Description: several fixes to dat files
@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ COOKIES=art ascii-art computers cookie definitions drugs education ethnic \
love magic medicine men-women miscellaneous news people pets \
platitudes politics riddles science songs-poems sports \
startrek translate-me wisdom work linux perl knghtbrd \
- paradoxum zippy debian
+ paradoxum zippy debian disclaimer tao
@@ -7,13 +7,14 @@
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to
-judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased
+judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased
-- he hates all creative people equally.
+ -- Robert Heinlein
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A circus foreman was making the rounds inspecting the big top
-when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are
+when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are
you the foreman around here?" he asked timidly. "I'd like to join your
circus; I have what I think is a pretty good act."
The foreman nodded assent, whereupon the little man hurried over to
@@ -100,7 +101,7 @@ what he writes fiction.
-- William Faulkner
A yawn is a silent shout.
- -- G.K. Chesterton
+ -- G. K. Chesterton
A young man wrote to Mozart and said:
@@ -220,8 +221,9 @@ depths they were once able to plumb.
Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.
-- Michael Joseph, "Observer"
-Bahdges? We don't need no stinkin' bahdges!
- -- "The Treasure of Sierra Madre"
+Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges. I don't have
+to show you any stinkin' badges!
+ -- "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre"
Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent
and original in your work.
@@ -530,7 +532,7 @@ novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-- Fred Allen
I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!
- -- Bart Simpson
+ -- Bart Simpson
I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The curtain
@@ -656,7 +658,7 @@ I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.
I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
and Superman away.
- -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+ -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988.
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.
@@ -775,7 +777,7 @@ Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.
-- Lionel Trilling
Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.
- -- T.S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger"
+ -- T. S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger"
In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together
afterwards that causes the problems.
@@ -824,15 +826,15 @@ twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
-- Rod Serling
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
-statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
-to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
+statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
+to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the
highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details,
worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
-- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live"
It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.
- -- Lloyd Kaufman, producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator"
+ -- Lloyd Kaufman, producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator"
It just doesn't seem right to go over the river and through the woods
to Grandmother's condo.
@@ -981,7 +983,7 @@ applications for.
-- Dave Barry
Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.
- -- S.J. Perelman
+ -- S. J. Perelman
Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast.
@@ -1119,7 +1121,7 @@ OK.
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
"My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?"
- -- MadameX
+ -- MadameX
My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
-- Peter Stack, movie review
@@ -1139,7 +1141,7 @@ belonging to it.
No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of
them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe
their wish has been granted.
- -- W.H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand"
+ -- W. H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand"
No two persons ever read the same book.
-- Edmund Wilson
@@ -1216,7 +1218,7 @@ Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain
an uncontainable experience.
- -- R.S. Knapp
+ -- R. S. Knapp
Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:
@@ -1401,7 +1403,7 @@ Television -- the longest amateur night in history.
-- Robert Carson
Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs.
- -- Alfred Hitchcock
+ -- Alfred Hitchcock
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
-- Ann Landers
@@ -1461,7 +1463,7 @@ The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.
The difference between waltzes and disco is mostly one of volume.
- -- T.K.
+ -- T. K.
The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
@@ -1603,7 +1605,7 @@ THEN -- MONROE!
NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-- The Rotten Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
-*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
+*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title:
@@ -1703,7 +1705,7 @@ The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing
horror on a screaming world!
-- The Crawling Eye (1958)
-SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, scyscraper limbs,
+SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs,
-- Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman (1958)
@@ -1902,7 +1904,7 @@ ourselves along -- quite gracefully.
There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right
keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
- -- J.S. Bach
+ -- J. S. Bach
There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.
-- Red Smith
@@ -1975,7 +1977,7 @@ Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
+cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
@@ -2178,7 +2180,7 @@ I can't think why not.
-- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, from a letter to his cousin Maria,
"The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele
-Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
+Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
-- The Tasmanian Devil
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.
@@ -2237,8 +2239,31 @@ You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!
-- Mel Brooks, "The Producers"
-Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will
+Naked children have never played in _our_ fountains, and I.M. Pei will
never be happy on Route 66.
-- "Learning from Las Vegas", Robert Venturi, Denise Scott
Brown, and Steven Izenour
+Sometimes I get the feeling that there are orgies going on all over New
+York City, and somebody says, "Let's call Desmond," and somebody else says,
+"Why bother? He's probably home reading the Encyclopedia Britannica."
+ -- Paul Desmond, jazz saxophonist
+Usually, in the studio, on this sort of thing ... you just go out and have
+a play over it, and see what comes, and it's usually -- mostly -- the first
+take that's the best one, and you find yourself repeating yourself thereafter.
+ -- David Gilmour, on the famous guitar solo in "Time"
+Rap music is just computerised crap. I listen to Top of the Pops and after
+three songs I feel like killing someone.
+ -- George Harrison
+I'm not sure how much writing happened. You know, let's play E minor and A for
+an hour or two. Oh, that sounds all right, that'll take up five minutes.
+ -- Roger Waters, on the composition of "Breathe"
+"Hiro has two loves, baseball and porn, but due to an elbow injury he
+gives up baseball...."
+ -- AniDB description of _H2_, with selective quoting applied.
