbler with vodka. @@ -5028,7 +5028,7 @@ Zero Defects, n.: Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense. % -Obscurism: +Obscurism: The practice of peppering daily life with obscure references as a subliminal means of showcasing both one's education and one's wish to disassociate from the world of mass culture. @@ -5477,12 +5477,6 @@ Tele-Parabilizing: -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture" % -QFD: - Quelle fucking drag. "Jamie got stuck at Rome airport for -thirty-six hours and it was, like, totally QFD." - -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated - Culture" -% QFM: Quelle fashion mistake. "It was really QFM. I mean painter pants? That's 1979 beyond belief." @@ -5605,3 +5599,70 @@ greenrd's law grammatical error. -- greenrd in http://www.kuro5hin.org/comments/2002/4/16/61744/5230?pid=5#6 % +intaxication: + Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize +it was your money to start with. +% +reintarnation: + Coming back to life as a hillbilly. +% +bozone, n.: + The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas +from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign +of breaking down in the near future. +% +cashtration, n.: + The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially +impotent for an indefinite period. +% +giraffiti: + Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. +% +sarchasm: + The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who +doesn't get it. +% +inoculatte: + To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. +% +hipatitis: + Terminal coolness. +% +osteopornosis: + A degenerate disease. +% +Karmageddon: + It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad +vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a +serious bummer. +% +decafalon, n.: + The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things +that are good for you. +% +glibido: + All talk and no action. +% +Dopeler effect: + The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you +rapidly. +% +arachnoleptic fit, n.: + The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked +through a spider web. +% +Beelzebug, n.: + Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at +three in the morning and cannot be cast out. +% +caterpallor, n.: + The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're +eating. +% +The Arrogant Worms describe Canada: + Our mountains are very pointy; + our prairies are not. + The rest is kinda bumpy, + but man, do we have a lot! + -- From "Canada's Really Big" +% --- /dev/null +++ a/datfiles/disclaimer @@ -0,0 +1,580 @@ +15% gratuity added for parties over 8. +% +If you suspect that this message may have been intercepted or amended, +please call the sender. +% +30 day money back guarantee minus shipping, 10% restocking charge, and 7% +cancellation charge. +% +98% lean. +% +All rights reserved. +% +All celebrity voices impersonated. +% +All international orders must be accompanied by payment in U. 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Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder. % @@ -73,7 +73,7 @@ history. For example, New England's first colonists decided to drop anchor at Plymouth Rock instead of continuing on to Virginia because, as one of them put it, "We could not now take time for further consideration, our victuals being spent and especially our beer." - -- Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual + -- Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual % Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question. % @@ -305,7 +305,7 @@ extraction. Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank. % Harry's bar has a new cocktail. It's called MRS punch. They make it with -milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the +milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the sugar is for pep. They put in the rum so that people will know what to do with all that pep and vitality. % @@ -346,7 +346,7 @@ HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME -- -- Lebeau wears his apron. -- Hogan says "We've got no choice" when someone claims that the plan is impossible. --- The prisoners capture an important German, and sneak him out the tunnel. + -- The prisoners capture an important German, and sneak him out the tunnel. % I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver. -- Phil Harris @@ -798,7 +798,7 @@ Norm: Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. % Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % SMOKING IS NOW ALLOWED !!! Anyone wishing to smoke, however, must file, in triplicate, the @@ -919,7 +919,7 @@ walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb % The cost of living has just gone up another dollar a quart. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % The father, passing through his son's college town late one evening on a business trip, thought he would pay his boy a suprise visit. Arriving at the @@ -946,8 +946,8 @@ The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken % -The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh -restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks, +The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh +restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks, dumped a martini on the rocks down the back of the blonde's dress. She sprang to her feet with a wild rebel yell, dashed wildly around the table, then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend. @@ -963,7 +963,7 @@ By diligent effort, I learned to like it. % The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. Rover is taking a beating -- and he should. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % There are more old drunkards than old doctors. % @@ -998,19 +998,19 @@ Too ripped. Gotta go. % Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch. % -Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his +Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure knows when to stop." % Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic. - -- E.F. Benson + -- E. F. Benson % We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do. -- Walter Summers % What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? - -- J.D. Farley + -- J. D. Farley % When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter knob. --- b/datfiles/education +++ a/datfiles/education @@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad -experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his +experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him. -- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE) @@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ in students. -- John Ciardi % "A University without students is like an ointment without a fly." - -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin + -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin % About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard. % @@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve immediately when tight neckwear was removed. - -- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the + -- Langan, L. M. and Watkins, S. M. "Pressure of Menswear on the Neck in Relation to Visual Performance." Human Factors 29, #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71. % @@ -136,7 +136,7 @@ Academicians care, that's who. To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is -offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to +offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to afford maximum inconvenience to the student. For example, if you happen to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes. If you commute, there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes. @@ -149,7 +149,7 @@ Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. % As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard. - -- J.F. Kennedy + -- J. F. Kennedy % As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? % @@ -235,7 +235,7 @@ Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. -- Irwin Edman % Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten. - -- B.F. Skinner + -- B. F. Skinner % Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters @@ -263,7 +263,7 @@ that could have been prevented by a good teacher. % Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer. - -- C.C. Colton + -- C. C. Colton % Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward. @@ -450,7 +450,7 @@ rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow. Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out. % Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people -so resolutely pursuing it. +so resolutely pursuing it. % Illiterate? Write today, for free help! % @@ -661,7 +661,7 @@ Practice is the best of all instructors. Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know. - -- Prof. J.H. Finley '25 + -- Prof. J. H. Finley '25 % Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130 midterm. Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam. @@ -735,7 +735,7 @@ it then -- to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." - -- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King" + -- T. H. White, "The Once and Future King" % The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school. @@ -748,7 +748,7 @@ The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow. % The future is a race between education and catastrophe. - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % The important thing is not to stop questioning. % @@ -816,7 +816,7 @@ The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books! % The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % There are no answers, only cross-references. -- Weiner @@ -875,7 +875,7 @@ to crave knowledge. We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students. - -- Waldo D.R. Dobbs + -- Waldo D. R. Dobbs % "We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation. We had crisis, then we went into chaos, and now what do we call this?" said @@ -936,7 +936,7 @@ and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips? % You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. -- J. D. Salinger --- b/datfiles/ethnic +++ a/datfiles/ethnic @@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close. According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could -beat up their city anytime. +beat up their city anytime. -- David Letterman % "All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands." @@ -55,17 +55,17 @@ An American is a man with two arms and four wheels. -- A Chinese child % An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. - -- A.P. Herbert + -- A. P. Herbert % Anything anybody can say about America is true. -- Emmett Grogan % Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. @@ -260,7 +260,7 @@ Film at eleven. How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass? % I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy. - -- Yul Brynner, 1956 + -- Yul Brynner, 1956 % I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you @@ -287,17 +287,17 @@ lungs there'd be no place to put it all. % I'm going through my "I want to go back to New York" phase today. Happens every six months or so. So, I thought, perhaps unwisely, that I'd share -it with you. +it with you. > In New York in the winter it is million degrees below zero and - the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue. + the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue. > And in LA it's 72. > In New York in the summer it is a million degrees and the humidity is a million percent. > And in LA it's 72. -> In New York there are a million interesting people. +> In New York there are a million interesting people. > And in LA there are 72. % "I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?" @@ -479,7 +479,7 @@ Keith and Kim," she said. As she began to get up, she quickly added, "Oh, and God, this is goodbye. We're moving to Hollywood." % On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. - -- W.C. Fields' epitaph + -- W. C. Fields' epitaph % One of the rules of Busmanship, New York style, is never surrender your seat to another passenger. This may seem callous, but it is the best @@ -567,7 +567,7 @@ eagle -- on the back of a dollar. % The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin. - --Salvador De Madariaga + -- Salvador De Madariaga % The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. @@ -575,7 +575,7 @@ Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The worst case: Get salary from China, build a house in Japan, live with a British wife, and eat American food. - --Bungei Shunju, a popular Japanese magazine + -- Bungei Shunju, a popular Japanese magazine % The best thing that comes out of Iowa is I-80. % @@ -624,11 +624,11 @@ The goys have proven the following theorem... -- Physicist John von Neumann, at the start of a classroom lecture. % - The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon -emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I + The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon +emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I have a quarter?" The Martian asked, "What's a quarter?" - The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're + The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're right! Can I have a dollar?" % The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. @@ -730,27 +730,23 @@ Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and stopping at red lights are both optional. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a Californian, all New Yorkers are cold; even in heat they rarely go above fifty-eight degrees. If you collapse on a street in New York, plan to spend a few days there. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts -% -To a Californian, the basic difference between the people and the pigeons -in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a New Yorker, all Californians are blond, even the blacks. There are, in fact, whole neighborhoods that are zoned only for blond people. The only way to tell the difference between California and Sweden is that the Swedes speak better English." - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a New Yorker, the only California houses on the market for less than a million dollars are those on fire. These generally go for six hundred thousand. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To be happy one must be a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in Zion, b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's @@ -761,7 +757,7 @@ weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions -- can be so happy as he can be in the United States. Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States and not be happy. - -- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American" + -- H. L. Mencken, "On Being An American" % To know Edina is to reject it. -- Dudley Riggs, "The Year the Grinch Stole the Election" --- b/datfiles/food +++ a/datfiles/food @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ E, or U is the proper time for chocolate. Be careful when you bite into your hamburger. -- Derek Bok % -BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH! +BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH! % Boycott meat -- suck your thumb. % @@ -191,7 +191,7 @@ protected species. 8 oz. shredded suet 2 small onions 1/2 teaspoonful black pepper - + Scrape and clean bag in cold, then warm, water. Soak in salt water overnight. Wash pluck, then boil for 2 hours with windpipe draining over the side of pot. Retain 1 pint of stock. Cut off windpipe, remove surplus @@ -251,7 +251,7 @@ Has anyone ever tasted an "end"? Are they really bitter? stains that indicate freshness. % Have a taco. - -- P.S. Beagle + -- P. S. Beagle % Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat. % @@ -300,10 +300,10 @@ eat it, and I just hate it." -- Clarence Darrow % I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance. - -- A.M. Readyhough + -- A. M. Readyhough % -I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, -in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals. +I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, +in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals. -- Thoreau % I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke. I think I saw God. @@ -360,7 +360,7 @@ a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish." Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them! Man, wise up. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % It was a brave man that ate the first oyster. % @@ -475,7 +475,7 @@ is crisp and golden. Serve warm. Cut into 6 to 8 slices. -- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box % Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day. @@ -655,7 +655,7 @@ the wineyness of a late sun, the intimate kiss of fertilizing rain, and the bite of fire. You must slice it thin, almost as thin as this page you hold in your hands. The making of a ham dinner, like the making of a gentleman, starts a long, long time before the event. - -- W.B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham", + -- W. B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham", from "Congress Eate It Up" % The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served @@ -711,7 +711,7 @@ them are hamburgers. % There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape-Nuts on principle. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % There is no sincerer love than the love of food. -- George Bernard Shaw --- b/datfiles/fortunes +++ a/datfiles/fortunes @@ -257,7 +257,7 @@ Is that really YOU that is reading this? % Is this really happening? % -It is so very hard to be an +It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up. % @@ -522,7 +522,7 @@ You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. % You have a deep interest in all that is artistic. % -You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. +You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. A pity that it's totally undeserved. % You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. @@ -581,7 +581,7 @@ You love your home and want it to be beautiful. % You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today. % -You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely +You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others. % You may be recognized soon. Hide. --- b/datfiles/humorists +++ a/datfiles/humorists @@ -560,7 +560,7 @@ I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member. -- Groucho Marx @@ -584,7 +584,7 @@ I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx % If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would -have made them cute and furry. +have made them cute and furry. -- Dave Barry % If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat? @@ -646,7 +646,7 @@ Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted ... - -- Douglas Admas "The Hitchhikers' Guide To The Galaxy" + -- Douglas Adams "The Hitchhikers' Guide To The Galaxy" % It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen @@ -681,7 +681,7 @@ Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall" % Life is wasted on the living. - -- The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe. + -- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. % Like you, I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's place in the Scheme of Things. Here are just a few: @@ -828,7 +828,7 @@ sum of money and go to a mall. SOMETIMES THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears me because I am beautiful. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future. -- Pogo, by Walt Kelly @@ -902,7 +902,7 @@ any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.) % There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. @@ -925,7 +925,7 @@ Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. % TOO BAD YOU CAN'T BUY a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly @@ -1020,12 +1020,12 @@ FORTUNE'S RANDOM QUOTES FROM MATCH GAME 75, NO. 1: something ... Someone: (interrupting) Uh-oh - + Gene Rayburn: ...pithy, full of wisdom --- and we call on the Poet - Laureate, Lipsy Russell + Laureate, Nipsey Russell -Lipsy Russell: The young people are very different today, and there is - one sure way to know: Kids to use to ask where they came +Nipsey Russell: The young people are very different today, and there is + one sure way to know: Kids used to ask where they came from, now they'll tell you where you can go. All: (laughter) --- b/datfiles/kids +++ a/datfiles/kids @@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner % After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient -earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several +earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help. "No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a name for my baby." @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower. "This," cried the Mayor, to come to the aid of their country!" he said. "We've GOT to make noises in greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!" Thus he spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and -he shouted out, "YOPP!" +he shouted out, "YOPP!" And that Yopp... That one last small, extra Yopp put it over! Finally, at last! From the speck on that clover their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean. And they elephant smiled. "Do you see what @@ -223,6 +223,7 @@ the dirt doesn't get any worse. Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. + -- Robert Heinlein % Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. -- Robert Heinlein @@ -286,7 +287,7 @@ I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference. They're still living in the fifties. @@ -316,7 +317,7 @@ the graphics. -- Betty LiBrizzi, "The Care and Feeding of a Gifted Child" % I hate babies. They're so human. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady. @@ -355,7 +356,7 @@ If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child. % If parents would only realize how they bore their children. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters. -- Nora Ephron, "Heartburn" @@ -428,7 +429,7 @@ played. I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff or not and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Microwaves frizz your heir. % @@ -668,8 +669,8 @@ Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?" You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls down. What fun! Ha, ha!" -Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with -two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this +Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with +two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this cretin TOP?" Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad? Look at this." --- b/datfiles/knghtbrd +++ a/datfiles/knghtbrd @@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ % I never thought that I'd see the day where Netscape is free software and X11 is proprietary. We live in interesting times. - -- Matt Kimball + -- Matt Kimball % Lemme make sure I'm not wasting time here... bcwhite will remove pkgs that havent been fixed that have outstanding bugs of severity @@ -32,12 +32,12 @@ X11 is proprietary. We live in interesting times. Writing non-free software is not an ethically legitimate activity, so if people who do this run into trouble, that's good! All businesses based on non-free software ought to fail, and the sooner the better. - -- Richard Stallman + -- Richard Stallman % Microsoft DNS service terminates abnormally when it recieves a response to a DNS query that was never made. Fix Information: Run your DNS service on a different platform. - -- BugTraq + -- BugTraq % * dpkg hands stu a huge glass of vbeer * Joey takes the beer from stu, you're too young ;) @@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ GNU/Linux System. FORM_TYPE_SELECT_ONE, FORM_TYPE_SELECT_MULT. */ /* * nesting deeper and deeper, harder and harder, go, go, oh, OH, OHHHHH!! * Sorry, got carried away there. */ struct lo_FormElementOptionData_struct." - -- Mozilla source code + -- Mozilla source code % While the year 2000 (y2k) problem is not an issue for us, all Linux implementations will impacted by the year 2038 (y2.038k) issue. The @@ -97,24 +97,24 @@ Linux. And oh! It was as though the heavens opened and God handed down a client-side OS so beautiful, so graceful, and so elegant that a million Microsoft developers couldn't have invented it even if they had a hundred years and a thousand crates of Jolt cola. - -- LAN Times + -- LAN Times % I sat laughing snidely into my notebook until they showed me a PC running Linux.... And did this PC choke? Did it stutter? Did it, even once, say that this program has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down? No. And this is just on the client. - -- LAN Times + -- LAN Times % "I think that most debian developers are rather "strong willed" people with a great degree of understanding and a high level of passion for what they perceive as important in development of the debian system." - --Bill Leach + -- Bill Leach % "Actually, the only distribution of Linux I've ever used that passed the rootshell test out of the box (hit rootshell at the time the dist is released and see if you can break the OS with scripts from there) is Debian." - -- seen on the Linux security-audit mailing list + -- seen on the Linux security-audit mailing list % * Culus fears perl - the language with optional errors % @@ -173,7 +173,7 @@ Now I can finally explain to everyone why I do this. I just got $7 worth of free stuff for working on Debian ! % netgod: My calculator has more registers than the x86, and - -thats- sad + -- thats- sad % * boren tosses matlab across the room and hopes it breaks into a number aproaching infinite peices @@ -198,9 +198,7 @@ its twenty below? -- Linus Torvalds empowered to take drastic and descisive action to correct the failing, including by not limited to expelling officials, apointing new officials and generally abusing power" - -- proposed amendment to Debian Constitution -% - Fuck, I can't compile the damn thing and I wrote it ! + -- proposed amendment to Debian Constitution % we're calling 2.2 _POTATO_?? % @@ -220,7 +218,7 @@ I can just see it now: nomination-terrorism ;-) -- Manoj haha! i nominate manoj. - -- seeS + -- seeS % Somehow I have more respect for 14 year old Debian developers than 14 year old Certified Microsoft Serfs. @@ -232,13 +230,13 @@ haha! i nominate manoj. "I wonder if this is the first constitution in the history of mankind where you have to calculate a square root to determine if a motion passes. :-)" - -- Seen on Slashdot + -- Seen on Slashdot % This is the solution to Debian's problem .. and since the only real way to create more relatives of developers is to have children, we need more sex! It's a long term investment ... it's the work itself that is satisfying! - -- Craig Brozefsky + -- Craig Brozefsky % dunham: You know how real numbers are constructed from rational numbers by equivalence classes of convergent sequences? @@ -273,17 +271,17 @@ satisfying! % How many months are we going to be behind them [Redhat] with a glibc release?" - -- Jim Pick, 8 months before Debian 2.0 is finally released + -- Jim Pick, 8 months before Debian 2.0 is finally released % The purpose of having mailing lists rather than having newsgroups is to place a barrier to entry which protects the lists and their users from invasion by the general uneducated hordes. - -- Ian Jackson + -- Ian Jackson % Most of us feel that marketing types are like a dangerous weapon - keep 'em unloaded and locked up in a cupboard, and only bring them out when you need them to do a job. - -- Craig Sanders + -- Craig Sanders % cerb: we subscribed you to debian-fight as the moderator cerb: list rules are, 1) no nice emails, 2) no apologies @@ -306,13 +304,13 @@ you need them to do a job. someone tell me the ban to place mrcurious: *.debian.org, *.novare.net *.debian.org. that's awesome. - -- Seen on LinuxNet #linux + -- Seen on LinuxNet #linux % "What does this tell me? That if Microsoft were the last software company left in the world, 13% of the US population would be scouring garage sales & Goodwill for old TRS-80s, CPM machines & Apple ]['s before they would buy Microsoft. That's not exactly a ringing endorsement." - -- Seen on Slashdot + -- Seen on Slashdot % "Bruce McKinney, author of of Hardcore Visual Basic, has announced that he's fed up with VB and won't be writing a 3rd edition of his book. The @@ -350,7 +348,7 @@ mass of unskilled consumers? -- Steve Shorter % Mere nonexistence is a feeble excuse for declaring a thing unseeable. You *can* see dragons. You just have to look in the right direction. - -- John Hasler + -- John Hasler % gcc is the best compressor ever ported to linux. it can turn 12MB of kernel source (and that's .debbed) into a 500k kernel @@ -364,7 +362,7 @@ Mere nonexistence is a feeble excuse for declaring a thing unseeable. You [ 1 ] MANOJ SRIVASTAVA [ 4 ] NONE of the above - -- Debian Project Leader 1999 ballot + -- Debian Project Leader 1999 ballot % anyone know if there is a version of dpkg for redhat? % @@ -374,7 +372,7 @@ acme-cannon (3.1415) unstable; urgency=low bug #98713, #98714. * Added manpage. closes: #98725. - -- Wile E. Coyote Sun, 31 Jan 1999 07:49:57 -0600 + -- Wile E. Coyote Sun, 31 Jan 1999 07:49:57 -0600 % !netgod:*! time flies when youre using linux !doogie:*! yeah, infinite loops in 5 seconds. @@ -413,37 +411,37 @@ Software is like sex, it's better when it's free. -- Linus Torvalds dark - In Debian? Hell yeah we do! % I did it just to piss you off. :-P - -- Branden Robinson in a message to debian-devel + -- Branden Robinson in a message to debian-devel % The software required Win95 or better, so I installed Linux. % 10) there is no 10, but it sounded like a nice number :) - -- Wichert Akkerman + -- Wichert Akkerman % Eric Raymond: I want to live in a world where software doesn't suck. Richard Stallman: Any software that isn't free sucks. Linus Torvalds: I'm interested in free beer. Richard Stallman: That's okay, as long as I don't have to drink it. I don't like beer. - -- LinuxWorld Expo panel, 4 March 1999 + -- LinuxWorld Expo panel, 4 March 1999 % I'm not a level-headed person... -- Bruce Perens % Personally, I don't often talk about social good because when I hear other people talk about social good, that's when I reach for my revolver. - -- Eric Raymond + -- Eric Raymond % If we want something nice to get born in nine months, then sex has to happen. We want to have the kind of sex that is acceptable and fun for both people, not the kind where someone is getting screwed. Let's get some cross fertilization, but not someone getting screwed. - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % We all know Linux is great... it does infinite loops in 5 seconds. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % YES! YES! YES! Oh, YES! (ooops, I sound like Meg Ryan ;-) - -- Ian Nandhra + -- Ian Nandhra % If I start writing essays about Free Software for slashdot, please shoot me. @@ -456,7 +454,7 @@ pair of bolt cutters, and a large wooden mallet, laughing like a maniac and cutting everything i can fit the bolt cutters around. and whacking that which i cannot. so if i seem semi-incoherent, or just really *really* nasty at times, please forgive me. stress is not a pretty thing. };P - -- Phillip R. Jaenke + -- Phillip R. Jaenke % Every company complaining about Microsoft's business practices is simply a rose bush. They look lovely and smell nice. Once a lucky company dethrones @@ -466,38 +464,33 @@ thorn by any other name would hurt as much. Something must be Done This is Something Therefore, This must be Done - -- The Thatcherite Syllogism + -- The Thatcherite Syllogism % xtifr - beware of james when he's off his medication => % Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares? % Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. - -- Robert A. Heinlein -% - red dye causes cancer, haven't you heard? (; - fucking everything causes cancer, haven't you heard? - => - no, that causes aids + -- Robert A. Heinlein % Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them. - -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" + -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" % * lilo hereby declares OPN a virtual pain in the ass :) % "They are both businesses - if you have given them enough money, I'm sure they'll do whatever the hell you ask:->" - -- David Welton + -- David Welton % "You have the right not to be an asshole. If you give up that right everything you say and do in here will be held against you. If you cannot afford to stop being an asshole then someone will be appointed to kick yours outta here." - -- Your rights as an irc addict + -- Your rights as an irc addict % * Simunye is so happy she has her mothers gene's you better give them back before she misses them! @@ -508,7 +501,7 @@ California, n.: From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or "fornication." Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex." - -- Ed Moran + -- Ed Moran % * Caytln slaps Lisa catfight :P @@ -581,7 +574,7 @@ Unix. -- Dennis Baker Feanor: u have no idea of the depth of the stupidty of american law % Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % "PLEASE RESPECT INTELLECTUAL RIGHTS!" "Please demonstrate intellect." ;) @@ -590,7 +583,7 @@ Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me. arses now, someone's gonna come up and bite us later... % "Now we'll have to kill you." - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % * knghtbrd can already envision: "Subject: [INTENT TO PREPARE TO PROPOSE FILING OF BUG REPORT] Typos in the policy document" @@ -609,10 +602,6 @@ Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me. !seen god LauraDax, I don't remember seeing "god" % - Europe Passes Pro-spam Law - I though only Americans were that fucking stupid => - apparently americans are quite naive :) -% is a surgical war where you go give the foreign troops nose jobs? % Athena Desktop Environment! In your hearts, you *know* it's the @@ -687,7 +676,7 @@ Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me. ...or ESR, he wants a new job ;) % Oh no, not again. - -- Manoj Srivastava + -- Manoj Srivastava % Granted, RMS is a fanatic, I don't deny this. I'll even say he's a royal pain in the arse most of the time. But he's @@ -696,7 +685,7 @@ Oh no, not again. without him. % tomorrow there will be a great disturbance in the workforce - -- May 18, 1999 + -- May 18, 1999 % I am dyslexic of Borg. Prepare to have your ass laminated. % @@ -732,7 +721,7 @@ Basically, I want people to know that when they use binary-only modules, it's THEIR problem. I want people to know that in their bones, and I want it shouted out from the rooftops. I want people to wake up in a cold sweat every once in a while if they use binary-only modules. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % * wichert_ imagines master without a MTA wichert: ehm? that might hinder peformance of the BTS :p @@ -747,7 +736,7 @@ cold sweat every once in a while if they use binary-only modules. Due to the closed source development model of XFree it is impossible to support, or even speculate about, features in pre- or beta releases of XFree. - -- Marcus Sundberg + -- Marcus Sundberg % > >I don't really regard bible-kjv-text as a technical document, > > but... :) @@ -766,7 +755,7 @@ email. :-) so's mine and I live here % Moonchild without an opinion? Satan is skating to work tomorrow! - -- Brett Manz + -- Brett Manz % I really don't want much at all... Just a kind word, an attractive woman, and UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH!! @@ -776,7 +765,7 @@ Moonchild without an opinion? Satan is skating to work tomorrow! % Last time I had intimate contact with another human being was rather a painful experience... I rather liked it... ;) - -- Brett Manz + -- Brett Manz % anyone seen my 80 column card? % @@ -823,10 +812,6 @@ painful experience... I rather liked it... ;) CosmicRay - why not, sounds like a fun way to spend the afternoon =D % - these stupid head hunters want resumes in ms word format - can you write shit in tex and convert it to word? - \converttoword{shit} -% you don't have to be insane to work here....oh wait, yes you do! :) % @@ -837,7 +822,7 @@ painful experience... I rather liked it... ;) 2.3.* releases are development kernels, with no guarantees that they will not cause your system to do horrible things like corrupt its disks, catch fire, or start running Mindcraft benchmarks. - -- Slashdot + -- Slashdot % do { : @@ -859,7 +844,7 @@ do { double-height hard drive % Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have 'arguments' --- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. + -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. % * Knghtktty is not going to ask how zucchini got into the discussion ... % @@ -871,10 +856,7 @@ Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have 'arguments' % "As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something." - -- Hagar the Horrible -% - who gives a shit about US law - anyone living in the US. + -- Hagar the Horrible % Okay, you people have started talking about BSDM applications of network hardware... I think I'll run off and do something useful @@ -918,14 +900,11 @@ Perhaps Debian is concerned more about technical excellence rather than ease of use by breaking software. In the former we may excel. In the latter we have to concede the field to Microsoft. Guess where I want to go today? - -- Manoj Srivastava + -- Manoj Srivastava % * PerlGeek is really a space alien * Knghtktty believes PerlGeek % -// Minor lesson: don't fuck about with something you don't fully understand - -- the dosdoom source code -% my client has been owned severely this guy got root, ran packet sniffers, installed .rhosts and backdoors, put a whole new dir in called /lib/" ", which has a @@ -934,7 +913,7 @@ today? question is how was root hacked, and that i couldnt tell u it is, of course, not a debian box * netgod notes the debian box is the only one left untouched by the hacker - -- wonder why + -- wonder why % * joeyh cvs commits his home directory. Aaaaaa eeeeeeek @@ -944,7 +923,7 @@ today? % I stopped a long time ago to try to find anything in the bug list of dpkg. We should run for an entry in the Guinness Book of Records. - -- Stephane Bortzmeyer + -- Stephane Bortzmeyer % i figured 17G oughta be enough. % @@ -981,7 +960,7 @@ d! Techical solutions are not a matter of voting. Two legislations in the US states almost decided that the value of Pi be 3.14, exactly. Popular vote does not make for a correct solution. - -- Manoj Srivastava + -- Manoj Srivastava % the increase in tension worldwide (as evidenced by crime and whatnot) over that time period looks a lot like Linux @@ -994,7 +973,7 @@ Since this database is not used for profit, and since entire works are not published, it falls under fair use, as we understand it. However, if any half-assed idiot decides to make a profit off of this, they will need to double check it all... - -- Notes included with the default fortunes database + -- Notes included with the default fortunes database % There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. % @@ -1002,7 +981,7 @@ Subject: Bug#42432: debian-policy: Proposal for CTV for Draft for Proof of Concept for Draft for Proposal for Proposal for CTV for a CTV to decide on a proposal for a CTV for the CTV on whether or not we shoud have a CTV on the /usr/doc to /usr/share/doc transition now, or later. - -- Ed Lang + -- Ed Lang % It's a trackball for one so it's not a rodent @@ -1040,7 +1019,7 @@ Operating Systems Installed: price does not include taxes/shipping). Surprisingly, no source code is included. - -- Bill Stilwell, http://linuxtoday.com/stories/8794.html + -- Bill Stilwell, http://linuxtoday.com/stories/8794.html % Steal this tagline. I did. % @@ -1079,7 +1058,7 @@ vulnerable to this problem.. % First off - Quake is simply incredible. It lets you repeatedly kill your boss in the office without being arrested. :) - -- Signal 11, in a slashdot comment + -- Signal 11, in a slashdot comment % Lucas' Law: Good will always win, because evil hires the _stupid_ engineers. @@ -1103,7 +1082,7 @@ keep the needs of our users at the forefront of our minds. And from a user's perspective, something that keeps the system tidy in the normal case, and works *now*, is much better than idealistic fantasies like a working dpkg. - -- Manoj Srivastava + -- Manoj Srivastava % For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. % @@ -1131,7 +1110,7 @@ For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. Given some of the recent threads, the interactive discussions might need to be conducted on canvas, in the presence of a referee, while wearing padded gloves. ;-) - -- Phil Hands + -- Phil Hands % but, then I used an Atari, I was more likely to win the lottery in ten countries simultaneously than get accelerated X @@ -1154,18 +1133,15 @@ NSA AGENT 1: Hey guys, did you check out slashdot over the weekend? AGENT 2: No, I was installing Mandrake 6.1 and I coulnd't get the darn ppp connection up.. AGENT 1: Well check it out... they're on to us. - -- Chris Moyer + -- Chris Moyer % Technology is a constand battle between manufacturers producing bigger and more idiot-proof systems and nature producing bigger and better idiots. - -- Slashdot signature -% -"I am ecstatic that some moron re-invented a 1995 windows fuckup." - -- Alan Cox + -- Slashdot signature % knghtbrd: there may be no spoon, but can you spot the vulnerability in eye_render_shiny_object.c? - -- rcw + -- rcw % wow... simple maths show that Debian developers have closed more than *31* *thousand* bug reports since our BTS exists! @@ -1186,7 +1162,7 @@ eye_render_shiny_object.c? a little NeXTStep is good for the soul. % Caveats: it's GNOME, be afraid, be very afraid of the Depends line - -- James Troup + -- James Troup % Hhhmmmmmmmm waterbeds for cows @@ -1195,7 +1171,7 @@ Caveats: it's GNOME, be afraid, be very afraid of the Depends line cas: To be comfy warm % If you are what you eat, I guess that makes me a cheese danish. - -- Anonymous + -- Anonymous % when you start making only stupid mistakes that are obvious, thats when you start getting competent @@ -1224,13 +1200,13 @@ Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves. And did I mention that it's not recommended? % I think irc isn't going to work though---we're running out of topic space! - -- Joseph Carter + -- Joseph Carter % "Pacific Bell Customer Service, this is [..], how can I provide you with excellent customer service today?" "HAHAHAHAHA!! That's good, I like it.." "Um, thanks, they make us say that." - -- knghtbrd and a pacbell rep, name removed to protect her job + -- knghtbrd and a pacbell rep, name removed to protect her job % Omnic: bloody newzealanders danpat: put a sock in it @@ -1258,7 +1234,7 @@ excellent customer service today?" % "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits." - -- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % If charging someone for violation of US crypto laws would get you laughed out of court, just "investigate" them on hte charge @@ -1269,7 +1245,7 @@ limits." weasels don't have gills % If I have trouble installing Linux, something is wrong. Very wrong. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % * bma_home gropes you "oups, wrong channel" @@ -1282,7 +1258,7 @@ If I have trouble installing Linux, something is wrong. Very wrong. % Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. - - Arthur C Clarke + -- Arthur C Clarke % (tinc) (ytitac) @@ -1328,7 +1304,7 @@ It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. % Guns don't kill people. It's those damn bullets. Guns just make them go really really fast. - -- Jake Johanson + -- Jake Johanson % we need to split main into"core" and "wtf-uses-this" % @@ -1345,7 +1321,7 @@ really really fast. like RMS by now and no longer be able to code. ;> % C'mon! political protest! sheesh. Where's that anarchist spirit? ;-) - -- Decklin Foster + -- Decklin Foster % We've upped our standards, so up yours! % @@ -1359,7 +1335,7 @@ We've upped our standards, so up yours! [regarding measures to prevent cheating in quake] I mean, as long as I can make my rocket launcher look like a big twinkie, I'll be happy ;) - -- Qeyser + -- Qeyser % r0bert: in short, we're moving several things the client currently is responsible for telling the server into things the @@ -1412,11 +1388,11 @@ I'll be happy ;) Microsoft is a cross between the Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately, they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming. - -- Simon Slavin + -- Simon Slavin % I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than 10 minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't. - -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center + -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center % Where do you think you're going today? % @@ -1428,7 +1404,7 @@ I'd been hearing all sorts of gloom and doom predictions for Y2K, so I I guess I wasn't fully awake when I completed my preparations late last night. This morning I found the kitchen shelves soaked in gasoline, water in the car's gas tank, and my bathtub filled with baked beans. - -- Dan Pearl in a message to rec.humor.funny + -- Dan Pearl in a message to rec.humor.funny % hey did you fall off your pirch or something? me? heh. @@ -1492,7 +1468,7 @@ in the car's gas tank, and my bathtub filled with baked beans. % "Nominal fee". What an ugly sentence. It's one of those things that implies that if you have to ask, you can't afford it. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % you GPL your homework? :) yah =D @@ -1540,7 +1516,7 @@ implies that if you have to ask, you can't afford it. when it can't survive a backhoe % This message was written with vi! (not that anyone in the world cares) - -- seen on an old message from an anon.penet.fi address + -- seen on an old message from an anon.penet.fi address % Connection reset by some moron with a backhoe % @@ -1556,12 +1532,12 @@ The less you know about computers the more you want Microsoft! Making one brilliant decision and a whole bunch of mediocre ones isn't as good as making a whole bunch of generally smart decisions throughout the whole process. - -- John Carmack + -- John Carmack % It's not usually cost effective time wise to go do it. But if something's really pissing you off, you just go find the code and fix it and that's really cool. - -- John Carmack, on the advantages of open source + -- John Carmack, on the advantages of open source % yea it sounds useful for RE'ing USB i have a useless 3com usb camera here :( @@ -1631,7 +1607,7 @@ Microsoft for copying the Macintosh UI / trash can icon, until Microsoft pointed out that Apple got many of its Mac ideas (including the trash can icon) from Xerox ParcPlace. Xerox is probably still wondering why everyone is interested in their trash cans. - -- Danny Thorpe, Borland Delphi R&R + -- Danny Thorpe, Borland Delphi R&R % is it a sign of mental illness to wander aimlessly through the start map, collect your Thunderbolt, hop in the pool, and gib @@ -1656,7 +1632,7 @@ everyone is interested in their trash cans. Endy: You obviously know very little about Debian. % Nothing is a problem once you debug the code. - -- John Carmack + -- John Carmack % The Unix way -- everything is a file The Linux way -- everything is a filesystem :) @@ -1667,19 +1643,13 @@ Nothing is a problem once you debug the code. % "Otherwise, please speak to a doctor about removing your head from your ass, I believe it would be beneficial to all involved." - -- Zephaniah E. Hull, flaming someone on a mailing list + -- Zephaniah E. Hull, flaming someone on a mailing list % Tagline, you're it! % - this is college course in formal logic - knghtbrd: i hate that shit, much prefer fuzzy logic :) - kev: fuzzy logic tickles. - knghtbrd: lol - knghtbrd: fuzzy logic is so cool, it models the world really well -% I am practicing a fine point of ethics. It is acceptable to shoot back. It is not acceptable to shoot first. - -- Zed Pobre + -- Zed Pobre % gib, perl? methinks perl is the programmer's Swiss Army Chainsaw @@ -1688,11 +1658,11 @@ It is not acceptable to shoot first. Endy: of course not % That's the funniest thing I've ever heard and I will _not_ condone it. - -- DyerMaker, 17 March 2000 MegaPhone radio show + -- DyerMaker, 17 March 2000 MegaPhone radio show % It's not? Are you saying that you SHOULD allow people (other than William Wallace) to shoot lightning bolts from their arse? - -- Seth Galbraith + -- Seth Galbraith % You don't have to be crazy to be a member of the project, but you will be.. <=:] @@ -1757,11 +1727,11 @@ Wallace) to shoot lightning bolts from their arse? At some point, bits have to go into packets and routers need to make decisions on them. Changes at that level is what I want to hear about, not strategic company relationships. - -- John Carmack + -- John Carmack % We reject: kings, presidents, and voting. We believe in: rough consensus and working code. - -- Dave Clark + -- Dave Clark % QF is going to get zipfile support today heh... infozip? @@ -1793,7 +1763,7 @@ forward this message to everyone you know. % Hmm... Which would do a better job at driving physicists crazy? Travel faster than light, or a floating-point boolean value? - -- Michael Mol + -- Michael Mol % knghtbrd: gnome 2.0 will be out in a few months, not sure how it will compare to kde 2.0 though @@ -1816,13 +1786,6 @@ faster than light, or a floating-point boolean value? me :) * knghtbrd flogs tausq % - Exactly how much of a PITA is this in C? - It's written in C++. - Hence my question. - I could do something like it in C. Anyone who saw the results - would think I was either a genius or out of my fucking mind. - They'd be right on either count. -% glDisable (GL_BUGS); heh Is that in 1.2? :) @@ -1875,7 +1838,7 @@ universe are pointed away from Earth? Q3 takes the medieval church-dungeon and puts it in Vegas. % "I have a bone to pick, and a few to break." - -- Anonymous + -- Anonymous % Z.O.I.D.: Zombie Optimized for Infiltration and Destruction % @@ -1910,7 +1873,7 @@ Z.O.I.D.: Zombie Optimized for Infiltration and Destruction A subversive is anyone who can out-argue their government. % We must know, we will know. - -- David Hilbert + -- David Hilbert % Internet censorship. Because your children need to be protected from naked women, medical procedures, diverse @@ -1920,14 +1883,14 @@ We must know, we will know. % A friend of mine has a barcode on his arm. He rings up as a $.35 pack of JuicyFruit. - -- Seen on Slashdot + -- Seen on Slashdot % I like the seed code for computing masking curves. I've never seen code that made be want to drink before that... % $you = new YOU; honk() if $you->love(perl) - -- Seen on Slashdot + -- Seen on Slashdot % no! problems in M$ software? "Thoroughly bugtested" @@ -1938,11 +1901,7 @@ honk() if $you->love(perl) % "Debian: no hats or reptiles were harmed in the making of this distribution= ." - -- Paul Slootman -% -* knghtbrd ponders how to scare the living shit out of 87 people at once.. - AHH! I can do it in 3 words!: - Microsoft Visual COBOL. + -- Paul Slootman % * athener calls Amnesty International House of Pancakes % @@ -1958,7 +1917,7 @@ honk() if $you->love(perl) something we should know about you and cosmicray, Ben? :) % Change the Social Contract? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. - -- Branden Robinson + -- Branden Robinson % Program received signal SIGSEGV, Segmentation fault. 0x40095fb0 in memchr () from /lib/libc.so.6 @@ -1969,10 +1928,10 @@ Change the Social Contract? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. * knghtbrd trades gdb for a nice ouija board - it'll help more % All good ideas look like bad ideas to those who are losers. - -- Dilbert + -- Dilbert % RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems - -- Seen on Slashdot + -- Seen on Slashdot % * joeyh_ wonders if linux is supposed to lock up when you ask 100 processes to cat the entire cd drive @@ -2005,9 +1964,6 @@ RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems * aj wonders what that'd look like Dec 18 05:32:30 blae smtpd[123]: DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!! % - linux takes shit and turns it into something useful. - windows takes something useful and turns it into shit -% * weasel wonders how stupid one has to be to spam alt.anonymous.messages weasel: about half as stupid as one has to be to harvest it. % @@ -2080,7 +2036,7 @@ RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems * This code has been tested against that, and is equivalent, * except that you don't need to include two pages of legalese * with every copy. - -- public domain MD5 source + -- public domain MD5 source % * knghtbrd is gone - zzz - messages will be snapped like wet towels at all of the people who have stolen the trademark knghtbrd away message @@ -2089,12 +2045,12 @@ RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems % Never underestimate the power of somebody with source code, a text editor, and the willingness to totally hose their system. - -- Rob Landley + -- Rob Landley % "So, will the Andover party have a cash bar?" "No, there's free beer." "Uh-oh, Stallman's gonna be pissed..." - -- overheard at the Bazaar, 1999 + -- overheard at the Bazaar, 1999 % Alter.net seems to have replaced one of its router with a zucchini. % @@ -2125,7 +2081,7 @@ To evade liability for wrong-doings; to get off. 8. To purchase legislation, legislators, legislatures, or chiefs of state. 9. To mediate all transactions in a global economy; to embezzle; to co-opt power (coup d'état). Cf. innovate, English usage (antonym). - -- csbruce, in a Slashdot post + -- csbruce, in a Slashdot post % The deafening silence taught me not to ask a bunch of geeks for advice from their girlfriends @@ -2133,20 +2089,12 @@ from their girlfriends "What are we going to do tonight, Bill?" "Same thing we do every night Steve, try to take over the world!" % - *sigh* My todo list is like the fucking energizer bunny - It keeps growing and growing and growing and ... -% That reminds me, we'll need to buy a chainsaw for the office. "In case of emergency, break glass" % He's a about half the size of the others. But he's got a chainsaw. % - It is when the example source won't compile ... -<``Erik> then you fucked something up - Nope, I followed their instructions -<``Erik> that may've been your problem :} -% "I keep my personal gpg data in a locked, lead safe in a vault guarded by angry rednecks and their dawgs. Trespassers will be violated, and all that..." @@ -2195,7 +2143,7 @@ from their girlfriends damn straight. or curvy, crooked, or what have you % Unix is mature OS, windows is still in diapers and they smell badly. - -- Rafael Skodlar + -- Rafael Skodlar % From all the sterotypes about Aussies, I figure you guys are really tough. @@ -2212,7 +2160,7 @@ colors and minor style variations (which building plan was used for which particular house) are allowed by the restrictive covenants and local zoning laws. Sourceforege is the open source equivalent of the subdivision in the movie "Edward Scissorhands". - -- Terry Lambert + -- Terry Lambert % Knghtbrd: irc doesn't compile c code very well ;) % @@ -2225,7 +2173,7 @@ with pointers to Win32-based components, the best that can be said about its adoption of XML is that it will make it easier for browsers and applications on non-Windows platforms to understand which parts of the document it must ignore." - -- Nicholas Petreley, "Computerworld", 3 September, 2001 + -- Nicholas Petreley, "Computerworld", 3 September, 2001 % i understand there are some reasonable limits to free speech in america, for example I cannot scream Fire into a crowded theatre @@ -2257,7 +2205,7 @@ Yep, that cashier read all the signs... canned chicken soup, TheraFlu, Halls, NyQuil, the bigass bottles of OJ and grapefruit juice... he knew and I knew that I had a date with the teevee and a down comforter. Awww yeah. - -- Elizabeth Kirkindall + -- Elizabeth Kirkindall % In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change @@ -2265,7 +2213,7 @@ their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. - -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address + -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address % add a GF2/3, a sizable hard drive, and a 15" flat panel and you've got a pretty damned portable machine. @@ -2284,7 +2232,7 @@ Linux supports the notion of a command line or a shell for the same reason that only children read books with only pictures in them. Language, be it English or something else, is the only tool flexible enough to accomplish a sufficiently broad range of tasks. - -- Bill Garrett + -- Bill Garrett % ## Signoff: insurgent (razzin' frazzin' motherfu... stupid directx...) % @@ -2298,14 +2246,6 @@ a sufficiently broad range of tasks. % liiwi: printk("CPU0 on fire\n"); % - that's *IT*. I'm never fucking attempting to install redhat - again. - this is like the 10th fucking machine on which the installer has - imploded immediately after I went through the hell of their - package selection process. - Sammy: just use debian and never look back - timball: debian iso's are being written at this very moment. -% my computer was once one of the building blocks of a great pyramid % @@ -2342,11 +2282,11 @@ new extensions work as documented the first time I try them. When I have a problem on an Nvidia, I assume that it is my fault. With anyone else's drivers, I assume it is their fault. This has turned out correct almost all the time." - -- John Carmack + -- John Carmack % Libtool shared library portability is only slightly more believable than perpetual motion machines. Especially on AIX :)." - -- David Leimbach + -- David Leimbach % this is the New Overfiend, preacher of Love and Tolerance % --- b/datfiles/law +++ a/datfiles/law @@ -195,9 +195,9 @@ Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree. % ... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge -to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women -were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still -unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and +to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women +were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still +unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute @@ -420,8 +420,8 @@ Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie. % "Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this -beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a -dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little +beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a +dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?" % @@ -477,7 +477,7 @@ Q: Do you drink when you're on duty? A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk. % Humor in the Court: -Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do +Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to? A. Oral. Q. How old are you? @@ -500,7 +500,7 @@ Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. % Humor in the Court: -Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition +Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work. % @@ -524,7 +524,7 @@ Q. What is your brother-in-law's name? A. Borofkin. Q. What's his first name? A. I can't remember. -Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first +Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name? A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first @@ -541,7 +541,7 @@ A: He came home, and next morning he was dead. Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? % Humor in the Court: -Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial +Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? A: The victim lived. % @@ -578,13 +578,13 @@ A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head. % Humor in the Court: -Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective +Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. % Humor in the Court: Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant? -A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch--and +A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch--and she did! % Humor in the Court: @@ -678,7 +678,7 @@ is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty. If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life. - -- Charles Darling, "Scintillae Juris, 1877 + -- Charles Darling, "Scintillae Juris", 1877 % "If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and @@ -691,7 +691,7 @@ If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers. If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers. - -- Michael Levin, "The Socratic Method + -- Michael Levin, "The Socratic Method" % In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's @@ -826,7 +826,7 @@ results to humans. Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. - -- P.G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier" + -- P. G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier" % Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty! @@ -870,7 +870,7 @@ Mental Anguish. You would sue: a large cash settlement anyway. -- Dave Barry % -... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... +... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... impeccable! % Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas. @@ -907,11 +907,11 @@ complimented the old-timer for his story. "You did wonderfully," he said, "No sir," exclaimed the senior, "but I sure was afraid that durned lawyer was gonna ask me if my lantern was lit." % -Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his +Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards." - -- H.L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, + -- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925. % @@ -1107,7 +1107,7 @@ The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own. - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish @@ -1203,7 +1203,7 @@ of jurisprudence, but rather precedents, objections, appeals, stays, filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour. -- Nolo News, summer 1989 % -We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they +We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule, @@ -1235,7 +1235,7 @@ death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your story; forget Mother Teresa. Second, even if you lose, how much could the bum's life be worth anyway? A Lot less than 50 years worth of paralysis. Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein. Finish the job. - -- G. Gordon Liddy's "Forbes" column on personal security + -- G. Gordon Liddy's "Forbes" column on personal security % Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat. @@ -1253,3 +1253,35 @@ With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke. -- Will Rogers % +"Certainly, if an individual was stopped and accused of shoplifting after + walking out of Neiman-Marcus they would expect to be eventually told + what they allegedly stole. It would be absurd for an officer to tell + the accused that 'you know what you stole I'm not telling.' Or, to + simply hand the accused individual a catalog of Neiman-Marcus' entire + inventory and say 'it's in there somewhere, you figure it out.'" + -- Judge Brooke Wells' Order Granting in Part IBM's Motion to Limit + SCO's Claims +% +"Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the + graveyard." + -- Justice Jackson, writing for the majority, in West Virginia + State Board of Education v. Barnette 319 U.S. 624 No. 591 +% +"If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is + that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox + in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or + force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein. If there + are any circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur + to us." + -- Justice Jackson, writing for the majority, in West Virginia + State Board of Education v. Barnette 319 U.S. 624 No. 591 +% +"The right of freedom of thought and of religion as guaranteed by the + Constitution against State action includes both the right to speak + freely and the right to refrain from speaking at all, except in so far + as essential operations of government may require it for the + preservation of an orderly society,---as in the case of compulsion to + give evidence in court." + -- Justice Murphy, in concurrance, West Virginia State Board of + Education v. Barnette 319 U.S. 624 No. 591 +% --- b/datfiles/linux +++ a/datfiles/linux @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ "How do you pronounce SunOS?" "Just like you hear it, with a big SOS" - -- dedicated to Roland Kaltefleiter + -- dedicated to Roland Kaltefleiter % finlandia:~> apropos win win: nothing appropriate. @@ -11,17 +11,17 @@ C:\> LOSE Loading Microsoft Windows ... % Linux ext2fs has been stable for a long time, now it's time to break it - -- Linuxkongreß '95 in Berlin + -- Linuxkongreß '95 in Berlin % The state of some commercial Un*x is more unsecure than any Linux box without a root password... - -- Bernd Eckenfels + -- Bernd Eckenfels % Less is more or less more - -- Y_Plentyn on #LinuxGER + -- Y_Plentyn on #LinuxGER % Let's call it an accidental feature. - --Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % ......... Escape the 'Gates' of Hell `:::' ....... ...... @@ -30,65 +30,65 @@ Let's call it an accidental feature. ::: :: :: :: :: :: :::. ::: .::. .:: ::. `::::. .:' ::. ...:::.....................::' .::::.. - -- William E. Roadcap + -- William E. Roadcap % Win95 is not a virus; a virus does something. - -- unknown source + -- unknown source % Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs (MACINTOSH) - -- Topic on #Linux + -- Topic on #Linux % Except for Great Britain. According to ISO 9166 and Internet reality Great Britain's toplevel domain should be _gb_. Instead, Great Britain and Nortern Ireland (the United Kingdom) use the toplevel domain _uk_. They drive on the wrong side of the road, too. - -- PERL book (or DNS and BIND book) + -- PERL book (or DNS and BIND book) % Save yourself from the 'Gates' of hell, use Linux." -- like that one. - -- The_Kind @ LinuxNet + -- The_Kind @ LinuxNet % I did this 'cause Linux gives me a woody. It doesn't generate revenue. - -- Dave '-ddt->` Taylor, announcing DOOM for Linux + -- Dave '-ddt->` Taylor, announcing DOOM for Linux % Feel free to contact me (flames about my english and the useless of this driver will be redirected to /dev/null, oh no, it's full...). - -- Michael Beck, describing the PC-speaker sound device + -- Michael Beck, describing the PC-speaker sound device % if (argc > 1 && strcmp(argv[1], "-advice") == 0) { printf("Don't Panic!\n"); exit(42); } - -- Arnold Robbins in the LJ of February '95, describing RCS + -- Arnold Robbins in the LJ of February '95, describing RCS % lp1 on fire - -- One of the more obfuscated kernel messages + -- One of the more obfuscated kernel messages % A Linux machine! Because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste! - -- Joe Sloan, jjs@wintermute.ucr.edu + -- Joe Sloan, jjs@wintermute.ucr.edu % Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO (or Linux) is the answer. - -- Taken from a .signature from someone from the UK, source unknown + -- Taken from a .signature from someone from the UK, source unknown % In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable. Then howcome people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished? - -- Hasse Skrifvars, hasku@rost.abo.fi, + -- Hasse Skrifvars, hasku@rost.abo.fi, % Windows without the X is like making love without a partner. - -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi + -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi % Sex, Drugs & Linux Rules - -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi + -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi % win-nt from the people who invented edlin. - -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi + -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi % Apples have meant trouble since eden. - -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi + -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi % Linux, the way to get rid of boot viruses - -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi + -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi % Once upon a time there was a DOS user who saw Unix, and saw that it was good. After typing cp on his DOS machine at home, he downloaded GNU's @@ -97,54 +97,54 @@ happily for many days, and upon finding elvis, he vi'd and was happy. After a long day at work (on a Unix box) he came home, started editing a file, and couldn't figure out why he couldn't suspend vi (w/ ctrl-z) to do a compile. - -- Erik Troan, ewt@tipper.oit.unc.edu + -- Erik Troan, ewt@tipper.oit.unc.edu % We are MicroSoft. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. - -- Attributed to B.G., Gill Bates + -- Attributed to B.G., Gill Bates % Avoid the Gates of Hell. Use Linux - -- unknown source + -- unknown source % Intel engineering seem to have misheard Intel marketing strategy. The phrase was "Divide and conquer" not "Divide and cock up" - -- Alan Cox, iialan@www.linux.org.uk + -- Alan Cox, iialan@www.linux.org.uk % Linux! Guerrilla UNIX Development Venimus, Vidimus, Dolavimus. - -- Mark A. Horton KA4YBR, mah@ka4ybr.com + -- Mark A. Horton KA4YBR, mah@ka4ybr.com % ----==-- _ / / \ ---==---(_)__ __ ____ __ / / /\ \ --==---/ / _ \/ // /\ \/ / / /_/\ \ \ -=====/_/_//_/\_,_/ /_/\_\ /______\ \ \ A proud member of TeamLinux \_________\/ - -- CHaley (HAC), haley@unm.edu, ch008cth@pi.lanl.gov) + -- CHaley (HAC), haley@unm.edu, ch008cth@pi.lanl.gov) % "Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?" Microsoft spel chekar vor sail, worgs grate !! - -- Felix von Leitner, leitner@inf.fu-berlin.de + -- Felix von Leitner, leitner@inf.fu-berlin.de % Personally, I think my choice in the mostest-superlative-computer wars has to be the HP-48 series of calculators. They'll run almost anything. And if they can't, while I'll just plug a Linux box into the serial port and load up the HP-48 VT-100 emulator. - -- Jeff Dege, jdege@winternet.com + -- Jeff Dege, jdege@winternet.com % /* * Oops. The kernel tried to access some bad page. We'll have to * terminate things with extreme prejudice. */ die_if_kernel("Oops", regs, error_code); - -- From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c + -- From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c % Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste - -- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93 + -- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93 % Linux: the choice of a GNU generation - -- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93 + -- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93 % There are two types of Linux developers - those who can spell, and those who can't. There is a constant pitched battle between the two. - -- From one of the post-1.1.54 kernel update messages posted to c.o.l.a + -- From one of the post-1.1.54 kernel update messages posted to c.o.l.a % > > Other than the fact Linux has a cool name, could someone explain why I > > should use Linux over BSD? @@ -156,7 +156,7 @@ those who can't. There is a constant pitched battle between the two. > mistake of putting a lot of numbers and weird abbreviations into the > name, and is scaring away a lot of people just because it sounds too > technical. - -- Linus Torvalds' follow-up to a question about Linux + -- Linus Torvalds' follow-up to a question about Linux % > The day people think linux would be better served by somebody else (FSF > being the natural alternative), I'll "abdicate". I don't think that @@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ those who can't. There is a constant pitched battle between the two. > > (*) Hey, maybe I could apply for a saint-hood from the Pope. Does > somebody know what his email-address is? I'm so nice it makes you puke. - -- Taken from Linus's reply to someone worried about the future of Linux + -- Taken from Linus's reply to someone worried about the future of Linux % > : Any porters out there should feel happier knowing that DEC is shipping > : me an AlphaPC that I intend to try getting linux running on: this will @@ -188,212 +188,202 @@ those who can't. There is a constant pitched battle between the two. > > It's posts like this that almost convince us non-believers that there > really is a god. - -- Anthony Lovell, to Linus's remarks about porting + -- Anthony Lovell, to Linus's remarks about porting % When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*". - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % We come to bury DOS, not to praise it. - -- Paul Vojta, vojta@math.berkeley.edu + -- Paul Vojta, vojta@math.berkeley.edu % Be warned that typing \fBkillall \fIname\fP may not have the desired effect on non-Linux systems, especially when done by a privileged user. - -- From the killall manual page + -- From the killall manual page % Note that if I can get you to "su and say" something just by asking, you have a very serious security problem on your system and you should look into it. - -- Paul Vixie, vixie-cron 3.0.1 installation notes + -- Paul Vixie, vixie-cron 3.0.1 installation notes % How should I know if it works? That's what beta testers are for. I only coded it. - -- Attributed to Linus Torvalds, somewhere in a posting + -- Attributed to Linus Torvalds, somewhere in a posting % I develop for Linux for a living, I used to develop for DOS. Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117. - -- Lawrence Foard, entropy@world.std.com + -- Lawrence Foard, entropy@world.std.com % Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that no conclusion can be drawn from them. - -- Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project) + -- Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project) % If the future navigation system [for interactive networked services on the NII] looks like something from Microsoft, it will never work. - -- Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications + -- Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications % Problem solving under Linux has never been the circus that it is under AIX. - -- Pete Ehlke in comp.unix.aix + -- Pete Ehlke in comp.unix.aix % I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then I suspect all fortran programs look like `firsts') - -- Olaf Kirch + -- Olaf Kirch % On a normal ascii line, the only safe condition to detect is a 'BREAK' - everything else having been assigned functions by Gnu EMACS. - -- Tarl Neustaedter + -- Tarl Neustaedter % By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since sliced bread. - -- Vance Petree, Virginia Power + -- Vance Petree, Virginia Power % I'd crawl over an acre of 'Visual This++' and 'Integrated Development That' to get to gcc, Emacs, and gdb. Thank you. - -- Vance Petree, Virginia Power + -- Vance Petree, Virginia Power % Oh, I've seen copies [of Linux Journal] around the terminal room at The Labs. - -- Dennis Ritchie + -- Dennis Ritchie % If you want to travel around the world and be invited to speak at a lot of different places, just write a Unix operating system. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % ...and scantily clad females, of course. Who cares if it's below zero outside. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % ...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead -sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved +sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved linux kernel version. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % Besides, I think Slackware sounds better than 'Microsoft,' don't you? - -- Patrick Volkerding + -- Patrick Volkerding % All language designers are arrogant. Goes with the territory... - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % And the next time you consider complaining that running Lucid Emacs 19.05 via NFS from a remote Linux machine in Paraguay doesn't seem to get the background colors right, you'll know who to thank. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % Are Linux users lemmings collectively jumping off of the cliff of reliable, well-engineered commercial software? - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % Even more amazing was the realization that God has Internet access. I wonder if He has a full newsfeed? - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % I once witnessed a long-winded, month-long flamewar over the use of mice vs. trackballs... It was very silly. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % Linux poses a real challenge for those with a taste for late-night hacking (and/or conversations with God). - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % What you end up with, after running an operating system concept through these many marketing coffee filters, is something not unlike plain hot water. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % ...Deep Hack Mode -- that mysterious and frightening state of consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % ...Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly). - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % ...very few phenomena can pull someone out of Deep Hack Mode, with two noted exceptions: being struck by lightning, or worse, your *computer* being struck by lightning. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % ..you could spend *all day* customizing the title bar. Believe me. I speak from experience. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % [In 'Doctor' mode], I spent a good ten minutes telling Emacs what I thought of it. (The response was, 'Perhaps you could try to be less abusive.') - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than 10 minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't. - -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center + -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center % ...[Linux's] capacity to talk via any medium except smoke signals. - -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center + -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center % Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX. - -- Stephan Zielinski + -- Stephan Zielinski % Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse for some of the brain-damages of minix. - -- Linus Torvalds to Andrew Tanenbaum + -- Linus Torvalds to Andrew Tanenbaum % I still maintain the point that designing a monolithic kernel in 1991 is a fundamental error. Be thankful you are not my student. You would not get a high grade for such a design :-) - -- Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds + -- Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds % We use Linux for all our mission-critical applications. Having the source code means that we are not held hostage by anyone's support department. - -- Russell Nelson, President of Crynwr Software + -- Russell Nelson, President of Crynwr Software % Linux is obsolete - -- Andrew Tanenbaum + -- Andrew Tanenbaum % Dijkstra probably hates me. - -- Linus Torvalds, in kernel/sched.c + -- Linus Torvalds, in kernel/sched.c % And 1.1.81 is officially BugFree(tm), so if you receive any bug-reports on it, you know they are just evil lies. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % We are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated. - -- seen in someone's .signature + -- seen in someone's .signature % Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment. - -- seen in a posting in comp.software.testing + -- seen in a posting in comp.software.testing % quit When the quit statement is read, the bc processor is terminated, regardless of where the quit state- ment is found. For example, "if (0 == 1) quit" will cause bc to terminate. - -- seen in the manpage for "bc". Note the "if" statement's logic + -- seen in the manpage for "bc". Note the "if" statement's logic % Sic transit discus mundi - -- From the System Administrator's Guide, by Lars Wirzenius + -- From the System Administrator's Guide, by Lars Wirzenius % Sigh. I like to think it's just the Linux people who want to be on the "leading edge" so bad they walk right off the precipice. - -- Craig E. Groeschel + -- Craig E. Groeschel % We all know Linux is great... it does infinite loops in 5 seconds. - - Linus Torvalds about the superiority of Linux on the Amterdam Linux Symposium + - Linus Torvalds about the superiority of Linux on the Amsterdam + Linux Symposium % Waving away a cloud of smoke, I look up, and am blinded by a bright, white light. It's God. No, not Richard Stallman, or Linus Torvalds, but God. In a booming voice, He says: "THIS IS A SIGN. USE LINUX, THE FREE UNIX SYSTEM FOR THE 386. - -- Matt Welsh + -- Matt Welsh % The chat program is in public domain. This is not the GNU public license. If it breaks then you get to keep both pieces. - -- Copyright notice for the chat program -% -'Mounten' wird für drei Dinge benutzt: 'Aufsitzen' auf Pferde, 'einklinken' -von Festplatten in Dateisysteme, und, nun, 'besteigen' beim Sex. - -- Christa Keil -% -Manchmal stehe nachts auf und installier's mir einfach... - -- H0arry @ IRC -% -'Mounting' is used for three things: climbing on a horse, linking in a -hard disk unit in data systems, and, well, mounting during sex. - -- Christa Keil + -- Copyright notice for the chat program % We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity - so UP yours! - -- Adapted from Pat Paulsen by Joe Sloan + -- Adapted from Pat Paulsen by Joe Sloan % But what can you do with it? - -- ubiquitous cry from Linux-user partner + -- ubiquitous cry from Linux-user partner % /* * [...] Note that 120 sec is defined in the protocol as the maximum @@ -402,63 +392,59 @@ But what can you do with it? * PAWS allows us longer timeouts and large windows, so once implemented * ftp to mars will work nicely. */ - -- from /usr/src/linux/net/inet/tcp.c, concerning RTT [round trip time] + -- from /usr/src/linux/net/inet/tcp.c, concerning RTT [round trip time] % DOS: n., A small annoying boot virus that causes random spontaneous system crashes, usually just before saving a massive project. Easily cured by UNIX. See also MS-DOS, IBM-DOS, DR-DOS. - -- David Vicker's .plan + -- David Vicker's .plan % MSDOS didn't get as bad as it is overnight -- it took over ten years of careful development. - -- dmeggins@aix1.uottawa.ca + -- dmeggins@aix1.uottawa.ca % LILO, you've got me on my knees! - -- David Black, dblack@pilot.njin.net, with apologies to Derek and the -Dominos, and Werner Almsberger + -- David Black, dblack@pilot.njin.net, with apologies to Derek and + the Dominos, and Werner Almsberger % I've run DOOM more in the last few days than I have the last few months. I just love debugging ;-) - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % Microsoft Corp., concerned by the growing popularity of the free 32-bit operating system for Intel systems, Linux, has employed a number of top programmers from the underground world of virus development. Bill Gates stated yesterday: "World domination, fast -- it's either us or Linus". Mr. Torvalds was unavailable for comment ... - -- Robert Manners, rjm@swift.eng.ox.ac.uk, in comp.os.linux.setup + -- Robert Manners, rjm@swift.eng.ox.ac.uk, in comp.os.linux.setup % The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned. - -- Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, on X interfaces + -- Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, on X interfaces % After watching my newly-retired dad spend two weeks learning how to make a new folder, it became obvious that "intuitive" mostly means "what the writer or speaker of intuitive likes". - -- Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, on X the intuitiveness of a Mac interface + -- Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, on X the intuitiveness of a Mac interface % Now I know someone out there is going to claim, "Well then, UNIX is intuitive, because you only need to learn 5000 commands, and then everything else follows from that! Har har har!" - -- Andy Bates on "intuitive interfaces", slightly defending Macs -% -> No manual is ever necessary. -May I politely interject here: BULLSHIT. That's the biggest Apple lie of all! - -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of interfaces + -- Andy Bates on "intuitive interfaces", slightly defending Macs % How do I type "for i in *.dvi do xdvi $i done" in a GUI? - -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of interfaces + -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of interfaces % >Ever heard of .cshrc? That's a city in Bosnia. Right? - -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands + -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands % Who wants to remember that escape-x-alt-control-left shift-b puts you into super-edit-debug-compile mode? - -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs + -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs % -Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of +Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of code using nothing but vi or emacs. AAAAACK! - -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs + -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs % Now, it we had this sort of thing: yield -a for yield to all traffic @@ -468,34 +454,34 @@ Now, it we had this sort of thing: ...you'd have a lot of dead people at intersections, and traffic jams you wouldn't believe... - -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands + -- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands % Actually, typing random strings in the Finder does the equivalent of filename completion. - -- Discussion on file completion vs. the Mac Finder + -- Discussion on file completion vs. the Mac Finder % Not me, guy. I read the Bash man page each day like a Jehovah's Witness reads the Bible. No wait, the Bash man page IS the bible. Excuse me... - -- More on confusing aliases, taken from comp.os.linux.misc + -- More on confusing aliases, taken from comp.os.linux.misc % On the Internet, no one knows you're using Windows NT - -- Submitted by Ramiro Estrugo, restrugo@fateware.com + -- Submitted by Ramiro Estrugo, restrugo@fateware.com % > I'm an idiot.. At least this [bug] took about 5 minutes to find.. Disquieting ... - -- Gonzalo Tornaria in response to Linus Torvalds's + -- Gonzalo Tornaria in response to Linus Torvalds's % > I'm an idiot.. At least this [bug] took about 5 minutes to find.. We need to find some new terms to describe the rest of us mere mortals then. - -- Craig Schlenter in response to Linus Torvalds's + -- Craig Schlenter in response to Linus Torvalds's % > I'm an idiot.. At least this [bug] took about 5 minutes to find.. Surely, Linus is talking about the kind of idiocy that others aspire to :-). - -- Bruce Perens in response to Linus Torvalds's + -- Bruce Perens in response to Linus Torvalds's % Never make any mistaeks. - -- Anonymous, in a mail discussion about to a kernel bug report + -- Anonymous, in a mail discussion about to a kernel bug report % +#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI) + /* @@ -504,132 +490,124 @@ Never make any mistaeks. + */ + year -= 42; +#endif - -- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner + -- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner % As usual, this being a 1.3.x release, I haven't even compiled this kernel yet. So if it works, you should be doubly impressed. - -- Linus Torvalds, announcing kernel 1.3.3 + -- Linus Torvalds, announcing kernel 1.3.3 % People disagree with me. I just ignore them. - -- Linus Torvalds, regarding the use of C++ for the Linux kernel + -- Linus Torvalds, regarding the use of C++ for the Linux kernel % It's now the GNU Emacs of all terminal emulators. - -- Linus Torvalds, regarding the fact that Linux started off as a terminal emulator + -- Linus Torvalds, regarding the fact that Linux started off as a terminal emulator % Audience: What will become of Linux when the Hurd is ready? Eric Youngdale: Err... is Richard Stallman here? - -- From the Linux conference in spring '95, Berlin + -- From the Linux conference in spring '95, Berlin % Linux: The OS people choose without $200,000,000 of persuasion. - -- Mike Coleman + -- Mike Coleman % The memory management on the PowerPC can be used to frighten small children. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % ... faster BogoMIPS calculations (yes, it now boots 2 seconds faster than it used to: we're considering changing the name from "Linux" to "InstaBOOT" - -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.26 + -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.26 % ... of course, this probably only happens for tcsh which uses wait4(), which is why I never saw it. Serves people who use that abomination right 8^) - -- Linus Torvalds, about a patch that fixes getrusage for 1.3.26 + -- Linus Torvalds, about a patch that fixes getrusage for 1.3.26 % It's a bird.. It's a plane.. No, it's KernelMan, faster than a speeding bullet, to your rescue. Doing new kernel versions in under 5 seconds flat.. - -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 + -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 % Eh, that's it, I guess. No 300 million dollar unveiling event for this kernel, I'm afraid, but you're still supposed to think of this as the -"happening of the century" (at least until the next kernel comes along). - -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 +"happening of the century" (at least until the next kernel comes along). + -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 % Oh, and this is another kernel in that great and venerable "BugFree(tm)" series of kernels. So be not afraid of bugs, but go out in the streets and deliver this message of joy to the masses. - -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 + -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27 % When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*'. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ;-) - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % -> Linux is not user-friendly. +> Linux is not user-friendly. It _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly. - -- Seen somewhere on the net + -- Seen somewhere on the net % Keep me informed on the behaviour of this kernel.. As the "BugFree(tm)" series didn't turn out too well, I'm starting a new series called the "ItWorksForMe(tm)" series, of which this new kernel is yet another shining example. - -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.29 + -- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.29 % Seriously, the way I did this was by using a special /sbin/loader binary with debugging hooks that I made ("dd" is your friend: binary editors are for wimps). - -- Linus Torvalds, in an article on a dnserver + -- Linus Torvalds, in an article on a dnserver % (I tried to get some documentation out of Digital on this, but as far as I can tell even _they_ don't have it ;-) - -- Linus Torvalds, in an article on a dnserver + -- Linus Torvalds, in an article on a dnserver % -Q: Why shouldn't I simply delete the stuff I never use, it's just taking up +Q: Why shouldn't I simply delete the stuff I never use, it's just taking up space? A: This question is in the category of Famous Last Words.. - -- From the Frequently Unasked Questions + -- From the Frequently Unasked Questions % -Q: What's the big deal about rm, I have been deleting stuff for years? And +Q: What's the big deal about rm, I have been deleting stuff for years? And never lost anything.. oops! A: ... - -- From the Frequently Unasked Questions + -- From the Frequently Unasked Questions % Linux is addictive, I'm hooked! - -- MaDsen Wikholm's .sig + -- MaDsen Wikholm's .sig % panic("Foooooooood fight!"); - -- In the kernel source aha1542.c, after detecting a bad segment list + -- In the kernel source aha1542.c, after detecting a bad segment list % -Convention organizer to Linus Torvalds: "You might like to come with us +Convention organizer to Linus Torvalds: "You might like to come with us to some licensed[1] place, and have some pizza." Linus: "Oh, I did not know that you needed a license to eat pizza". -[1] Licenced - refers in Australia to a restaurant which has government +[1] Licenced - refers in Australia to a restaurant which has government licence to sell liquor. - -- Linus at a talk at the Melbourne University + -- Linus at a talk at the Melbourne University % Footnotes are for things you believe don't really belong in LDP manuals, but want to include anyway. - -- Joel N. Weber II discussing the 'make' chapter of LPG -% -Eh, that's it, I guess. No 300 million dollar unveiling event for this -kernel, I'm afraid, but you're still supposed to think of this as the -"happening of the century" (at least until the next kernel comes along). -Oh, and this is another kernel in that great and venerable "BugFree(tm)" -series of kernels. So be not afraid of bugs, but go out in the streets -and deliver this message of joy to the masses. - -- Linus Torvalds, on releasing 1.3.27 + -- Joel N. Weber II discussing the 'make' chapter of LPG % Ok, I'm just uploading the new version of the kernel, v1.3.33, also known as "the buggiest kernel ever". - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % Go not unto the Usenet for advice, for you will be told both yea and nay (and quite a few things that just have nothing at all to do with the question). - -- seen in a .sig somewhere + -- seen in a .sig somewhere % Those who don't understand Linux are doomed to reinvent it, poorly. - -- unidentified source + -- unidentified source % Look, I'm about to buy me a double barreled sawed off shotgun and show Linus what I think about backspace and delete not working. - -- some anonymous .signature + -- some anonymous .signature % -I forgot to mention an important fact in the 1.3.67 announcement. In order to +I forgot to mention an important fact in the 1.3.67 announcement. In order to get a fully working kernel, you have to follow the steps below: - Walk around your computer widdershins 3 times, chanting "Linus is overworked, and he makes lousy patches, but we love him anyway". Get @@ -638,25 +616,26 @@ get a fully working kernel, you have to follow the steps below: - Call your system "Super-67", and don't forget to unapply the patch before you later applying the official 1.3.68 patch. - reboot - -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch + -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch % We apologize for the inconvenience, but we'd still like yout to test out -this kernel. - -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch +this kernel. + -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch % The new Linux anthem will be "He's an idiot, but he's ok", as performed by Monthy Python. You'd better start practicing. - -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch + -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch % How do you power off this machine? - -- Linus, when upgrading linux.cs.helsinki.fi, and after using the machine for several months + -- Linus, when upgrading linux.cs.helsinki.fi, and after using the + machine for several months % Excusing bad programming is a shooting offence, no matter _what_ the circumstances. - -- Linus Torvalds, to the linux-kernel list + -- Linus Torvalds, to the linux-kernel list % Linus? Whose that? - -- clueless newbie on #Linux + -- clueless newbie on #Linux % N: Phil Lewis E: beans@bucket.ualr.edu @@ -664,204 +643,205 @@ D: Promised to send money if I would put his name in the source tree. S: PO Box 371 S: North Little Rock, Arkansas 72115 S: US - -- /usr/src/linux/CREDITS + -- /usr/src/linux/CREDITS % > You know you are "there" when you are known by your first name, and > are recognized. > Lemmie see, there is Madonna, and Linus, and ..... help me out here! + Bill ? ;-) - -- From some postings on comp.os.linux.misc + -- From some postings on comp.os.linux.misc % Whoa...I did a 'zcat /vmlinuz > /dev/audio' and I think I heard God... - -- mikecd on #Linux + -- mikecd on #Linux % -Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the -grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin -charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what -they say if they had. - -- Linus Torvalds, announcing Linux v2.0 +Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the +grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin +charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what +they say if they had. + -- Linus Torvalds, announcing Linux v2.0 % MS-DOS, you can't live with it, you can live without it. - -- from Lars Wirzenius' .sig + -- from Lars Wirzenius' .sig % -> If you don't need X then little VT-100 terminals are available for real +> If you don't need X then little VT-100 terminals are available for real > cheap. Should be able to find decent ones used for around $40 each. > For that price, they're a must for the kitchen, den, bathrooms, etc.. :) -You're right. Can you explain this to my wife? - -- Seen on c.o.l.development.system, on the subject of extra terminals +You're right. Can you explain this to my wife? + -- Seen on c.o.l.development.system, on the subject of extra terminals % -.. I used to get in more fights with SCO than I did my girlfriend, but -now, thanks to Linux, she has more than happily accepted her place back at -number one antagonist in my life.. - -- Jason Stiefel, krypto@s30.nmex.com +.. I used to get in more fights with SCO than I did my girlfriend, but +now, thanks to Linux, she has more than happily accepted her place back at +number one antagonist in my life.. + -- Jason Stiefel, krypto@s30.nmex.com % I mean, well, if it were not for Linux I might be roaming the streets looking for drugs or prostitutes or something. Hannu and Linus have my highest admiration (apple polishing mode off). - -- Phil Lewis, plewis@nyx.nyx.net + -- Phil Lewis, plewis@nyx.nyx.net % > What does ELF stand for (in respect to Linux?) -ELF is the first rock group that Ronnie James Dio performed with back in -the early 1970's. In constrast, a.out is a misspelling of the French word -for the month of August. What the two have in common is beyond me, but +ELF is the first rock group that Ronnie James Dio performed with back in +the early 1970's. In constrast, a.out is a misspelling of the French word +for the month of August. What the two have in common is beyond me, but Linux users seem to use the two words together. - -- seen on c.o.l.misc + -- seen on c.o.l.misc % "Linux was made by foreign terrorists to take money from true US companies like Microsoft." - Some AOL'er. "To this end we dedicate ourselves..." -Don - -- From the sig of "Don", don@cs.byu.edu + -- From the sig of "Don", don@cs.byu.edu % Shoot me again. Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to -me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*... - -- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news +me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*... + -- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news % > Is there any hope for me? Am I just thick? Does anyone remember the > Rubiks Cube, it was easier! I found that the Rubiks cube and Linux are alike. Looks real confusing until you read the right book. :-) - -- seen on c.o.l.misc, about the "Linux Learning Curve" + -- seen on c.o.l.misc, about the "Linux Learning Curve" % > I've hacked the Xaw3d library to give you a Win95 like interface and it > is named Xaw95. You can replace your Xaw3d library. Oh God, this is so disgusting! - -- seen on c.o.l.development.apps, about the "Win95 look-alike" + -- seen on c.o.l.development.apps, about the "Win95 look-alike" % -Besides, its really not worthwhile to use more than two times your physical -ram in swap (except in a select few situations). The performance of the system -becomes so abysmal you'd rather heat pins under your toenails while reciting -Windows95 source code and staring at porn flicks of Bob Dole than actually try +Besides, its really not worthwhile to use more than two times your physical +ram in swap (except in a select few situations). The performance of the system +becomes so abysmal you'd rather heat pins under your toenails while reciting +Windows95 source code and staring at porn flicks of Bob Dole than actually try to type something. - -- seen on c.o.l.development.system, about the size of the swap space + -- seen on c.o.l.development.system, about the size of the swap space % -> I get the following error messages at bootup, could anyone tell me +> I get the following error messages at bootup, could anyone tell me > what they mean? > fcntl_setlk() called by process 51 (lpd) with broken flock() emulation They mean that you have not read the documentation when upgrading the kernel. - -- seen on c.o.l.misc + -- seen on c.o.l.misc % -Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff +Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it ;) - -- Linus Torvalds, about his failing hard drive on linux.cs.helsinki.fi + -- Linus Torvalds, about his failing hard drive on linux.cs.helsinki.fi % One of the things that hamper Linux's climb to world domination is the shortage of bad Computer Role Playing Games, or CRaPGs. No operating system can be considered respectable without one. - -- Brian O'Donnell, odonnllb@tcd.ie + -- Brian O'Donnell, odonnllb@tcd.ie % The game, anoraks.2.0.0.tgz, will be available from sunsite until somebody responsible notices it and deletes it, and shortly from ftp.mee.tcd.ie/pub/Brian, though they don't know that yet. - -- Brian O'Donnell, odonnllb@tcd.ie + -- Brian O'Donnell, odonnllb@tcd.ie % 'Ooohh.. "FreeBSD is faster over loopback, when compared to Linux over the wire". Film at 11.' - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % Q: Would you like to see the WINE list? A: What's on it, anything expensive? Q: No, just Solitaire and MineSweeper for now, but the WINE is free. - -- Kevin M. Bealer, about the WINdows Emulator + -- Kevin M. Bealer, about the WINdows Emulator % -So in the future, one 'client' at a time or you'll be spending CPU time with +So in the future, one 'client' at a time or you'll be spending CPU time with lots of little 'child processes'. - -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd + -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd % -By the way, I can hardly feel sorry for you... All last night I had to listen -to her tears, so great they were redirected to a stream. What? Of _course_ -you didn't know. You and your little group no longer have any permissions +By the way, I can hardly feel sorry for you... All last night I had to listen +to her tears, so great they were redirected to a stream. What? Of _course_ +you didn't know. You and your little group no longer have any permissions around here. She changed her .lock files, too. - -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd + -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd % -We should start referring to processes which run in the background by their +We should start referring to processes which run in the background by their correct technical name... paenguins. - -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo + -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo % -We can use symlinks of course... syslogd would be a symlink to syslogp and -ftpd and ircd would be linked to ftpp and ircp... and of course the +We can use symlinks of course... syslogd would be a symlink to syslogp and +ftpd and ircd would be linked to ftpp and ircp... and of course the point-to-point protocal paenguin. - -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo + -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo % -This is a logical analogy too... anyone who's been around, knows the world is -run by paenguins. Always a paenguin behind the curtain, really getting things +This is a logical analogy too... anyone who's been around, knows the world is +run by paenguins. Always a paenguin behind the curtain, really getting things done. And paenguins in politics--who can deny it? - -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo + -- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo % Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today? - -- Submitted by Pancrazio De Mauro, paraphrasing some well-known sales talk + -- Submitted by Pancrazio De Mauro, paraphrasing some well-known sales talk % -The most important design issue... is the fact that Linux is supposed to +The most important design issue... is the fact that Linux is supposed to be fun... - -- Linus Torvalds at the First Dutch International Symposium on Linux + -- Linus Torvalds at the First Dutch International Symposium on Linux % In short, at least give the penguin a fair viewing. If you still don't like it, that's ok: that's why I'm boss. I simply know better than you do. - -- Linus "what, me arrogant?" Torvalds, on c.o.l.advocacy + -- Linus "what, me arrogant?" Torvalds, on c.o.l.advocacy % what's the difference between chattr and chmod? SomeLamer: man chattr > 1; man chmod > 2; diff -u 1 2 | less - -- Seen on #linux on irc + -- Seen on #linux on irc % The linuX Files -- The Source is Out There. - -- Sent in by Craig S. Bell, goat@aracnet.com + -- Sent in by Craig S. Bell, goat@aracnet.com % "... being a Linux user is sort of like living in a house inhabited by a large family of carpenters and architects. Every morning when you wake up, the house is a little different. Maybe there is a new turret, or some walls have moved. Or perhaps someone has temporarily removed the floor under your bed." - Unix for Dummies, 2nd Edition - -- found in the .sig of Rob Riggs, rriggs@tesser.com + -- found in the .sig of Rob Riggs, rriggs@tesser.com % C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success - -- Dennis M. Ritchie + -- Dennis M. Ritchie % If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah. - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % Vini, vidi, Linux! - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % Checking host system type... i586-unknown-linux configure: error: sorry, this is the gnu os, not linux - -- Topic on #Linux + -- Topic on #Linux % It's easy to get on the internet and forget you have a life - -- Topic on #LinuxGER + -- Topic on #LinuxGER % To kick or not to kick... - -- Somewhere on IRC, inspired by Shakespeare + -- Somewhere on IRC, inspired by Shakespeare % Linux - Where do you want to fly today? - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % The easiest way to get the root password is to become system admin. - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % The good thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from. - -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum + -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum % The primary difference [...] is that the Java programm will reliably and obviously crash, whereas the C Program will do something obscure - -- Java Language Tutorial + -- Java Language Tutorial % LOAD "LINUX",8,1 - -- Topic on #LinuxGER + -- Topic on #LinuxGER % Old MacLinus had a stack/l-i-n-u-x/and on this stack he had a trace/l-i-n-u-x with an Oops-Oops here and an Oops-Oops there here an Oops, there an Oops, everywhere an Oops-Oops. - -- tjimenez@site.gmu.edu, linux.dev.kernel + -- tjimenez@site.gmu.edu, linux.dev.kernel % Also another major deciding factor is availability of source code. It just gives everybody a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that there is source code available to the product you are using. It allows everybody to improve on the product and fix bugs etc. sooner that the author(s) would get the time/chance to. - -- Atif Khan + -- Atif Khan % > Also another major deciding factor is availability of source code. > It just gives everybody a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that there is @@ -872,66 +852,55 @@ would get the time/chance to. I think this is one the really BIG reasons for the snowball/onslaught of Linux and the wealth of stuff available that gets enhanced faster than the real vendors can keep up. - -- Norman + -- Norman % Not only Guinness - Linux is good for you, too. - -- Banzai on IRC -% -> NE-2000 clone. Pentium optimizing gcc (pentium gcc pl8 I think). - ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - -Build a kernel with the proper gcc. Reports with a non standard compiler -are useless. - -- Alan Cox -% -BTW: I have a better name for the software .... Microsoft Internet -Exploder. - -- George Bonser + -- Banzai on IRC % Well, since MS cant be sure of the username of someone downloading things, they are going to play it safe and have everything dowloaded and executed by Explorer as suid root. That way, it will run on ANY system anywhere. :) - -- George Bonser + -- George Bonser % If you really want pure ASCII, save it as text... or browse it with your favorite browser... - -- Alexandre Maret + -- Alexandre Maret % Sorry for mailing this article, I've obviously made a typo (168!=186) that's the price for being up all night and doing some "quick" checks before you go to bed .... - -- Herbert Rosmanith + -- Herbert Rosmanith % Just to remind everyone. Today, Sept 17, is Linux's 5th birthday. So happy birthday to all on the list. Thanks go out to Linus and all the other hard-working maintainers for 5 wonderful fast paced years! - -- William E. Roadcap + -- William E. Roadcap % Exporting beer from Finnland doesn't seem to be that much of a hassle, as the Lenigrad Cowboys brought a lot of their brew to the concerts in Austria. - -- Otmar Lendl + -- Otmar Lendl % Beeping is cute, if you are in the office ;) - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % > Where in the US is Linus? He was in the "Promise Land". - -- David S. Miller + -- David S. Miller % > Yeah, Linus is in the US. > > His source trees are in Finland. OK, someone give him access -fast- ...... ;-) - -- babydr@nwrain.net, because of problems with the kernel + -- babydr@nwrain.net, because of problems with the kernel % Subject: Linux box finds it hard to wake up in the morning I've heard of dogs being like their owners, but Linux boxen? - -- Peter Hunter + -- Peter Hunter % Win 95 is simplified for the user: @@ -949,50 +918,50 @@ User: Well it makes me uncomfortable. It looks so technical; You: But... User: Hey, who's system is this anyway? You: (... rm this, rm that, rm /etc/* ...) "All done." - -- Kevin M. Bealer + -- Kevin M. Bealer % *** PUBLIC flooding detected from erikyyy THAT's an erik, pholx.... ;) - -- Seen on #LinuxGER + -- Seen on #LinuxGER % I've no idea when Linus is going to release 2.0.24, but if he takes too long Im going to release a 2.0.24unoff and he can sound off all he likes. - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % All the existing 2.0.x kernels are to buggy for 2.1.x to be the main goal. - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - -- Pablo Picasso + -- Pablo Picasso % martin@bdsi.com (no longer valid - where are you now, Martin?) - -- from /usr/src/linux/drivers/cdrom/mcd.c + -- from /usr/src/linux/drivers/cdrom/mcd.c % [...] or some clown changed the chips on a board and not its name. (Don't laugh! Look at the SMC etherpower for that.) - -- from /usr/src/linux/MAINTAINERS + -- from /usr/src/linux/MAINTAINERS % REST: P: Linus Torvalds S: Buried alive in email - -- from /usr/src/linux/MAINTAINERS + -- from /usr/src/linux/MAINTAINERS % Why use Windows when you can have air conditioning? Why use Windows, when you can leave through the door? - -- Konrad Blum + -- Konrad Blum % Netscape is not a newsreader, and probably never shall be. - -- Tom Christiansen + -- Tom Christiansen % I think it's time to remove Qt and Qt-derived applications from the distributon. By distributing it, we only encourage authors to create restrictive licenses. - -- Bruce Perens + -- Bruce Perens % If someone can point me to a good and _FREE_ backup software that keeps track of which files get stored on which tape, we can change to it. - -- Mike Neuffer, admin of i-Connect Corp. + -- Mike Neuffer, admin of i-Connect Corp. % Whoa, first contact! @@ -1001,7 +970,7 @@ Whoa, first contact! Welcome, from the people of Terra (Sol III). We extend our hands in friendship, and sincerely hope you shall do the same with your hand-equivelents. - -- Jason Burrell about a russian posting + -- Jason Burrell about a russian posting % > Whoa, first contact! @@ -1009,47 +978,37 @@ Nope, 'fraid not, Linux is still primarily used on planet Earth, I'm afraid. Our friend here sent a message in Russian (KOI8-R encoding). - -- Aleksey Kliger, explaining a russian posting + -- Aleksey Kliger, explaining a russian posting % There is, however, a strange, musty smell in the air that reminds me of something...hmm...yes...I've got it...there's a VMS nearby, or I'm a Blit. - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution -% -Das ganze Saarland ist von M$ besetzt - das ganze? Nein eine kleine -Gruppe im Sudwesten trotzt dem ubergrosen Herrscher dank ihres -Zaubertrankes Linux - -- Tooster on #LinuxGER + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % 1648 files (84%) out of the files that I mirror disappeared. Since my delete threshold was set at 90%, all those files are now missing from my hard drive. It's going to take a loooong time to fetch those again via 14.4kbps! - -- Brian C. White -% -Whoever asked if the debian organization was dead isn't reading -debian-devel. 66 messages in one day, and it's not over. I find it -difficult to keep up. - -- Bruce Perens + -- Brian C. White % > What is the status of Linux' Unicode implementation. Will Linux > be prepared for the first contact? We have full klingon console support just in case - -- Alan Cox on linux-kernel + -- Alan Cox on linux-kernel % "You, sir, are nothing but a pathetically lame salesdroid! I fart in your general direction!" - -- Randseed on #Linux + -- Randseed on #Linux % * Jes wonders why so many people in here uses fooZZZZZ and foo_sleeping nicks Jes: Because they are sleeping? - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % * gb notes that fdisk thinks his cdrom can store one terabyte - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % Check it out, send me comments, and dance joyously in the streets, - -- Linus Torvalds announcing 2.0.27 + -- Linus Torvalds announcing 2.0.27 % AP/STT. Helsinki, Dec 5th, 6:22 AM. For immediate release. @@ -1072,82 +1031,78 @@ Others bring up other issues with the new version - "I'm especially intrigued by the fact that the new version is female, and look forward to seeing what the impact of that will be on future development. Will "Red Hat Linux" change to "Pink Hat Linux", for example?" - -- Linus Torvalds announcing that he became father of a girl + -- Linus Torvalds announcing that he became father of a girl % Sex dumps core (Sex is a Simple editor for X11) - -- Seen on debian bugtracking + -- Seen on debian bugtracking % I tried the clone syscall on me, but it didn't work. - -- Mike Neuffer trying to fix a serious time problem + -- Mike Neuffer trying to fix a serious time problem % - long f_ffree; /* free file nodes in fs */ + long f_ffree; /* freie Dateiknoten im Dateisystem */ - -- Seen in a translation + -- Seen in a translation % * Phaedrus wishes he could get a machine that consists of Sparc IO, Alpha Processors and sleek design of an SGI And intel prices - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % damn my office is cold. need a hot secretary to warm it up. - -- Seen on #Linux -% -This is a scsi driver, scraes the shit out of me, therefore I tapdanced -and wrote a unix clone around it (C) by linus - -- Somewhere in the kernel tree + -- Seen on #Linux % * This is complicated. Has to do with interrupts. Thus, I am * scared witless. Therefore I refuse to write this function. :-P - -- From the maclinux patch + -- From the maclinux patch % Yes I have a Machintosh, please don't scream at me. - -- Larry Blumette on linux-kernel + -- Larry Blumette on linux-kernel % any new sendmail hole I have to fix before going on vacations? - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % AUTHOR FvwmAuto just appeared one day, nobody knows how. - -- FvwmAuto(1x) + -- FvwmAuto(1x) % Fairlight: udp is the light margarine of tcp/ip transport protocols :) - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % i dont even know if it makes sense at all :) This is an experimental patch for an experimental kernel :)) - -- Ingo Molnar on linux-kernel + -- Ingo Molnar on linux-kernel % Linux - Das System fuer schlaue Maedchen ;) - -- banshee + -- banshee % If loving linux is wrong, I dont wanna be right. - -- Topic for #LinuxGER + -- Topic for #LinuxGER % >>> FreeOS is an english-centric name Have you all been stuck in email, or have any of you tried *pronouncing* that? free-oh-ess? free-ows? fritos? :-) - -- Mark Eichin + -- Mark Eichin % The documentation is in Japanese. Good luck. - -- Rich $alz + -- Rich $alz % People are going to scream bloody murder about that. - -- Seen on linux-kernel + -- Seen on linux-kernel % > 1. is qmail as secure as they say? Depends on what they were saying, but most likely yes. - -- Seen on debian-devel + -- Seen on debian-devel % NEVER RESPOND TO CRITICAL PRESS. IT IS A GAME YOU CAN ONLY LOSE, AND IT MAKES US LOOK BAD. - -- Bruce Perens + -- Bruce Perens % A feature is nothing more than a bug with seniority. - -- Unknown source + -- Unknown source % Winnuke in one line? No problem: perl -MIO::Socket -e 'IO::Socket::INET->new(PeerAddr=>"bad.dude.com:139")->send("bye",MSG_OOB)' @@ -1160,10 +1115,7 @@ And formatted so it's a little easier to read: ->new(PeerAddr=>"bad.dude.com:139") ->send("bye", MSG_OOB); - -- Randal Schwartz -% -(It is an old Debian tradition to leave at least twice a year ...) - -- Sven Rudolph + -- Randal Schwartz % If a 'train station' is where a train stops, what's a 'workstation'? % @@ -1171,48 +1123,33 @@ Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. % "We don't do a new version to fix bugs." - Bill Gates "The new version - it's not there to fix bugs." - Bill Gates - -- Retranslated from Focus 43/1995, pp. 206-212 + -- Retranslated from Focus 43/1995, pp. 206-212 % The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully. - -- Windows NT Server v3.51 + -- Windows NT Server v3.51 % Software is like sex; it's better when it's free. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % vi is [[13~^[[15~^[[15~^[[19~^[[18~^ a muk[^[[29~^[[34~^[[26~^[[32~^ch better editor than this emacs. I know I^[[14~'ll get flamed for this but the truth has to be said. ^[[D^[[D^[[D^[[D ^[[D^[^[[D^[[D^[[B^ exit ^X^C quit :x :wq dang it :w:w:w :x ^C^C^Z^D - -- Jesper Lauridsen from alt.religion.emacs -% -oh okay. my mistake. - -Yafcot:atj(*), - -mark - -* Yet another fool coming over this: according to joey - -- mark@mail.novare.net + -- Jesper Lauridsen from alt.religion.emacs % Sorry. I just realized this sentance makes no sense :) - -- Ian Main -% -Netscape is not a newsreader, and probably never shall be. - -- Tom Christiansen + -- Ian Main % Stopping Apache webserver...sleeping...starting again...apache: dl-version.c:189: _dl_check_map_versions: Assertion `needed != ((void *)0)' failed noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - -- netgod on #Debian at LISC + -- netgod on #Debian at LISC % Make it idiot-proof, and someone will breed a better idiot. - -- Oliver Elphick -% -#Debian makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :) - -- HippieGuy on #Debian + -- Oliver Elphick % I know. Unless htere is a cookie monster somewhere between us tat muches the amil. amil/mail @@ -1220,136 +1157,79 @@ Make it idiot-proof, and someone will breed a better idiot. heheh problems? :) * Myxie needs an ircii addon that pipes teh command line through ispell :) - -- Seen on #Debian -% -ECRC hat keine lynx komp. seiten, sowas MUSS ja pleite gehen ;-)= - -- Getty on #LinuxGER + -- Seen on #Debian % Uh... deity is a word, and diety isn't. Or is it supposed to be one of those recursive acronyms? Diety Is Excellent To You. Deity Eats Icecream That's Yellow. Diety Is Eloping To Yokohama. I'll stop now. - -- Guy Maor + -- Guy Maor % Why are there always boycotts? Shouldn't there be girlcotts too? - -- argon on #Linux + -- argon on #Linux % Anyone want the new supermount? :) whats new aboutit klogd: It cleans whiter than white. :) - -- Seen on #Linux -% -Und die Tastaturabrdücke auf Ihrer Wange unterstreichen seeeeeehr -vorteilhaft ihr unterschütterliches Vertrauen in die moderene -Technologie - -- Agent Gully in "Die eXakten" + -- Seen on #Linux % - DDD no longer requires the librx library. Consequently, librx errors can no more cause DDD to crash. - -- DDD + -- DDD % snafu = Situation Normal All F%$*ed up % It's computer hardware, of course it's worth having - -- Espy on #Debian + -- Espy on #Debian % Alan E. Davis: Some files at llug.sep.bnl.gov/pub/debian/Incoming are stamped on 10 January 1998. As I write, nowhere on Earth is it now 10 January. Craig Sanders: That just proves how advanced debian is, doesn't it :-) - -- debian-devel + -- debian-devel % Computers are like air conditioners. Both stop working, if you open windows. - -- Adam Heath + -- Adam Heath % I am NOT a kludge! I am a computer! - -- tts -% - gorgo: *lol* - joey: what's so funny? :) - shh, joey is losing all sanity from lack of sleep - 'yes joey, very funny' - Humor him :> - -- Seen on #Debian -% -* SynrG notes that the number of configuration questions to answer in sendmail - is NON-TRIVIAL - -- Seen on #Debian + -- tts % My apologies if I sound angry. I feel like I'm talking to a void. - -- Avery Pennarun + -- Avery Pennarun % RIP is irrelevant. Spoofing is futile. Your routes will be aggregated. - -- Alex Yuriev + -- Alex Yuriev % After 14 non-maintainer releases, I'm the S-Lang non-maintainer. - -- Ray Dassen + -- Ray Dassen % BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. % -* JHM wonders what Joey did to earn "I'd just like to say, for the record, - that Joey rules." - -- Seen on #Debian -% Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! - -- Soenke Lange + -- Soenke Lange % The only really good reason I can think to not release specs is embarrassment on just how crappy some hardware out there is, or just how buggy it is. - -- Chris Wedgwood -% -> Alan Cox wrote: -[..] - -No I didnt. Someone else wrote that. Please keep attributions -straight. - -- From linux-kernel -% -Do people like check the Debian website every 5 minutes to check it hasn't morphed into another one? -Not that I'm one to talk, but some people seriously need to get a life - -- james on #Debian -% -... Linux und seine Programme sind damit so etwas wie ein real existierender -Sozialismus der besseren Art ... - -- Christian Seel in der Berliner Morgenpost v. 9.3.1997 -% -* james would be more impressed if netgod's magic powers could stop the splits in the first place... -* netgod notes debian developers are notoriously hard to impress - -- Seen on #Debian -% - * In anticipation of 2.10.02 release, updated to patchlevel - +ircu2.10.01+.config6-7.config7-8.lgline3.iwho.limit.glibc.motdcache2.trace.whois1-2.config8-9.statsw.sprintf2-3.msgtree2.memleak1-2+.msgtree2-3.gline8-9.gline9-10.invite2.rbr.stats.numclients.whisper.whisper1-2.stats1-2.nokick1-2.chroot.config9-11.snomask7-8.limi+t1-3.userip1-3.userip3-4.config11-12.config12-13.umode2-3.akillsbt.who4-5.kn.kn1-2.freebsdcore2.msgtree3-5.y2k.glibc1-2.rmfunc.msgf+lags2.who5-6.nickchange2.glibc2-3.modeless3 - -- From the annoucement of ircd 2.10.01-3 for Debian GNU/Linux -% -* Joey should not write changelog entries at 5:30am - * DFSC Free cgi library - What's that? DFSC? - Debian Free Software mroooooCows - -- Seen on #Debian + -- Chris Wedgwood % this guy _is_ crazy posix: from the looks of Enlightenment he's on LSD LSD is nothing compared to what this guy's on.. - -- Seen on #Unix + -- Seen on #Unix % On Netscape GPLing their browser: ``How can you trust a browser that ANYONE can hack? For the secure choice, choose Microsoft.'' - -- in a comment on slashdot.org -% -Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! + -- in a comment on slashdot.org % #define FALSE 0 /* This is the naked Truth */ #define TRUE 1 /* and this is the Light */ - -- mailto.c + -- mailto.c % How do I bind a computer to an NIS server? Use a rope? - -- Seen on #Debian -% -Try to remove the color-problem by restarting your computer several times. - -- Microsoft-Internet Explorer README.TXT + -- Seen on #Debian % Does biff in bo work coz it biffin doesn't beep @@ -1360,46 +1240,38 @@ I've tried biff in bo with 'y' I've tried biff in bo with '-y' no biffin output does it show so poor wee biff is gonna go. - -- John Spence on debian-user + -- John Spence on debian-user % -Real Men don't make backups. They upload it via ftp and let the world mirror it. - -- Linus Torvalds +Real Men don't make backups. They upload it via ftp and let the world mirror +it. + -- Linus Torvalds % One tree to rule them all, One tree to find them, One tree to bring them all, and to itself bind them. - -- Gavin Koch + -- Gavin Koch % As I currently don't have a floppy drive in my computer, I'd like to make an `emergency cdrom' ;) - -- Eugene Crosser + -- Eugene Crosser % Alan Cox wrote: >> On any procmail new enough not to be full of security holes you set >Brain on, Imeant majordomo of course 8) You got me worried there for a brief (very brief) moment :-). - -- Stephen R. van den Berg (AKA BuGless) -% - seen jhm - jhm is Sarek, and jhm is on the channel right now! -* JHM wonders why dpkg remembers that particular nick. - dpkg: Sarek? ermm, sure, and I am Khan - -- Seen on #Debian + -- Stephen R. van den Berg (AKA BuGless) % When you have 200 programmers trying to write code for one product, like Win95 or NT, what you get is a multipule personality program. By definition, the real problem is that these programs are psychotic by nature and make people crazy when they use them. - -- Joan Brewer on alt.destroy.microsoft -% - Hah! we have 2 Johnie Ingrams in the channel :) - Hey all btw :) + -- Joan Brewer on alt.destroy.microsoft % I just uploaded xtoolplaces-1.6. It fixes all bugs but one: It still coredumps instead of doing something useful. The upstream author's e-mail address bounces, Redhat doesn't provide it and I never used it. - -- Sven Rudolph + -- Sven Rudolph % > I thing you're missing the capability of Makefiles. @@ -1407,7 +1279,7 @@ e-mail address bounces, Redhat doesn't provide it and I never used it. machine with the latest glibc sources (and no files are recompiled a second time). I think I'll remove `build' after changing one file if I want to recompile it. - -- Juan Cespedes + -- Juan Cespedes % aIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 MY LIGHT JUST DIED @@ -1415,35 +1287,26 @@ I want to recompile it. I'm blind! I'm blind! Light? Turn all your xterms to black-on-white :) Plenty of light that way. - -- Seen on #Debian + -- Seen on #Debian % | |-sshd---tcsh-+-dpkg-buildpacka---rules---sh---make---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make - -- While packaging XFree86 for Debian GNU/Linux + -- While packaging XFree86 for Debian GNU/Linux % /* * Please skip to the bottom of this file if you ate lunch recently * -- Alan */ - -- from Linux kernel pre-2.1.91-1 + -- from Linux kernel pre-2.1.91-1 % #if _FP_W_TYPE_SIZE < 64 #error "Only stud muffins allowed, schmuck." #endif - -- linux/arch/sparc64/quad.c + -- linux/arch/sparc64/quad.c % #if _FP_W_TYPE_SIZE < 32 #error "Here's a nickel kid. Go buy yourself a real computer." #endif - -- linux/arch/sparc64/double.h -% - eat Depends: cook | eat-out. - But eat-out is non-free so that's out. - And cook Recommends: clean-pans. - -- Seen on #Debian -% -* Linux Viruscan..... - Windows 95 found. Remove it? (Y/y) - -- Unknown source + -- linux/arch/sparc64/double.h % need help: my first packet to my provider gets lost :-( sel: dont send the first one, start with #2 @@ -1452,15 +1315,12 @@ I want to recompile it. These download files are in Microsoft Word 6.0 format. After unzipping, these files can be viewed in any text editor, including all versions of Microsoft Word, WordPad, and Microsoft Word Viewer - -- From Micro$oft -% - abuse me. I'm so lame I sent a bug report to debian-devel-changes - -- Seen on #Debian + -- From Micro$oft % Ooh, mommy, mommy, what I have now doesn't work in this extremely unlikely circumstance, so I'll just throw it away and write something completely new. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % #ifdef __SMP__ #error "Me no hablo Alpha SMP" @@ -1468,74 +1328,51 @@ completely new. #define irq_enter(cpu, irq) (++local_irq_count[cpu]) #define irq_exit(cpu, irq) (--local_irq_count[cpu]) #endif - -- from kernel 2.1.90, arch/alpha/kernel/irc.c + -- from kernel 2.1.90, arch/alpha/kernel/irc.c % Linus Torvalds: > This is the special easter release of linux, more mundanely called 1.3.84 + Winfried Truemper: > Umh, oh. What do you mean by "special easter release"?. Will it quit > working today and rise on easter? % I never thought that I'd see the day where Netscape is free software and X11 is proprietary. We live in interesting times. - -- Matt Kimball + -- Matt Kimball % Because I don't need to worry about finances I can ignore Microsoft and take over the (computing) world from the grassroots. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % /* * Buddy system. Hairy. You really aren't expected to understand this * */ - -- From /usr/src/linux/mm/page_alloc.cA -% -baz bat bamus batis bant. - -- James Troup + -- From /usr/src/linux/mm/page_alloc.cA % Just go ahead and write your own multitasking multiuser os! Worked for me all the times. - -- Linus Torvalds + -- Linus Torvalds % I've seen people with new children before, they go from ultra happy to looking like something out of a zombie film in about a week. - -- Alan Cox about Linus after his 2nd daughter + -- Alan Cox about Linus after his 2nd daughter % I expect that noone has objections. However, if I'd only add these entries to the list because `I think it's the right thing to do', I'd get a lot of flames afterwards :) - -- Christian Schwarz + -- Christian Schwarz % Various documentation updates and bugfixes (the best way to know that a stable kernel is approaching is to notice that somebody starts to spellcheck the kernel - it has so far never failed) - -- Linus Torvalds in the annoucement for pre-2.1.99-3 -% -You will not censor me through bug terrorism. - -- James Troup -% - Thinking is dangerous. It leads to ideas. - -- Seen on #Debian -% - Are we going to make an emacs out of apt? - APT - Debian in a program. It even does your laundry - -- Seen on #Debian + -- Linus Torvalds in the annoucement for pre-2.1.99-3 % Do you mean to say that I can read mail with vi too? ;-) Didn't you know that? :r /var/spool/mail/jk - -- debian-mentors -% -Charles Briscoe-Smith : - After all, the gzip package is called `gzip', not `libz-bin'... - -James Troup : - Uh, probably because the gzip binary doesn't come from the - non-existent libz package or the existent zlib package. - -- debian-bugs-dist -% -Debian is like Suse with yast turned off, just better. :) - -- Goswin Brederlow + -- Seen on #debian-mentors % Arnold's Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn't. @@ -1545,81 +1382,29 @@ Arnold's Laws of Documentation: % The truth is not free. It's that simple. If you change the truth, it is no longer true - so the truth is not free! - -- Jules Bean about freeness of documentation -% - Lemme make sure I'm not wasting time here... bcwhite will remove - pkgs that havent been fixed that have outstanding bugs of severity - "important". True or false? - jim: "important" or higher. True. - Then we're about to lose ftp.debian.org and dpkg :) -* netgod will miss dpkg -- it was occasionally useful - We still have rpm.... - -- Seen on #Debian -% -* JHM wonders what Joey did to earn "I'd just like to say, for the record, - that Joey rules." - -- Seen on #Debian + -- Jules Bean about freeness of documentation % The problem here (as someon else stated) is that when multiple dists use the same package format it only gives a "false sense of compatibility". - -- Stephen Carpenter -% -*** Rince is wagner@schizo.DAINet.de (We have Joey, we have Fun, we have Linux on a Sun) - -- Seen on #Debian -% -... Linux und seine Programme sind damit -so etwas wie ein real existierender Sozialismus der besseren Art... - -- Christian Seel in der Berliner Morgenpost v. 9.3.1997 + -- Stephen Carpenter % The most effective has probably been Linux/8086 - that was a joke that got out of hand. So far out of hand in fact its almost approaching usability because other folks thought it worth doing - Alistair Riddoch especially. - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % The only other people who might benefit from Linux8086 would be owners of PDP/11's and other roomsized computers from the same era. - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % Ha. I say let them try -- even vi+perl couldn't match the power of an editor which is, after all, its own OS. ;-) - -- Johnie Ingram on debian-devel, about linking vim with libperl.so -% -Being overloaded is the sign of a true Debian maintainer. - -- JHM on #Debian -% - joey--very clever !!! - joey--no wonder that Debian is a good distrib with coder like you - -- Seen on #Debian (referring to my RAID article for the LJ) -% -There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. - -- Unknown source + -- Johnie Ingram on debian-devel, about linking vim with libperl.so % Despite the best efforts of a quantum bigfoot drive (yes I know everyone told me they suck, now I know they were right) 2.1.109ac1 is now available - -- Alan Cox announcing Linux 2.1.109ac1 -% - Turns out that grep returns error code 1 when there are no matches. - I KNEW that. Why did it take me half an hour? - -- Seen on #Debian -% -It's simply unbelievable how much energy and creativity people have -invested into creating contradictory, bogus and stupid licenses... - --- Sven Rudolph about licences in debian/non-free. -% - partycle: I seriously do need a vacation from this - package. I actually had a DREAM about introducing a - stupid new bug into xbase-preinst last night. That's a - Bad Sign. - -- Seen on #Debian shortly before the release of Debian 2.0 -% - i'm glad Debian finally got into - polar-deep-freeze-we-arent-shitting-you state finally. - -- Seen on #Debian shortly before the release of Debian 2.0 -% - Looks like the channel is back to normal :) - You mean it's not scrolling faster than anyone can read? :) - -- Seen on #Debian after the release of Debian 2.0 + -- Alan Cox announcing Linux 2.1.109ac1 % Alex Buell: Or how about a Penguin logo painted in really really trippy @@ -1628,202 +1413,166 @@ colours, and emblazoned with the word LSD. :o) Geert Uytterhoeven: We already had that one, but unfortunately Russell King fixed that nasty palette bug in drivers/video/fbcon.c :-) - -- linux-kernel + -- linux-kernel % Writing non-free software is not an ethically legitimate activity, so if people who do this run into trouble, that's good! All businesses based on non-free software ought to fail, and the sooner the better. - -- Richard Stallman -% -Außerdem noch [..] die Distribution für Puristen, denen technische -Eleganz und Qualität und philosophisch reine Lehre der `freien Software' -über totale Einfachheit geht (Debian) und viele mehr. - -- Anselm Lingnau in de.comp.os.unix.discussion -% -Fehlermeldung von StarOffice: - -Das Dokument wurde fuer den Drucker Generic PostScript Printer formatiert. -Der Drucker ist nicht vorhanden. Soll der Standarddrucker Generic -PostScript Printer verwendet werden? - -Ob Programme schizophren werden koennen? - -- Oliver Bedford + -- Richard Stallman % No, that's wrong too. Now there's a race condition between the rm and the mv. Hmm, I need more coffee. - -- Guy Maor on Debian Bug#25228 + -- Guy Maor on Debian Bug#25228 % Perhaps the RBLing (Realtime Black Hole) of msn.com recently, which prevented a large amount of mail going out for about 4 days, has had a positive influence in Redmond. They did agree to work on their anti-relay capabilities at their POPs to get the RBL lifted. - -- Bill Campbell on Smail3-users + -- Bill Campbell on Smail3-users % Microsoft DNS service terminates abnormally when it recieves a response to a DNS query that was never made. Fix Information: Run your DNS service on a different platform. - -- bugtraq -% -I am amazed that no-one's based a commercial distribution on Debian -yet - it is by far the most solid UNIX-like OS I've ever installed, -and I've played with HP/UX, Solaris, FreeBSD, BSDi, and SCO (not to -mention OS/2, Novell, Win95/NT) - -- Nathan E. Norman -% -Jim> http://www.novare.net/~eam/kaffe/ -Joey> ^ -Joey> And now we all learn how to write Ean's name and the URL is complete. -Jim> Hah! I noticed that the instead I sent it, and I tried to hit ^g, but - I was too slow. :-) - --- debian-devel -% -Die TeX-Artikel [..] aber doch inzwischen wohl nicht mehr an den -Fingern zweier Hände abzählbar (außer vielleicht von Informatikern, -die bekanntlich mit den Fingern bis 1023 zählen können. - -- Anselm Lingnau + -- bugtraq % And Bruce is effectively building BruceIX - -- Alan Cox + -- Alan Cox % I will be known as Ian Black, Ean can be Ian Red, Netgod Ian Blue, Che gets Ian Yellow, CQ is Ian Purple and Joey is Ian Indigo - -- Some #Debian channel + -- Some #Debian channel % When a float occurs on the same page as the start of a supertabular you can expect unexpected results. - -- Documentation of supertabular.sty + -- Documentation of supertabular.sty % -From: Ean Schuessler The unrecognized minister of propaganda, E - -- Debian, joking + -- seen in an email from Ean Schuessler % * liw prefers not to have Linus run Debian, because then /me would have to run Red Hat, just to keep the power balance :) - -- #Debian + -- #Debian % -<\\swing> and if we're playing old distributions... whatever happened to Yggdrasil? :) - \\swing: everybody who tried to pronounce it got their tongue in a knot and choked - -- #Debian +<\\swing> and if we're playing old distributions... whatever happened to + Yggdrasil? :) + \\swing: everybody who tried to pronounce it got their tongue in a + knot and choked + -- #Debian % I'm telling you that the kernel is stable not because it's a kernel, but because I refuse to listen to arguments like this. - -- Linus Torvalds -% -> Tut mir Leid, Jost, aber Du bist ein unertraeglicher Troll. -Was soll das? Du *beleidigst* die Trolle! - -- de.comp.os.unix.linux.misc -% -Wenn also die KDE-Arbeit nochmal gemacht wird bei GNOME, hat das die -Entwicklungszeit für ein freies Desktop-System verkürzt. Hast Du auch -irgendwo die passende Algebra zu der Rechnung? - -- Sascha Ziemann in de.comp.os.unix.linux.misc + -- Linus Torvalds % * dpkg ponders: 'C++' should have been called 'D' - -- #Debian + -- #Debian % The real value of KDE is that they inspired and push the development of GNOME :-) - -- #Debian -% -* dpkg hands stu a huge glass of vbeer -* Joey takes the beer from stu, you're too young ;) -* Cylord takes the beer from Joey, you're too drunk. -* Cylord gives the beer to muggles. - -- #Debian, celebrating the 5th anniversary + -- #Debian % Stupid nick highlighting Whenever someone starts with "stupid" it highlights the nick. Hmm. - -- #Debian + -- #Debian % And once Diziet/CQ make the formal announcment that LSA sucks, we can even reduce the Crisis Level rating and move on to linuxfoundation.org. - -- #Debian + -- #Debian % * LG loves czech girls. - LG: do they have additional interesting "features" other girls don't have? ;) - -- #Debian + LG: do they have additional interesting "features" other girls + don't have? ;) + -- #Debian % The first is to ensure your partner understands that nature has root privileges - nature doesn't have to make sense. - -- Telsa Gwynne + -- Telsa Gwynne % As to house maintenance, does it involve problem solfing? If so, -your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the +your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the musement value, if nothering ese). - -- Telsa Gwynne + -- Telsa Gwynne % Remember: While root can do most everything, there are certain privileges that only a partner can grant. - -- Telsa Gwynne + -- Telsa Gwynne % Where is 'bavaria' proper? I thought it was austria. - -- Seen on #Linux + -- Seen on #Linux % Day X+4 months: Microsoft ships NT 5.0 for Intel.with a big media event on TV. IBM begins to ship Debian 4.6 as the standard OS on all machines from mainframe to PC and announces the move on Slashdot. - -- Christoph Lameter + -- Christoph Lameter % How many chunks could checkchunk check if checkchunk could check chunks? - -- Alan Cox -% -Q: How does a Unix guru have sex? -A: unzip;strip;touch;finger;mount;fsck;more;yes;umount;sleep - -- unknown source + -- Alan Cox % Someone on IRC was very sad about the uptime of his machine wrapping from 497 days to 0. - -- linux-kernel -% - netgod: 8:42pm is not late. - doogie: its 2:42am in Joeyland - -- #Debian + -- linux-kernel % We knew from experience that the essence of communal computing, as supplied by remote-access, time-shared machines, is not just to type programs into a terminal instead of a keypunch, but to encourage close communication. - -- Dennis Ritchie + -- Dennis Ritchie % -modconf (0.2.37) stable unstable; urgency=medium - [...] - * Eduard Bloch: - - fixed Makefile broken Marcin Owsiany a while ago. The default manpage - has been overwritten with the polish translation. I still wonder why - nobody noticed this before. Closes: #117474 - [...] - -- Eduard Bloch Sun, 28 Oct 2001 12:53:27 +0100 -% -<|ryan|> I don't use deb - u poor man - netgod: heh - apt-get install task-p0rn +Could somebody drag the Irix team kicking and screaming into the 1980's, +please? + +I realize it might be quite painful for them, but maybe you could buy them +a disco tape, so they'd feel a little bit more at home. + + -- Linus "Stayin' alive, stayin' alive" Torvalds % +#define SIOCGIFINDEX 0x8933 /* name -> if_index mapping */ +#define SIOGIFINDEX SIOCGIFINDEX /* misprint compatibility :-) */ + + -- /usr/include/bits/ioctls.h % -Could somebody drag the Irix team kicking and screaming into the 1980's, -please? +This kernel runs like a dessicated slug if you have more than 2G of memory +due to a 32-bit overflow. -I realize it might be quite painful for them, but maybe you could buy them -a disco tape, so they'd feel a little bit more at home. + -- Andrew Morton, on Linux 2.6.8-rc1-mm1 +% +Only way to run a proper userspace on hypersparcs with 2.6.x is to boot into +busybox, nfsmount a system image and then repeatedly try to run things until +you get lucky with DMA... - -- Linus "Stayin' alive, stayin' alive" Torvalds + -- Ciaran McCreesh, on Linux 2.6.x with HyperSPARC CPUs % -> +> When there isn't sufficient virtual memory, the compiler bails out, +> giving an internal error message. When I kill some processes, the +> error goes away. -The branden dodges your magical sigh. The branden attacks you with a -slew of words! The branden misses! +And what is the compiler supposed to do instead? Go shopping for you +and buy more memory? - -- Henning Makholm in + -- Falk Hueffner, on the GNU C++ compiler % -I don't think 'It's better than hurling yourself into a meat grinder' -is a good rationale for doing something. - -- Andrew Suffield in - <20030905221055.GA22354@doc.ic.ac.uk> on debian-devel +This code passes Torvalds test grades 0, 1 and 2 (it looks ok, it +compiles and it booted). + + -- Alan Cox +% +If there is any better use for being famous and respected than using that +status to question orthodoxy, I haven't found it yet. + -- Eric S. Raymond, in "We Don't Need the GPL Anymore" +% + xemacs fixed my flatulence + -- From the "XEmacs: Not just an editor" department % -< Overfiend> whew. -< Overfiend> I really need to get some sleep. -< Overfiend> but it sure was fun talking guitars, politics, and lesbians. +You know, if Red Hat was smart, they'd have a fake front on their office +building just for visitors, where you would board a magical trolley that +took you past the smiling singing oompah loompahs who take the raw linux +sugar and make it into Red Hat candy goodness. + +Then they could use it as a motivator for employees....Shape up, or +you're spending time working "the ride"! + + -- Jim Wright on the TriLUG mailing list + % --- b/datfiles/linuxcookie +++ a/datfiles/linuxcookie @@ -43,7 +43,7 @@ get the background colors right, you'll know who to thank." (A follow-up by alovell@kerberos.demon.co.uk, Anthony Lovell, to Linus's remarks about porting) % -Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of +Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of code using nothing but vi or emacs. AAAAACK! (Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs.) @@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ sliced bread." * terminate things with extreme prejudice. */ die_if_kernel("Oops", regs, error_code); -(From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c) +(From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c) % "...Deep Hack Mode--that mysterious and frightening state of consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread." @@ -276,10 +276,6 @@ of careful development." "Never make any mistaeks." (Anonymous, in a mail discussion about to a kernel bug report.) % -> No manual is ever necessary. -May I politely interject here: BULLSHIT. That's the biggest Apple lie of all! -(Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of interfaces.) -% Not me, guy. I read the Bash man page each day like a Jehovah's Witness reads the Bible. No wait, the Bash man page IS the bible. Excuse me... (More on confusing aliases, taken from comp.os.linux.misc) @@ -491,6 +487,6 @@ for some of the brain-damages of minix. % I've heard a Jew and a Muslim argue in a Damascus cafe with less passion than the emacs wars." - -- Ronald Florence in + -- Ronald Florence in % --- b/datfiles/literature +++ a/datfiles/literature @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature" % A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI" + -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard III" % A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered. @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ The Metamorphosis LITE(tm) A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed. Lord of the Rings LITE(tm) - -- by J.R.R. Tolkien + -- by J. R. R. Tolkien Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano. @@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ The Odyssey LITE(tm) After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home. % After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. - -- H.L. Mencken, on Shakespeare + -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare % Alas, how love can trifle with itself! -- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona" @@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ All generalizations are false, including this one. -- Mark Twain % All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that -makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and +makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead. -- Samuel Beckett % @@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ than an old bird of paradise. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the -bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. +bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the @@ -191,10 +191,10 @@ put him at the head of the procession. % Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly. -- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1 - + Here is a letter, read it at your leisure. -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1 - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to I/O system services.] % @@ -216,7 +216,7 @@ for you and me." -- J. R. R. Tolkien % English literature's performing flea. - -- Sean O'Casey on P.G. Wodehouse + -- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse % Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take @@ -262,7 +262,7 @@ was a gate. [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to system overview.] - + % For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one? @@ -295,7 +295,7 @@ The Old Man and the Sea LITE(tm) An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck. % -Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. +Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" @@ -404,9 +404,9 @@ Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone! -- Charles Dickens % -"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I -know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must -be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people +"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I +know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must +be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles." -- Bastian B. Bux % @@ -434,7 +434,7 @@ If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it. If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. -- Mark Twain % -If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. +If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" % @@ -654,8 +654,8 @@ December, August, and February. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" % -Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. - -- Shakespeare +O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive. + -- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion" % One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. @@ -671,7 +671,7 @@ possess. Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author - -- Mark Twain, "Tom Sawyer" + -- Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" % question = ( to ) ? be : ! be; -- Wm. Shakespeare @@ -939,7 +939,7 @@ called 'Ways and Means': but that's only what it is called you know!" time completely bewildered. "I was coming to that," the Knight said. "The song really is "A-sitting on a Gate": and the tune's my own invention." - --Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass" + -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass" % The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen @@ -1262,7 +1262,7 @@ Deadpan Allie and lie. A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I -would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless +would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque. -- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers" % @@ -1320,5 +1320,11 @@ compatible?" She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually." - -- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background" + -- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background" +% +I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The +books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone +today! + -- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004" + on the topic of school textbooks % --- b/datfiles/love +++ a/datfiles/love @@ -341,7 +341,7 @@ possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. -- Rainer Rilke % One expresses well the love he does not feel. - -- J.A. Karr + -- J. A. Karr % People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey @@ -350,7 +350,7 @@ Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! % Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder... and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn. - -- N.V. Plyter + -- N. V. Plyter % Sometimes love ain't nothing but a misunderstanding between two fools. % @@ -442,7 +442,8 @@ There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again, don't we all? % -There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. +There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. + -- 1 John 4:18 % There is only one way to be happy by means of the heart -- to have none. -- Paul Bourget @@ -489,7 +490,7 @@ I'd LOVE to, but ... -- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist. -- I have some really hard words to look up. -- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting. - -- I promised to help a friend fold road maps. + -- I promised to help a friend fold road maps. % Why I Can't Go Out With You: @@ -507,7 +508,7 @@ I'd LOVE to, but... -- I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush. -- I prefer to remain an enigma. -- I think you want the OTHER Peggy/Cathy/Mike/whomever. - -- I feel a song coming on. + -- I feel a song coming on. % Why I Can't Go Out With You: @@ -524,7 +525,7 @@ I'd LOVE to, but... -- I have to study for my blood test. -- I've been traded to Cincinnati. -- I'm having my baby shoes bronzed. - -- I have to go to court for kitty littering. + -- I have to go to court for kitty littering. % Why I Can't Go Out With You: @@ -538,7 +539,7 @@ I'd LOVE to, but... -- It's too close to the turn of the century. -- I have to bleach my hare. -- I'm worried about my vertical hold knob. - -- I left my body in my other clothes. + -- I left my body in my other clothes. % Why I Can't Go Out With You: @@ -552,7 +553,7 @@ I'd LOVE to, but... -- There's a disturbance in the Force. -- I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling. -- I'm teaching my ferret to yodel. - -- My crayons all melted together. + -- My crayons all melted together. % "Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love you knowing nothing?" --- b/datfiles/magic +++ a/datfiles/magic @@ -4,8 +4,8 @@ or three normal sized billiard balls. -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic" % "A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, -let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that -there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, +let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that +there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club @@ -42,12 +42,12 @@ been surprised. "How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded. "And why were you afraid to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her." "I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat -replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were +replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were you. As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be deceived by appearances. Unlike human beings, who enjoy them. As for your second question --" Here he faltered, and suddenly became very interested in washing; nor would he speak until he had licked himself fluffy and then -licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but +licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but examined his claws. "If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been hers and not my own, not ever again." --- b/datfiles/medicine +++ a/datfiles/medicine @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ up. She ran up the stairs saying, "Johnny, Johnny, I have a *wonderful* surprise for you!" "Oh no," cried The Head, "not another HAT!" % -After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, +After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the @@ -211,7 +211,7 @@ of nothing. -- Redd Foxx % His ideas of first-aid stopped short of squirting soda water. - -- P.G. Wodehouse + -- P. G. Wodehouse % Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in 1929. Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an operating @@ -309,7 +309,7 @@ Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself a therapy. Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd. % Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - -- C.G. Jung + -- C. G. Jung % Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind. @@ -342,7 +342,7 @@ The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy. -- Dave Barry % "The molars, I'm sure, will be all right, the molars can take care of -themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become +themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become of the bicuspids?" -- The Old Man and his Bridge % @@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ The Vet Who Surprised A Cow surgeon was required to treat an ailing cow. To investigate its internal gases he inserted a tube into that end of the animal not capable of facial expression and struck a match. The jet of flame set fire first to some -bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000. +bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000. The vet was later fined L140 for starting a fire in a manner surprising to the magistrates. The cow escaped with shock. -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" --- b/datfiles/men-women +++ a/datfiles/men-women @@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ A bad marriage is like a horse with a broken leg, you can shoot the horse, but it don't fix the leg. % A beautiful man is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and -purgatory for the purse. +purgatory for the purse. % A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke. -- Kipling @@ -32,10 +32,10 @@ A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed. -- John Steinbeck % A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed -a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke +a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke with her for a few minutes, then returned to the front desk, where they checked in as Mr. and Mrs. - After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front + After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front desk and told the clerk he was checking out. In a few minutes, he was handed a bill for $2500. "There must be some mistake," the salesman said. "I've been here for @@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later. Before he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill. If that happened, he told her, she should fire her gun three times into the air and he would come to -her aid. +her aid. Shortly after they separated, he heard a single shot, followed quickly by the agreed upon signal. Running to the scene, he found his wife standing in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel. @@ -552,7 +552,7 @@ Being owned by someone used to be called slavery -- now it's called commitment. % Benny Hill: Would you like a peanut? Girl: No, thank you, I don't want to be under obligation. -Benny Hill: You won't be under obligation for a peanut. +Benny Hill: You won't be under obligation for a peanut. It's not as if it were a chocolate bar or something. % Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same. @@ -754,7 +754,7 @@ Shoes: The average man has 4 pairs of footwear: running shoes, dress shoes, boots, and slippers. The average woman has shoes 4 layers thick on the floor of her closet. Most of them hurt her feet. - + Making friends: A woman will meet another woman with common interests, do a few things together, and say something like, "I hope we can be good friends." @@ -877,9 +877,9 @@ of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back. "What happened?" "I was struck by the beauty of the place." % - Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their -engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who -was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy + Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their +engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who +was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy and sarcastic?" "Of course not," said a sympathetic friend. "Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer." @@ -957,7 +957,7 @@ for warmer weather where she eats and eats and eats. For two months, the father stands stiff, without food, blind in the 24-hour dark, balancing the egg on his feet. After the little penguin is hatched, the mother sees fit to come home. - -- L.M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman" + -- L. M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman" % He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. % @@ -1044,7 +1044,7 @@ people waiting to abuse me." I GUESS I'LL NEVER FORGET HER. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I have a hard time being attracted to anyone who can beat me up. -- John McGrath, Atlanta sportswriter, on women weightlifters. @@ -1165,7 +1165,7 @@ Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had. -- Brenda Starr % I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did. % @@ -1268,7 +1268,7 @@ In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -- a practice which is still continued. -- Helen Rowland % -In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man +In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of the revelers. Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet conversation, said, "I'm afraid you and I don't really fit in with this @@ -1317,7 +1317,7 @@ not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings. The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case, -there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the +there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments @@ -1328,7 +1328,7 @@ response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock? Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this -person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then +person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms. -- Playboy, January, 1983 @@ -1359,7 +1359,7 @@ dessert she wants. The dessert she wants is contained within yours. % It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. -- Maimie Van Doren @@ -1408,7 +1408,7 @@ bad legs should stick to long skirts because they cover a multitude of shins. "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe... I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who -forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported +forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..." "That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought," whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you." @@ -1507,7 +1507,7 @@ Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. -- Dr. Karl Bowman % Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Love makes fools, marriage cuckolds, and patriotism malevolent imbeciles. -- Paul Leautaud, "Passe-temps" @@ -1605,10 +1605,10 @@ don't mind... % Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food. % @@ -1652,7 +1652,7 @@ Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. -- Lazarus Long % Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % ... most of us learned about love the hard way. Even warnings are probably useless, for somehow, despite the severest warnings of parents and friends, @@ -1699,7 +1699,7 @@ no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman. % No man can have a reasonable opinion of women until he has long lost interest in hair restorers. - -- Austin O'Malley + -- Austin O'Malley % No modern woman with a grain of sense ever sends little notes to an unmarried man -- not until she is married, anyway. @@ -1739,8 +1739,8 @@ husband and wife. Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her. -- Vanbrugh % - Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll -through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated + Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll +through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her. "Maiden," croaked the frog, "would you do me a favor? This will be hard for you to believe, but I was once a handsome, charming prince and then a mean, ugly old witch cast @@ -1938,7 +1938,7 @@ The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain disdain; he is anything but her ideal. In consequence, she cannot help feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is their father. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The best man for the job is often a woman. % @@ -1954,7 +1954,7 @@ The chains of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, and sometimes three. -- Alexandre Dumas % -The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a +The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book. % The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff: @@ -1990,7 +1990,7 @@ The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. % The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love. @@ -2162,7 +2162,7 @@ bags! I just won the California lottery!" of the house by dinner!" % 'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % To be beautiful is enough! if a woman can do that well who should demand more from her? You don't want a rose to sing. @@ -2341,7 +2341,7 @@ continuously until death do them part. -- George Bernard Shaw % When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Sententiae" % When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues. @@ -2409,7 +2409,7 @@ Women are just like men, only different. % Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % Women are not much, but they are the best other sex we have. -- Herold @@ -2473,7 +2473,7 @@ Women, deceived by men, want to marry them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other. -- Philippe De Remi % -Women, when they are not in love, have all the cold blood of an experienced +Women, when they are not in love, have all the cold blood of an experienced attorney. -- Honor'e de Balzac % --- b/datfiles/miscellaneous +++ a/datfiles/miscellaneous @@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ gets out and goes into the office. "I need some four-by-two's," he says. "You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk. The man scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go -check." +check." Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be acceptable. @@ -399,15 +399,15 @@ what 'it' means." Duck: "it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?" % -From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. +From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached. -- F. Kafka % Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - -- H.H. Williams + -- H. H. Williams % General notions are generally wrong. - -- Lady M.W. Montagu + -- Lady M. W. Montagu % Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world. @@ -421,7 +421,7 @@ Gloffing is a state of mine. Go 'way! You're bothering me! % Go away, I'm all right. - -- H.G. Wells' last words. + -- H. G. Wells' last words. % Go climb a gravity well! % @@ -728,7 +728,7 @@ If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? % If the ends don't justify the means, then what does? - -- Robert Moses + -- Robert Moses % If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. @@ -845,7 +845,7 @@ It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately. % It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ... - --- James Dent + -- James Dent % It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I @@ -896,7 +896,7 @@ Knocked, you weren't in. Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -- Henry N. Camp % -L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare. +L'hasard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare. -- L. Pasteur % La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah. @@ -904,7 +904,7 @@ La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah. Lake Erie died for your sins. % Language is a virus from another planet. - -- William Burroughs + -- William Burroughs % Laughing at you is like drop-kicking a wounded humming bird. % @@ -938,7 +938,7 @@ Life is like an analogy. Life is not for everyone. % Life would be tolerable but for its amusements. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. % @@ -973,7 +973,7 @@ Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self. Man who sleep in beer keg wake up sticky. % Marigold: Jealousy -Mint: Virute +Mint: Virtue Orange blossom: Your purity equals your loveliness Orchid: Beauty, magnificence Pansy: Thoughts @@ -1019,7 +1019,7 @@ Metermaids eat their young. Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! % Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. - -- Jean Cocteau + -- Jean Cocteau % Moebius strippers never show you their back side. % @@ -1086,7 +1086,7 @@ No yak too dirty; no dumpster too hollow. Nobody ever died from oven crude poisoning. % Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable. - -- M.J. 0'Donnell + -- M. J. 0'Donnell % Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades. % @@ -1162,7 +1162,7 @@ Peace be to this house, and all that dwell in it. Phone call for chucky-pooh. % Piece of cake! - -- G.S. Koblas + -- G. S. Koblas % Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past! @@ -1358,9 +1358,9 @@ The best prophet of the future is the past. The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used. -- Herbert von Fritzlar % -The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, -and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished. - -- H.D. Thoreau +The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, +and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished. + -- H. D. Thoreau % The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. % @@ -1492,7 +1492,7 @@ There is nothing new except what has been forgotten. -- Marie Antoinette % There seems no plan because it is all plan. - -- C.S. Lewis + -- C. S. Lewis % There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. @@ -1526,7 +1526,7 @@ This sentence no verb. % Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time. - -- A.E. Houseman + -- A. E. Houseman % Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do. @@ -1627,7 +1627,7 @@ What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die? What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you. -- Robert Frost - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to AST's.] % @@ -1757,3 +1757,11 @@ hills and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are...Hear me, my Chiefs!! I am tired: my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more. Chief Joseph, (Nez Perce) % +[I]f you're trying to choose between two theories and one gives you an +excuse for being lazy, the other one is probably right." + -- Paul Graham, "What You'll Wish You'd Known" +% +Whether your covers star a male or a female, I read your magazine for the +articles + -- Leo Costales, in "Outside July 2005" +% --- b/datfiles/news +++ a/datfiles/news @@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff. % "... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own." - -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words + -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words % And that's the way it is... -- Walter Cronkite @@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ If I were to walk on water, the press would say I'm only doing it because I can't swim. -- Bob Stanfield % -If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich, +If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich, or famous or both. % In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" @@ -152,7 +152,7 @@ can't talk for people who can't read. % My father was a God-fearing man, but he never missed a copy of the New York Times, either. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977 @@ -219,7 +219,7 @@ to form on teeth around 4:00 PM in the afternoon. Film at 11:00. % The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating -people to approach printed matter with distrust. +people to approach printed matter with distrust. % "The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The --- b/datfiles/off/Makefile +++ a/datfiles/off/Makefile @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ OCOOKIES_UNROTATED=drugs misandry privates sex astrology ethnic \ miscellaneous racism songs-poems black-humor hphobia misogyny \ religion vulgarity definitions limerick politics riddles zippy \ - cookie fortunes linux art atheism debian + cookie fortunes linux art atheism debian knghtbrd OCOOKIES_ROTATED= @@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ recoded-stamp: recode latin1..u8 unrotated/$$i; \ done touch recoded-stamp - + install: install -m 0755 -d $(OCOOKIEDIR) for i in $(OCOOKIES) ; \ @@ -49,4 +49,4 @@ clean: mv unrotated/$$i.old unrotated/$$i; \ fi; \ done - + --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/art +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/art @@ -1,3 +1,6 @@ X-rated movies are all alike ... the only thing they leave to the imagination is the plot. % +Hamburg was fantastic. Between the whores and the groupies our dicks +all just about dropped off. + -- John Lennon, on the Beatles' early career in Germany --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/atheism +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/atheism @@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. -%% +% God is real, unless declared integer. % God is love @@ -1579,7 +1579,7 @@ every deed is foul, foul, foul." see the attempts to reconcile science and religion by disparaging the reduction of the complex to the simple as attempts guided by muddle-headed sentiment and intellectually dishonest emotion?" - [P.W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science" essay in "Nature's + [P. W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science" essay in "Nature's Imagination", John Cornwell, ed.; 1995 Oxford University Press, p.123] % "Religion closes off the central questions of existence by attempting to @@ -1595,7 +1595,7 @@ every deed is foul, foul, foul." power of the human intellect. Science is the apotheosis of the intellect and the consummation of the Rennaissance. Science respects more deeply the potential of humanity than religion ever can." - [P.W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science" essay in "Nature's + [P. W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science" essay in "Nature's Imagination", John Cornwell, ed.; 1995 Oxford University Press, p.125] % "It's a vacuous answer . . . To say that 'God made the world' is @@ -1696,14 +1696,14 @@ every deed is foul, foul, foul." or presides over this world, there is equally no good reason to believe that a god created or presides over the next world, on the unlikely supposition that such a thing exists." - [Sir A.J. Ayer, in the Sunday Telegraph, Aug. 28, 1988, pg. 5] + [Sir A. J. Ayer, in the Sunday Telegraph, Aug. 28, 1988, pg. 5] % "The fact that people have religious experiences is interesting from the psychological point of view, but it does not in any way imply that there is such a thing as religious knowledge...Unless he can formulate his "knowldege" in propositions that are empirically verifiable, we may be sure that he is deceiving himself." - [A.J. Ayer, "Language, Truth and Logic"] + [A. J. Ayer, "Language, Truth and Logic"] % "Religious Cult: The church down the street from yours." [_B.C._ cartoon, 30 April 1994] @@ -2225,7 +2225,7 @@ every deed is foul, foul, foul." small thing to make men truly free, to destroy the dogmas of ignorance, prejudice and power, the poisoned fables of superstition, and drive from the beautiful face of earth the fiend of fear?" - [D.M. Bennett, _Champions of the Church_] + [D. M. Bennett, _Champions of the Church_] % "Faith - the ability to believe the ridiculous for the sublime." [Rich Bennett] @@ -3384,7 +3384,7 @@ Crowd: "Burn him, burn him!" "Armies of Bible scholars and theologians have for centuries found respected employment devising artful explanations of the Bible often not really meaning what it says." - [J.S. Bullion, Jr., U.S. freethinker, writer] + [J. S. Bullion, Jr., U.S. freethinker, writer] % "The attack on the peasant economy was accompanied by a fierce campaign against the Orthodox Church, the center of traditional peasant culture, @@ -3717,7 +3717,7 @@ Crowd: "Burn him, burn him!" their opinions. Some have preferred, like Socrates, some would prefer today, to face death rather than conceal their thoughts. Thus freedom of thought, in any valuable sense, includes freedom of speech." - [J.B. Bury, "A History of Freedom of Thought", 1913] + [J. B. Bury, "A History of Freedom of Thought", 1913] % "[T]he ideal of progress, freedom of thought, and the decline of ecclesiastical power go together." @@ -6646,7 +6646,7 @@ When Yahweh your god has settled you in the land you're about conducive to self-deceit, because the lust of dominion, when it has become a passion, is only too easily in this case excused under the plea of zeal for the salvation of others." - [Professor J.H. von Dullinger -- who was subsequently + [Professor J. H. von Dullinger -- who was subsequently excommunicated from the Roman Catholic church (1871)] % "If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which @@ -7038,7 +7038,7 @@ When Yahweh your god has settled you in the land you're about Hubbard's Scrapbook, p. 126] % "Our literature is a substitute for religion, and so is our religion." - [T.S. Eliot, Milton, 1947] + [T. S. Eliot, Milton, 1947] % "The Church had a devastating impact upon society. as the church assumed leadership, activity in the fields of medicine, technology, science, @@ -7203,7 +7203,7 @@ When Yahweh your god has settled you in the land you're about % "Belief is not a matter of choice, and therefore cannot be used as a measure of virtue." - [M.J. Engh, "Rainbow Man", pg. 43] + [M. J. Engh, "Rainbow Man", pg. 43] % "Lemme get this straight, you have "faith" in the existence of the most powerful being you can imagine, who's your best bud and who you can ask @@ -7737,20 +7737,20 @@ spirituality. Fight the menace of second-hand faith! [W. C. Fields] % "I'm looking for loopholes." - [W.C. Fields, when + [W. C. Fields, when caught reading the Bible] % "To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe. Someone has to come up with the whys and wherefores." - [W.C. Fields, from "W.C. Fields + [W. C. Fields, from "W. C. Fields & Me" by Carlotta Monti] % "Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking." - [W.C. Fields] + [W. C. Fields] % "A world where most men prefer sex with little children to sex with grown women, mostly allegedly Christian parents secretly engage in bloody @@ -7759,7 +7759,7 @@ spirituality. Fight the menace of second-hand faith! just as little sense - as a world where the universe is ruled by the ghost of a crucified Jew and George Bush had rational reasons (which no one can now remember) for bombing Iraq again two days before leaving the White House." - [Prof. T.F.X. Finnegan, Trinity College, Dublin] + [Prof. T. F. X. Finnegan, Trinity College, Dublin] % "What kind of a god would crucify his own son?" [Firesign Theatre] @@ -7910,7 +7910,7 @@ But who will come and save you from your Lord? % "The only terror in death is the apprehension of what lies beyond it, and that emotion is impossible to a sincere disbeliever." - [G.W. Foote, "Infidel Death Beds"] + [G. W. Foote, "Infidel Death Beds"] % "The man who worships a tyrant in heaven naturally submits his neck to the yoke of tyrants on earth." @@ -8269,7 +8269,7 @@ My School Prayer. % "The right of holding slaves is clearly established in the Holy Scriptures, both by precept and example." - [Rev. R. Furman, D.D., Baptist, of South Carolina] + [Rev. R. Furman, D. D., Baptist, of South Carolina] % "He asked: "Why did God create mosquitos"? I answered: "To watch man chasing them, as it @@ -9055,7 +9055,7 @@ Christianity, n. a virtue to accept statements without adequate evidence, which leaves them a prey to quacks of every kind in later life, and makes it very difficult for them to accept the methods of thought which are successful in science." - [J.B.S. Haldane] + [J. B. S. Haldane] % "My practise as a scientist is atheistic. That is to say, when I set up an experiment I assume that no god, angel, or devil is going to interfere with @@ -9063,7 +9063,7 @@ Christianity, n. achieved in my professional career. I should therefore be intellectually dishonest if I were not also atheistic in the affairs of the world. And I should be a coward if I did not state my theoretical views in public." - [J.B.S. Haldane, cited by L. Beverly Halstead in his article + [J. B. S. Haldane, cited by L. Beverly Halstead in his article "Evolution -- the Fossils Say Yes!" in _Science and Creationism_, edited by Ashley Montagu [Oxford U. Press, 1984] page 241)] % @@ -9578,7 +9578,7 @@ Christianity, n. propose a plan-it is God's plan. When they point the way, there is no other that is safe. When they give direction, it should mark the end of controversy. God works in no other way.'" - [G.T. Harrison, "Mormons are a Peculiar + [G. T. Harrison, "Mormons are a Peculiar People", Vantage Press, 1954, (pp. ix)] % "The barbaric religions of primitive worlds hold not a germ of scientific @@ -9817,7 +9817,7 @@ Jesus kissing Santa Claus belief by displaying my lack of such belief, or even stating my lack of belief, if I was not challenged." [From _Hayek on Hayek: An Autobiographical Dialogue_, edited by Stephen - Kresge and Leif Wenar (University of Chicago Press, 1994), pp. 40-41. F.A. + Kresge and Leif Wenar (University of Chicago Press, 1994), pp. 40-41. F. A. Hayek is considered the foremost defender of capitalism in the 20th century] % "That which the heathen had respected the Catholic outraged. The great @@ -9892,7 +9892,7 @@ Jesus kissing Santa Claus on biblical epics solving "the fornication problem" in Hollywood] % "God is, as it were, the sewer into which all contradictions flow" - [G.W.F. Hegel, Lectures on the History of Philosophy] + [G. W. F. Hegel, Lectures on the History of Philosophy] % "A disturbing fact continues to surface in sex abuse research. The first best predictor of abuse is alcohol or drug addiction in the father. But @@ -10202,7 +10202,7 @@ Jesus kissing Santa Claus toward the goal of making me a priest. I had to pray and go to church endlessly, do penance over the slightest misdeed-- praying as punishment for any little unkindness to my sister, or something like that." - [Rudolf Hess, to psychologist G.M. Gilbert, in his Nuremberg + [Rudolf Hess, to psychologist G. M. Gilbert, in his Nuremberg cell, from Louis L. Snyder, "Hitler's Elite, Shocking Profiles of the Reich's Most Notorious Henchmen", Berkley Books, 1990] % @@ -11107,7 +11107,7 @@ about 500,000 members ..." may be evaded, but a fair and pertinent question creates no animosity, and must answered, since silence is a confession of error or of ignorance." [George Jacob Holyoake, "Introduction" to - _A New Catechism_ by M.M. Mangasarian] + _A New Catechism_ by M. M. Mangasarian] % "For myself, I flee the Bible as a viper, and revolt at the touch of a Christian." @@ -11139,7 +11139,7 @@ about 500,000 members ..." "If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?" [Art Hoppe] % -"The casual argument is not merely invalid but self-contradictory: the +"The causal argument is not merely invalid but self-contradictory: the conclusion, which says that something (God) does not have a cause, contradicts the premise, which says that everything must have a cause. If that premise is true, the conclusion cannot be true; and if the conclusion @@ -12592,7 +12592,7 @@ In Jesus name we pray.... stumblers carried in the star-less night, -- blown and flared by passion's storm,-- and yet, it is the only light. Extinguish that, and nought remains." [Robert G. Ingersoll, Field-Ingersoll Debate, - "A Reply to the Rev. Henry M. Field, D.D., 1887] + "A Reply to the Rev. Henry M. Field, D. D., 1887] % "Beyond the truths that have been demonstrated is the horizon of the Probable, and in the world of the Probable every man has the right to guess for himself. @@ -12738,7 +12738,7 @@ In Jesus name we pray.... of the man, of the woman. By these actions we judge of the character, of the soul. So I make up my mind as to whether a man is good or bad, not by his theories, but by his actions." - [Robert G. Ingersoll, Reply to Rev. J.M. King & Rev. Thomas Dixon, + [Robert G. Ingersoll, Reply to Rev. J. M. King & Rev. Thomas Dixon, printed in the Evening Telegraph, regarding their response to his "Christmas Sermon" in the Evening Telegram, December 19, 1891] % @@ -13153,7 +13153,7 @@ In Jesus name we pray.... proclaim as "tidings of great joy" that an Infinite Spider is weaving webs to catch the souls of men." [Robert G. Ingersoll, Field-Ingersoll Debate, - "A Reply to the Rev. Henry M. Field, D.D., 1887] + "A Reply to the Rev. Henry M. Field, D. D., 1887] % "I beg, I implore, I beseech you, never to give another dollar to build a church in which that lie is preached. Never give another cent to send a @@ -13186,7 +13186,7 @@ In Jesus name we pray.... % "Labor is the only prayer that Nature answers." [Robert G. Ingersoll, "Address to the Jury", - trial of C.B. Reynolds for Blasphemy] + trial of C. B. Reynolds for Blasphemy] % "To me, the most obscene word in our language is celibacy." [Robert G. Ingersoll, "Liberty in Literature", 1890] --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/black-humor +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/black-humor @@ -36,19 +36,19 @@ call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % - A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved -dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his + A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved +dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his brother and inquires after his pet. "Your dog's dead," replies his brother bluntly. - The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me," -he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way -of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got -outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a + The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me," +he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way +of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got +outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a corner...' or something...? Why are you always so thoughtless?" "Look, I'm sorry," said his brother, "I guess I just didn't think." "Okay, okay, let's just put it behind us. How are you anyway? How's Mom?" - His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got + His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got outside one day..." % A guy walks into a pub and asks: "Does anyone here own a Doberman? @@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ this marriage and I would want to be this happy again." The wife asked, "Would you give your new wife my car?" "Yes," he replied. "That's a good car and it runs well." "Well, would you live in this house?" - "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully. + "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully. I've always loved it here." "Well, would you give her my golf clubs?" "No." @@ -213,7 +213,7 @@ spider is suing you for damages. % At social gatherings, I would amuse everyone by standing uponst the coffee table and striking meself repeatedly upon the head with a brick. - -- H.R. Gumby + -- H. R. Gumby % "Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? @@ -238,10 +238,10 @@ to suspect 'Hungry' ..." % **** CONVENTION REMINDER -No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects -Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice -smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel -carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button +No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects +Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice +smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel +carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button marked "450 volts", react as you would normally. % Crush! Kill! Destroy! @@ -314,7 +314,7 @@ W.C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of to sleep with her head in a safe. She died in Bolivia. Don: Oh Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative. W.C.: It's almost impossible. - -- W.C. Fields, "The Further Adventures of Larson E. + -- W. C. Fields, "The Further Adventures of Larson E. Whipsnade and other Tarradiddles" % Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers! @@ -348,9 +348,9 @@ Driving in Texas is simple. For the first 100 miles you swerve to avoid jackrabbits. For the second 100 miles you hit whatever jackrabbits get in the way. After that you chase off into the brush after them. % -During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were -blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face -country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost +During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were +blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face +country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost hit my wife." "Did I?" cried one hunter, aghast. "Terribly sorry. Have a shot at @@ -473,7 +473,7 @@ the gravy with." The hamper was close behind us, and George and I both turned round to reach one out. We were not five seconds getting it. When we looked round again, Harris and the pie were gone! - It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for + It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for hundreds of yards. He could not have tumbled into the river, because we were on the water side of him, and he would have had to climb over us to do it. George and I gazed all about. Then we gazed at each other. @@ -504,7 +504,7 @@ was an excellent shot that landed 7 feet from the hole. "It's the least I could do," he said, smiling at his shot, "We were married for 22 years, you know." % - Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home + Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home from the club to an irate, ranting wife. "I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost @@ -562,12 +562,12 @@ He's got the heart of a little child, and he keeps it in a jar on his desk. "How would that help?" "Used a whip." % -Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a -date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see? -And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so -you set off accross the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right -smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you -don't hear your girl screaming any more? +Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a +date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see? +And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so +you set off accross the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right +smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you +don't hear your girl screaming any more? Well, take a walk in the sun and hold your head up high! You'll show the world; you'll tell them where to get off! @@ -710,7 +710,7 @@ a customer. "Let me wrap your head in a towel." my arm." % I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % IF A KID ASKS YOU where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing @@ -719,7 +719,7 @@ to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did." % If every kid had a funny tooth to bite down on whenever the world disappointed him, prussic acid could solve our population problems in one generation. - -- G.C. Edmonson's Albert, "The Man Who Corrupted Earth" + -- G. C. Edmonson's Albert, "The Man Who Corrupted Earth" % ... If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls @@ -751,8 +751,9 @@ If you look rather casual with the knife when you flick it open, people don't like it. -- Gerry Youghkins % -If you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back to you, -hunt it down and kill it. +If you love something, set it free. +If it comes back to you, it'll be yours forever. +If it doesn't, hunt it down and shoot it with an AK 47 % "If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw." -- W. C. Fields @@ -846,7 +847,7 @@ Frito. -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings" % "It's all so painfully empty and lonesome... I don't think I can stand -any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are +any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are never missed. The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really... We come out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb. What is the point of it all? Who thought up this sickening circle of @@ -940,10 +941,10 @@ people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son." Laughingly I felled her with a right cross. -- Spike Milligan % - Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly + Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby. "Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "would you be so kind as -to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work? +to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work? All I have in the world is this gun." % My best argument against discrimination is quite simple: @@ -1017,11 +1018,11 @@ pulled forth the head, holding it at arm's length. "Is this your friend?" "That's not him -- thank heavens," the man said. "Henry's much taller." % - On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum -to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena. -There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning -alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't -dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is + On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum +to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena. +There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning +alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't +dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is saying." The centurion saluted, and hurried out to the virgin, getting as near the flames as he dared, and listened intently. Then he turned and ran back @@ -1191,7 +1192,7 @@ that you're the one holding it. Sam went to his psychiatrist complaining of a hatred for elephants. "I can't stand elephants," he explained. "I lie awake nights despising them. The thought of an elephant fills me with loathing." - "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do. + "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do. Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it. That way you'll get it out of your system." Sam immediately made arrangements for a safari hunt in Africa, @@ -1200,13 +1201,13 @@ time getting out on the jungle trails. After they had been hunting for several days, Sam's best friend grabbed him by the arm one morning and yelled at him: "Sam, Sam, Sam! Over there behind that tree there's and elephant! -Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer +Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer barrel! Now aim it! QUICK! SAM! QUICK! No! Not that way -- this way! Be sure you don't jerk the trigger! Wait SAM! Don't let him see you! Aim at his head!" Sam whirled around, took aim, and killed his friend. He was put in prison and his psychiatrist flew to Africa to visit him. "I sent you over -here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the +here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the psychiatrist said. "Why?" "Well," Sam replied, "there's only one thing in the world that I hate more than elephants and that is a loudmouth know-it-all!" @@ -1429,7 +1430,7 @@ showed that all had these things in common: "Oh my God," screamed Mommy, "You went and ate the Baby." -"What baby?" asked Daddy. "You know that's just the last of the leftover +"What baby?" asked Daddy. "You know that's just the last of the leftover donkey." "Donkey, my ass!" said Mommy with some sentience. "Do you think I don't @@ -1446,7 +1447,7 @@ showed that all had these things in common: Mommy, "that I was saving for Christmas dinner." "Testicles, testicles," said Daddy. "A man gets tired of testicles." - -- L.L. Zeiger + -- L. L. Zeiger % The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, The National Lampoon @@ -1540,10 +1541,10 @@ They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, 1864 % "They spend years searching for their natural parents, convinced their -parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone +parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone being happy to see an orphan? Nobody wants them... that's why they're orphans!" The speaker is Anne Baker, founder and guiding force behind -Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the +Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the whereabouts of their natural parents. She is a woman with a mission: "Basically, what we do is band together to exchange information about which orphans are looking for which parents in what part of the @@ -1555,7 +1556,7 @@ country. Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared. They look over the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons... yeah, they used to live here... I think they moved out about five years ago. I think they went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.' - "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again. + "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again. He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue. "It's really amazing how much these kids will put up with. Last year we even sent one kid all the way to Australia. I mean, really. Besides, if @@ -1717,9 +1718,9 @@ Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. -- Dean McLaughlin. % - "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40 -blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36 -blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly + "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40 +blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36 +blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly scare the piss out of him, bumping alone the street, feeling all his skin being ripped off..." "He'd be a bloody mess. They might think he was just some drunk and --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/cookie +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/cookie @@ -1,2 +1,40 @@ Shit Happens. % +Eat shit -- billions of flies can't be wrong. +% + Well, punk is kind of anti-ethical, anyway. Its ethics, so to speak, +include a disdain for ethics in general. If you have to think about some- +thing so hard, then it's bullshit anyway; that's the idea. Punks are anti- +ismists, to coin a term. But nonetheless, they have a pretty clearly defined +stance and image, and THAT is what we hang the term `punk' on. + -- Jeff G. Bone +% +Trailing Edge Technologies is pleased to announce the following +TETflame programme: + +1) For a negotiated price (no quatloos accepted) one of our flaming + representatives will flame the living shit out of the poster of + your choice. The price is inversly proportional to how much of + an asshole the target it. We cannot be convinced to flame Dennis + Ritchie. Matt Crawford flames are free. + +2) For a negotiated price (same arrangement) the TETflame programme + is offering ``flame insurence''. Under this arrangement, if + one of our policy holders is flamed, we will cancel the offending + article and flame the flamer, to a crisp. + +3) The TETflame flaming representatives include: Richard Sexton, Oleg + Kisalev, Diane Holt, Trish O'Tauma, Dave Hill, Greg Nowak and our most + recent aquisition, Keith Doyle. But all he will do is put you in his + kill file. Weemba by special arrangement. + + -- Richard Sexton +% +"Well, it don't make the sun shine, but at least it don't deepen the shit." + -- Straiter Empy, in _Riddley_Walker_ by Russell Hoban +% +"Take that, you hostile sons-of-bitches!" + -- James Coburn, in the finale of _The_President's_Analyst_ +% +"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!" + -- The Ghostbusters --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/debian +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/debian @@ -1,4 +1,3 @@ -% < Overfiend> well, excellent. I get to tear someone a new asshole. -- in #debian-devel % @@ -12,7 +11,7 @@ -- in #debian-devel % < Overfiend> MFen: but if you have the awesome manliness to cleanly - implement this missing feature, it will probably be + implement this missing feature, it will probably be accepted. < Overfiend> you'd be so manly you'd have to rent a wheelbarrow to cart your balls around @@ -27,3 +26,102 @@ he uses linux and is based in East Anglia :) "he uses linux". I run the Debian project, for fucks sake! :-P % +< asuffield> 125 should logically be... hmm... function key 20 +< asuffield> which is like.. the fuck? +< Overfiend> a long penis sticking out of the right side of the keyboard + -- in #debian-devel +% + To: + My manhood is not usually enlarged by men only. Such + enlargement often involves women. + -- in #debian-devel +% + moshez: This is finland. You don't need to say anything to + shop at the supermarket :) + You need to know what they mean when the cute checkout girl + asks if you want pussy. + That's all. + dark: is this a particularly common problem? + asuffield: Yes :) The word for shopping bags sounds like that. + -- in #debian-devel +% + the himilayan rat aparantly doesn't relise humping an allready + pregnant female rat gets him nowhere but a bitemark on the leg. +* Sir_Ahzz separates the rats. + -- in #debian-devel +% + apt sex + sex is probably updatedb; locate; talk; date; cd; unzip; strip; look; + touch; finger; head; mount; fsck; more; yes; yes; umount; make clean; + sleep + is there a female equivalent of that command line? + RST2003: sleep :) + -- in #debian +% + don't you people have something better to do than stare at + females you will never even meet? + asuffield: never say never + asuffield: I don't keep this chloroform-soaked rag in my + pocket for NOTHING + -- in #debian-devel +% + OW OW OW OW OW, jesus CHRIST. We're supposed to be FROZEN + and our LIBC and BINUTILS are maintained by CVS ADDICTS + whose LEFT HAND is SUPERGLUED to their DICKS + "*PANT* *PANT* YEAH BABY!!!! FRESH COMMITS TO CVS!!!!" + *PANT* *PANT* + -- in #debian-devel +% +< ari> why did gimp fail to build on amd64? +< nickr> because you touch yourself at night +< ari> how did you know :( +% +No, I'd rather look for porn. + + -- Debian Project Leader Martin Michlmayr, when asked to do some + real work +% +< ore> God uses GNOME? +< joshk> no wonder it rains so often +< ore> "Dammit, those damn heaven's gates won't open, gconfd crashed + again" + -- in #debian-devel +% + I'm a pope-worshipper, so I don't feel bound by your standards. +* seeeS thought it said vorlon was a pppoe worshipper + -- in #debian-devel +% +< keta> woah, I've been out for a week, a new stable release, a processor + on my laptop that will soon be abandoned, if i had had a girlfriend + I'll surely would have found her pregnant on my return + -- in #debian-devel, following the release of Sarge (3.1r0) +% + what the fuck is this code doing? + spray_min = SPRAYMAX+1; + mdz_: spraying + asuffield: sucking +% + "Hi, I'm too fucking stupid to understand a 15-year old + RFC, so please file a proper bug report on punched cards. + Thanks." +% +* Overfiend prefers girls who have developed, and DON'T FUCKING **GIGGLE** +% + I ought to perpetrate some sabotage to underscore my point + and trash the 0x60 codepoint in all the xfonts-base fonts. + bwa hahahahaha + bwahahahahahahaha + MOO)HAHAHAHAHA + YES THIS IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA + I OUGHT TO MAKE IT AN INVERSE, UPSIDE DOWN QUESTION MARK + BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA + MOOOOOAHAHAHAHAHA +--- Overfiend is now known as PUREFUCKINGEVIL + BWAHAHAHAHA + + -- Branden 'Overfiend' Robinson, on the subject of + people using `mismatched' quotes +% + i'm glad Debian finally got into + polar-deep-freeze-we-arent-shitting-you state finally. + -- Seen on #Debian shortly before the release of Debian 2.0 --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/definitions +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/definitions @@ -75,7 +75,7 @@ beef stroganoff, n: bi, n: When *everybody* thinks you're a pervert. % -Big Toe: +Big Toe: The pad of the male big toe applied to the clitoris or the vulva generally is a magnificent erotic instrument. The famous gentleman in erotic prints who is keeping six women occupied is using tongue, penis, both hands, @@ -258,9 +258,9 @@ Cox's philosophy: % coyote love, n: Coyote love is a nebulous term. Basically, what it involves is - the taking of a member of the preferred sex home from a singles + the taking of a member of the preferred sex home from a singles bar. Then, when you wake up the next morning, they're sleeping - on your arm. So, rather than wake them up as you escape, you + on your arm. So, rather than wake them up as you escape, you chew off your arm at the shoulder. coyote ugly, adj: @@ -780,7 +780,7 @@ Occident, n.: Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient. - -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" + -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" % Ocean, n.: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for @@ -878,9 +878,9 @@ Politician, n.: "polytetien," a person of two or more faces. -- Martin Pitt % -Pompoir: +Pompoir: -The most sought-after feminine sexual response of all. +The most sought-after feminine sexual response of all. 'She must... close and constrict the Yoni until it holds the Lingam as with a finger, opening and shutting at her pleasure, and finally acting as the @@ -927,7 +927,7 @@ pubic hair, n.: % Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques" % QOTD: "... was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort-of @@ -1163,7 +1163,7 @@ Sex: most amount of trouble. -- John Barrymore % -Showerbath: +Showerbath: Natural venue for sexual adventures -- wash together, make love together: only convenient overhead point in most apartments or hotel rooms to attach a partner's hands. Don't pull down the fixture, however -- it @@ -1189,7 +1189,7 @@ New Dealism: You have two cows. The government shoots one cow, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. anarchism: - You have two coes. Keep them. Steal another. Shoot the government. + You have two cows. Keep them. Steal another. Shoot the government. conservatism: You have two cows. Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows. % @@ -1343,7 +1343,7 @@ vaginal lubricant, n.: VD, n.: The gift that keeps on giving. % -Viennese Oyster: +Viennese Oyster: Lady who can cross her feet behind her head, lying on her back, of course. When she has done so, you hold her tightly round each instep with your full hand and squeeze, lying on her full-length. Don't try to put @@ -1380,7 +1380,7 @@ Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office: direction, and almost none will be returned to the source. -- John L. Shelton % -Woman is: +Woman is: finally screwing and your groin and buttocks and thighs ache like hell and you're all wet and maybe bloody and it wasn't like a Hollywood movie at all but Jesus at least you're not a virgin any more but is @@ -1395,3 +1395,11 @@ woman, n.: Zisla's Law: If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. % +ignoranus, n.: + A person who's both stupid and an asshole. +% +QFD: + Quelle fucking drag. "Jamie got stuck at Rome airport for +thirty-six hours and it was, like, totally QFD." + -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated + Culture" --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/drugs +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/drugs @@ -285,7 +285,7 @@ The weed of crime bears bitter fruit... but the leaves are good to smoke! % Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you. I really don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it didn't do @@ -304,13 +304,13 @@ life. Let's face it: That's the American way. Turn on, tune in, and take over. -- Tim Leary % - "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile -and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a -trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced -in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and -predatory. - The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm -at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that, + "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile +and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a +trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced +in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and +predatory. + The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm +at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that, Kid, I'd have myself a time!" -- William Burroughs % --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/ethnic +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/ethnic @@ -81,7 +81,7 @@ German, can knit and can curse in Latin. told, "that one is 150,000." "Why, what can it do?" he asks. "Well," says the shopkeeper, "to tell you the truth, he doesn't -do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary." +do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary." -- being told in Poland, 1987 % A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke. The man sitting @@ -131,11 +131,11 @@ Martians have that?" "Well, no," says the Martian. "Not the *goyim*." % A Mexican and a Texan worked together for a construction firm, and, -while they were good friends, they had a friendly rivalry over whose wife +while they were good friends, they had a friendly rivalry over whose wife was the better cook. One weekend, as the Texan's wife was out of town, the Mexican invited the Texan to have supper with his family. The Texan accepted, and that evening sat down to some the best stew -that he had ever eaten. +that he had ever eaten. "Damn! That stew is fantastic!" he exclaimed to his host. "What kind of meat is it?" "Rabbeet stew," replied the Mexican. @@ -331,13 +331,13 @@ capeau noir?" "Ma femme est morte." "O Monsieur! Quelle beau sentiment!" % - An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial + An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived he asked what kind of meat it contained. "These, senor," explained the waiter in halting English, "are the cojones -- the, what you say, the testicles -- of the bull killed in the ring today. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish and found it delicious. -Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. When it was +Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. When it was served, he commented to the waiter, "But these -- these cojones -- are much smaller than the ones I had yesterday." "True, senor, but the bull -- he does not ALWAYS lose." @@ -367,22 +367,22 @@ and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife." The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the Queen", while plunging the knife into his heart. The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells, -"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart. +"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart. The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells, while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!" % - An Israeli soldier was checking travelers' papers on a road, when a -man and a heavily pregnant woman on a donkey came by. "Your names please?" + An Israeli soldier was checking travelers' papers on a road, when a +man and a heavily pregnant woman on a donkey came by. "Your names please?" said the the soldier. - "My name is Mary," said the woman. - "And mine is Joseph," said the man. + "My name is Mary," said the woman. + "And mine is Joseph," said the man. "Oh," said the soldier, a little taken aback, "And where are you going?" "To Bethlehem." - "Your reason for going there?" + "Your reason for going there?" "To pay our taxes to the government." "Tell me," said the soldier, "are you going to name the baby Jesus?" - "Of course not," said the woman, "What do you think we are, Puerto + "Of course not," said the woman, "What do you think we are, Puerto Ricans?" % An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity @@ -418,13 +418,13 @@ popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red- blooded born and bred Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady. The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll -give you $10 for a blow job." +give you $10 for a blow job." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!" -Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! +Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna come 'round here raisin' the price of women in Texas!" % Bernard was a young eighty-three, not a gomer, and able to talk. He'd been @@ -722,15 +722,15 @@ Ona day Ima gonna to Detroit to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss ona my plate. She says you better no piss on the plate, you sonna bitch. I don't even know the lady -and she call me sonna bitch. Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. -The waitress bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tell her I wanna -fock. She tells me everone wanna fock. I tell her "you no understand", I -wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you -sonna bitch. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there isa no shits ona +and she call me sonna bitch. Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. +The waitress bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tell her I wanna +fock. She tells me everone wanna fock. I tell her "you no understand", I +wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you +sonna bitch. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there isa no shits ona my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me to go -to the toilet. I say "you no understand", I wanna shit on the bed. He say -you better no shit ona bed, you sonna bitch. I go to check out and the man -at the desk say "peace to you". I say piss on you too, you sonna bitch. I +to the toilet. I say "you no understand", I wanna shit on the bed. He say +you better no shit ona bed, you sonna bitch. I go to check out and the man +at the desk say "peace to you". I say piss on you too, you sonna bitch. I gonna back to Italy. % One day on a busy street corner a huge, burly looking man walked up to a police @@ -764,7 +764,7 @@ quite simple. They don't want to have to write all those thank-you notes. % Rosenberg wanted to leave the country. "And what is *your* reason?" asks the official at the Passport Office. - "I am told a pogrom is being prepared against the Jews and the + "I am told a pogrom is being prepared against the Jews and the barbers," replies Rosenberg. "Why the barbers?" "Everybody asks that question. That's why I want to leave." @@ -927,7 +927,7 @@ why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz? Fat Chance. -- Arthur Naiman % There was an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Newfoundlander sitting in -a bar having a few drinks together. +a bar having a few drinks together. The Englishman turns to the Frenchman, "So tell me, what do you do to drive your wife wild in bed?" "Well", replies the Frenchman, "After we make love, I go out to the @@ -974,20 +974,20 @@ Tourist to New Yorker: "Pardon me, sir, do you know what time it is, or should I just go fuck myself?" % -Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club +Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club car of a train headed east out of Chicago. "I say," queried the younger Englishman, "have you ever been to London?" - The American laughed. "It was my home for two years during the war," + The American laughed. "It was my home for two years during the war," he said. "Had some of the wildest times of my life in that old town." The older Englishman, a little hard of hearing, asked, "What did he say, Reggie?" "He said he's been to London, father," the younger Englishman replied. - After a little lull in the conversation, the young man asked, "You + After a little lull in the conversation, the young man asked, "You didn't, by any chance, meet a Hazel Wimbleton in London, did you?" - The American almost fell off his chair. "Hot Pants Hazel!" he -exclaimed. "My God, I shacked up with that horny broad for three months + The American almost fell off his chair. "Hot Pants Hazel!" he +exclaimed. "My God, I shacked up with that horny broad for three months just before I came back to the States!" "What did he say, Reggie?" the older Englishman wanted to know. "He says he knows Mother," the younger Englishman responded. @@ -998,7 +998,7 @@ penguin is dripping in sweat; his owner looks down and says to the other Finn, owner then runs off to the sauna. When he gets out of the sauna, he looks up at the porch, and sure enough, there is Urho and the penguin, sweating away. So he yells out "Hey, Urho, I thought I told you to take the penguin to -the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to +the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to the movies!" % Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. @@ -1083,3 +1083,10 @@ You've got to pity New Mexico... so far from heaven and so close to Texas. Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler. -- Zero Mostel % +To a Californian, the basic difference between the people and the pigeons +in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other. + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts +% +Q: Why is it that Mexico isn't sending anyone to the '84 summer games? +A: Anyone in Mexico who can run, swim or jump is already in LA. + --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/hphobia +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/hphobia @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ -A '49er walked into the saloon at Bloody Gulch. He'd been prospecting for -more than a year. +A '49er walked into the saloon at Bloody Gulch. He'd been prospecting for +more than a year. "Hey! Y'got any wimmen around here?" "Nope," the bartender replied, "But there's George in the back room." "I don't go for that kind of thing," the prospector scowled. He @@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ A few months passed before the miner found his way down the mountain again. He stumbled into the tavern and asked the bartender, "Any wimmen pass through this part of town?" "Nope. Nary a one. But we still got George in the back room." - Angry, the miner shouted, "I told you I don't go for that kind of + Angry, the miner shouted, "I told you I don't go for that kind of thing," and turned on his heel and left. Within a year he came back from his mine again. With a wild look on his face he re-entered the saloon. Leaning over the bar he whispered to the @@ -98,14 +98,14 @@ the tiny fellow has come, he starts to walk away. % Another stupid gay joke!!! You see, this gay man walks into a Texas bar and orders a strawberry -daquiri. The bartender looks him over with amusement and says: "We don't +daquiri. The bartender looks him over with amusement and says: "We don't serve your kind, buddy, why don't you get out of here before the boys come in and kick your ass?" The guy whimpers a little and lisps, "Pleasse misssture I am soooo thurstay...." Well, the bartender feels somewhat sorry for him and hands him a beer -on the house on the condition that he drink it in the back and leave as soon -as he's done. A little while later, a hulking cowboy walks in and up to the +on the house on the condition that he drink it in the back and leave as soon +as he's done. A little while later, a hulking cowboy walks in and up to the bar. He slams his fist on the bar and hollers, "I'm so thirsty, I could lick the sweat off of a bulls' balls!" From the back of the bar comes the cry... "Moo, moo, buckaroooooo!!!" @@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ He was so gay he'd never lean his ass on a baseball bat -- scared it'd get serious. % "Hello, Police Department." - "This is Thomas Parrish, 903 Sylvester Court. I've just been sexually + "This is Thomas Parrish, 903 Sylvester Court. I've just been sexually molested by a pervert, right here in my own home. It was horrifying!" "Just remain calm, sir, and tell me about it." "Well, the man came in the window wearing a ski mask. I was napping @@ -186,11 +186,11 @@ on the bed, in just my pajamas, and the TV set was on so I didn't hear anything. Suddenly he had his great big old callused hand over my mouth, holding me down. I tried to scream... he was pulling my pants off. I was so frightened! He held a knife to my throat and undressed so quickly. What could I do? I -couldn't stop him. He was huge. A great, hairy, beefy man, more than fifty +couldn't stop him. He was huge. A great, hairy, beefy man, more than fifty pounds heavier than I am, and hung like... Oh! it was terrible. He had an erection, and he knelt on my shoulders and forced the awful thing down my throat; forced me to suck it. Yes, officer! There was no escaping this man. -Finally, when I thought I would faint, he got off me and turned me over on +Finally, when I thought I would faint, he got off me and turned me over on my tummy, forcing my legs apart with his knees, and oh! I'm so embarrassed to say it, he put that huge thing... It must have been a foot long, and I don't know how thick... into my... Just a minute." @@ -285,12 +285,12 @@ took the young champion behind the barn. "Kid," he said, "the hens are after me for giving up my position so readily. So why don't we have a race, say, ten laps around the farmhouse? The winner becomes undisputed keeper of the henhouse and the hens will stop nagging me. - The young rooster, with only contempt for his elder, agreed. -Surprisingly, the older one jumped off to an early lead. His counterpart, + The young rooster, with only contempt for his elder, agreed. +Surprisingly, the older one jumped off to an early lead. His counterpart, weakened by the activities of the previous week, was never quite able to -overtake him. As they rounded the barn for the fourth time, the elder rooster +overtake him. As they rounded the barn for the fourth time, the elder rooster maintained a formidable lead. - Suddenly, a shotgun blast rang out. The young rooster fell in the + Suddenly, a shotgun blast rang out. The young rooster fell in the dust, his plumage riddled with buckshot. "Dammit, Emmy," said the farmer. "That's the last rooster we buy from Ferguson. Four of 'em this month, and every one's been queer." @@ -308,11 +308,11 @@ youth pointed to another, somewhat larger boy smirking in the corner. "That's him, sir, the one who forced me to do all those crimes against nature. The bully!" "Now tell me, son, as closely as you can, when this happened." - "Sir, two weeks ago on Wednesday at 4:00, then at 7:00 that same + "Sir, two weeks ago on Wednesday at 4:00, then at 7:00 that same evening, on Friday, twice on Saturday, two times on Monday, once on Wednesday, and then he met that bitch Roy and he hasn't touched me since." % -Then there was the girl whose boyfriend didn't smoke, drink or +Then there was the girl whose boyfriend didn't smoke, drink or swear, and never, ever made a pass at her. He also made his own dresses. % There is a new model of car being sold in San Francisco -- the pervertible. @@ -335,7 +335,7 @@ being so helpless. were rear-ended by a huge semi. Somewhat shaken, they maneuvered over to the side of the road, where Phil instructed Larry to get out and confront the truck driver. "Tell him we're going to sue, sue, sue!" he shrieked. - Obligingly, Larry got out and went around to the cab of the truck to + Obligingly, Larry got out and went around to the cab of the truck to deliver this message to the huge, burly driver, whose response was to snarl, "Ah, why doncha suck my cock." "Phil," said Larry, coming back to their car, "I think we're going @@ -382,18 +382,18 @@ be Frank!" % WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU MEET A QUEER PERSON: HINTS FOR HETEROSEXUALS - - + + 1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude. - + 2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion. - + 3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you. - + 4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you. - + 5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him. - + 6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person. -- ae606@freenet.carleton.ca (Victoria Edwards) --- /dev/null +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/knghtbrd @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + red dye causes cancer, haven't you heard? (; + fucking everything causes cancer, haven't you heard? + => + no, that causes aids +% + Europe Passes Pro-spam Law + I though only Americans were that fucking stupid => + apparently americans are quite naive :) +% +// Minor lesson: don't fuck about with something you don't fully understand + -- the dosdoom source code +% +"I am ecstatic that some moron re-invented a 1995 windows fuckup." + -- Alan Cox +% + Exactly how much of a PITA is this in C? + It's written in C++. + Hence my question. + I could do something like it in C. Anyone who saw the results + would think I was either a genius or out of my fucking mind. + They'd be right on either count. +% + *sigh* My todo list is like the fucking energizer bunny + It keeps growing and growing and growing and ... +% + It is when the example source won't compile ... +<``Erik> then you fucked something up + Nope, I followed their instructions +<``Erik> that may've been your problem :} +% + that's *IT*. I'm never fucking attempting to install redhat + again. + this is like the 10th fucking machine on which the installer has + imploded immediately after I went through the hell of their + package selection process. + Sammy: just use debian and never look back + timball: debian iso's are being written at this very moment. +% + these stupid head hunters want resumes in ms word format + can you write shit in tex and convert it to word? + \converttoword{shit} +% + who gives a shit about US law + anyone living in the US. +% + this is college course in formal logic + knghtbrd: i hate that shit, much prefer fuzzy logic :) + kev: fuzzy logic tickles. + knghtbrd: lol + knghtbrd: fuzzy logic is so cool, it models the world really well +% +* knghtbrd ponders how to scare the living shit out of 87 people at once.. + AHH! I can do it in 3 words!: + Microsoft Visual COBOL. +% + linux takes shit and turns it into something useful. + windows takes something useful and turns it into shit +% + Fuck, I can't compile the damn thing and I wrote it ! --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/limerick +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/limerick @@ -949,7 +949,7 @@ Said, I'm the match for any machine. My secret's aversion, To loops and recursion, Just acres of in-line routine. - -- W.J. Wilson + -- W. J. Wilson % A progressive professor named Winners Held classes each evening for sinners. @@ -1215,7 +1215,7 @@ She used it for many a bunt. But the unlucky wench Got it caught in her trench --- It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, -To get the thing out of her cunt. +To get the thing out of her cunt. % A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond to his yacht. @@ -2820,7 +2820,7 @@ Mutual masturbatorium. % The nipples of Sarah Sarong When excited are twelve inches long - This embarassed her lover + This embarassed her lover Who was pained to discover She expected no less of his dong % @@ -4437,7 +4437,7 @@ Who strung himself up with a cord Said he, of his work (Ere the rope snapped with a jerk) "I am leaving because I am bored." - - E.A. Guest + - E. A. Guest % There was a young lad named McFee Who was stung in the balls by a bee @@ -5733,7 +5733,7 @@ Who would not pay a whore what he owed her. And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda. % There was an old curate of Hestion -Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion. +Who'd erect at the slightest suggestion. But so small was his tool He could scarce screw a spool, And a cunt was quite out of the question. @@ -5881,7 +5881,7 @@ Who was stung in the arm by a wasp. When asked, "Does it hurt?" He relied, "No, it doesn't. I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet." - -- W.S. Gilbert + -- W. S. Gilbert % There was an old man of Tagore Whose tool was a yard long or more, @@ -5911,7 +5911,7 @@ There was an old man with a beard Who said, "It is just what I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks and a wren -Have all built their nests in my beard!" +Have all built their nests in my beard!" % There was an old person of Ware Who had an affair with a bear. @@ -6069,7 +6069,7 @@ They had come in the fugue to the stretto When a dark, bearded man from a ghetto Slipped forward and grabbed Her tresses and stabbed -Her to death with a rusty stiletto. +Her to death with a rusty stiletto. -- Edward Gorey % This limerick is **SO**FILTHY** that it would offend even you. So I'll put @@ -6114,7 +6114,7 @@ I think they have rotted the drums." % To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable. Their fertility was somewhat unstable. - He constructed a bed + He constructed a bed Out of tree trunks and said, "Even adders can multiply on a log table." % @@ -6289,7 +6289,7 @@ Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace, She replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!" % When you fuck little Annie in Anza -You get a great bossom bonanza: +You get a great bosom bonanza: Sucking Annie's soft tits Makes her throw fifty fits, And the fuck is a sextravaganza! --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/linux +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/linux @@ -1,12 +1,12 @@ -A word to the wise: a credentials dicksize war is usually a bad idea +A word to the wise: a credentials dicksize war is usually a bad idea on the net. - -- David Parsons in c.o.l.development.system, about coding in C + -- David Parsons in c.o.l.development.system, about coding in C % What's this script do? unzip ; touch ; finger ; mount ; gasp ; yes ; umount ; sleep Hint for the answer: not everything is computer-oriented. Sometimes you're in a sleeping bag, camping out with your girlfriend. - -- Contributed by Frans van der Zande + -- Contributed by Frans van der Zande % You can see that there are 25 unread articles in `news.announce.newusers'. There are no unread articles, but some ticked articles, in @@ -15,27 +15,33 @@ line?) You can fuck that up to your heart's delight by fiddling with the `gnus-group-line-format' variable. - -- From the (ding) Gnus 5 documentation, by Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen + -- From the (ding) Gnus 5 documentation, by Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen % printk("ufs_read_super: fucking Sun blows me\n"); - -- /usr/src/linux/fs/ufs/ufs_super.c + -- /usr/src/linux/fs/ufs/ufs_super.c % KDE == (see GayDE) Kool Desktop Environment - Make X Window look like winbloze... -What a fucking great idea! The developers of this have a mental sickness, please -avoid this product -> see GNOME. - -- Jakes on #Debian +What a fucking great idea! The developers of this have a mental sickness, +please avoid this product -> see GNOME. + -- Jakes on #Debian % "Oxford University has joined with IBM and the UK Government to build a sophisticated computing Grid based on the open standards of Linux that will enable early - screening and diagnosis of breast cancer...." Press + screening and diagnosis of breast cancer...." Press release within. In gratitude, the women of the world should all let Linux developers fondle their breasts, and the lactating ones should permit developers to drink. % -No, I'd rather look for porn. - - -- Debian Project Leader Martin Michlmayr, when asked to do some - real work +'Mounting' is used for three things: climbing on a horse, linking in a +hard disk unit in data systems, and, well, mounting during sex. + -- Christa Keil +% +This is a scsi driver, scraes the shit out of me, therefore I tapdanced +and wrote a unix clone around it (C) by linus + -- Somewhere in the kernel tree % +> No manual is ever necessary. +May I politely interject here: BULLSHIT. That's the biggest Apple lie of all! + -- Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of interfaces --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/misandry +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/misandry @@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ had a couple himself that night, and was feeling rather sorry for his fellow man, he asked the inebriated one what the trouble was. "I did a terrible thing tonight," sniffled the drunk. "I sold my wife to a guy for a bottle of Scotch." - "That is terrible," said the man, too much under the weather to + "That is terrible," said the man, too much under the weather to muster any real indignation. "And now that she's gone, you wish you had her back." "Thas right," said the drunk, still sniffling. @@ -81,3 +81,7 @@ You know the Norplant thing? It's a new birth control device for women. It's a cartridge, that goes in your arm. Well, they're coming out with a new one for men: it's a brain, that goes in your head. % +Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis is tiny and he +cannot spell. + -- Erica Jong +% --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/miscellaneous +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/miscellaneous @@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ stuck it in my back." "What did you do?" "What *could* I do? I married his daughter." % - I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, + I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife. @@ -158,7 +158,7 @@ Especially in a paternity hearing. % It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her. - -- R.E. Baber + -- R. E. Baber % It was New Year's Eve and the house was brightly decorated with holiday trappings. The only sound that broke the quiet was the click of Grandma's @@ -199,7 +199,7 @@ Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written -by a professional liar? +by a professional liar? If the applicant is a man, the employer must ask only one question: did the applicant go to TCU? If the applicant is a woman, the employer may simply ask: does she --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/misogyny +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/misogyny @@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman. -- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407. % And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve? The judgement of God -upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of +upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of criminal at the bar of justice. -- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer % @@ -99,7 +99,7 @@ Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work. Except for women. % Everyone in the office is welcome to join the group going to the Columbus -Theater tonight. Meet in the lobby at 8:30. The films are "Blue Jennifer" +Theater tonight. Meet in the lobby at 8:30. The films are "Blue Jennifer" and "Hot Coed Cheerleaders". % Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. @@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ for a rib?" Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs. -- Noel Coward % -Sure, and of course I would vote for a woman for president! +Sure, and of course I would vote for a woman for president! Quite naturally, we wouldn't have to pay her so much. % That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is @@ -253,7 +253,7 @@ sense of womanly feeling and propriety. Lady ____ ought to get a good whipping. It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. God created men and women different -- then let them remain each in their own position. - -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from Queen Victoria + -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from Queen Victoria % Were there no women, men might live like gods. -- Thomas Dekker --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/politics +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/politics @@ -38,9 +38,9 @@ communist. A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to -catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust +catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust the engineers - and from the very first years of the Revolution we saw to -it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept +it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers. -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago" % @@ -161,8 +161,8 @@ A: "Well, what if you really HAVE to go abroad?" R: "We take tanks." % An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese refugee had a discussion about -the happiness of life. - "To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a +the happiness of life. + "To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife, then slouching on the sofa watching Monday Night Football," the American said. "You Americans are not romantic at all", the French injected, "Sharing @@ -176,7 +176,7 @@ with fear, you rush out and open the door. Right there, you see two secret policemen ready to handcuff you. One of them says to you, 'Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, you are under arrest for your anti-revolutionary activities. You are being sent to the re-educational camp tonight!' Sweating profusely and -shaking uncontrollably, you reply to them, 'Comrades, Mr. Nguyen Van Binh +shaking uncontrollably, you reply to them, 'Comrades, Mr. Nguyen Van Binh lives next door.' That moment is happiness in life, my friends. % An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping that it will eat him last. @@ -231,7 +231,7 @@ without explanation. % Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government. - -- J.P. Morgan [Speaking, no doubt, on behalf of his highly- + -- J. P. Morgan [Speaking, no doubt, on behalf of his highly- paid tax lawyers] % Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, @@ -364,11 +364,11 @@ Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a Communist politician is through, he is through. % Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 + -- H. L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 % Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. @@ -478,7 +478,7 @@ morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at night! % Going into politics is as fatal to a gentleman as going into a bordello is fatal to a virgin. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" % Goose pimples rose all over me, my hair stood on end, my eyes filled with tears of love and gratitude for this greatest of all conquerers of human @@ -649,7 +649,7 @@ Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's headquarters. % I don't understand what all the fuss was about in Los Angeles. It's not like we looted Brooks Brothers when Oliver North got off. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % I go the way that Providence dictates. -- Adolf Hitler @@ -727,7 +727,7 @@ I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. -- George McGovern % I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways. - -- J.F. Kennedy + -- J. F. Kennedy % I'm not a lovable man. -- Richard Nixon. @@ -856,7 +856,7 @@ In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians. % In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency. During His press conference @@ -893,7 +893,7 @@ for governor, "No, Jimmy Stewart for Governor; Reagan for best friend."] % Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, Gary Hart, Joseph Biden and Michael Dukakis were on a cruise down the Potomac when the ship struck a rock and began to sink. - "Gentlemen," Carter said, "as good Christians, we should let the + "Gentlemen," Carter said, "as good Christians, we should let the women and children aboard the lifeboats first." "Fuck the women!" Kennedy shouted. "Do we have time?" Hart asked. @@ -955,7 +955,7 @@ trouble. Conservatives are better. They never run out on you. Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" % Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed: @@ -1418,7 +1418,7 @@ three years; and there were six honorable mentions of one year each. % The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the -participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national +participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the conference was the formation of a national organization that would "give expression to a shared consciousness." The @@ -1768,7 +1768,7 @@ TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM. ETEHFOR'AN, DEHRATEE, OTAGEH SHOMA MIKRASTAM KHE DO HAFTAEH BA BODANEH SHEEREEL TEEGZ. - Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed + Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs. % Vice-President Hubert Humphrey's loquacity is legendary, and Barry @@ -1859,7 +1859,7 @@ country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas." -- Ronald Reagan % We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square. - -- S.I. Hayakawa + -- S. I. Hayakawa % WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT. The MX is really [Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms- --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/privates +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/privates @@ -144,11 +144,11 @@ longer and about an inch wider," the doctor says. "That's great!" says his patient. "What's the bad news?" "Malignant." % -A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this -particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the -man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very -fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, -felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under +A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this +particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the +man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very +fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, +felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?" Suddenly the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, @@ -218,7 +218,7 @@ attendant. "Young man," she began, "do North American porcupines have sharper pricks than those raised in Africa?" The attendant hesitated for a moment. "Well, ma'am," he answered, -"the African porcupine's quills are sharper... but I think their pricks are +"the African porcupine's quills are sharper... but I think their pricks are about the same." % A traveling circus was performing in a small town, around the turn of the @@ -294,10 +294,10 @@ And now, the Bing Crosby show, brought to you by the makers of Ex-Lax. % Anything more than three shakes is for fun. % -Build a better mousetrap, the saying goes -- and with the brassiere, Yankee +Build a better mousetrap, the saying goes -- and with the brassiere, Yankee Ingenuity did exactly that. But their true stroke of genius was the new bait. -The old fashioned mousetrap was loaded with cheese; nobody cares much about -cheese, except mice. But when American know-how reloaded the brassiere with +The old fashioned mousetrap was loaded with cheese; nobody cares much about +cheese, except mice. But when American know-how reloaded the brassiere with tits, every heterosexual male in the country was hopelessly trapped. -- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*" % @@ -313,11 +313,11 @@ to the Personal Ads in the back of her local paper. In the ad she made it quite clear that what she was advertising for was an expert lover; she already had plenty of sensitive friends and meaningful relationships and what she now wanted was to get laid, to put it bluntly. Phone calls started coming -in, with each caller testifying to his sexual prowess, but none quite struck -the young woman's fancy. Until one night her doorbell rang. Opening the door -she found a man with no arms or legs, who informed her that he was there in -response to her advertisement. "I'm terribly sorry," she stammered, "but my -ad was quite explicit. I'm really looking for something of a sexual expert, +in, with each caller testifying to his sexual prowess, but none quite struck +the young woman's fancy. Until one night her doorbell rang. Opening the door +she found a man with no arms or legs, who informed her that he was there in +response to her advertisement. "I'm terribly sorry," she stammered, "but my +ad was quite explicit. I'm really looking for something of a sexual expert, and you... uh... don't have all the..." "Listen," the man interrupted her, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" @@ -447,7 +447,7 @@ just how big they was, and she said, "7 and 7/8". % I know what you're up to, you white-feathered fiend! Go release your bowels on some lesser personage! - -- W.C. Fields, upon seeing a bird overhead + -- W. C. Fields, upon seeing a bird overhead % "I need a camel that can go without water for at least three weeks," the American said to an Algerian camel merchant. "Is it possible?" @@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ Deferrals of a Dean, the Odd Volumes of a Librarian, the Footnotes of a Ph.D., the Low Grades of a Freshman, the Anxieties of an Untenured Professor? -- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels" % -I was a cock-teaser at Rooster Rama. +I was a cock-teaser at Rooster Rama. I used to enrage the bantams before the big bouts. -- Firesign Theatre % @@ -624,7 +624,7 @@ for a bet... God, that bloody sheep kicked him!" Mr. Hersh came home to find his wife sitting naked in front of the mirror, admiring her breasts. "And what do you think you're doing?" he asked. - "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the breasts of a + "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the breasts of a twenty-five-year-old." "Oh yeah? And what did he have to say about your forty-year-old ass?" "Nothing," she replied. "Your name didn't come up at all." @@ -864,9 +864,9 @@ on his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates. people took one look at you and shouted `they're off!'?" % The young man-about-town enjoyed luxury but didn't always have the means -to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he +to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he found out the charges for room, meals and golf privileges were $300 a day. -He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the +He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the rates were only $70. The following morning he went down to the hotel's golf course and asked Scotty, the pro, to sell him a couple of golf balls. "Sure," said Scotty. "That'll be $25 apiece." @@ -911,13 +911,13 @@ nurse. "Say, what's that hole in the middle of your forehead?" "My navel," blurts out the guy, "how d'ya like my tie?" % This fellow rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night. Men and women -stood three-deep at the bar. Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, -looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a john. He saw a -stairway and bounded up the steps to the second floor in his increasingly -desperate search. Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a -one-foot by one-foot hole in the floor. Now, at the end of his control, he -decided to take advantage of the hole. He dropped his pants, hunched over it, -and did his thing. Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the +stood three-deep at the bar. Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, +looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a john. He saw a +stairway and bounded up the steps to the second floor in his increasingly +desperate search. Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a +one-foot by one-foot hole in the floor. Now, at the end of his control, he +decided to take advantage of the hole. He dropped his pants, hunched over it, +and did his thing. Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the steps to find, to his suprise, that the crowded bar was now empty. "Hey!" he yelled to the seemingly empty room, "Where is everyone?" From behind the bar a voice responded, "Hey! Where were you when @@ -987,7 +987,7 @@ will happen, the executive sadly found himself unable to perform. into the bedroom to find his wife swathed in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly as she pored through a movie magazine. And then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent -erection. +erection. Looking down at his throbbing member, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up, son-of-a-bitch! Now I know why they call you a prick!" % --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/racism +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/racism @@ -11,5 +11,5 @@ dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies. -- J. Edgar Hoover % The whole white race is a monster who is always hungry, and what he -eats is land. Chiksika, (Shawnee) +eats is land. Chiksika, (Shawnee) % --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/religion +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/religion @@ -278,7 +278,7 @@ Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something. - -- E.J. Mayfield + -- E. J. Mayfield % Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch. @@ -470,7 +470,7 @@ I don't care what star you're following, get that camel off my front lawn! % I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an honest difference of opinion. - - Isaac Asimov + -- Isaac Asimov % "I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'" "Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy @@ -840,7 +840,7 @@ B"ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K"oln in 1653. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" % Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. - -- Stephen Coonts, "The Minotaur" + -- Stephen Coonts, "The Minotaur" % Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion. -- Blake @@ -966,7 +966,7 @@ This does not altogether accord with historical fact, for he merely said: is impossible." Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it. - -- C.G. Jung, "Psychological Types" + -- C. G. Jung, "Psychological Types" [Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church. Ed.] % "That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be @@ -1205,10 +1205,10 @@ Although the shock of the original incident had worn off during the intervening weeks, he nontheless phoned his mother to inquire as to her health. He went to bed reassured, only to be awakened in the night by his sister calling with the news that their mother had died suddenly in the night. The father had a series -of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered. About a month +of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered. About a month later, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Daddy, who won't -be with us much longer." The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was -going to die during the night. He resolved to stay awake all night; if awake +be with us much longer." The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was +going to die during the night. He resolved to stay awake all night; if awake and alert he should be able to prevent any tragedy. Morning came. Breathing a huge sigh of relief, he went to get the paper off the porch. There, lying dead on the doorstep, was the milkman. @@ -1271,7 +1271,7 @@ then we come that much closer to a truly religious situation on earth. We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Minority Report" % "Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to think there's some higher meaning to all this. It would certainly reflect well on you." @@ -1318,7 +1318,7 @@ When somebody protested at [Pope Alexander VI's] wholesale distribution of pardons for the most heinous crimes -- one of which included the murder of a daughter by the father -- he retorted easily, "It is not God's will that a sinner should die, but that he should live -- and pay." - -- E.R. Chamberlin, "The Bad Popes" + -- E. R. Chamberlin, "The Bad Popes" Judas sold Christ for 30 denari, this man [Pope Alexander VI] would sell him for 29. @@ -1374,3 +1374,10 @@ somethin'. One cult's the same another." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything." -- Townsperson in Estard, Dragon Warrior VII % +"I've recently noticed "as if for the first time" that when people pray +they always look "upward" -- i.e. perpendicular to whatever place they're +standing -- or kneeling or groveling. I deduce that they conceive of their +"god" as topologically isomorphic to a huge donut, about a thousand miles +wider than Earth." + -- Robert Anton Wilson +% --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/riddles +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/riddles @@ -418,7 +418,7 @@ increase your chance of getting dumped? % If girls are all sugar and spice, why do they taste like anchovies? % -If God hadn't intended man to eat pussy, would He have made it look like +If God hadn't intended man to eat pussy, would He have made it look like a taco? % If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals? @@ -1098,3 +1098,14 @@ his Wang. Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses? -- G. Gordon Liddy % +Q: Heard about the who couldn't spell? +A: He spent the night in a warehouse. +% +Q: How do you know when you're in the section of Vermont? +A: The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles. +% +Q: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean? +A: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the + Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take + the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews. +% --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/sex +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/sex @@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ (12) A beer can't talk about the women who had it before you. (13) A beer tastes good. (14) A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling. - (15) A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers' + (15) A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers' quarterback. (16) You don't have to let a beer win. (17) A beer always lets you read the Sunday comics first. @@ -621,7 +621,7 @@ or ten times, I guess." "Damn," said the frog, "that doesn't strike me as very satisfactory." "Oh, I don't know," replied the man, "it doesn't seem so bad for a Catholic priest from a little town in South Dakota." % -A man was traveling cross-country one summer from New York to LA. +A man was traveling cross-country one summer from New York to LA. He arrived in Needles, CA late one night and pulled into an Exxon for some gas. When he pulled up to the gas pumps, he noticed that all of the lights were off. Suddenly, he heard a faint sound from outside. He wasn't sure @@ -629,17 +629,17 @@ what he'd heard, so he rolled down his window and heard a faint cry, "Help... help... help". He got out of his car, and sure enough there was a guy stooped down in the corner, stark naked with his wrists tied to his ankles. He walked up to the guy and said, "Hey, man, what happened to you?" - "These guys pulled me out of my car, took my money, my wallet, my + "These guys pulled me out of my car, took my money, my wallet, my clothes, tied my wrists to my ankles, and then stole my car!!" "Damn!", replied the first man as he unzipped his pants. "This just -hasn't been your day, has it?" +hasn't been your day, has it?" % A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him. % A midget had a date with a very tall girl. It was a quiff-hanger. % -A mother and her daughter came to the doctor's office. The mother -asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange +A mother and her daughter came to the doctor's office. The mother +asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said. The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant." @@ -648,9 +648,9 @@ girl has never even been out with a man, let alone... let alone..." She turns to the girl and said, "Tell the doctor, Susie!" "Yes, Mumsy," said the girl. "Doctor, I have never so much as kissed a man!" - The doctor looked from the mother to daughter, and back again. Then, -silently he stood up and walked to the window. He stared out. He continued -staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something + The doctor looked from the mother to daughter, and back again. Then, +silently he stood up and walked to the window. He stared out. He continued +staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?" "No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if @@ -874,9 +874,9 @@ her mother returns they drive off. The little girl comments: "A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her drawers." -- Blind Lemon Pledge % -A young couple jumped out of their car and dashed into the park. -They hurriedly found a secluded spot and began to make frenzied, passionate -love. Shortly thereafter, as they were driving away, the young man turned +A young couple jumped out of their car and dashed into the park. +They hurriedly found a secluded spot and began to make frenzied, passionate +love. Shortly thereafter, as they were driving away, the young man turned to her and said, "If I had known you were a virgin, I'd have taken more time." She replied, "If I had known you had more time, I'd have taken off my @@ -904,9 +904,9 @@ received a telegram from their sister. It read: A.I. hackers do it with robots. % AC/DC is a rock band. - -- Bisexuality, 101 + -- Bisexuality, 101 % -Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex, +Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex, and a lot more that are worse; but there's nothing quite like it... % After a few steamy dances and a few more drinks, the pickup couple @@ -928,8 +928,8 @@ for a while, and then kissed on the couch. A little fondling, some feeling and petting ... to which the young lady lent herself shyly ... and then they were in the wide, cool bed, naked together. They chatted more, established a communion, a rapport the older man considered remarkably gratifying. The -girl seemed sympatico, innocent, good. - "Yes, that was it," he thought, "essentially good. Why, she could +girl seemed sympatico, innocent, good. + "Yes, that was it," he thought, "essentially good. Why, she could be my own daughter." He smiled into the young girl's deep blue eyes. "Tell me," he asked, his hand on her breast, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a hotel like this?" @@ -1125,7 +1125,7 @@ patients," but another voice kept reminding me, "Howard, you're a veterinarian." % As the truck driver came flying over the top of a steep hill, he spotted two figures in his path rolling around in the middle of the road. The driver blew -his horn and braked frantically, but the couple continued their lovemaking, +his horn and braked frantically, but the couple continued their lovemaking, oblivious to his warnings. The truck finally slid to a halt barely three inches from the pair. "Are you crazy?" the driver screamed at them. "You could have been killed!" @@ -1215,14 +1215,14 @@ BEAT ME, BITE ME, WHIP ME, FUCK ME!!! % Beat me, bite me, whip me, fuck me, make me write bad checks! % -Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife, -Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and -subject Sir Lancelot. "Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this -sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste +Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife, +Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and +subject Sir Lancelot. "Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this +sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste treasure I will entrust to only one man in the world. To you." - Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's -blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off. -Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned to + Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's +blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off. +Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned to see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him. "What is amiss, my friend?" asked the king. "My lord," gasped Lancelot, "you have given me the wrong key!" @@ -1230,7 +1230,7 @@ see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him. "Before we get married," said the young woman to her fiancee, "I want to confess some affairs that I've had in the past." "But you told me all about those a few weeks ago," her young man -replied. +replied. "Yes, darling," she explained, "but that was a few weeks ago." % Bend over and take it like a man! @@ -1240,16 +1240,16 @@ Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. % Bi now, gay later! % -Bill and Jim were walking home from work. As they walked along, they -discussed their wives' spending habits. "I don't understand how women -can spend so much money," Bill exclaimed. "I mean, understand, she +Bill and Jim were walking home from work. As they walked along, they +discussed their wives' spending habits. "I don't understand how women +can spend so much money," Bill exclaimed. "I mean, understand, she don't drink, and she's got her own pussy!" % -Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his best +Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his best friend asked him how it went. - "The first night we did it nine times," Bill said. "The second -night, eight times. The third night, seven times. The fourth night, six -times. The fifth night, five times. The sixth night, four times, and the + "The first night we did it nine times," Bill said. "The second +night, eight times. The third night, seven times. The fourth night, six +times. The fifth night, five times. The sixth night, four times, and the last night, nothing!" "Nothing?" his pal asked. "How come?" "Hey, you ever tried putting a marshmallow in a parking meter?" @@ -1465,7 +1465,7 @@ Confucious say: next spring. % Confucious say: - woman's irginity like balloon, one prick and all gone. + woman's virginity like balloon, one prick and all gone. % Conserve energy -- make love more slowly. % @@ -1493,7 +1493,7 @@ Now tell me what our problem is." "Well," said the husband, "we've just become the father of a bastard child." % -"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll +"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?" % "Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are married?" @@ -1597,22 +1597,22 @@ but you're dressed. It's great for the girl... you're hitting and rubbing exactly the area that you ought to be... I still like that. -- Grace Slick % -During a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her +During a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true, I do enjoy sex!" Then, turning to the counselor, she added: "But this fiend expects it three or four times a year!" % -Ed, a traveling salesman, had his car break down in the middle of a -blizzard. He trudged to a nearby farmhouse where the farmer told him that, -while they were short of beds, he could sleep with his daughter. She proved -to be eighteen and beautiful. So they went to bed, and shortly, Ed made a -pass at the daughter. "Stop that!" she said. "I'll call my father." - He desisted. But half an hour later he made another attempt. "Uh, +Ed, a traveling salesman, had his car break down in the middle of a +blizzard. He trudged to a nearby farmhouse where the farmer told him that, +while they were short of beds, he could sleep with his daughter. She proved +to be eighteen and beautiful. So they went to bed, and shortly, Ed made a +pass at the daughter. "Stop that!" she said. "I'll call my father." + He desisted. But half an hour later he made another attempt. "Uh, stop ... that," she said. "I'll call my father." But she moved closer to him, so he made a third try. This time, no -protest, no threat. Just as Ed, satisfied, was about to drowse off, she -tugged at his pajama sleeve. "Could we do that again?" she asked. - Ed obliged, and this time fell asleep only to be awakened by the -tug at his sleeve. "Again?" +protest, no threat. Just as Ed, satisfied, was about to drowse off, she +tugged at his pajama sleeve. "Could we do that again?" she asked. + Ed obliged, and this time fell asleep only to be awakened by the +tug at his sleeve. "Again?" And again Ed obliged. But when his sleep was once more interrupted by the tugging at his pajama sleeve, Ed indignantly pulled it away from her and mumbled, "Stop that! Or I'll call your father." @@ -1632,19 +1632,19 @@ Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats. Every harlot was a virgin once. -- William Blake % -Everyone in the smart nightclub was amazed by the old gentleman, -obviously pushing 70, tossing off manhattans and cavorting around the dance -floor like a 20-year old. Finally curiousity got the best of the cigarette +Everyone in the smart nightclub was amazed by the old gentleman, +obviously pushing 70, tossing off manhattans and cavorting around the dance +floor like a 20-year old. Finally curiousity got the best of the cigarette girl. "I beg your pardon, sir," she said, "but I'm amazed to see a gentleman of your age living it up like a youngster. Tell me, are all of your faculties unimpaired?" - The old fellow looked up at the girl sadly and shook his head. "Not -all, I'm afraid." he said. "Just last evening I went nightclubbing with a -girlfriend -- we drank and danced all night and finally rolled into her place + The old fellow looked up at the girl sadly and shook his head. "Not +all, I'm afraid." he said. "Just last evening I went nightclubbing with a +girlfriend -- we drank and danced all night and finally rolled into her place about two A.M. We went to bed immediately, and I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke around three-thirty and nudged my girl." "Why, George," she said in suprise, "we did that fifteen minutes ago." - "So you see," the old boy said sadly, "my memory is beginning to + "So you see," the old boy said sadly, "my memory is beginning to fail me." % Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex. @@ -1666,7 +1666,7 @@ Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "First, I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a little tight," said the guy aggressively. "Oh, no, you're not," said the girl. - "Then I'll take you to dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in + "Then I'll take you to dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in town." "Oh, no, you won't." "Then I'll take you to my apartment and mix up a pitcher of daiquiris." @@ -1692,7 +1692,7 @@ For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook. -- Quentin Crisp % -For her first week's salary the gorgeous new secretary was given an +For her first week's salary the gorgeous new secretary was given an exquisite nightgown of imported lace. The next week her salary was raised! % FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: #15 @@ -1784,12 +1784,12 @@ Dear Snow White: % Gardeners do it in raised beds. % - "Gee, Mudhead, everyone at More Science High has an extracurricular + "Gee, Mudhead, everyone at More Science High has an extracurricular activity except you." "Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?" "Only to ten, Mudhead." - -- Firesign Theater + -- Firesign Theater % Gentlemen prefer blondes, but who says blondes prefer gentlemen? -- Mae West @@ -1800,8 +1800,8 @@ George, after tying on a whopper the night before, woke up in the morning to find a pathetically unattractive woman sleeping blissfully beside him. He leaped out of bed, dressed quickly, and furtively placed $100 on top of the bureau. He then started to tiptoe out of the room. But, as he passed the -foot of the bed, he felt a tug at his trouser leg. Glancing down, he saw -another female even homelier than the one he'd left in bed. She gazed up +foot of the bed, he felt a tug at his trouser leg. Glancing down, he saw +another female even homelier than the one he'd left in bed. She gazed up at him soulfully, and asked, "Nothing for the bridesmaid?" % Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand! @@ -1849,7 +1849,7 @@ Hang gliders go down very slowly. No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a -situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no +situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said, "Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned @@ -1887,7 +1887,7 @@ attempts... though it is doubtful that he was so sexually carnivorous as the Christian and Jewish Adam, who, rabbinical interpreters of the Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve. - -- R.E. Masters + -- R. E. Masters % Having lost his potency years before, the octogenarian was desperate to satisfy his new 18-year-old wife. He visited a gypsy woman with magical @@ -1978,7 +1978,7 @@ Hello, children!! the ******** ******* *** into six or seven pairs. % Help! I'm a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body! - -- Bisexuality, 101 + -- Bisexuality, 101 % Her kisses left something to be desired: the rest of her. % @@ -2154,7 +2154,7 @@ I'm for bringing back the birch, but only for consenting adults. % I'm for peace -- I've yet to see a man wake up in the morning and say "I've just had a good war." - -- Mae West + -- Mae West % I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French @@ -2223,7 +2223,7 @@ masturbate. If sex is a pain in the ass, you may be doing it wrong. % If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? - -- Bette Midler + -- Bette Midler % If they can't take a joke, then fuck 'em. @@ -2243,7 +2243,7 @@ If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position. If you're Catholic you've only got two choices: periodic abstinence and complete continence. -You know ... +You know ... rhythm and blues. % @@ -2402,7 +2402,7 @@ doesn't anybody fuck anymore?" Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled. % Love comes in spurts. - --Devo, "Please Please" + -- Devo, "Please Please" % Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit. % @@ -2415,7 +2415,7 @@ Love is just for now ... herpes lasts forever. % Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. - -- S.J. Perelman + -- S. J. Perelman % Love is the answer; but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. @@ -2442,7 +2442,7 @@ lose interest. -- Professor Irwin Corey % Masturbation is the thinking man's television. - -- Christopher Hampton + -- Christopher Hampton % Masturbation! The amazing availability of it! -- James Joyce @@ -2571,7 +2571,7 @@ My mothers are wholly ignorant of the almost universal prevalence of secret vice, or self-abuse, among the young. Why hesitate to say firmly and without quibble that personal abuse lies at the root of much of the feebleness, paleness, nervousness, and good-for-nothingness of the entire community? - -- Dr. J.H. Kellogg, "The Ladies Guide", Modern Medicine + -- Dr. J. H. Kellogg, "The Ladies Guide", Modern Medicine Publishing Company, 1895. Dr. Kellogg helped invent corn flakes and peanut butter. In addition to denouncing masturbation, he believed that smoking caused cancer and @@ -2723,20 +2723,20 @@ know, the bull surprised the brown cow." Once upon a time there was a farmer who owned a large number of chickens and made money by selling chickens to a local distributing company. The farmer wanted to increase his business, and so went to market to buy another rooster. -"This rooster," assured the vendor, "is my best. He's virile and energetic -and will take care of all your chickens!" The farmer, delighted at this, -bought the rooster and returned to his farm. He set the rooster loose among -his hen houses and, sure enough, the rooster enthusiastically went to work. -It wasn't too long, however, before the rooster finished off all the hens and -began on the few geese and ducks that were on the farm. "If you keep up this -rate," warned the farmer, "you'll screw yourself to death!" The rooster, -however, scoffed at the farmer and continued at an increased speed. The next -morning, the farmer was doing his chores when he noticed several buzzards in -the sky circling over something. He headed out behind the barn, and sure -enough there was the rooster, flat on his back, with eyes closed. The farmer -shook his fist at the motionless body and cursed, shouting "I knew it! I told -you so! I knew you'd screw yourself to death!" The rooster turned his head -toward the farmer, opened one eye, and winked. "Shhh!" he said, pointing to +"This rooster," assured the vendor, "is my best. He's virile and energetic +and will take care of all your chickens!" The farmer, delighted at this, +bought the rooster and returned to his farm. He set the rooster loose among +his hen houses and, sure enough, the rooster enthusiastically went to work. +It wasn't too long, however, before the rooster finished off all the hens and +began on the few geese and ducks that were on the farm. "If you keep up this +rate," warned the farmer, "you'll screw yourself to death!" The rooster, +however, scoffed at the farmer and continued at an increased speed. The next +morning, the farmer was doing his chores when he noticed several buzzards in +the sky circling over something. He headed out behind the barn, and sure +enough there was the rooster, flat on his back, with eyes closed. The farmer +shook his fist at the motionless body and cursed, shouting "I knew it! I told +you so! I knew you'd screw yourself to death!" The rooster turned his head +toward the farmer, opened one eye, and winked. "Shhh!" he said, pointing to the birds above. "I think they're coming down." % Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. One @@ -2764,7 +2764,7 @@ all his might. Once upon a time there were three coeds -- a big coed, a medium-sized coed, and a little, tiny coed. One night they came home from a dance, and the big coed said, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" - The medium-sized coed looked in her room and said, "Someone's been + The medium-sized coed looked in her room and said, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" And the little, tiny coed said, "Well, nighty-night, girls!" % @@ -3248,10 +3248,10 @@ are unimportant. -- Henry Miller % Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. - -- M.C. Reed + -- M. C. Reed % Sex is the poor man's opera. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Sex is what women have and men want. % @@ -3728,7 +3728,7 @@ The pleasure is transitory, the cost prohibitive, and the position ridiculous. -- Disraeli, on sex % The plural of spouse is spice. - -- R.A. Heinlein + -- R. A. Heinlein % The police were investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 11th story office. His @@ -3804,7 +3804,7 @@ inquired. The young man grinned. "Perfectly. The other night, we were having supper, and as I reached for the salt -- so did she! Our hands touched... It was as if an electric current ran through us. I leaped to my feet, swept the -dishes from the table and then and there consummated our marriage! There's +dishes from the table and then and there consummated our marriage! There's just one problem, however. We can't go back to The Four Seasons again..." % The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling @@ -3996,18 +3996,18 @@ There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us! There was once a newly-married couple. Now these two lovers were, well, rather uptight about using expressions such as "having sex", "getting it on", or "boffing the brains out". So, they decided to use the euphemism, "doing -the laundry" whenever the topic of sex came up. - One evening, hubby said, "Well, honey, feel like doing some laundry -tonite?", and she consented. The next evening, hubby again asked, "Sweetie, -feel like doing some laundry tonite?" Well, wifey wasn't really in the mood, -but complied. On the third night, when hubby approached her, asking her to -participate in doing still MORE laundry, she replied, "Oh, Hon, I'm really not +the laundry" whenever the topic of sex came up. + One evening, hubby said, "Well, honey, feel like doing some laundry +tonite?", and she consented. The next evening, hubby again asked, "Sweetie, +feel like doing some laundry tonite?" Well, wifey wasn't really in the mood, +but complied. On the third night, when hubby approached her, asking her to +participate in doing still MORE laundry, she replied, "Oh, Hon, I'm really not in the mood for doing any laundry tonite." - Well, hubby, being a bit disappointed, locked himself in the bathroom + Well, hubby, being a bit disappointed, locked himself in the bathroom and engaged in a spot of self-abuse instead. Upon returning to the living room, wifey said, "Well, Poopsie, I've changed my mind -- how about doing some laundry?" To which he replied, "Oh, no, that's okay, I just did a small -load!" +load!" % There was something about her I liked, but I couldn't put my finger on it. % @@ -4100,8 +4100,8 @@ it might rain. I don't know why it works, but he's never been wrong!" "Laurie, what if he has an erection?" asks the other woman. "Honey, on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry." % -Three young women were attending the same logic class given at one of the -better universities. During a lecture the professor stated that he was +Three young women were attending the same logic class given at one of the +better universities. During a lecture the professor stated that he was going to test their ability at situation reasoning. "Let us assume," said the prof, "that you are aboard a small craft alone in the Pacific, and you spot a vessel approaching you with several @@ -4134,27 +4134,27 @@ to leave her, you've got to annoy her. % Tri Delts; everyone else has. % -Two buddies had been out drinking for hours when their money finally +Two buddies had been out drinking for hours when their money finally ran out. "I have an idea," croaked Al. "Lesh go over to my housh and borrow shum money from my wife." - The two of them reeled into Al's living room, snapped on the light, + The two of them reeled into Al's living room, snapped on the light, and lo and behold, there was Al's wife making love on the sofa to another man. -This state of affairs considerably unnerved Al's friend but didn't seem to +This state of affairs considerably unnerved Al's friend but didn't seem to affect the husband. "Shay, dear, you have any money for your ever-lovin' hushban'?" he asked. "Yes, yes," she snapped. "Take my purse from the mantle, and for Pete's sake, turn off those lights." - Outside they examined the purse, and Al proudly announced, "There's + Outside they examined the purse, and Al proudly announced, "There's enough here for a pint for you and a pint for me. Pretty good, eh, old buddy?" "But, Al," protested his friend, somewhat sobered by the spectacle he'd just witnessed, "what about that fellow back there with your wife?" "The hell with him," replied Al. "Let him buy his own pint." % -Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about +Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about their troubles. "And on top of everything else," said the first, "my wife has cut me down to just once a week." - "That's too bad," agreed his friend, "but it could be worse. I know + "That's too bad," agreed his friend, "but it could be worse. I know two guys she's cut off altogether. % Two men were standing around talking while nearby a large German Shepherd @@ -4451,7 +4451,7 @@ scarcely sufficient to service one woman. -- Boccaccio % While hunting, a man saw a beautiful nude woman come running out of -the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight, +the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight, three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods. "Hey, you," yelled one of them, "did you see a woman come by here?" "Yes," replied the hunter. "What's the trouble?" @@ -4554,14 +4554,14 @@ hardest. % You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside. - -- Heathcote Williams + -- Heathcote Williams % You might get caught holding the bag. Say she's your sister. % You pedophiliac sodomizer of ducklings!! % You see, this girl wakes up one morning, rolls over and sees an -elephant in the bed with her. Almost in shock, she says, "Did I pick you +elephant in the bed with her. Almost in shock, she says, "Did I pick you up in the bar last night?" "Uh-huh," the elephant replies. "Did I bring you home?" @@ -4596,5 +4596,5 @@ via the "if it looks like a vagina, don't put your penis in it" method, which is significantly more effective. % Cryo-necro-bestial-sodomy? You can do that at the grocery store. - --Anonymous UCSD Physics Ph.D. candidate. + -- Anonymous UCSD Physics Ph.D. candidate. % --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/songs-poems +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/songs-poems @@ -123,7 +123,7 @@ To justify God's ways to man. % And prively he caughte hire by the queynte, And heeld hire harde by the haunche-bones. - --Geoffrey Chaucer, The Miller's Tale + -- Geoffrey Chaucer, The Miller's Tale % And the northern lights commenced to glow. And she said, with a tear in her eye, @@ -514,7 +514,7 @@ I'm too hot, too hot for you. I'm the queen of babes supreme, But you'll only see me in you dreams. "Well? What'd she say??" I'm too hot, too hot for you. "Well, she didn't say no..." - -- Barry and the Bookbinders, "The Worst She Can Say is No" + -- Barry and the Bookbinders, "The Worst She Can Say is No" % Gibble gabble gabble gibble gurgle lubble gibble babble beeble triggle Lean closer. @@ -564,7 +564,7 @@ you can stick it in your sock! But, don't take it out in public, or they will stick you in the dock, and you won't come back. - -- Monty Python, from "The Meaning of Life" + -- Monty Python, from "The Meaning of Life" % Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god @@ -720,7 +720,7 @@ indecent and still, to speak to her without habit. This I have done with my life, and am content. I wish I could tell you how it is in that dark, standing in the huge singing and the alien world. - -- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell" + -- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell" % "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a quavering voice. @@ -990,7 +990,7 @@ Jack an Jill went up the hill. Jill went down, Jack came. % -Jack and Jill +Jack and Jill Went up the hill, Each had a buck and a quarter! Jill came down, @@ -1167,11 +1167,11 @@ Nibble at they tiny feet. % Love's Drug -My love is like an iron wand +My love is like an iron wand That conks me on the head, -My love is like the valium +My love is like the valium That I take before my bed, -My love is like the pint of scotch +My love is like the pint of scotch That I drink when I be dry; And I shall love thee still, my dear, Until my wife is wise. @@ -1291,13 +1291,13 @@ And as she wept, her son was seen, to eat his head, his heart his spleen. and there he lay: a boy no more, just a stomach on the floor... None the less, since it *was* his, they ate it -- that's what haggis is. % -My travel agent's an Oxford chap +My travel agent's an Oxford chap Who rolls his eyes when he speaks. -I asked him about the Isle of Man +I asked him about the Isle of Man For a journey of about six weeks. -And this is what he said to me +And this is what he said to me As he looked me right in the eye, -"For a far-out trip, try an ice cream dip +"For a far-out trip, try an ice cream dip Of Elephant Shit On Rye." A brand-new store just opened its door @@ -1511,7 +1511,7 @@ If you do the things we say, then you'll soon rule the nation. Kill your foes and enemies and then kill your relations. Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation. -- "Plunderer's Theme," to the tune of - "Supercaligragilisticexpialidocius" + "Supercaligragilisticexpialidocius" % Posterity will ne'er survey A nobler grave than this; @@ -1519,7 +1519,7 @@ Here lie the bones of Castlereagh; Stop, traveler, and piss. -- Lord Byron, on Lord Castlereagh % -Puff the Jewish dragon lived in Palestine, +Puff the Jewish dragon lived in Palestine, And frollicked in the Autumn mist, And drank Manishiewitz wine. Little Rabbi Jacob loved that rascal Puff, @@ -2110,7 +2110,7 @@ like my grandfather. not screaming, like the passengers in his car... % -When I need something +When I need something To help me unwind I find a six-foot baby What kind of guy With a one-track mind Does a lot for me --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/vulgarity +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/vulgarity @@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ you been?" she blared. "You busted out more than six hours ago!" % As near as I can tell, you're not any crazier than the average asshole on the street. - -- R.P. McMurphy, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" + -- R. P. McMurphy, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" % As they say about Dungeons and Dragons, "Life's a die, and then you bitch." % @@ -205,7 +205,7 @@ They used techniques of criminology. And what the hell, they caught him. -- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man" % Don't just eat a hamburger; eat the HELL out of it. - -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs + -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs % DROP THE DAMN BEAR!!! -- The Adventurer @@ -231,11 +231,11 @@ Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks % -Every morning, the crowd on Coney Island beach was startled to see -a jogger with the build of a pro football player but a head the size of a +Every morning, the crowd on Coney Island beach was startled to see +a jogger with the build of a pro football player but a head the size of a baseball. Finally, some brave young man got up the nerve to stop him and ask, "What happened to give you such a small head?" - The jogger sadly told the story of finding a magic lamp on the beach, + The jogger sadly told the story of finding a magic lamp on the beach, which produced a beautiful genie when rubbed. The genie said, "I now give you one wish. Do you want a quick fuck or a little head?" % @@ -343,13 +343,13 @@ one morning when his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about it because the -court was going to take a nap. +court was going to take a nap. -- Dave Barry, "Pornography" % Horsecrap, little brother. There's always something more to be done. Another palm to be greased. Another back to be scratched. Another weak sister to be shored up. - -- J.R. Ewing + -- J. R. Ewing % Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole. -- John Valby @@ -441,7 +441,7 @@ Christmas for the fifth of February. I'll do what I can. % If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields [Also attributed to Roy Mengot. Ed.] % @@ -544,7 +544,7 @@ It's just that some days are TWO BITE days ... Life is having a mother-in-law that sucks and a wife that don't. -- Rodney Dangerfield % -Life is like a cucumber -- +Life is like a cucumber -- one moment it's in your hand, the next it's up your ass. % @@ -801,7 +801,7 @@ for the Duke of Wellington, and asked his advice. He instantly replied, "But we have always understood that your Grace thought Lord Combermere a fool." "So he is a fool, and a damned fool; but he can take Rangoon." - -- G.W.E. Russell + -- G. W. E. Russell % The higher you climb, the more you show your ass. -- Alexander Pope, "The Dunciad" @@ -950,20 +950,20 @@ turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?" "I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios." % -Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering -the night shift. One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the -mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse, he -noticed a cork in the anus. Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly, well, -hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork back, and -the singing stopped. Pulling it out again, the same song started, "You're -lookin' swell, Dolly!". Amazed, he telephoned his partner, and insisted he +Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering +the night shift. One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the +mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse, he +noticed a cork in the anus. Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly, well, +hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork back, and +the singing stopped. Pulling it out again, the same song started, "You're +lookin' swell, Dolly!". Amazed, he telephoned his partner, and insisted he come immediately to see something very unusual. Roused from sleep, the partner -asked if it could wait until morning. It took great persistence, but finally -the partner agreed to dress and come down to the shop. When he got there, he -said, "Now what was it that was so important you had to get me out of bed at -this ungodly hour?" +asked if it could wait until morning. It took great persistence, but finally +the partner agreed to dress and come down to the shop. When he got there, he +said, "Now what was it that was so important you had to get me out of bed at +this ungodly hour?" The man said, "Come into the embalming room." - They go into the embalming room, and the first partner says, "Now + They go into the embalming room, and the first partner says, "Now watch." He pulls out the cork, and the anus takes off singing again. The partner looks at him disgustedly and says: "You brought me down here at @@ -1087,3 +1087,10 @@ caught. % You should be a hemorrhoid, you're such a pain in the ass. % +"I didn't realize how much I hated that play until I agreed to do it. I +don't mind Shakespeare so much, but I really hate Othello. Here was a +guy who had been all over the world, kicking ass, looting, plundering +and probably raping the baddest babes on the planet. The he falls in +love with some teenager and loses his fucking mind. I don't like that +idea at all. I mean, how stupid was he?" + -- Samuel L. Jackson, on "Othello" --- b/datfiles/off/unrotated/zippy +++ a/datfiles/off/unrotated/zippy @@ -766,7 +766,7 @@ Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- % MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! % -MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! +MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! % Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a @@ -1120,7 +1120,7 @@ EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! % -Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES +Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM ... % Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR! --- b/datfiles/paradoxum +++ a/datfiles/paradoxum @@ -34,13 +34,13 @@ Goldwyn % If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! - -Samuel Goldwyn + -- Samuel Goldwyn % If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me. -Samuel Goldwyn % I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them five years. - -Samuel Goldwyn + -- Samuel Goldwyn % It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one. % @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ 1990. % Referring to a book: I read part of it all the way through. - -Samuel Goldwyn + -- Samuel Goldwyn % Smoking is the leading cause of statistics. % @@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ cliches. -Samuel Goldwyn % The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying. - -Samuel Goldwyn + -- Samuel Goldwyn % Thank God I'm an atheist. % @@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ % His honour rooted in dishonour stood, And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true. - -Alfred Lord Tennyson + -- Alfred Lord Tennyson % The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a planned inadvertency. -Wilson Follett @@ -96,12 +96,12 @@ Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -Irene Peter % Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - -Josh Billings + -- Josh Billings % Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. -Anthony Haden-Guest % - The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W.C. Fields + The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W. C. Fields % I distinctly remember forgetting that. -Clara Barton % @@ -125,8 +125,8 @@ an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2, 1992 % - Some bird populations soaring down - -Headline of an article in + Some bird populations soaring down + -Headline of an article in Science News, page 126, February 20, 1993. % Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic. Epulopiscium @@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ American comic and columnist % She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. - -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist + -- Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist % The first condition of immortality is death. -Stanislaw Lec % @@ -196,3 +196,4 @@ Assume a virtue, if you have it not. -William Shakespeare % All generalisations are dangerous, including this one. +% --- b/datfiles/people +++ a/datfiles/people @@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ indicating two directions at once. Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled with disapproval and potato chip crumbs. In the shadow under the green visor of the cap Ignatius J. Reilly's supercilious blue and yellow eyes looked down -upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D.H. Holmes department +upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D. H. Holmes department store, studying the crowd of people for signs of bad taste in dress. Several of the outfits, Ignatius noticed, were new enough and expensive enough to be properly considered offenses against taste and decency. Possession of @@ -129,7 +129,7 @@ A real friend is someone you can use over and over again. A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason. % -A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single +A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery % @@ -162,8 +162,8 @@ getting nervous. % A well-known friend is a treasure. % - A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened -to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the + A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened +to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" @@ -198,7 +198,7 @@ After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best. After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case. @@ -393,7 +393,7 @@ requires a heroism which is transcendent. -- Henry Ward Beecher % Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - -- Leo Rosten, on W.C. Fields + -- Leo Rosten, on W. C. Fields % Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. % @@ -412,7 +412,7 @@ first word he speaks. It is a cheap word because it requires no explanation, and many men and women have acquired a reputation for intelligence who know only this word and have used it in place of thought on every occasion." - -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.) + -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.) % Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty. % @@ -434,7 +434,7 @@ Do you think Mary Jane is somebody's name? Is illegal fishing something only a daring criminal would do? Is Batman your hero? Superman? Green Lantern? The Shadow? Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose? -% + Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer) 0-2 -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood. 3-5 -- There is hope for you yet. @@ -515,7 +515,7 @@ with much more enthusiasm. -- The Cowboy % Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of. - -- J.J. Gibson + -- J. J. Gibson % Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Stuart Mill @@ -572,7 +572,7 @@ Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. -- Addison H. Hallock % Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honour. - -- Psalms 18:12 + -- Proverbs 18:12 % Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you. % @@ -607,14 +607,14 @@ to say it. -- James Russell Lowell % Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Alexander Pope % Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. @@ -650,8 +650,8 @@ But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green! "But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station." % -But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than -frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them? +But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than +frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them? -- M. Proust % By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task @@ -711,7 +711,7 @@ Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. % Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - -- Descartes, 1637 + -- Descartes, 1637 % Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- LaRouchefoucauld @@ -741,7 +741,7 @@ Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken % Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" % Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. % @@ -795,7 +795,6 @@ Delay is preferable to error. -- Thomas Jefferson % Did you know that clones never use mirrors? - -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" % Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead. -- Euripides @@ -823,7 +822,7 @@ There are ninety thousand people in this world who do not think, for every one who does, and these people hate the thinkers like poison. Even if some thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make fun of them for it. Better to think about cucumbers even, than not to think at all. - -- T.H. White + -- T. H. White % Do you mean that you not only want a wrong answer, but a certain wrong answer? -- Tobaben @@ -863,7 +862,7 @@ Don't say "yes" until I finish talking. Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side. % Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors. - -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts" + -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts" % Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good. I know better. The things I worry about don't happen. @@ -913,7 +912,7 @@ splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side. Then he looked at himself again. "As I thought," he said, "no better from *____this* side. But nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that's what it is. - -- A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh," Chapter VI, "In Which Eeyore + -- A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh," Chapter VI, "In Which Eeyore Has a Birthday and Gets Two Presents" % Elevators smell different to midgets. @@ -1014,7 +1013,7 @@ Everyone's in a high place when you're on your knees. % Evil is that which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. -- Albert Schweitzer @@ -1205,7 +1204,7 @@ He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde % He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey. - -- John LeCarre + -- John LeCarre % He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words. % @@ -1250,7 +1249,7 @@ He who walks on burning coals is sure to get burned. -- Sinbad % He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. - -- M.C. Escher + -- M. C. Escher % He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter. @@ -1323,10 +1322,10 @@ manner ... sulking and nausea. -- Tom K. Ryan % Human kind cannot bear very much reality. - -- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" % -Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, -responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and +Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, +responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. -- Tom Robbins % @@ -1364,7 +1363,7 @@ great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -- Winston Churchill % I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf @@ -1374,7 +1373,7 @@ I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't. % I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - -- A.J. Liebling + -- A. J. Liebling % I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along." It isn't that I can't toddle. It's that I can't guess I'll toddle. @@ -1755,7 +1754,7 @@ If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous. % If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. - -- A.J. Liebling, "The Press" + -- A. J. Liebling, "The Press" % If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it. @@ -1874,7 +1873,7 @@ you are an exceptionally good liar. % It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness. % -It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be +It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen % @@ -1890,7 +1889,7 @@ It is equally bad when one speeds on the guest unwilling to go, and when he holds back one who is hastening. Rather one should befriend the guest who is there, but speed him when he wishes. -- Homer, "The Odyssey" - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to scheduling.] % @@ -1977,7 +1976,7 @@ It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder. % It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - -- H.W. Longfellow + -- H. W. Longfellow % It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear. % @@ -2005,7 +2004,7 @@ It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all. % It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. % -It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being +It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right. % It's hard not to like a man of many qualities, even if most of them are bad. @@ -2090,7 +2089,7 @@ change his bed. -- Charles Baudelaire % Life is a series of rude awakenings. - -- R.V. Winkle + -- R. V. Winkle % Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane person would wantonly inflict on someone else. @@ -2255,13 +2254,13 @@ at the right moment. Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. % Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % More are taken in by hope than by cunning. -- Vauvenargues % More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice. - -- R.S. Surtees + -- R. S. Surtees % Most of our lives are about proving something, either to ourselves or to someone else. @@ -2277,7 +2276,7 @@ Most people are too busy to have time for anything important. Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries. % @@ -2293,7 +2292,7 @@ Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained only by the disinclination of others to listen. Reserve is an artificial quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs. - -- W.S. Maugham + -- W. S. Maugham % Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only. % @@ -2320,7 +2319,7 @@ My brain is my second favorite organ. % My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say. And then say it with the utmost levity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. @@ -2403,7 +2402,7 @@ No man is useless who has a friend, and if we are loved we are indispensable. -- Robert Louis Stevenson % No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would. % @@ -2412,7 +2411,7 @@ No one becomes depraved in a moment. % No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. - -- W.S. Gilbert + -- W. S. Gilbert % No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt @@ -2611,7 +2610,7 @@ Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one. % Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. - -- D.J. Hicks + -- D. J. Hicks % Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer @@ -2660,7 +2659,7 @@ People respond to people who respond. % People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they *know* me there! - -- D.L. Roth + -- D. L. Roth % People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure. @@ -2721,7 +2720,7 @@ Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist! % Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion. % @@ -2807,7 +2806,7 @@ Serenity through viciousness. % Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary? - -- J.M. Barrie + -- J. M. Barrie % Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race. -- Robert Preston, Toddy, "Victor/Victoria" @@ -2839,7 +2838,7 @@ Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever. So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist. - -- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire + -- T. S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire % So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. @@ -2880,7 +2879,7 @@ Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. - 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore + 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ... Wyoming. 4 (personal): Well, here we are. Just the three of us. 5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen @@ -2941,7 +2940,7 @@ Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman % Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % Start the day with a smile. After that you can be your nasty old self again. % @@ -2967,7 +2966,7 @@ Success is in the minds of Fools. -- William Wrenshaw, 1578 % Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" % Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. % @@ -3114,7 +3113,7 @@ it lives in a forest. Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help. % The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move. @@ -3195,10 +3194,10 @@ The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons. % The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur. - -- A.N. Whitehead + -- A. N. Whitehead % The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas. - -- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time" + -- H. G. Wells, "Time After Time" % The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. @@ -3209,7 +3208,7 @@ The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions. - -- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade + -- Marquis D. A. F. de Sade % The more I know men the more I like my horse. % @@ -3233,7 +3232,7 @@ The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. % The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. @@ -3288,7 +3287,7 @@ be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. % The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours. - -- F.H. Bradley + -- F. H. Bradley % The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress @@ -3359,12 +3358,12 @@ but that he dances at all. % The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % The world needs more people like us and fewer like them. % The worst cliques are those which consist of one man. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst." -- King Lear @@ -3374,7 +3373,7 @@ The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. % The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. -- William Butler Yeats @@ -3431,7 +3430,7 @@ There comes a time to stop being angry. % There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation. If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else. - --Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles + -- Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles % There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day. @@ -3441,7 +3440,7 @@ There is brutality and there is honesty. There is no such thing as brutal honesty. % There is no delight the equal of dread. As long as it is somebody else's. - --Clive Barker + -- Clive Barker % There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. % @@ -3509,7 +3508,7 @@ Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. % Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee. - -- W.S. Krabill + -- W. S. Krabill % Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana @@ -3524,7 +3523,7 @@ To be great is to be misunderstood. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson % To be is to be related. - -- C.J. Keyser. + -- C. J. Keyser. % To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. % @@ -3672,7 +3671,7 @@ We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the machinations of the wicked. % We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. - -- Eric Hoffer + -- Eric Hoffer % We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement. @@ -3732,7 +3731,7 @@ Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin. - -- F.M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" + -- F. M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" % What do I consider a reasonable person to be? I'd say a reasonable person is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes @@ -3768,7 +3767,7 @@ What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are. % What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way? - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you. @@ -3831,7 +3830,7 @@ When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own. % When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath your feet. - -- Stanislaw Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts" + -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts" % When you speak to others for their own good it's advice; when they speak to you for your own good it's interference. @@ -3842,7 +3841,7 @@ impression you will make. WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. % @@ -3888,7 +3887,7 @@ avoid responsibility with? % Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's. - -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681 + -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681 % Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde @@ -3952,7 +3951,7 @@ You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks. % You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % You can't cross a large chasm in two small jumps. % @@ -4000,7 +3999,7 @@ coming back down. You don't have to explain something you never said. -- Calvin Coolidge % -You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me +You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me from your own life. May it all turn out to your happiness. -- Goethe % @@ -4033,7 +4032,7 @@ You know what they say -- the sweetest word in the English language is revenge. -- Peter Beard % You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit. - -- E.A. Gilliam + -- E. A. Gilliam % You know you're in trouble when... (1) You wake up face down on the pavement. @@ -4046,7 +4045,7 @@ You know you're in trouble when... (6) Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate. % You know you're in trouble when... -(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your +(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt is caught in your pantyhose. Especially if you're a man. (2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. @@ -4056,13 +4055,13 @@ You know you're in trouble when... (6) You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day after you bought a waterbed. (7) You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk - clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party + clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your spouse. % You know you're in trouble when... (1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. -(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party +(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any. (3) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat. (4) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. @@ -4070,13 +4069,13 @@ You know you're in trouble when... (6) Your mother approves of the person you're dating. % You know you're in trouble when... -(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind +(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. (2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. (3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. (4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office. (5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. -(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to +(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to flush a grapefruit down the toilet. (7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box. % @@ -4136,7 +4135,7 @@ know how seldom they do. You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" -- George Bernard Shaw, "Back to Methuselah" - [No, it wasn't J.F. Kennedy. Ed.] + [No, it wasn't J. F. Kennedy. Ed.] % You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends. -- Joseph Conrad @@ -4153,7 +4152,7 @@ and swish them around a little. % You want to know why I kept getting promoted? Because my mouth knows more than my brain. - -- W.G. + -- W.G. % You won't skid if you stay in a rut. -- Frank Hubbard @@ -4308,10 +4307,14 @@ price. *Carpe diem*, babe!" -- "The Naked Consumer", Erik Larson % I'm enthralled by combine harvesters. In fact, I yearn to have one -- -as a pet. +as a pet. -- "The Day of the Jackal" % -The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call +The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view. -- Albert Einstein % +The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. +The pessimist is afraid this might be true. + -- crazyphilman's sig on kuro5hin +% --- b/datfiles/perl +++ a/datfiles/perl @@ -1,98 +1,98 @@ All language designers are arrogant. Goes with the territory... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul13.010945.19157@netlabs.com + -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul13.010945.19157@netlabs.com % Although the Perl Slogan is There's More Than One Way to Do It, I hesitate to make 10 ways to do something. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <9695@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <9695@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space, because that's exactly how much difference there is. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <10209@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <10209@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % "And I don't like doing silly things (except on purpose)." - -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul3.191825.14435@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul3.191825.14435@netlabs.com> % : And it goes against the grain of building small tools. Innocent, Your Honor. Perl users build small tools all day long. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> % /* And you'll never guess what the dog had */ /* in its mouth... */ - -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code % Because . doesn't match \n. [\0-\377] is the most efficient way to match everything currently. Maybe \e should match everything. And \E would of course match nothing. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <9847@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <9847@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Be consistent. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % Besides, including is a fatal error on machines that don't have it yet. Bad language design, there... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug22.220929.6857@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug22.220929.6857@netlabs.com> % Besides, it's good to force C programmers to use the toolbox occasionally. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991May31.181659.28817@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> + -- Larry Wall in <1991May31.181659.28817@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> % Besides, REAL computers have a rename() system call. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7937@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7937@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % break; /* don't do magic till later */ - -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code % But you have to allow a little for the desire to evangelize when you think you have good news. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> % Chip Salzenberg sent me a complete patch to add System V IPC (msg, sem and shm calls), so I added them. If that bothers you, you can always undefine them in config.sh. :-) -- Larry Wall in <9384@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % /* dbmrefcnt--; */ /* doesn't work, rats */ - -- Larry Wall in hash.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in hash.c from the perl source code % #define NULL 0 /* silly thing is, we don't even use this */ - -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code % #define SIGILL 6 /* blech */ - -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code % Does the same as the system call of that name. If you don't know what it does, don't worry about it. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2) + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2) % double value; /* or your money back! */ short changed; /* so triple your money back! */ - -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code % Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com> % echo "Congratulations. You aren't running Eunice." - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % echo "Hmmm...you don't have Berkeley networking in libc.a..." echo "but the Wollongong group seems to have hacked it in." - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % echo "ICK, NOTHING WORKED!!! You may have to diddle the includes.";; - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % echo $package has manual pages available in source form. echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you." - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % echo "Your stdio isn't very std." - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % #else /* !STDSTDIO */ /* The big, slow, and stupid way */ - -- Larry Wall in str.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in str.c from the perl source code % [End of diatribe. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...] - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % Even if you aren't in doubt, consider the mental welfare of the person who has to maintain the code after you, and who will probably put parens in @@ -101,58 +101,58 @@ the wrong place. -- Larry Wall in the perl man page "Help save the world!" -- Larry Wall in README % Hey, I had to let awk be better at *something*... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Nov7.200504.25280@netlabs.com>1 + -- Larry Wall in <1991Nov7.200504.25280@netlabs.com>1 % I already have too much problem with people thinking the efficiency of a perl construct is related to its length. On the other hand, I'm perfectly capable of changing my mind next week... :-) --lwall % I don't know if it's what you want, but it's what you get. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % I dunno, I dream in Perl sometimes... - -- Larry Wall in <8538@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <8538@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % If I allowed "next $label" then I'd also have to allow "goto $label", and I don't think you really want that... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Mar11.230002.27271@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Mar11.230002.27271@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> % If I don't document something, it's usually either for a good reason, or a bad reason. In this case it's a good reason. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan17.005405.16806@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan17.005405.16806@netlabs.com> % "I find this a nice feature but it is not according to the documentation. Or is it a BUG?" "Let's call it an accidental feature. :-)" - -- Larry Wall in <6909@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <6909@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % if (instr(buf,sys_errlist[errno])) /* you don't see this */ - -- Larry Wall in eval.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in eval.c from the perl source code % if (rsfp = mypopen("/bin/mail root","w")) { /* heh, heh */ - -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code % If you consistently take an antagonistic approach, however, people are going to start thinking you're from New York. :-) - -- Larry Wall to Dan Bernstein in <10187@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall to Dan Bernstein in <10187@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % If you want to program in C, program in C. It's a nice language. I use it occasionally... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7577@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7577@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % If you want to see useful Perl examples, we can certainly arrange to have comp.lang.misc flooded with them, but I don't think that would help the advance of civilization. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1992Mar5.180926.19041@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Mar5.180926.19041@netlabs.com> % If you want your program to be readable, consider supplying the argument. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % I know it's weird, but it does make it easier to write poetry in perl. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7865@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7865@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % I'll say it again for the logic impaired. - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % I might be able to shoehorn a reference count in on top of the numeric value by disallowing multiple references on scalars with a numeric value, @@ -160,44 +160,44 @@ but it wouldn't be as clean. I do occasionally worry about that. --lwall % I'm sure that that could be indented more readably, but I'm scared of the awk parser. - -- Larry Wall in <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % In general, if you think something isn't in Perl, try it out, because it usually is. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul31.174523.9447@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul31.174523.9447@netlabs.com> % In general, they do what you want, unless you want consistency. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % Interestingly enough, since subroutine declarations can come anywhere, you wouldn't have to put BEGIN {} at the beginning, nor END {} at the end. Interesting, no? I wonder if Henry would like it. :-) --lwall % I think it's a new feature. Don't tell anyone it was an accident. :-) - -- Larry Wall on s/foo/bar/eieio in <10911@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall on s/foo/bar/eieio in <10911@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % "It is easier to port a shell than a shell script." - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % It is, of course, written in Perl. Translation to C is left as an exercise for the reader. :-) -- Larry Wall in <7448@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % It's all magic. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7282@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7282@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % It's documented in The Book, somewhere... - -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % > (It's sorta like sed, but not. It's sorta like awk, but not. etc.) Guilty as charged. Perl is happily ugly, and happily derivative. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> % It's there as a sop to former Ada programmers. :-) - -- Larry Wall regarding 10_000_000 in <11556@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall regarding 10_000_000 in <11556@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % It won't be covered in the book. The source code has to be useful for something, after all... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % : I've heard that there is a shell (bourne or csh) to perl filter, does : anyone know of this or where I can get it? @@ -206,90 +206,90 @@ Yeah, you filter it through Tom Christiansen. :-) -- Larry Wall : I've tried (in vi) "g/[a-z]\n[a-z]/s//_/"...but that doesn't : cut it. Any ideas? (I take it that it may be a two-pass sort of solution). In the first pass, install perl. :-) - -- Larry Wall <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % I won't mention any names, because I don't want to get sun4's into trouble... :-) -- Larry Wall in <11333@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Just don't compare it with a real language, or you'll be unhappy... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1992May12.190238.5667@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992May12.190238.5667@netlabs.com> % Just don't create a file called -rf. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <11393@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <11393@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % last|perl -pe '$_ x=/(..:..)...(.*)/&&"'$1'"ge$1&&"'$1'"lt$2' That's gonna be tough for Randal to beat... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Apr29.072206.5621@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Apr29.072206.5621@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> % Let's say the docs present a simplified view of reality... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <6940@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <6940@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Let us be charitable, and call it a misleading feature :-) - -- Larry Wall in <2609@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov> + -- Larry Wall in <2609@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov> % Lispers are among the best grads of the Sweep-It-Under-Someone-Else's-Carpet School of Simulated Simplicity. [Was that sufficiently incendiary? :-)] - -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan10.201804.11926@netlabs.com + -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan10.201804.11926@netlabs.com % No, I'm not going to explain it. If you can't figure it out, you didn't want to know anyway... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com> % /* now make a new head in the exact same spot */ - -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code % OK, enough hype. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % OOPS! You naughty creature! You didn't run Configure with sh! I will attempt to remedy the situation by running sh for you... - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % Perl is designed to give you several ways to do anything, so consider picking the most readable one. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % Perl itself is usually pretty good about telling you what you shouldn't do. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <11091@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <11091@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Perl programming is an *empirical* science! - -- Larry Wall in <10226@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <10226@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % pos += screamnext[pos] /* does this goof up anywhere? */ - -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code % Q. Why is this so clumsy? A. The trick is to use Perl's strengths rather than its weaknesses. - -- Larry Wall in <8225@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <8225@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Randal said it would be tough to do in sed. He didn't say he didn't understand sed. Randal understands sed quite well. Which is why he uses Perl. :-) -- Larry Wall in <7874@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Remember though that THERE IS NO GENERAL RULE FOR CONVERTING A LIST INTO A SCALAR. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % s = (char*)(long)retval; /* ouch */ - -- Larry Wall in doio.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in doio.c from the perl source code % signal(i, SIG_DFL); /* crunch, crunch, crunch */ - -- Larry Wall in doarg.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in doarg.c from the perl source code % Sorry. My testing organization is either too small, or too large, depending on how you look at it. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Apr22.175438.8564@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Apr22.175438.8564@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> % stab_val(stab)->str_nok = 1; /* what a wonderful hack! */ - -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code % str->str_pok |= SP_FBM; /* deep magic */ s = (unsigned char*)(str->str_ptr); /* deeper magic */ - -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code % Tactical? TACTICAL!?!? Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons to megatons several minutes ago. We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes. @@ -297,29 +297,29 @@ several minutes ago. We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes. % That means I'll have to use $ans to suppress newlines now. Life is ridiculous. - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % The autodecrement is not magical. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % The only disadvantage I see is that it would force everyone to get Perl. Horrors. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <8854@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <8854@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % *** The previous line contains the naughty word "$&".\n if /(ibm|apple|awk)/; # :-) - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % There ain't nothin' in this world that's worth being a snot over. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug19.041614.6963@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug19.041614.6963@netlabs.com> % There are many times when you want it to ignore the rest of the string just like atof() does. Oddly enough, Perl calls atof(). How convenient. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1991Jun24.231628.14446@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Jun24.231628.14446@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov> % There are probably better ways to do that, but it would make the parser more complex. I do, occasionally, struggle feebly against complexity... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7886@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7886@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % There are still some other things to do, so don't think if I didn't fix your favorite bug that your bug report is in the bit bucket. (It may be, @@ -327,14 +327,14 @@ but don't think it. :-) Larry Wall in <7238@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % There is, however, a strange, musty smell in the air that reminds me of something...hmm...yes...I've got it...there's a VMS nearby, or I'm a Blit. - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % "The road to hell is paved with melting snowballs." - -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com> % /* This bit of chicanery makes a unary function followed by a parenthesis into a function with one argument, highest precedence. */ - -- Larry Wall in toke.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in toke.c from the perl source code % "...this does not mean that some of us should not want, in a rather dispassionate sort of way, to put a bullet through csh's head." @@ -345,24 +345,24 @@ Of course it can be written in Perl. Now if you'd said nroff, that would be more challenging... -- Larry Wall % Though I'll admit readability suffers slightly... - -- Larry Wall in <2969@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov> + -- Larry Wall in <2969@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov> % tmps_base = tmps_max; /* protect our mortal string */ - -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code % Unix is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! You only feel 5 cents poorer each time. - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug13.192357.15731@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug13.192357.15731@netlabs.com> % "We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise." - -- Larry Wall in <1991Nov13.194420.28091@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1991Nov13.194420.28091@netlabs.com> % /* we have tried to make this normal case as abnormal as possible */ - -- Larry Wall in cmd.c from the perl source code + -- Larry Wall in cmd.c from the perl source code % What about WRITING it first and rationalizing it afterwords? :-) - -- Larry Wall in <8162@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <8162@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % : 1. What is the possibility of this being added in the future? In the near future, the probability is close to zero. In the distant @@ -370,368 +370,368 @@ future, I'll be dead, and posterity can do whatever they like... :-) --lwall % "What is the sound of Perl? Is it not the sound of a wall that people have stopped banging their heads against?" - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> % When in doubt, parenthesize. At the very least it will let some poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi. - -- Larry Wall in the perl man page + -- Larry Wall in the perl man page % "You can't have filenames longer than 14 chars. You can't even think about them!" - -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution + -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % You have to admit that it's difficult to misplace the Perl sources. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com> % Your csh still thinks true is false. Write to your vendor today and tell them that next year Configure ought to "rm /bin/csh" unless they fix their blasted shell. :-) -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution % You want it in one line? Does it have to fit in 80 columns? :-) - -- Larry Wall in <7349@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> + -- Larry Wall in <7349@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> % Well, enough clowning around. Perl is, in intent, a cleaned up and summarized version of that wonderful semi-natural language known as "Unix". - -- Larry Wall in <1994Apr6.184419.3687@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1994Apr6.184419.3687@netlabs.com> % Anyway, there's plenty of room for doubt. It might seem easy enough, but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is. - -- Larry Wall in <1994Jun15.074039.2654@netlabs.com> + -- Larry Wall in <1994Jun15.074039.2654@netlabs.com> % I want to see people using Perl to glue things together creatively, not just technically but also socially. - -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> % The whole history of computers is rampant with cheerleading at best and bigotry at worst. - -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> % Unix weanies are as bad at this as anyone. - -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> % If someone stinks, view it as a reason to help them, not a reason to avoid them. - -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org> % As usual, I'm overstating the case to knock a few neurons loose, but the truth is usually somewhere in the muddle, uh, middle. - -- Larry Wall in <199702111639.IAA28425@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702111639.IAA28425@wall.org> % Odd that we think definitions are definitive. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> % : But for some things, Perl just isn't the optimal choice. (yet) :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> % I don't like this official/unofficial distinction. It sound, er, officious. - -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> % If you write something wrong enough, I'll be glad to make up a new witticism just for you. - -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org> % Perl 5 introduced everything else, including the ability to introduce everything else. - -- Larry Wall in <199702252152.NAA28845@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702252152.NAA28845@wall.org> % So far we've managed to avoid turning Perl into APL. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199702251904.LAA28261@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702251904.LAA28261@wall.org> % Not that I have anything much against redundancy. But I said that already. - -- Larry Wall in <199702271735.JAA04048@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199702271735.JAA04048@wall.org> % They can always run stderr through uniq. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199704012331.PAA16535@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199704012331.PAA16535@wall.org> % I'd put my money where my mouth is, but my mouth keeps moving. - -- Larry Wall in <199704051723.JAA28035@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199704051723.JAA28035@wall.org> % Of course, I reserve the right to make wholly stupid changes to Perl if I think they improve the language. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199704251604.JAA27300@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199704251604.JAA27300@wall.org> % Call me bored, but don't call me boring. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % I think $[ is more like a coelacanth than a mastadon. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % : I used to think that this was just another demonstration of Larry's : enormous skill at pulling off what other people would fail or balk at. Well, everyone else knew it was impossible, so they didn't try. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % We question most of the mantras around here periodically, in case you hadn't noticed. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % (Presuming for the sake of argument that it's even *possible* to design better code in Perl than in C. :-) - -- Larry Wall on core code vs. module code design + -- Larry Wall on core code vs. module code design % : The hierarchy is excessive. So is the anarchy. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % That could certainly be done, but I don't want to fall into the Forth trap, where every running Forth implementation is really a different language. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % Tcl long ago fell into the Forth trap, and is now trying desperately to extricate itself (with some help from Sun's marketing department). - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % The core is not frozen, but slushy. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % The whole intent of Perl 5's module system was to encourage the growth of Perl culture rather than the Perl core. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % Randal can write one-liners again. Everyone is happy, and peace spreads over the whole Earth. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % Life gets boring, someone invents another necessity, and once again we turn the crank on the screwjack of progress hoping that nobody gets screwed. - -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> % No prisoner's dilemma here. Over the long term, symbiosis is more useful than parasitism. More fun, too. Ask any mitochondria. - -- Larry Wall in <199705102042.NAA00851@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705102042.NAA00851@wall.org> % Obviously I was either onto something, or on something. - -- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl + -- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl % It's the Magic that counts. - -- Larry Wall on Perl's apparent ugliness + -- Larry Wall on Perl's apparent ugliness % May you do Good Magic with Perl. - -- Larry Wall's blessing + -- Larry Wall's blessing % P.S. Perl's master plan (or what passes for one) is to take over the world like English did. Er, *as* English did... - -- Larry Wall in <199705201832.LAA28393@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199705201832.LAA28393@wall.org> % You can prove anything by mentioning another computer language. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199706242038.NAA29853@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199706242038.NAA29853@wall.org> % I think you didn't get a reply because you used the terms "correct" and "proper", neither of which has much meaning in Perl culture. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199706251602.JAA01786@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199706251602.JAA01786@wall.org> % I'm sure a mathematician would claim that 0 and 1 are both very interesting numbers. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> % True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting number than 0. - -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> % Any false value is gonna be fairly boring in Perl, mathematicians notwithstanding. - -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> % We didn't put in ^^ because then we'd have to keep telling people what it means, and then we'd have to keep telling them why it doesn't short circuit. :-/ - -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org> % Anybody want a binary telemetry frame editor written in Perl? - -- Larry Wall in <199708012226.PAA22015@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708012226.PAA22015@wall.org> % Most places distinguish them merely by using the appropriate value. Hooray for context... - -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> % But then it's a bit odd to think that declaring something int could actually slow down the program, if it ended up forcing more conversions back to string. - -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> % It's possible that I'm just an idiot, and don't recognize a sleepy slavemaster when I see one. - -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> % Perhaps I'm missing the gene for making enemies. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org> % Perl has a long tradition of working around compilers. - -- Larry Wall in <199708252256.PAA00105@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708252256.PAA00105@wall.org> % Personally, I like to defiantly split my infinitives. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199708271551.IAA10211@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708271551.IAA10211@wall.org> % Real theology is always rather shocking to people who already think they know what they think. I'm still shocked myself. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199708261932.MAA05218@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199708261932.MAA05218@wall.org> % But maybe we don't really need that... - -- Larry Wall in <199709011851.LAA07101@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709011851.LAA07101@wall.org> % The computer should be doing the hard work. That's what it's paid to do, after all. - -- Larry Wall in <199709012312.QAA08121@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709012312.QAA08121@wall.org> % The following two statements are usually both true: There's not enough documentation. There's too much documentation. - -- Larry Wall in <199709020026.RAA08431@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709020026.RAA08431@wall.org> % I don't think I'm gonna agree with that. Way too much visual confusion... - -- Larry Wall in <199709021627.JAA11966@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021627.JAA11966@wall.org> % There's certainly precedent for that already too. (Not claiming it's *good* precedent, mind you. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org> % Of course, this being Perl, we could always take both approaches. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org> % For the run-time caching, I was going to suggest "cached" (doh!), but perhaps "once" is more meaningful to ordinary people. - -- Larry Wall in <199709021812.LAA12571@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021812.LAA12571@wall.org> % The random quantum fluctuations of my brain are historical accidents that happen to have decided that the concepts of dynamic scoping and lexical scoping are orthogonal and should remain that way. - -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org> % At many levels, Perl is a "diagonal" language. - -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org> % I'm serious about thinking through all the possibilities before we settle on anything. All things have the advantages of their disadvantages, and vice versa. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % Part of language design is purturbing the proposed feature in various directions to see how it might generalize in the future. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % Sometimes we choose the generalization. Sometimes we don't. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % I wouldn't ever write the full sentence myself, but then, I never use goto either. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % It's appositival, if it's there. And it doesn't have to be there. And it's really obvious that it's there when it's there. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % Oh, get ahold of yourself. Nobody's proposing that we parse English. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % As with all the other proposals, it's basically just a list of words. You can deal with that... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % I hope I'm not getting so famous that I can't think out load [sic] anymore. - -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org> % It would be possible to optimize some forms of goto, but I haven't bothered. - -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org> % A "goto" in Perl falls into the category of hard things that should be possible, not easy things that should be easy. - -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org> % How do Crays and Alphas handle the POSIX problem? - -- Larry Wall in <199709050042.RAA29379@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709050042.RAA29379@wall.org> % One of the reasons Perl is faster than certain other unnamed interpreted languages is that it binds variable names to a particular package (or scope) at compile time rather than at run time. - -- Larry Wall in <199709050035.RAA29328@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709050035.RAA29328@wall.org> % Well, that's more-or-less what I was saying, though obviously addition is a little more cosmic than the bitwise operators. - -- Larry Wall in <199709051808.LAA01780@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709051808.LAA01780@wall.org> % You tell it that it's indicative by appending $!. That's why we made $! such a short variable name, after all. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199709081801.LAA20629@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709081801.LAA20629@wall.org> % The choice of approaches could be made the responsibility of the programmer. - -- Larry Wall in <199709081901.MAA20863@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709081901.MAA20863@wall.org> % As someone pointed out, you could have an attribute that says "optimize the heck out of this routine", and your definition of heck would be a parameter to the optimizer. - -- Larry Wall in <199709081854.LAA20830@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709081854.LAA20830@wall.org> % I guess what I'm saying is that the croak in question is requiring agreement (in the linguistic sense) that isn't buying us anything. - -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> % If you're going to define a shortcut, then make it the base [sic] darn shortcut you can. - -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> % It is my job in life to travel all roads, so that some may take the road less travelled, and others the road more travelled, and all have a pleasant day. - -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org> % It's getting harder and harder to think out loud. One of these days someone's gonna go off and kill Thomas a'Becket for me... - -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org> % I was about to say, "Avoid fame like the plague," but you know, they can cure the plague with penicillin these days. - -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org> % But the possibility of abuse may be a good reason for leaving capabilities out of other computer languages, it's not a good reason for leaving capabilities out of Perl. - -- Larry Wall in <199709251614.JAA15718@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709251614.JAA15718@wall.org> % Oh, wait, that was Randal...nevermind... - -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> % :-) your own self. - -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> % P.S. I suppose I really should be nicer to people today, considering I'll be singing in Billy Graham's choir tonight... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org> % Magically turning people's old scalar contexts into list contexts is a recipe for several kinds of disaster. - -- Larry Wall in <199709291631.JAA08648@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709291631.JAA08648@wall.org> % : The following (relative to AutoSplit 1.03) attempts to please everyone : and perhaps pleases no one: I think that's way cool. - -- Larry Wall in <199709292015.NAA09627@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709292015.NAA09627@wall.org> % And we can always supply them with a program that makes identical files into links to a single file. - -- Larry Wall in <199709292012.NAA09616@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709292012.NAA09616@wall.org> % I wasn't recommending that we make the links for them, only provide them with the tools to do so if they want to take the gamble (or the gambol). - -- Larry Wall in <199709292259.PAA10407@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709292259.PAA10407@wall.org> % This has been planned for some time. I guess we'll just have to find someone with an exceptionally round tuit. - -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org> % switch (ref $@) { OverflowError => @@ -744,213 +744,213 @@ warn "King needs to be trained"; die; } - -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org> % I surely do hope that's a syntax error. - -- Larry Wall in <199710011752.KAA21624@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011752.KAA21624@wall.org> % Soitainly. I was assuming that came with the OO-ness of it. - -- Larry Wall in <199710011802.LAA21692@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011802.LAA21692@wall.org> % Because the demand for it is low enough that it would be best handled as an XSUB, and the demand for it is low enough that nobody has bothered to write it as an XSUB. - -- Larry Wall on in-place Perl sorting + -- Larry Wall on in-place Perl sorting % But that looks a little too much like a declaration for my tastes, when in fact it isn't one. So forget I mentioned it. - -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> % I'm not sure whether that's actually useful... - -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> % Anyway, my money is still on use strict vars . . . - -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> % By rule #1, 5.005 should always allow localization of lexical @_ . . . - -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org> % I *know* it's weird, but strict vars already comes very, very close to partitioning the crowd into those who can deal with local lexicals and those who can't. - -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> % If you remove stricture from a large Perl program currently, you're just installing delayed bugs, whereas with this feature, you're installing an instant bug that's easily fixed. Whoopee. - -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> % The reason I like hitching a ride on strict vars is that it cuts down the number of rarely used pragmas people have to remember, yet provides a way to get to the point where we might, just maybe, someday, make local lexicals the default for everyone, without having useless pragmas wandering around various programs, or using up another bit in $^H. - -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org> % I don't think it's worth washing hogs over. - -- Larry Wall in <199710060253.TAA09723@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710060253.TAA09723@wall.org> % It's certainly easy to calculate the average attendance for Perl conferences. - -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> % Tcl tends to get ported to weird places like routers. - -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> % Historically Tcl has always stored all intermediate results as strings. (With 8.0 they're rethinking that. Of course, Perl rethought that from the start.) - -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org> % I knew I'd hate COBOL the moment I saw they'd used "perform" instead of "do". - -- Larry Wall on a not-so-popular programming language + -- Larry Wall on a not-so-popular programming language % Just don't make the '9' format pack/unpack numbers... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710091434.HAA00838@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710091434.HAA00838@wall.org> % I think that's easier to read. Pardon me. Less difficult to read. - -- Larry Wall in <199710120226.TAA06867@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710120226.TAA06867@wall.org> % That wouldn't be good enough. - -- Larry Wall in <199710131621.JAA14907@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710131621.JAA14907@wall.org> % To ordinary folks, conversion is not always automatic. It's something that may or may not require explicit assistance. See Billy Graham. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710141738.KAA22289@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710141738.KAA22289@wall.org> % The prayer of serenity applies here. To both of us. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710141802.LAA22443@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710141802.LAA22443@wall.org> % Well, you can implement a Perl peek() with unpack('P',...). Once you have that, there's only security through obscurity. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710161537.IAA07828@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710161537.IAA07828@wall.org> % It may be possible to get this condition from within Perl if a signal handler runs at just the wrong moment. Another point for Chip... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710161546.IAA07885@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710161546.IAA07885@wall.org> % As pointed out in a followup, Real Perl Programmers prefer things to be visually distinct. - -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> % The Harvard Law states: Under controlled conditions of light, temperature, humidity, and nutrition, the organism will do as it damn well pleases. - -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> % That should probably be written: no !@#$%^&*:@!semicolon - -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org> % That gets us out of deciding how to spell Reg[eE]xp?|RE . . . Of course, then we have to decide what ref $re returns... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710171838.LAA24968@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710171838.LAA24968@wall.org> % Depends on how you define "always". :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org> % 'Course, that doesn't work when 'a' contains parentheses. - -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org> % I was trying not to mention backtracking. Which, of course, means that yours is "righter" than mine, in a theoretical sense. - -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> % Not that I'm against sneaking some notions into people's heads upon occasion. (Or blasting them in outright.) - -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> % (To the extent that anyone but a Prolog programmer can understand \X totally. (And to the extent that a Prolog programmer can understand "cut". :-)) - -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> % But you'll notice Perl has a goto. - -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> % Suppose you're working on an optimizer to render \X unnecessary (or rather, redundant, which isn't the same thing in my book). - -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org> % Wow, I'm being shot at from both sides. That means I *must* be right. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710211959.MAA18990@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710211959.MAA18990@wall.org> % You don't have to wait--you can have it in 5.004_54 or so. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710221740.KAA24455@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221740.KAA24455@wall.org> % There's something to be said for returning the whole syntax tree. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221833.LAA24741@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221833.LAA24741@wall.org> % It's not really a rule--it's more like a trend. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221721.KAA24321@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221721.KAA24321@wall.org> % Double *sigh*. _04 is going onto thousands of CDs even as we speak, so to speak. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221718.KAA24299@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221718.KAA24299@wall.org> % The code also assumes that it's difficult to misspell "a" or "b". :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710221731.KAA24396@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221731.KAA24396@wall.org> % Well, hey, let's just make everything into a closure, and then we'll have our general garbage collector, installed by "use less memory". - -- Larry Wall in <199710221744.KAA24484@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221744.KAA24484@wall.org> % No, that'd be silly. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> % People who understand context would be steamed to have someone else dictating how they can call it. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> % For the sake of argument I'll ignore all your fighting words. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> % Think of prototypes as a funny markup language--the interpretation is left up to the rendering engine. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org> % Either approach may give birth to various sorts of monstrosities. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221950.MAA25210@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221950.MAA25210@wall.org> % The way these things go, there are probably 6 or 8 kludgey ways to do it, and a better way that involves rethinking something that hasn't been rethunk yet. - -- Larry Wall in <199710221859.LAA24889@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221859.LAA24889@wall.org> % Obviously your filters are throwing away mail from Randal. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org> % Beauty? What's that? - -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org> % Oh yeah. Forgot about those. Getting senile, I guess... - -- Larry Wall in <199710261551.HAA17791@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710261551.HAA17791@wall.org> % 'Course, I haven't weighed in yet. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org> % I'm afraid my gut level reaction is basically, "'proceed' is cute, but cute doesn't cut it in the emergency room." - -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org> % I suppose one could claim that an undocumented feature has no semantics. :-( - -- Larry Wall in <199710290036.QAA01818@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710290036.QAA01818@wall.org> % : How would you disambiguate these situations? By shooting the person who did the latter. - -- Larry Wall in <199710290235.SAA02444@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710290235.SAA02444@wall.org> % Yes, we have consensus that we need 64 bit support. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org> % : - cut in regexps I don't think we reached consensus on that. We're still backtracking... - -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org> % Maybe it's time to break that. - -- Larry Wall in <199710311718.JAA19082@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710311718.JAA19082@wall.org> % Boss: You forgot to assign the result of your map! @@ -961,66 +961,66 @@ Boss: And what's that "goto" doing there?!? Hacker: Er, I guess my finger slipped when I was typing "getservbyport"... Boss: Ah well, accidents will happen. Maybe we should have picked APL. - -- Larry Wall in <199710311732.JAA19169@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710311732.JAA19169@wall.org> % Perhaps they will have to outlaw sending random lists of words. fee fie foe foo [sic] - -- Larry Wall in <199710311916.LAA19760@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199710311916.LAA19760@wall.org> % Hey, if pi == 3, and three == 0, does that make pi == 0? :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199711011926.LAA25557@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711011926.LAA25557@wall.org> % I think you're letting your knowledge of internals interfere with your linguistic judgement here. - -- Larry Wall in <199711011949.LAA25651@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711011949.LAA25651@wall.org> % (Never thought I'd be telling Malcolm and Ilya the same thing... :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199711071819.KAA29909@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711071819.KAA29909@wall.org> % And other operators aren't so special syntactically, but weird in other ways, like "scalar", and "goto". - -- Larry Wall in <199711071749.JAA29751@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711071749.JAA29751@wall.org> % Portability should be the default. - -- Larry Wall in <199711072201.OAA01123@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711072201.OAA01123@wall.org> % Actually, it also looks like we should optimize (13,2,42,8,'hike') into a pp_padav copy as well. - -- Larry Wall in <199711081945.LAA06315@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711081945.LAA06315@wall.org> % If this were Ada, I suppose we'd just constant fold 1/0 into die "Illegal division by zero" - -- Larry Wall in <199711100226.SAA12549@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711100226.SAA12549@wall.org> % Are you perchance running on a 64-bit machine? - -- Larry Wall in <199711102149.NAA16878@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199711102149.NAA16878@wall.org> % Almost nothing in Perl serves a single purpose. - -- Larry Wall in <199712040054.QAA13811@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199712040054.QAA13811@wall.org> % There's some entertainment value in watching people juggle nitroglycerin. - -- Larry Wall in <199712041747.JAA18908@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199712041747.JAA18908@wall.org> % Reserve your abuse for your true friends. - -- Larry Wall in <199712041852.KAA19364@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199712041852.KAA19364@wall.org> % Er, Tom, I hate to be the one to point this out, but your fix list is starting to resemble a feature list. You must be human or something. - -- Larry Wall in <199801081824.KAA29602@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801081824.KAA29602@wall.org> % It's hard to tune heavily tuned code. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199801141725.JAA07555@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801141725.JAA07555@wall.org> % Perl will always provide the null. - -- Larry Wall in <199801151818.KAA14538@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801151818.KAA14538@wall.org> % It's easy to solve the halting problem with a shotgun. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199801151836.KAA14656@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801151836.KAA14656@wall.org> % Well, I think Perl should run faster than C. :-) - -- Larry Wall in <199801200306.TAA11638@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801200306.TAA11638@wall.org> % To Perl, or not to Perl, that is the kvetching. - -- Larry Wall in <199801200310.TAA11670@wall.org> + -- Larry Wall in <199801200310.TAA11670@wall.org> % --- b/datfiles/pets +++ a/datfiles/pets @@ -18,13 +18,14 @@ About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog. % All intelligent species own cats. % -Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be -liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall -be deemed to be a cat. - -- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London +Any Member introducing or causing to be introduced a dog into the Society's +premises shall be liable to a fine of £5 inflicted by the Treasurer. Any animal +leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. Any animal entering on +Police business shall be deemed to be a wombat. + -- Rule 51, Oxford Union Society % Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat. - -- R. Heinlein + -- R. Heinlein % "Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?" "The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime." @@ -69,7 +70,7 @@ cats. They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny, it does something about it. They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon. - They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer? + They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer? What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible. It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to do with ones time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world. @@ -184,3 +185,6 @@ Who loves me will also love my dog. With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" % +It's always sad when the fleas leave, because that means your dog is dead. + -- Wesley T. Williams +% --- b/datfiles/platitudes +++ a/datfiles/platitudes @@ -130,10 +130,10 @@ A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. A little experience often upsets a lot of theory. % A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation. - -- C.E. Ayres + -- C. E. Ayres % A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. - -- H.H. Munro, "Saki" + -- H. H. Munro, "Saki" % A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. % @@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ mouth. % A place for everything and everything in its place. -- Isabella Mary Beeton, "The Book of Household Management" - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to memory management system services.] % @@ -413,7 +413,7 @@ Charity begins at home. Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. % Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Cleanliness is next to impossible. % @@ -600,7 +600,7 @@ If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. % If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. - -- W.E. Hickson + -- W. E. Hickson % If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. -- Leonard Levinson @@ -786,7 +786,7 @@ May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full mooon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door. % -May you live in uninteresting times. +May you live in interesting times. -- Chinese proverb % Men freely believe that what they wish to desire. @@ -946,7 +946,7 @@ Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. -- Publilius Syrus % -Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. +Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.] % Remembering is for those who have forgotten. @@ -1073,7 +1073,7 @@ The only reward of virtue is virtue. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. -- Miguel de Cervantes % -The reverse side also has a reverse side. +The reverse side also has a reverse side. -- Japanese proverb % The road to Hades is easy to travel. @@ -1096,7 +1096,7 @@ The worst is enemy of the bad. the potable concoction produced by steeping certain coupestibles. -- The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation. --- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally. + -- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally. % There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else. % --- b/datfiles/politics +++ a/datfiles/politics @@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ Alea iacta est. % Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a @@ -154,7 +154,7 @@ All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means. -- Chou En Lai % All kings is mostly rapscallions. - --Mark Twain + -- Mark Twain % All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. @@ -189,7 +189,7 @@ An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops. % An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in -small as in great matters. +small as in great matters. -- W. Churchill % An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought. @@ -233,7 +233,7 @@ can at least make a decision." "Somewhere," he grumphed, "there must be a naive, opportunistic young welp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind." - -- R.L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly" + -- R. L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly" % Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. @@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde, "Intentions" % Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity. - -- G.J. Danton + -- G. J. Danton % Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare. % @@ -283,7 +283,7 @@ Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe. % Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. - -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan + -- P. B. A. President E. J. Kiernan % Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- Alfred E. Newman @@ -308,7 +308,7 @@ aloud what the country could do under first-class management. % Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think. @@ -365,7 +365,7 @@ Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in! % Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. - -- Winston Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % Don't vote -- it only encourages them! % @@ -425,7 +425,7 @@ Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified. -- Joe Orton, "Loot" % Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing. - -- H.S. Thompson + -- H. S. Thompson % First rule of public speaking. First, tell 'em what you're goin' to tell 'em; @@ -438,7 +438,7 @@ This gives me great hope for the human race. % Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature! - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason. -- Charles Curtis, "A Commonplace Book" @@ -512,7 +512,7 @@ Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a % Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it. @@ -526,7 +526,7 @@ government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders. % Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed. % -Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service? +Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service? Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number": 1-800-AUDITME @@ -585,7 +585,7 @@ appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its incomparable services as a maker of entertainment. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" % Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? @@ -691,7 +691,7 @@ streets and frighten the horses. % I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. -- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd @@ -700,7 +700,7 @@ I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble. -- Augustus Caesar % -I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, +I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. -- Martin Luther King, Jr. @@ -750,7 +750,7 @@ I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. Royal Family % I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat. @@ -812,7 +812,7 @@ I think the world is run by C students. -- Al McGuire % I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty. - -- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari + -- J. P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari % I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. -- Bill Veeck @@ -864,7 +864,7 @@ robber. % I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad. - -- Jack Handley + -- Jack Handey % I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good, @@ -1279,7 +1279,7 @@ smaller -- and there are many more of them. -- John Naisbitt, "Megatrends" % Let no guilty man escape. - -- U.S. Grant + -- U. S. Grant % Let the people think they govern and they will be governed. -- William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania @@ -1288,7 +1288,7 @@ Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate. -- John F. Kennedy % Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick @@ -1308,7 +1308,7 @@ their desires, they're ready to buy, they're ready to spend, it is a thing that is too complex and too big to be affected adversely or advantageously just by a few words or any particular -- say, a little this and that, or even a panacea so alleged. - -- D.D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the government + -- D. D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the government been lacking in courage and boldness in facing up to the recession?" % @@ -1324,7 +1324,7 @@ Majorities, of course, start with minorities. -- Robert Moses % Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade. - -- P.J. Bailey + -- P. J. Bailey % Man is by nature a political animal. -- Aristotle @@ -1370,11 +1370,11 @@ just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that. "My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober." - -- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant" + -- G. K. Chesterton, "The Defendant" % My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on. - -- J.F. Kennedy + -- J. F. Kennedy % My father was a saint, I'm not. -- Indira Gandhi @@ -1467,7 +1467,7 @@ Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. - -- F.J. Raymond + -- F. J. Raymond % Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. -- Andrew Young @@ -1480,7 +1480,7 @@ personality. % Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. % -"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of +"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike." -- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack" % @@ -1539,7 +1539,7 @@ just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw. However, the family of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable possession. And the moral of the story is: - + The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that hit you. % @@ -1650,7 +1650,7 @@ Poland has gun control. % Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children. - -- W.H. Auden + -- W. H. Auden % Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween. @@ -1661,7 +1661,7 @@ all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds. % Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - -- Nikita Khrushchev + -- Nikita Khrushchev % Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. -- Arthur C. Clarke @@ -1757,7 +1757,7 @@ Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea. % Reunite Gondwondaland! % -Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean? +Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean? Bobby: Slow down. Rev. Jim: What... does... an... amber... light... mean? Bobby: Slow down. @@ -1925,7 +1925,7 @@ The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use. - -- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. % @@ -2214,7 +2214,7 @@ incompetence. % The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Prejudice" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Prejudice" % The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble. -- Thomas Carlyle @@ -2266,12 +2266,12 @@ all of the people all of the time. -- Franklin Adams % The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics. - -- I.F. Stone + -- I. F. Stone % The universe is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering. @@ -2376,7 +2376,7 @@ There is no education that is not political. An apolitical education is also political because it is purposely isolating. % There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity. -- General Douglas MacArthur @@ -2426,7 +2426,7 @@ then we take Berlin. I'd really like to live beside you, baby. I love your body and your spirit and your clothes. But you see that line there moving through the station? I told you I told you I told you I was one of those. - -- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan" + -- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan" % "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." @@ -2446,7 +2446,7 @@ They're giving bank robbing a bad name. % Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it. - -- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday" + -- G. K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday" % This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys... @@ -2552,7 +2552,7 @@ ordinance under which you can be booked. -- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp. % Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % Under every stone lurks a politician. -- Aristophanes @@ -2711,7 +2711,7 @@ and their young frontiersmen, will require to lead us onward and upward. "What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our country. Nice try anyway, George." - -- D.J. on KSFO/KYA + -- D. J. on KSFO/KYA % What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility. % @@ -2746,7 +2746,7 @@ property. When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere. - -- R.A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love" + -- R. A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love" % When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain @@ -2763,7 +2763,7 @@ to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. % When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Minority Report" % When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it. @@ -2776,7 +2776,7 @@ live content. -- Niccolo Machiavelli % When smashing monuments, save the pedstals -- they always come in handy. - -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts" + -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts" % When some people decide it's time for everyone to make big changes, it means that they want you to change first. @@ -2853,7 +2853,7 @@ but to tyrants I will give no quarter. Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs. % World tensions have, if anything, increased in the quarter century since -H.G. Wells uttered his glum warning: "There is no more evil thing on +H. G. Wells uttered his glum warning: "There is no more evil thing on earth than race prejudice, none at all. I write deliberately -- it is the worst single thing in life now. It justifies and holds together more baseness, cruelty and abomination than any other sort of error in the world." @@ -2958,12 +2958,20 @@ panicky close. -- Jerome Stern % I've no regrets. I was sincere in everything I said. - -- Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, + -- Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, annoucing his new book % The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means. - -- Georges Bernanos (1888-1948), French novelist, - political writer. "Why Freedom?" The last essays of - George Bernanos (1955) + -- Georges Bernanos (1888-1948), + "Why Freedom?" The last essays of George Bernanos" (1955) +% +"[W]hen the policy you are adopting is worse for everybody than a policy + you agree is stupid, the policy you are adopting is best characterized + as really stupid." + -- Brad DeLong (2009) +% +"When the hopes of hundreds of millions are at stake, thinking things + through is not just good intellectual practice. It is a moral duty." + -- Paul Krugman, "In Praise of Cheap Labor" % --- /dev/null +++ a/datfiles/pratchett @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid +ornamental armour. It was gilt by association. + -- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch" +% +The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from +the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called +cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things. + -- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch" --- b/datfiles/riddles +++ a/datfiles/riddles @@ -48,9 +48,6 @@ A: We are Vaxen. Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person. % -Q: Heard about the who couldn't spell? -A: He spent the night in a warehouse. -% Q: How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying? A: When his lips move. % @@ -65,9 +62,6 @@ A: The tame way! % Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense? % -Q: How do you know when you're in the section of Vermont? -A: The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles. -% Q: How do you play religious roulette? A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first. @@ -150,7 +144,7 @@ Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he - can tell me how to do the shit work for him so he can take the + can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question." % Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb? @@ -374,11 +368,6 @@ Q: What does a WASP Mom make for dinner? A: A crisp salad, a hearty soup, a lovely entree, followed by a delicious dessert. % -Q: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean? -A: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the - Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take - the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews. -% Q: What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota? A: Open other end. % @@ -397,7 +386,7 @@ A: Open other end. Q: What is purple and commutes? A: An Abelian grape. % -Q: What is purple and concord the world? +Q: What is purple and conquered the world? A: Alexander the Grape. % Q: What is the difference between a duck? @@ -561,9 +550,6 @@ Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. % -Q: Why is it that Mexico isn't sending anyone to the '84 summer games? -A: Anyone in Mexico who can run, swim or jump is already in LA. -% Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute? A: That's the Law of Spline Demand. --- b/datfiles/science +++ a/datfiles/science @@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that disolves into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore cannot be detected in post-race tests. G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before - I decide what to do. Physicist? + I decide what to do. Physicist? Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion... % "A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book @@ -160,7 +160,7 @@ and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim. -- Leibnitz % A pain in the ass of major dimensions. - -- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits + -- C. A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits % A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald @@ -194,7 +194,7 @@ of this necessary reorganization of our lives. It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the recognition of such facts as that unsupported stones always fall to the ground. - -- J.W.N. Sullivan + -- J. W. N. Sullivan % A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the @@ -302,7 +302,7 @@ charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan. -- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles" Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really -precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the +precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1923. % After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is, @@ -356,7 +356,7 @@ All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism. All the evidence concerning the universe has not yet been collected, so there's still hope. % -All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists +All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman % @@ -446,7 +446,7 @@ black males are primitive because the distance between their navel and penis remains small (relative to body height) throughout life, while white children begin with a small separation but increase it during growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress. - -- S.J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation" + -- S. J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation" % And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports, @@ -458,7 +458,7 @@ in design as one will find anywhere in the world. inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected -it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between +it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious @@ -563,7 +563,7 @@ WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!" % Between infinite and short there is a big difference. - -- G.H. Gonnet + -- G. H. Gonnet % Biology grows on you. % @@ -757,7 +757,7 @@ doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact. That all present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with respect to theories about how the process operates. - -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life". + -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life". % Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. % @@ -1066,7 +1066,7 @@ operation -- namely, to remove those irritant bodies." "And then he will be sane?" "Then he will be perfectly sane, and a quite admirable citizen." "Thank heaven for science!" said old Yacob. - -- H.G. Wells, "The Country of the Blind" + -- H. G. Wells, "The Country of the Blind" % I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning. -- Plato @@ -1104,7 +1104,7 @@ because I couldn't remember the proof." -- Baker, Pure Math 351a % I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % "I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple to blue, and it has to do with where the light is. You know, the @@ -1120,11 +1120,11 @@ singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors." I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect." - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I use technology in order to hate it more properly. -- Nam June Paik @@ -1134,7 +1134,7 @@ of wax... and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the image lasts; but when the image is effaced, or cannot be taken, then we forget or do not know. -- Plato, Dialogs, Theateus 191 - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to image activation and termination.] % @@ -1143,7 +1143,7 @@ gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there, and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you -really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but +really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in. -- Carl Sagan @@ -1187,7 +1187,7 @@ If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps. % If I set here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something. - -- S.R. McElroy + -- S. R. McElroy % If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work, the answer can be obtained by simple inspection. @@ -1245,7 +1245,7 @@ get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup. If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled- up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and -repeat the sequence. +repeat the sequence. You will find yourself surprised how far off course you were to hit that window jamb, that door, that chair. Get back on course and do it again. How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around @@ -1275,10 +1275,10 @@ this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd. % IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences. - -- R.G. Ingersoll + -- R. G. Ingersoll % In order to dial out, it is necessary to broaden one's dimension. % @@ -1388,7 +1388,7 @@ then some x has property P] expresses a logical law, since P(x) could stand for, let us say "x is a better logician than I am", and the statement "It is necessary that if someone is a better logician than I am then someone is a better logician than I am" is false because there need not have been any me. - -- A.N. Prior, "Time and Modality" + -- A. N. Prior, "Time and Modality" % It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. % @@ -1414,7 +1414,7 @@ that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be. % It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity. But it takes @@ -1442,7 +1442,7 @@ It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White % It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % Just because they are called 'forbidden' transitions does not mean that they are forbidden. They are less allowed than allowed transitions, if you see @@ -1520,7 +1520,7 @@ Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each other without consideration of their relation to experience. -- Albert Einstein % -Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what +Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. -- Russell % @@ -1560,7 +1560,7 @@ is important also to see that we have not reached that day yet: the working assumption is a necessary one and there is no real evidence opposed to it. Our failure to solve a problem so far does not make it insoluble. One cannot logically be a determinist in physics and biology, and a mystic in psychology. - -- D.O. Hebb, "Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological + -- D. O. Hebb, "Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological Theory", 1949 % More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path @@ -1599,7 +1599,7 @@ stability: the static world order with planets circling about a central earth, priests subordinate to the Pope and serfs to their lord. But the Church soon made its peace with Galileo's cosmology. They had no choice; the earth really does revolve about the sun. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them. -- Booth Tarkington @@ -1728,7 +1728,7 @@ One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid. - -- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix" + -- J. D. Watson, "The Double Helix" % One day this guy is finally fed up with his middle-class existence and decides to do something about it. He calls up his best friend, who is a @@ -1761,7 +1761,7 @@ One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word. -- Robert Heinlein % One man's constant is another man's variable. - -- A.J. Perlis + -- A. J. Perlis % One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from mathematics. @@ -1772,7 +1772,7 @@ One small step for man, one giant stumble for mankind. One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer terror. - -- W.K. Hartmann + -- W. K. Hartmann % Only God can make random selections. % @@ -1890,7 +1890,7 @@ Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. % Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled. - -- R.P. Feynman + -- R. P. Feynman % Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict, @@ -1979,7 +1979,7 @@ it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a format called "Elroy", so % Solutions are obvious if one only has the optical power to observe them over the horizon. - -- K.A. Arsdall + -- K. A. Arsdall % Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the @@ -2207,13 +2207,13 @@ The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice. % -The Greatest Mathematical Error +The Greatest Mathematical Error The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28 July 1962 towards Venus. After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet, -scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed. +scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed. However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff. Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from @@ -2227,7 +2227,7 @@ The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers. The ideas of economists and political philosophers, both when they are right and when they are wrong, are more powerful than is generally understood. Indeed, the world is ruled by little else. - -- John Maynard Keyes + -- John Maynard Keynes % "The identical is equal to itself, since it is different." -- Franco Spisani @@ -2244,7 +2244,7 @@ The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon. The Man Who Almost Invented The Vacuum Cleaner The man officially credited with inventing the vacuum cleaner is Hubert Cecil Booth. However, he got the idea from a man who almost -invented it. +invented it. In 1901 Booth visited a London music-hall. On the bill was an American inventor with his wonder machine for removing dust from carpets. The machine comprised a box about one foot square with a bag on top. @@ -2357,7 +2357,7 @@ The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything. The spirit of Plato dies hard. We have been unable to escape the philosophical tradition that what we can see and measure in the world is merely the superficial and imperfect representation of an underlying reality. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % The startling truth finally became apparent, and it was this: Numbers written on restaurant checks within the confines of restaurants do not @@ -2511,14 +2511,14 @@ There is no royal road to geometry. % There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon, however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable. -Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be +Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is even highly probable. - -- H.L. Mencken, 1930 + -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 % There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped -three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked +three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no can opener. A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's @@ -2697,7 +2697,7 @@ UFOs are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist. % Understanding is always the understanding of a smaller problem in relation to a bigger problem. - -- P.D. Ouspensky + -- P. D. Ouspensky % Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none. @@ -2705,7 +2705,7 @@ opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none. % We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling -is that it is not crazy enough. +is that it is not crazy enough. -- Niels Bohr % We are each entitled to our own opinion, but no one is entitled to his @@ -2736,7 +2736,7 @@ We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything. % We don't know who it was that discovered water, but we're pretty sure that it wasn't a fish. - -- Marshall McLuhan + -- Marshall McLuhan % We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids? -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission @@ -2764,7 +2764,7 @@ an adaptation for definite roles (probably a complex set of interacting functions). But these assumptions do not lead to the notion, often uncritically embraced by strict Darwinians, that all major capacities of the brain must arise as direct products of natural selection. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % We must believe that it is the darkest before the dawn of a beautiful new world. We will see it when we believe it. @@ -2781,7 +2781,7 @@ established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" -- into doubt. - -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", + -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2. % We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here depends on a @@ -2790,7 +2790,7 @@ clever but highly unmotivated trick. % We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous extinction. - -- S.J. Gould + -- S. J. Gould % We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter. @@ -2806,7 +2806,7 @@ was a great idea," said the manager. Then he paused and asked the killer question, "NOW what's the least popular vegetable?" Law: Once you eliminate your #1 problem, #2 gets a promotion. - -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" + -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" % Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8. % @@ -2814,7 +2814,7 @@ Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8. -- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a % What is algebra, exactly? Is it one of those three-cornered things? - -- J.M. Barrie + -- J. M. Barrie % What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875 @@ -3009,11 +3009,21 @@ It is the theory which decides what can be observed. -- Albert Einstein % God is subtle, but he is not malicious. - -- Albert Einstein + -- Albert Einstein % Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. - -- Greg Oetjen of Lorton, VA in the Washington Post - "Style Invitational Report from Week 278" published + -- Greg Oetjen of Lorton, VA in the Washington Post + "Style Invitational Report from Week 278" published August 2, 1998 % +Against all odds, over a noisy telephone line, tapped by the tax +authorities and the secret police, Alice will happily attempt, with +someone she doesn't trust, whom she cannot hear clearly, and who is +probably someone else, to fiddle her tax returns and to organise a coup +d'etat, while at the same time minimising the cost of the phone call. + +A coding theorist is someone who doesn't think Alice is crazy. + -- John Gordon, "Alice and Bob After-Dinner Speech", Zurich Seminar, + April 1984 +% --- b/datfiles/songs-poems +++ a/datfiles/songs-poems @@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Is always walcum % A box without hinges, key, or lid, Yet golden treasure inside is hid. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon; The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune; @@ -135,7 +135,7 @@ You probably contain a germ. % A pig is a jolly companion, Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt -- -A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, +A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, Though mountains may topple and tilt. When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you, When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig, @@ -277,7 +277,7 @@ For Satan finds some mischief still That I may give for every day For idle hands to do. Some good account at last. -- Isaac Watts, 1674-1748 % -Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, +Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ? -- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto" % @@ -330,12 +330,12 @@ They're all doing what they're told. All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, -Deep roots are not reached by the frost. +Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % All that you touch, And all you create, All that you see, And all you destroy, @@ -578,7 +578,7 @@ Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. -- Tom Lehrer % -Antonio Antonio +Antonio Antonio Was tired of living alonio He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio @@ -691,7 +691,7 @@ Because I do not hope to survive Injustice from the Palace, death from the air, Because I do, only do, I continue... - -- T.S. Pynchon + -- T. S. Pynchon % Beneath this stone lies Murphy, They buried him today, @@ -712,7 +712,7 @@ While Riley was away. who | grep sleeping who | grep awake - who | grep bad || good + who | grep 'bad\|good' for (goodness sake) { be good } @@ -722,7 +722,7 @@ And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man" [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to system service dispatching.] @@ -827,7 +827,7 @@ The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft a-gley, An' lea'e us nought but grief and pain For promised joy. - -- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse", 1785 + -- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse", 1785 % Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn; @@ -1054,7 +1054,7 @@ Death comes on every passing breeze, He lurks in every flower; Each season has its own disease, Its peril -- every hour. - --Reginald Heber + -- Reginald Heber % Deck us all with Boston Charlie, Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo! @@ -1308,7 +1308,7 @@ And everybody knows it's now or never. Everybody knows that it's me or you. And everybody knows that you live forever when you've done a line or two. Everybody knows the deal is rotten: Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton for you ribbons and bows. And everybody knows. - -- Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows" + -- Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows" % Everything's great in this good old world; (This is the stuff they can always use.) @@ -1377,7 +1377,7 @@ Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend. - -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot" + -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot" % Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! @@ -1491,12 +1491,12 @@ Friends, Romans, Hipsters, Let me clue you in; I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him. The square kicks some cats are on stay with them; -The hip bits, like, go down under; +The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus Gave you the message: Caesar had big eyes; If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea, And, like, old Caesar really set them straight. -Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, -- +Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, -- for Brutus is a real cool cat; So are they all, all cool cats, -- Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down. @@ -1672,7 +1672,7 @@ Mouse clicks numb the fingers. Heuristics weaken the mind. Options wither the heart. -The Guru observes the net +The Guru observes the net but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is as open as the ether. @@ -1736,10 +1736,10 @@ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way. And everyone thinks computers are impersonal cold diskdrives hardware monitors -user-hostile software +user-hostile software -of course they're only bits and bytes -and characters and strings +of course they're only bits and bytes +and characters and strings and files just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend @@ -2197,11 +2197,11 @@ The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow-- Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow; For he sometimes shoots up taller, like an india-rubber ball, And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all. - -- R.L. Stevenson + -- R. L. Stevenson % I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres -Which still grates on +Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox % @@ -2313,7 +2313,7 @@ But from the milk we're getting now There certainly must be one -- Odgen Nash -Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow" +Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow" I'm sorry now I wrote it But I can tell you anyhow I'll kill you if you quote it. @@ -2547,7 +2547,7 @@ Yes life is fine when things combine, Like ham in beef chow mein... But lord, this time I think I mind, They've put acid in my rain. - --- Milo Bloom + -- - Milo Bloom % I'd rather laugh with the sinners, Than cry with the saints, @@ -2616,7 +2616,7 @@ Never wouldn't ever do a binary. (No sir!) I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary. N-ary the tree I am, I am, N-ary the tree I am. - -- Stolen from Paul Revere and the Raiders + -- Stolen from Herman's Hermits % I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here -- Song title by Stephen Bishop. @@ -2728,7 +2728,7 @@ And all the skies were parchment, And all the men could write, These would not suffice To write down all the red tape -Of this Government. +Of this Government. % If an S and an I and an O and a U With an X at the end spell Su; @@ -2747,19 +2747,19 @@ Here's an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, -And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, +And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, -And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, -And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, +And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, +And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! You can't say this? What a shame, sir! We'll find you another game, sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, -Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, +Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, @@ -2767,8 +2767,8 @@ So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! -When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, -And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, +When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, +And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! @@ -2854,7 +2854,7 @@ Like another chance? -- Traffic, "The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" % If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker, -It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. +It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. Or some joker who is slicker, Will trick you of your liquor, If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock. @@ -2863,7 +2863,7 @@ If you're worried by earthquakes and nuclear war, As well as by traffic and crime, Consider how worry-free gophers are, Though living on burrowed time. - -- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83 + -- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83 % Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave, @@ -2953,7 +2953,7 @@ And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills, Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree; And here were forest ancient as the hills, Enfolding sunny spots of greenery. - -- S.T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn" + -- S. T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn" % In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree But only if the NFL to a franchise would agree. @@ -2988,7 +2988,7 @@ a visiting uncle who's rich! % It happened long ago In the new magic land -The Indians and the buffalo +The Indians and the buffalo Existed hand in hand The Indians needed food They need skins for a roof @@ -3254,7 +3254,7 @@ while the night is laid out against the sky like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie. "Nice poem Tom. I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?" - -- Ezra + -- Ezra % Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats @@ -3264,7 +3264,7 @@ Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question... Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" - -- T.S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" % Let us treat men and women well; Treat them as if they were real; @@ -3421,7 +3421,7 @@ Eorderen cocca-colha yce-coeld, [d]e reol [p]yng. % Most folks they like the daytime, 'cause they like to see the shining sun. -They're up in the morning, +They're up in the morning, off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun. But when the sun goes down, and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun. @@ -3798,7 +3798,7 @@ And since to look at things in bloom Fifty springs are little room, About the woodlands I will go To see the cherry hung with snow. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Now that day wearies me, My yearning desire @@ -3946,7 +3946,7 @@ To know not of megrims or melancho-ly!" And a delicate face, and could strut about Town!" "My dear--a raw country girl, such as you be, Cannot quite expect that. You ain't ruined," said she. - --Thomas Hardy + -- Thomas Hardy % Oh, by the way, which one's Pink? -- Pink Floyd @@ -4481,7 +4481,7 @@ That youth and observation copied there. % Remove me from this land of slaves, Where all are fools, and all are knaves, -Where every knave and fool is bought, +Where every knave and fool is bought, Yet kindly sells himself for nought; -- Jonathan Swift % @@ -4561,7 +4561,7 @@ Hard luck has of hope bereft you, Health is failing, wish you'd die-- Why, you've still the sunshine left you And the big blue sky. - -- R.W. Service + -- R. W. Service % Science Fiction, Double Feature. Frank has built and lost his creature. @@ -5011,7 +5011,7 @@ Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme Your friends to death before their time. Moping, melancholy mad: Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % That feeling just came over me. -- Albert DeSalvo, the "Boston Strangler" @@ -5023,7 +5023,7 @@ It said "Good-bye. -- Richard Armour % The Advertising Agency Song - + When your client's hopping mad, Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, @@ -5404,7 +5404,7 @@ the renown of your gown is the talk of the town. % The street preacher looked so baffled When I asked him why he dressed -With forty pounds of headlines +With forty pounds of headlines Stapled to his chest. But he cursed me when I proved to him I said, "Not even you can hide. @@ -5479,7 +5479,7 @@ of Chicago and the yellow fever epidemic proved natural subjects for her pen. Whether death was by drowning, by fits or by runaway sleigh, the formula was the same: Have you heard of the dreadful fate - Of Mr. P.P. Bliss and wife? + Of Mr. P. P. Bliss and wife? Of their death I will relate, And also others lost their life (in the) Ashbula Bridge disaster, @@ -5547,14 +5547,14 @@ And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns. % There are bad times just around the corner, There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky - And it's no good whining + And it's no good whining About a silver lining For we know from experience that they won't roll by... -- Noel Coward % There are places I'll remember All my life though some have changed. -Some forever not for better +Some forever not for better Some have gone and some remain. All these places had their moments With lovers and friends I still recall. @@ -5618,7 +5618,7 @@ If mermaids are better before or be... brave My dear fellows," The captain cried out. And cursing with spleen. This song may be dull, but it's certainly clean. - -- "The Clean Song", Oscar Brandt + -- Oscar Brand, "A Clean Song" % There was a little girl Who had a little curl @@ -5645,7 +5645,7 @@ There's a thrill in store for all for we're about to toast The corporation that we represent. We're here to cheer each pioneer and also proudly boast, Of that man of men our sterling president -The name of T.J. Watson means +The name of T. J. Watson means A courage none can stem And we feel honored to be here to toast the IBM. -- Ever Onward, from the 1940 IBM Songbook @@ -5764,7 +5764,7 @@ This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but with a whimper. - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" % This land is my land, and only my land, I've got a shotgun, and you ain't got one, @@ -5822,7 +5822,7 @@ In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" + -- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" % Throw away documentation and manuals, and users will be a hundred times happier. @@ -5832,7 +5832,7 @@ Throw away proprietary and site licenses, and there won't be any pirating. If these three aren't enough, -just stay at your home directory +just stay at your home directory and let all processes take their course. % Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day @@ -5895,12 +5895,12 @@ Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp-- Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice. -- Lazy Dog % -to be nobody but yourself in a world +to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and -never stop fighting. +never stop fighting. -- e.e. cummings % To code the impossible code, This is my quest -- @@ -6253,7 +6253,7 @@ And earthquakes only terrify the dolts, And to him who's scientific There is nothing that's terrific In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts! - -- W.S. Gilbert, "The Mikado" + -- W. S. Gilbert, "The Mikado" % Wad some power the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us. @@ -6436,7 +6436,7 @@ Well, they've no idea what money's for -- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government! - -- A.P. Herbert + -- A. P. Herbert % Well, I don't know where they come from but they sure do come, I hope they comin' for me! @@ -6538,10 +6538,10 @@ And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over -- Like a syrupy sweet? - + Maybe it just sags Like a heavy load. - + Or does it explode? -- Langston Hughes % @@ -6614,7 +6614,7 @@ Shall whet their knives, and think of you. % When a lion meets another with a louder roar, the first lion thinks the last a bore. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death, @@ -6628,7 +6628,7 @@ When I think about myself. Too poor to break, My folks can make me split my side, I laughed so hard I nearly died, The tales they tell, sound just like lying, -They grow the fruit, +They grow the fruit, But eat the rind, I laugh until I start to crying, When I think about my folks. @@ -6681,7 +6681,7 @@ Behind blue eyes. No one knows what its like to be hated, to be fated, To telling only lies. - -- The Who + -- The Who % When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U. The Game had just begun, when Hydrogen scored two fast points @@ -6709,7 +6709,7 @@ Till somebody we like can be elected. We hate that expression! So when in doubt, send the Marines! -- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines" % -When the Guru administers, the users +When the Guru administers, the users are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a sysop who is loved. Next, one who is feared. @@ -6746,7 +6746,7 @@ Double and float cast to each other. High-endian and low-endian define each other. While and until follow each other. -Therefore the Guru +Therefore the Guru programs without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Warnings arise and he lets them come; @@ -6850,7 +6850,7 @@ So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head. - -- E.A. Robinson, "Richard Cory" + -- E. A. Robinson, "Richard Cory" % WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be @@ -6896,7 +6896,7 @@ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to hardware interrupts.] - + And now I see with eye serene The very pulse of the machine. -- William Wordsworth, "She Was a Phantom of Delight" @@ -6942,7 +6942,7 @@ Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed. @@ -6954,16 +6954,16 @@ I love entertainment So long as it's clean. Professor Doberman: - While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded -pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified + While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded +pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic -experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one -must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in -fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one -receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have +experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one +must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in +fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one +receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its -meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be -suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive +meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be +suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive implications. % With/Without - and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about? @@ -7122,7 +7122,7 @@ But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for! You will find me drinking gin In the lowest kind of inn, Because I am a rigid Vegetarian. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % You'll always be, What you always were, --- b/datfiles/sports +++ a/datfiles/sports @@ -115,7 +115,7 @@ Bill Dickey is learning me his experience. -- Yogi Berra in his rookie season. % Brandy Davis, an outfielder and teammate of mine with the Pittsburgh Pirates, -is my choice for team captain. Cincinnatti was beating us 3-1, and I led +is my choice for team captain. Cincinnati was beating us 3-1, and I led off the bottom of the eighth with a walk. The next hitter banged a hard single to right field. Feeling the wind at my back, I rounded second and kept going, sliding safely into third base. @@ -483,14 +483,14 @@ MARTA SAYS THE INTERESTING thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta, grow up. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Max told his friend that he'd just as soon not go hiking in the hills. Said he, "I'm an anti-climb Max." @@ -668,7 +668,7 @@ That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows returning to Capistrano, but the sound of a bat on a ball. -- Bill Veeck % -The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off +The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned @@ -678,7 +678,7 @@ it to his master. % The Fastest Defeat In Chess The big name for us in the world of chess is Gibaud, a French chess -master. +master. In Paris during 1924 he was beaten after only four moves by a Monsieur Lazard. Happily for posterity, the moves are recorded and so chess enthusiasts may reconstruct this magnificent collapse in the comfort @@ -687,7 +687,7 @@ of their own homes. 1: P-Q4, Kt-KB3 2: Kt-Q2, P-K4 3: PxP, Kt-Kt5 - 4: P-K6, Kt-K6 + 4: P-KR3, Kt-K6 White then resigns on realizing that a fifth move would involve either a Q-KR5 check or the loss of his queen. -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" @@ -710,7 +710,7 @@ THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % The one sure way to make a lazy man look respectable is to put a fishing rod in his hand. --- /dev/null +++ a/datfiles/tao @@ -0,0 +1,1243 @@ +% +% +The Way + +The Way that can be experienced is not true; +The world that can be constructed is not real. +The Way manifests all that happens and may happen; +The world represents all that exists and may exist. +To experience without abstraction is to sense the world; +To experience with abstraction is to know the world. +These two experiences are indistinguishable; +Their construction differs but their effect is the same. +Beyond the gate of experience flows the Way, +Which is ever greater and more subtle than the world. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Abstraction + +When beauty is abstracted +Then ugliness has been implied; +When good is abstracted +Then evil has been implied. +So alive and dead are abstracted from nature, +Difficult and easy abstracted from progress, +Long and short abstracted from contrast, +High and low abstracted from depth, +Song and speech abstracted from melody, +After and before abstracted from sequence. +The sage experiences without abstraction, +And accomplishes without action; +He accepts the ebb and flow of things, +Nurtures them, but does not own them, +And lives, but does not dwell. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Without Action + +Not praising the worthy prevents contention, +Not esteeming the valuable prevents theft, +Not displaying the beautiful prevents desire. +In this manner the sage governs people: +Emptying their minds, +Filling their bellies, +Weakening their ambitions, +And strengthening their bones. +If people lack knowledge and desire +Then they can not act; +If no action is taken +Harmony remains. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Limitless + +The Way is a limitless vessel; +Used by the self, it is not filled by the world; +It cannot be cut, knotted, dimmed or stilled; +Its depths are hidden, ubiquitous and eternal; +I don't know where it comes from; +It comes before nature. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Nature + +Nature is not kind; +It treats all things impartially. +The Sage is not kind, +And treats all people impartially. +Nature is like a bellows, +Empty, yet never ceasing its supply. +The more it moves, the more it yields; +So the sage draws upon experience +And cannot be exhausted. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Experience + +Experience is a riverbed, +Its source hidden, forever flowing: +Its entrance, the root of the world, +The Way moves within it: +Draw upon it; it will not run dry. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Complete + +Nature is complete because it does not serve itself. +The sage places himself after and finds himself before, +Ignores his desire and finds himself content. +He is complete because he does not serve himself. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Water + +The best of man is like water, +Which benefits all things, and does not contend with them, +Which flows in places that others disdain, +Where it is in harmony with the Way. +So the sage: +Lives within nature, +Thinks within the deep, +Gives within impartiality, +Speaks within trust, +Governs within order, +Crafts within ability, +Acts within opportunity. +He does not contend, and none contend against him. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Retire + +Fill a cup to its brim and it is easily spilled; +Temper a sword to its hardest and it is easily broken; +Amass the greatest treasure and it is easily stolen; +Claim credit and honour and you easily fall; +Retire once your purpose is achieved - this is natural. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Harmony + +Embracing the Way, you become embraced; +Breathing gently, you become newborn; +Clearing your mind, you become clear; +Nurturing your children, you become impartial; +Opening your heart, you become accepted; +Accepting the world, you embrace the Way. +Bearing and nurturing, +Creating but not owning, +Giving without demanding, +This is harmony. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Tools + +Thirty spokes meet at a nave; +Because of the hole we may use the wheel. +Clay is moulded into a vessel; +Because of the hollow we may use the cup. +Walls are built around a hearth; +Because of the doors we may use the house. +Thus tools come from what exists, +But use from what does not. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Substance + +Too much colour blinds the eye, +Too much music deafens the ear, +Too much taste dulls the palate, +Too much play maddens the mind, +Too much desire tears the heart. +In this manner the sage cares for people: +He provides for the belly, not for the senses; +He ignores abstraction and holds fast to substance. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Self + +Both praise and blame cause concern, +For they bring people hope and fear. +The object of hope and fear is the self - +For, without self, to whom may fortune and disaster occur? +Therefore, +Who distinguishes himself from the world may be given the world, +But who regards himself as the world may accept the world. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Mystery + +Looked at but cannot be seen - it is beneath form; +Listened to but cannot be heard - it is beneath sound; +Held but cannot be touched - it is beneath feeling; +These depthless things evade definition, +And blend into a single mystery. +In its rising there is no light, +In its falling there is no darkness, +A continuous thread beyond description, +Lining what does not exist; +Its form formless, +Its image nothing, +Its name silence; +Follow it, it has no back, +Meet it, it has no face. +Attend the present to deal with the past; +Thus you grasp the continuity of the Way, +Which is its essence. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Enlightenment + +The enlightened possess understanding +So profound they can not be understood. +Because they cannot be understood +I can only describe their appearance: +Cautious as one crossing thin ice, +Undecided as one surrounded by danger, +Modest as one who is a guest, +Unbounded as melting ice, +Genuine as unshaped wood, +Broad as a valley, +Seamless as muddy water. +Who stills the water that the mud may settle, +Who seeks to stop that he may travel on, +Who desires less than what may transpire, +Decays, but will not renew. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Decay and Renewal + +Empty the self completely; +Embrace perfect peace. +The world will rise and move; +Watch it return to rest. +All the flourishing things +Will return to their source. +This return is peaceful; +It is the flow of nature, +An eternal decay and renewal. +Accepting this brings enlightenment, +Ignoring this brings misery. +Who accepts nature's flow becomes all-cherishing; +Being all-cherishing he becomes impartial; +Being impartial he becomes magnanimous; +Being magnanimous he becomes natural; +Being natural he becomes one with the Way; +Being one with the Way he becomes immortal: +Though his body will decay, the Way will not. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Rulers + +The best rulers are scarcely known by their subjects; +The next best are loved and praised; +The next are feared; +The next despised: +They have no faith in their people, +And their people become unfaithful to them. +When the best rulers achieve their purpose +Their subjects claim the achievement as their own. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Hypocrisy + +When the Way is forgotten +Duty and justice appear; +Then knowledge and wisdom are born +Along with hypocrisy. +When harmonious relationships dissolve +Then respect and devotion arise; +When a nation falls to chaos +Then loyalty and patriotism are born. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Simplify + +If we could discard knowledge and wisdom +Then people would profit a hundredfold; +If we could discard duty and justice +Then harmonious relationships would form; +If we could discard artifice and profit +Then waste and theft would disappear. +Yet such remedies treat only symptoms +And so they are inadequate. +People need personal remedies: +Reveal your naked self and embrace your original nature; +Bind your self-interest and control your ambition; +Forget your habits and simplify your affairs. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Wandering + +What is the difference between assent and denial? +What is the difference between beautiful and ugly? +What is the difference between fearsome and afraid? +The people are merry as if at a magnificent party +Or playing in the park at springtime, +But I am tranquil and wandering, +Like a newborn before it learns to smile, +Alone, with no true home. +The people have enough and to spare, +Where I have nothing, +And my heart is foolish, +Muddled and cloudy. +The people are bright and certain, +Where I am dim and confused; +The people are clever and wise, +Where I am dull and ignorant; +Aimless as a wave drifting over the sea, +Attached to nothing. +The people are busy with purpose, +Where I am impractical and rough; +I do not share the peoples' cares +But I am fed at nature's breast. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Accept + +Harmony is only in following the Way. +The Way is without form or quality, +But expresses all forms and qualities; +The Way is hidden and implicate, +But expresses all of nature; +The Way is unchanging, +But expresses all motion. +Beneath sensation and memory +The Way is the source of all the world. +How can I understand the source of the world? +By accepting. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Home + +Accept and you become whole, +Bend and you straighten, +Empty and you fill, +Decay and you renew, +Want and you acquire, +Fulfill and you become confused. +The sage accepts the world +As the world accepts the Way; +He does not display himself, so is clearly seen, +Does not justify himself, so is recognized, +Does not boast, so is credited, +Does not pride himself, so endures, +Does not contend, so none contend against him. +The ancients said, "Accept and you become whole", +Once whole, the world is as your home. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Words + +Nature says only a few words: +High wind does not last long, +Nor does heavy rain. +If nature's words do not last +Why should those of man? +Who accepts harmony, becomes harmonious. +Who accepts loss, becomes lost. +For who accepts harmony, the Way harmonizes with him, +And who accepts loss, the Way cannot find. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Indulgence + +Straighten yourself and you will not stand steady; +Display yourself and you will not be clearly seen; +Justify yourself and you will not be respected; +Promote yourself and you will not be believed; +Pride yourself and you will not endure. +These behaviours are wasteful, indulgent, +And so they attract disfavour; +Harmony avoids them. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Beneath Abstraction + +There is a mystery, +Beneath abstraction, +Silent, depthless, +Alone, unchanging, +Ubiquitous and liquid, +The mother of nature. +It has no name, but I call it "the Way"; +It has no limit, but I call it "limitless". +Being limitless, it flows away forever; +Flowing away forever, it returns to my self: +The Way is limitless, +So nature is limitless, +So the world is limitless, +And so I am limitless. +For I am abstracted from the world, +The world from nature, +Nature from the Way, +And the Way from what is beneath abstraction. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Calm + +Gravity is the source of lightness, +Calm, the master of haste. +A lone traveller will journey all day, watching over his +belongings; +Only safe in his own bed may he lose them in sleep. +So the captain of a great vessel should not act lightly or hastily. +Acting lightly, he loses sight of the world, +Acting hastily, he loses control of himself. +The captain can not treat his great ship as a small boat; +Rather than glitter like jade +He must stand like stone. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Perfection + +The perfect traveller leaves no trail to be followed; +The perfect speaker leaves no question to be answered; +The perfect accountant leaves no working to be completed; +The perfect container leaves no lock to be closed; +The perfect knot leaves no end to be ravelled. +So the sage nurtures all men +And abandons no one. +He accepts everything +And rejects nothing. +He attends to the smallest details. +For the strong must guide the weak; +The weak are raw material to the strong. +If the guide is not respected, +Or the material is not cared for, +Confusion will result, no matter how clever one is. +This is the secret of perfection: +When raw wood is carved, it becomes a tool; +When a man is employed, he becomes a tool; +The perfect carpenter leaves no wood to be carved. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Becoming + +Using the male, being female, +Being the entrance of the world, +You embrace harmony +And become as a newborn. +Using strength, being weak, +Being the root of the world, +You complete harmony +And become as unshaped wood. +Using the light, being dark, +Being the world, +You perfect harmony +And return to the Way. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Ambition + +Those who wish to change the world +According with their desire +Cannot succeed. +The world is shaped by the Way; +It cannot be shaped by the self. +Trying to change it, you damage it; +Trying to possess it, you lose it. +So some will lead, while others follow. +Some will be warm, others cold +Some will be strong, others weak. +Some will get where they are going +While others fall by the side of the road. +So the sage will be neither extravagant nor violent. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Violence + +Powerful men are well advised not to use violence, +For violence has a habit of returning; +Thorns and weeds grow wherever an army goes, +And lean years follow a great war. +A general is well advised +To achieve nothing more than his orders: +Not to take advantage of his victory. +Nor to glory, boast or pride himself; +To do what is dictated by necessity, +Not by choice. +For even the strongest force will weaken with time, +And then its violence will return, and kill it. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Armies + +Armies are tools of violence; +They cause men to hate and fear. +The sage will not join them. +His purpose is creation; +Their purpose is destruction. +Weapons are tools of violence, +Not of the sage; +He uses them only when there is no choice, +And then calmly, and with tact, +For he finds no beauty in them. +Whoever finds beauty in weapons +Delights in the slaughter of men; +And who delights in slaughter +Cannot content himself with peace. +So slaughters must be mourned +And conquest celebrated with a funeral. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Shapes + +The Way has no true shape, +And therefore none can control it. +If a ruler could control the Way +All things would follow +In harmony with his desire, +And sweet rain would fall, +Effortlessly slaking every thirst. +The Way is shaped by use, +But then the shape is lost. +Do not hold fast to shapes +But let sensation flow into the world +As a river courses down to the sea. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Virtues + +Who understands the world is learned; +Who understands the self is enlightened. +Who conquers the world has strength; +Who conquers the self has harmony; +Who is determined has purpose. +Who is contented has wealth; +Who defends his home may long endure; +Who surrenders his home may long survive it. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Control + +The Way flows and ebbs, creating and destroying, +Implementing all the world, attending to the tiniest details, +Claiming nothing in return. +It nurtures all things, +Though it does not control them; +It has no intention, +So it seems inconsequential. +It is the substance of all things; +Though it does not control them; +It has no exception, +So it seems all-important. +The sage would not control the world; +He is in harmony with the world. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Peace + +If you offer music and food +Strangers may stop with you; +But if you accord with the Way +All the people of the world will keep you +In safety, health, community, and peace. +The Way lacks art and flavour; +It can neither be seen nor heard, +But its benefit cannot be exhausted. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Opposition + +To reduce someone's influence, first expand it; +To reduce someone's force, first increase it; +To overthrow someone, first exalt them; +To take from someone, first give to them. +This is the subtlety by which the weak overcome the strong: +Fish should not leave their depths, +And swords should not leave their scabbards. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Tranquillity + +The Way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone. +When you accept this +The world will flourish, +In harmony with nature. +Nature does not possess desire; +Without desire, the heart becomes quiet; +In this manner the whole world is made tranquil. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Ritual + +Well established hierarchies are not easily uprooted; +Closely held beliefs are not easily released; +So ritual enthralls generation after generation. +Harmony does not care for harmony, and so is naturally attained; +But ritual is intent upon harmony, and so can not attain it. +Harmony neither acts nor reasons; +Love acts, but without reason; +Justice acts to serve reason; +But ritual acts to enforce reason. +When the Way is lost, there remains harmony; +When harmony is lost, there remains love; +When love is lost, there remains justice; +And when justice is lost, there remains ritual. +Ritual is the end of compassion and honesty, +The beginning of confusion; +Belief is a colourful hope or fear, +The beginning of folly. +The sage goes by harmony, not by hope; +He dwells in the fruit, not the flower; +He accepts substance, and ignores abstraction. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Support + +In mythical times all things were whole: +All the sky was clear, +All the earth was stable, +All the mountains were firm, +All the riverbeds were full, +All of nature was fertile, +And all the rulers were supported. +But, losing clarity, the sky tore; +Losing stability, the earth split; +Losing strength, the mountains sank; +Losing water, the riverbeds cracked; +Losing fertility, nature disappeared; +And losing support, the rulers fell. +Rulers depend upon their subjects, +The noble depend upon the humble; +So rulers call themselves orphaned, hungry and alone, +To win the people's support. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Motion and Use + +The motion of the Way is to return; +The use of the Way is to accept; +All things come from the Way, +And the Way comes from nothing. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Following + +When the great man learns the Way, he follows it with diligence; +When the common man learns the Way, he follows it on occasion; +When the mean man learns the Way, he laughs out loud; +Those who do not laugh, do not learn at all. +Therefore it is said: +Who understands the Way seems foolish; +Who progresses on the Way seems to fail; +Who follows the Way seems to wander. +For the finest harmony appears plain; +The brightest truth appears coloured; +The richest character appears incomplete; +The bravest heart appears meek; +The simplest nature appears inconstant. +The square, perfected, has no corner; +Music, perfected, has no melody; +Love, perfected, has no climax; +Art, perfected, has no meaning. +The Way can be neither sensed nor known: +It transmits sensation and transcends knowledge. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Mind + +The Way bears sensation, +Sensation bears memory, +Sensation and memory bear abstraction, +And abstraction bears all the world; +Each thing in the world bears feeling and doing, +And, imbued with mind, harmony with the Way. +As others have taught, so do I teach, +"Who loses harmony opposes nature"; +This is the root of my teaching. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Overcoming + +Water overcomes the stone; +Without substance it requires no opening; +This is the benefit of taking no action. +Yet benefit without action, +And experience without abstraction, +Are practiced by very few. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Contentment + +Health or reputation: which is held dearer? +Health or possessions: which has more worth? +Profit or loss: which is more troublesome? +Great love incurs great expense, +And great wealth incurs great fear, +But contentment comes at no cost. +For who knows when to stop +Does not continue into danger, +And so may long endure. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Quiet + +Great perfection seems incomplete, +But does not decay; +Great abundance seems empty, +But does not fail. +Great truth seems contradictory; +Great cleverness seems stupid; +Great eloquence seems awkward. +As spring overcomes the cold, +And autumn overcomes the heat, +So calm and quiet overcome the world. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Horses + +When a nation follows the Way, +Horses bear manure through its fields; +When a nation ignores the Way, +Horses bear soldiers through its streets. +There is no greater mistake than following desire; +There is no greater disaster than forgetting contentment; +There is no greater sickness than seeking attainment; +But one who is content to satisfy his needs +Finds that contentment endures. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Knowing + +Without taking a step outdoors +You know the whole world; +Without taking a peep out the window +You know the colour of the sky. +The more you experience, +The less you know. +The sage wanders without knowing, +Looks without seeing, +Accomplishes without acting. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Inaction + +The follower of knowledge learns as much as he can every day; +The follower of the Way forgets as much as he can every day. +By attrition he reaches a state of inaction +Wherein he does nothing, but nothing remains undone. +To conquer the world, accomplish nothing; +If you must accomplish something, +The world remains beyond conquest. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +People + +The sage does not distinguish between himself and the world; +The needs of other people are as his own. +He is good to those who are good; +He is also good to those who are not good, +Thereby he is good. +He trusts those who are trustworthy; +He also trusts those who are not trustworthy, +Thereby he is trustworthy. +The sage lives in harmony with the world, +And his mind is the world's mind. +So he nurtures the worlds of others +As a mother does her children. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Death + +Men flow into life, and ebb into death. +Some are filled with life; +Some are empty with death; +Some hold fast to life, and thereby perish, +For life is an abstraction. +Those who are filled with life +Need not fear tigers and rhinos in the wilds, +Nor wear armour and shields in battle; +The rhinoceros finds no place in them for its horn, +The tiger no place for its claw, +The soldier no place for a weapon, +For death finds no place in them. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Nurture + +The Way bears all things; +Harmony nurtures them; +Nature shapes them; +Use completes them. +Each follows the Way and honours harmony, +Not by law, +But by being. +The Way bears, nurtures, shapes, completes, +Shelters, comforts, and makes a home for them. +Bearing without possessing, +Nurturing without taming, +Shaping without forcing, +This is harmony. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Clarity + +The origin of the world is its mother; +Understand the mother, and you understand the child; +Embrace the child, and you embrace the mother, +Who will not perish when you die. +Reserve your judgments and words +And you maintain your influence; +Speak your mind and take positions +And nothing will save you. +As observing detail is clarity, +So maintaining flexibility is strength; +Use the light but shed no light, +So that you do yourself no harm, +But embrace clarity. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Difficult Paths + +With but a small understanding +One may follow the Way like a main road, +Fearing only to leave it; +Following a main road is easy, +Yet people delight in difficult paths. +When palaces are kept up +Fields are left to weeds +And granaries empty; +Wearing fine clothes, +Bearing sharp swords, +Glutting with food and drink, +Hoarding wealth and possessions - +These are the ways of theft, +And far from the Way. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Cultivate Harmony + +Cultivate harmony within yourself, and harmony becomes real; +Cultivate harmony within your family, and harmony becomes fertile; +Cultivate harmony within your community, and harmony becomes +abundant; +Cultivate harmony within your culture, and harmony becomes +enduring; +Cultivate harmony within the world, and harmony becomes ubiquitous. +Live with a person to understand that person; +Live with a family to understand that family; +Live with a community to understand that community; +Live with a culture to understand that culture; +Live with the world to understand the world. +How can I live with the world? +By accepting. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Soft Bones + +Who is filled with harmony is like a newborn. +Wasps and snakes will not bite him; +Hawks and tigers will not claw him. +His bones are soft yet his grasp is sure, +For his flesh is supple; +His mind is innocent yet his body is virile, +For his vigour is plentiful; +His song is long-lasting yet his voice is sweet, +For his grace is perfect. +But knowing harmony creates abstraction, +And following abstraction creates ritual. +Exceeding nature creates calamity, +And controlling nature creates violence. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Impartiality + +Who understands does not preach; +Who preaches does not understand. +Reserve your judgments and words; +Smooth differences and forgive disagreements; +Dull your wit and simplify your purpose; +Accept the world. +Then, +Friendship and enmity, +Profit and loss, +Honour and disgrace, +Will not affect you; +The world will accept you. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Conquer with Inaction + +Do not control the people with laws, +Nor violence nor espionage, +But conquer them with inaction. +For: +The more morals and taboos there are, +The more cruelty afflicts people; +The more guns and knives there are, +The more factions divide people; +The more arts and skills there are, +The more change obsoletes people; +The more laws and taxes there are, +The more theft corrupts people. +Yet take no action, and the people nurture eachother; +Make no laws, and the people deal fairly with eachother; +Own no interest, and the people cooperate with eachother; +Express no desire, and the people harmonize with eachother. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +No End + +When government is lazy and informal +The people are kind and honest; +When government is efficient and severe +The people are discontented and deceitful. +Good fortune follows upon disaster; +Disaster lurks within good fortune; +Who can say how things will end? +Perhaps there is no end. +Honesty is ever deceived; +Kindness is ever seduced; +Men have been like this for a long time. +So the sage is firm but not cutting, +Pointed but not piercing, +Straight but not rigid, +Bright but not blinding. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Restraint + +Manage a great nation as you would cook a delicate fish. +To govern men in accord with nature +It is best to be restrained; +Restraint makes agreement easy to attain, +And easy agreement builds harmonious relationships; +With sufficient harmony no resistance will arise; +When no resistance arises, then you possess the heart of the +nation, +And when you possess the nation's heart, your influence will long +endure: +Deeply rooted and firmly established. +This is the method of far sight and long life. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Demons + +When you use the Way to conquer the world, +Your demons will lose their power to harm. +It is not that they lose their power as such, +But that they will not harm others; +Because they will not harm others, +You will not harm others: +When neither you nor your demons can do harm, +You will be at peace with them. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Submission + +A nation is like a hierarchy, a marketplace, and a maiden. +A maiden wins her husband by submitting to his advances; +Submission is a means of union. +So when a large country submits to a small country +It will adopt the small country; +When a small country submits to a large country +It will be adopted by the large country; +The one submits and adopts; +The other submits and is adopted. +It is in the interest of a large country to unite and gain service, +And in the interest of a small country to unite and gain patronage; +If both would serve their interests, +Both must submit. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Sin + +The Way is the fate of men, +The treasure of the saint, +And the refuge of the sinner. +Fine words are often borrowed, +And great deeds are often appropriated; +Therefore, when a man falls, do not abandon him, +And when a man gains power, do not honour him; +Only remain impartial and show him the Way. +Why should someone appreciate the Way? +The ancients said, "By it, those who seek may easily find, +And those who regret may easily absolve" +So it is the most precious gift. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Difficulty + +Practice no-action; +Attend to do-nothing; +Taste the flavorless, +Magnify the small, +Multiply the few, +Return love for hate. +Deal with the difficult while it is yet easy; +Deal with the great while it is yet small; +The difficult develops naturally from the easy, +And the great from the small; +So the sage, by dealing with the small, +Achieves the great. +Who finds it easy to promise finds it hard to be trusted; +Who takes things lightly finds things difficult; +The sage recognizes difficulty, and so has none. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Care at the Beginning + +What lies still is easy to grasp; +What lies far off is easy to anticipate; +What is brittle is easy to shatter; +What is small is easy to disperse. +Yet a tree broader than a man can embrace is born of a tiny shoot; +A dam greater than a river can overflow starts with a clod of +earth; +A journey of a thousand miles begins at the spot under one's feet. +Therefore deal with things before they happen; +Create order before there is confusion. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Care at the End + +He who acts, spoils; +He who grasps, loses. +People often fail on the verge of success; +Take care at the end as at the beginning, +So that you may avoid failure. +The sage desires no-desire, +Values no-value, +Learns no-learning, +And returns to the places that people have forgotten; +He would help all people to become natural, +But then he would not be natural. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Subtlety + +The ancients did not seek to rule people with knowledge, +But to help them become natural. +It is difficult for knowledgeable people to become natural. +To use law to control a nation weakens the nation. +But to use nature to control a nation strengthens the nation. +Understanding these two paths is understanding subtlety; +Subtlety runs deep, ranges wide, +Resolves confusion and preserves peace. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Lead by Following + +The river carves out the valley by flowing beneath it. +Thereby the river is the master of the valley. +In order to master people +One must speak as their servant; +In order to lead people +One must follow them. +So when the sage rises above the people, +They do not feel oppressed; +And when the sage stands before the people, +They do not feel hindered. +So the popularity of the sage does not fail, +He does not contend, and no one contends against him. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Unimportance + +All the world says, +"I am important; +I am separate from all the world. +I am important because I am separate, +Were I the same, I could never be important." +Yet here are three treasures +That I cherish and commend to you: +The first is compassion, +By which one finds courage. +The second is restraint, +By which one finds strength. +And the third is unimportance, +By which one finds influence. +Those who are fearless, but without compassion, +Powerful, but without restraint, +Or influential, yet important, +Cannot endure. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Compassion + +Compassion is the finest weapon and best defence. +If you would establish harmony, +Compassion must surround you like a fortress. +Therefore, +A good soldier does not inspire fear; +A good fighter does not display aggression; +A good conqueror does not engage in battle; +A good leader does not exercise authority. +This is the value of unimportance; +This is how to win the cooperation of others; +This to how to build the same harmony that is in nature. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Ambush + +There is a saying among soldiers: +It is easier to lose a yard than take an inch. +In this manner one may deploy troops without marshalling them, +Bring weapons to bear without exposing them, +Engage the foe without invading them, +And exhaust their strength without fighting them. +There is no worse disaster than misunderstanding your enemy; +To do so endangers all of my treasures; +So when two well matched forces oppose eachother, +The general who maintains compassion will win. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Individuality + +My words are easy to understand +And my actions are easy to perform +Yet no other can understand or perform them. +My words have meaning; my actions have reason; +Yet these cannot be known and I cannot be known. +We are each unique, and therefore valuable; +Though the sage wears coarse clothes, his heart is jade. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Limitation + +Who recognizes his limitations is healthy; +Who ignores his limitations is sick. +The sage recognizes this sickness as a limitation. +And so becomes immune. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Revolution + +When people have nothing more to lose, +Then revolution will result. +Do not take away their lands, +And do not destroy their livelihoods; +If your burden is not heavy then they will not shirk it. +The sage maintains himself but exacts no tribute, +Values himself but requires no honours; +He ignores abstraction and accepts substance. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Fate + +Who is brave and bold will perish; +Who is brave and subtle will benefit. +The subtle profit where the bold perish +For Fate does not honour daring. +And even the sage dares not tempt fate. +Fate does not attack, yet all things are conquered by it; +It does not ask, yet all things answer to it; +It does not call, yet all things meet it; +It does not plan, yet all things are determined by it. +Fate's net is vast and its mesh is coarse, +Yet none escape it. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Execution + +If people were not afraid of death, +Then what would be the use of an executioner? +If people were only afraid of death, +And you executed everyone who did not obey, +No one would dare to disobey you. +Then what would be the use of an executioner? +People fear death because death is an instrument of fate. +When people are killed by execution rather than by fate, +This is like carving wood in the place of a carpenter. +Those who carve wood in place of a carpenter +Often injure their hands. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Rebellion + +When rulers take grain so that they may feast, +Their people become hungry; +When rulers take action to serve their own interests, +Their people become rebellious; +When rulers take lives so that their own lives are maintained, +Their people no longer fear death. +When people act without regard for their own lives +They overcome those who value only their own lives. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Flexibility + +A newborn is soft and tender, +A crone, hard and stiff. +Plants and animals, in life, are supple and succulent; +In death, withered and dry. +So softness and tenderness are attributes of life, +And hardness and stiffness, attributes of death. +Just as a sapless tree will split and decay +So an inflexible force will meet defeat; +The hard and mighty lie beneath the ground +While the tender and weak dance on the breeze above. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Need + +Is the action of nature not unlike drawing a bow? +What is higher is pulled down, and what is lower is raised up; +What is taller is shortened, and what is thinner is broadened; +Nature's motion decreases those who have more than they need +And increases those who need more than they have. +It is not so with Man. +Man decreases those who need more than they have +And increases those who have more than they need. +To give away what you do not need is to follow the Way. +So the sage gives without expectation, +Accomplishes without claiming credit, +And has no desire for ostentation. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Yielding + +Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water, +Yet nothing can better overcome the hard and strong, +For they can neither control nor do away with it. +The soft overcomes the hard, +The yielding overcomes the strong; +Every person knows this, +But no one can practice it. +Who attends to the people would control the land and grain; +Who attends to the state would control the whole world; +Truth is easily hidden by rhetoric. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Reconciliation + +When conflict is reconciled, some hard feelings remain; +This is dangerous. +The sage accepts less than is due +And does not blame or punish; +For harmony seeks agreement +Where justice seeks payment. +The ancients said: "nature is impartial; +Therefore it serves those who serve all." + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +Utopia + +Let your community be small, with only a few people; +Keep tools in abundance, but do not depend upon them; +Appreciate your life and be content with your home; +Sail boats and ride horses, but don't go too far; +Keep weapons and armour, but do not employ them; +Let everyone read and write, +Eat well and make beautiful things. +Live peacefully and delight in your own society; +Dwell within cock-crow of your neighbours, +But maintain your independence from them. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% +The Sage + +Honest people use no rhetoric; +Rhetoric is not honesty. +Enlightened people are not cultured; +Culture is not enlightenment. +Content people are not wealthy; +Wealth is not contentment. +So the sage does not serve himself; +The more he does for others, the more he is satisfied; +The more he gives, the more he receives. +Nature flourishes at the expense of no one; +So the sage benefits all men and contends with none. + -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" +% --- b/datfiles/wisdom +++ a/datfiles/wisdom @@ -20,7 +20,7 @@ A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance. % A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved. - -- R.A. Heinlein + -- R. A. Heinlein % A halted retreat Is nerve-wracking and dangerous. @@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?" % -A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil. +A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil. Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies." % A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? @@ -88,7 +88,7 @@ scholar sobbed. Queried the Master... "Have you thought of becoming a salesperson?" % A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - -- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H." + -- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W. H." % A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on the mountain-side. Knowing that every action of such an enlightened one is significant, the seeker @@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ and the newcomer, and blew on his own. "Why are you doing that, Master?" "To cool the soup." Unable to trust a man who uses the same process to arrive at two different results -- hot and cold -- the disciple departed. % -Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, +Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ? -- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto" % @@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ over the cliff -- I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye. I know it; I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy. - -- J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye" + -- J. D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye" % Approaching the gates of the monastery, Hakuin found Ken the Zen preaching to a group of disciples. @@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. -- Herodotus % Coincidences are spiritual puns. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind. -- Erma Bombeck @@ -272,7 +272,7 @@ Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you. % Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit. - -- R.E. Shay + -- R. E. Shay % Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. @@ -339,7 +339,7 @@ down during a storm; hail all passing ships; and fly your colors proudly. % Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. - -- W. Somerset Maughm, his last words + -- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words % Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. -- Woody Allen @@ -730,7 +730,7 @@ In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. % In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart. - -- Ann Frank + -- Anne Frank % In the long run we are all dead. -- John Maynard Keynes @@ -740,7 +740,7 @@ In the next world, you're on your own. Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.' - -- M.D. Epstein + -- M. D. Epstein % Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better. -- Edgar W. Howe @@ -978,7 +978,7 @@ No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time. Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something. % Nonsense and beauty have close connections. - -- E.M. Forster + -- E. M. Forster % Normal times may possibly be over forever. % @@ -1005,7 +1005,7 @@ to know so much and have control over nothing. -- Herodotus % Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in. - -- H.R. Haldeman + -- H. R. Haldeman % Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs @@ -1097,7 +1097,7 @@ Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction. % Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. - -- Lily Tomlin + -- Lily Tomlin % "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away". -- Philip K. Dick @@ -1213,7 +1213,7 @@ The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk. % The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. % @@ -1593,7 +1593,7 @@ The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts. -- Aldo Leopold, quoted in Donald Wurster's "Nature's Economy" % You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - --Mahatma Gandhi + -- Mahatma Gandhi % No people are all bad, just as none are all good. Tecumseh, (Shawnee) to his nephew Spemica Lawba 1790 @@ -1616,7 +1616,7 @@ Mourning Dove, (Salish 1888-1936) "Der bestirnte Himmel über mir und das moralische Gesetz in mir" that is "The starry sky above me, and the Moral Law inside me." - - The epigraph on Kant's tombstone. + -- The epigraph on Kant's tombstone. % The words fly away, the writings remain. % @@ -1628,3 +1628,13 @@ Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure. -- Virgil % +Anyone who understands everything that comes out of fortune probably +has a problem +% +If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. + -- Anatole France +% +"Few sins are less forgivable in polite society than offering poor + people products they actively seek." + -- Katherine Mangu-Ward, "Education for Profit", Reason Magazine, July 2008 +% --- b/datfiles/work +++ a/datfiles/work @@ -137,19 +137,19 @@ that he didn't force you down on the asking price. A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels. Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer -sitting in the yard watching the pig. - "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman. +sitting in the yard watching the pig. + "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman. "Sure is, son," the farmer replied. "Why, two years ago, my daughter was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that pig swam out and dragged her back to shore." - "Amazing!" the salesman exlaimed. + "Amazing!" the salesman exclaimed. "And that's not the only thing. Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on -the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did. +the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did. That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me. Saved my life." "Fantastic! the salesman said. But tell me, how come the pig has three wooden legs?" - The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you + The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once." % A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. @@ -203,7 +203,7 @@ crime? Who enjoys his job today? You? Me? Anybody? The only satisfying part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time. Years ago there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more important jobs to come. Once you can be sold the myth that you may make -president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps. But nobody +president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps. But nobody believes he's going to be president anymore. The more people change jobs the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for a living and total stupefying boredom. So why NOT take revenge? You're not @@ -232,7 +232,7 @@ Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director face on). -- Katherine Whitehorn, "Roundabout" % -Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed +Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley % @@ -409,7 +409,7 @@ Success is also easy to handle: % Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation, all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On @@ -529,7 +529,7 @@ but Exxon has decided they smelled bad. message about facing challengehood tomorrow-wise. I dozed off during this, but the import seems to be that dinosaurs don't have anything to do with energy policy and neither do you." - -- P.J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell" + -- P. J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell" % Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital. % @@ -566,7 +566,7 @@ God helps them that help themselves. Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to work. % Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. - -- R.E. Schenk + -- R. E. Schenk % Happiness is a positive cash flow. % @@ -626,7 +626,7 @@ Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty. -- Plato % Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. - -- F.M. Hubbard + -- F. M. Hubbard % Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house. @@ -657,7 +657,7 @@ ambition, and having enough money to buy people with those qualities. % I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % I cannot draw a cart, nor eat dried oats; If it be man's work I will do it. % @@ -687,7 +687,7 @@ should someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly understand his long delay. % I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. -- Oscar Wilde @@ -708,10 +708,10 @@ nothing. I gave them nothing for something. -- Joseph "Yellow Kid" Weil % I owe the public nothing. - -- J.P. Morgan + -- J. P. Morgan % -I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all -these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these +I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all +these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been avoiding the beach. @@ -722,7 +722,7 @@ their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike. -- Emile Henry Gauvreay % -I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan. +I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven. % I'd rather just believe that it's done by little elves running around. % @@ -752,10 +752,10 @@ If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him. % If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % If all else fails, lower your standards. % @@ -769,7 +769,7 @@ If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it. % IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form. % @@ -787,7 +787,7 @@ all be millionaires. % If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else. - -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" + -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" % If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play for once! @@ -939,7 +939,7 @@ It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. [Great minds think alike? Ed.] % It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat -rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they +rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest. -- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's % @@ -1018,7 +1018,7 @@ Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags. -- Sidney Paternoster, "The Folly of the Wise" % Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet. - -- P.E. Trudeau + -- P. E. Trudeau % Make headway at work. Continue to let things deteriorate at home. % @@ -1104,7 +1104,7 @@ favor of smart solutions to stupid problems. % Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable. - -- C.B. Luce + -- C. B. Luce % Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. -- Christopher Marlowe @@ -1234,11 +1234,11 @@ No spitting on the Bus! Thank you, The Mgt. % None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary -to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one -ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a -job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing -forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient -he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a +to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one +ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a +job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing +forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient +he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the "expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible. -- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work" @@ -1246,7 +1246,7 @@ state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done. % Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. - -- A.H. Weiler + -- A. H. Weiler % Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. @@ -1453,7 +1453,7 @@ Recent investments will yield a slight profit. % Recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man is being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative overhead continues to grow at a steady rate. @@ -1525,7 +1525,7 @@ Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for. % Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear. @@ -1587,7 +1587,7 @@ already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death. % Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. - -- C.S. Lewis + -- C. S. Lewis % That's life. What's life? @@ -1611,7 +1611,7 @@ The absent ones are always at fault. The annual meeting of the "You Have To Listen To Experience" Club is now in session. Our Achievement Awards this year are in the fields of publishing, advertising and industry. For best consistent contribution in the field of -publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivalled alle- +publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivaled alle- giance without variation to the statement: "Personally I'd love to do it, we'd ALL love to do it. But we're not going to do it. It's not the kind of book our house knows how to handle." Our superior performance award in the @@ -1708,7 +1708,7 @@ into a drawer. young man opened the first envelope, which said, "Blame it all on me." The next day, he held a press conference and did just that. The crisis passed. - Six months later, sales dropped precipitously. The beleagured + Six months later, sales dropped precipitously. The beleaguered manager opened the second envelope. It said, "Reorganize." He held another press conference, announcing that the division would be restructured. The crisis passed. @@ -1748,7 +1748,7 @@ management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller % The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack." - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. -- Paul Erlich @@ -1827,7 +1827,7 @@ The meek don't want it. The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse. % The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights. - -- J.P. Getty + -- J. P. Getty % The meek shall inherit the Earth. (But they're gonna have to fight for it.) % @@ -1852,7 +1852,7 @@ the country is the one on which you resell it. % The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting. - -- T.H. White + -- T. H. White % The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut. % @@ -1921,7 +1921,7 @@ infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful management of which so much remains. -- George F. Baer, railroad industrialist % -The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the +The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travelers pay the expense of it. -- Josh Billings % @@ -1963,7 +1963,7 @@ temper tantrums, crying, and threats are eliminated. % The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator. % @@ -2012,7 +2012,7 @@ round in the worst cars available," he said. Of course they do. admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'. If they bring a car back late we overlook it. If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle we might overlook that too." - "Where's the ashtray?" asked on Los Angeles wife, as she settled + "Where's the ashtray?" asked one Los Angeles wife, as she settled into the ripped interior. "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the ash tray." -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" @@ -2068,9 +2068,9 @@ There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over. % "There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." -"... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears +"... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." -"I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't +"I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't pay for one Master of the Universe Battlecruiser!" -- Filthy Rich and Catflap % @@ -2117,7 +2117,7 @@ ever raised into being for payment of any kind. No parthenon, no Thermopylae was ever built or fought for pay or glory; no Bukhara sacked, or China ground beneath Mongol heel, for loot or power alone. The payment for doing these things was itself the doing of them. - To wield onself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and + To wield oneself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and so to make or break that which no one else can build or ruin -- THAT is the greatest pleasure known to man! To one who has felt the chisel in his hand and set free the angel prisoned in the marble block, or to one who has felt @@ -2312,7 +2312,7 @@ we'd bark ourselves. -- Crazy Jimmy % We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold. - -- D.W. Robertson. + -- D. W. Robertson. % Weekend, where are you? % @@ -2345,7 +2345,7 @@ a long way with his skills." (We hoped he'd go as far as possible.) "You won't find many people like her." (In fact, most people can't stand being around her.) -"I cannot reccommend him too highly." +"I cannot recommend him too highly." (However, to the best of my knowledge, he has never committed a felony in my presence.) % @@ -2392,7 +2392,7 @@ What they say: What they mean: A major technological breakthrough... Back to the drawing board. Developed after years of research Discovered by pure accident. Project behind original schedule due We're working on something else. - to unforseen difficulties + to unforeseen difficulties Designs are within allowable limits We made it, stretching a point or two. Customer satisfaction is believed So far behind schedule that they'll be assured grateful for anything at all. --- b/datfiles/zippy +++ a/datfiles/zippy @@ -766,7 +766,7 @@ Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- % MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! % -MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! +MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! % Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a @@ -1120,7 +1120,7 @@ EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! % -Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES +Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM ... % Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!