@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@
___ ______ Frobtech, Inc.
- /__/\ ___/_____/\
+ /__/\ ___/_____/\
\ \ \ / /\\
\ \ \_/__ / \ "If you've got the job,
_\ \ \ /\_____/___ \ we've got the frob."
@@ -77,10 +77,10 @@ MICRO ARTISTS GANG! MAY 1988 BE A HAPPY YEAR!
_--~~~#####// ' ` \\#####~~~--_
-~##########// ( ) \\##########~-_
-############// |\^^/| \\############-
- _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
- ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
+ _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
+ ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
-###############\\ (oo) //###############-
- -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
+ -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
-###################\\/ () \//###################-
_#/|##########/\######( (()) )######/\##########|\#_
|/ |#/\#/\#/\/ \#/\##| \()/ |##/\#/ \/\#/\#/\#| \|
@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at
top volume and at least a pint of ether.
-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
-You are here:
+You are here:
@@ -49,18 +49,18 @@ A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
-A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
-had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
-various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
-invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
-and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
-asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
-between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
-string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
-From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
-string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
+A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
+had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
+various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
+invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
+and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
+asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
+between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
+string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
+From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
+string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
who passed it on to theirs.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a
@@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ simple system that works.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
- -- Mitch Ratcliffe
+ -- Mitch Ratcliffe
A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
the president one of the latest talking computers.
@@ -107,15 +107,15 @@ the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the
toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
- A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
+ A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The
medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's
rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
- The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
-itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
+ The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
+itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
- The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
+ The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox
@@ -383,9 +383,9 @@ with social conventions?"
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
-incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
-assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
-and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
+incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
+assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
+and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
@@ -454,7 +454,7 @@ makes the manuals thicker.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
-- F. Brooks, "The Mythical Man-Month"
Whenever one person is found adequate to the discharge of a duty by
close application thereto, it is worse execute by two persons and
scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein.
@@ -483,7 +483,7 @@ All constants are variables.
Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
-updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
+updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.
@@ -516,7 +516,7 @@ All the simple programs have been written.
A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added.
The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users. The
-Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
+Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O.
Please check fluid level by using the DIP stick which is located in the
back of VMI monitors. Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging
@@ -538,22 +538,22 @@ please communicate them by one of the following paths:
For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained
operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.*
-* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
+* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
CAR and CDR now return extra values.
-The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
-to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
-well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
+The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
+to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
+well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
destructure a cons (SOME-CONS) into its two slots (THE-CAR and THE-CDR):
(MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...)
For symmetry with CAR, CDR returns a second value which is the CAR of the
-object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
+object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack. This should
hopefully help people who don't like using the garbage collector because
it cold boots the machine so often.
@@ -594,16 +594,16 @@ messages (such as IEC703, "disk error") and allows you to dequeue your job.
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
-The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
+The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
collection algorithm has been installed. With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17,
-(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
+(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself. With SI:%DSK-GC-
QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled. Unlike most garbage
-collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
-than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
+collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
+than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
more Qs. As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you
remember what SI:RDTBL-TRANS does?", and if you can't give a reasonable answer
-in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
+in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user.
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
@@ -630,7 +630,7 @@ All your files have been destroyed (sorry). Paul.
Almost anything derogatory you could say about today's software design
would be accurate.
- -- K.E. Iverson
+ -- K. E. Iverson
Although it is still a truism in industry that "no one was ever fired for
buying IBM," Bill O'Neil, the chief technology officer at Drexel Burnham
@@ -641,14 +641,14 @@ bought it because I figured it was safe to buy IBM,'" Mr. O'Neil says.
"I said, 'No. Wrong. Game over. Next contestant, please.'"
-- The Wall Street Journal, December 6, 1989
-AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
-been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
-import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
-manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
-fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
-16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
-originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
-hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of
+AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
+been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
+import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
+manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
+fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
+16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
+originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
+hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of
this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says
@@ -657,7 +657,7 @@ An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
- -- D.E. Knuth
+ -- D. E. Knuth
... an anecdote from IBM's Yorktown Heights Research Center. When a
programmer used his new computer terminal, all was fine when he was sitting
@@ -668,13 +668,13 @@ never when standing.
Most of us just sit back and marvel at such a story; how could that terminal
know whether the poor guy was sitting or standing? Good debuggers, though,
know that there has to be a reason. Electrical theories are the easiest to
-hypothesize: was there a loose with under the carpet, or problems with static
+hypothesize: was there a loose wire under the carpet, or problems with static
electricity? But electrical problems are rarely consistently reproducible.
An alert IBMer finally noticed that the problem was in the terminal's keyboard:
the tops of two keys were switched. When the programmer was seated he was a
touch typist and the problem went unnoticed, but when he stood he was led
astray by hunting and pecking.
- -- "Programming Pearls" column, by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985
+ -- "Programming Pearls" column, by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
@@ -766,8 +766,8 @@ images may be tolerated by the luxurious cults, but the true IBM faith relies
on the austerity of the word.
-- Edward Mendelson, "The New Republic", February 22, 1988
-As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
-schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
+As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
+schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
As of next Thursday, UNIX will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10.
@@ -779,7 +779,7 @@ Please update your programs.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As part of an ongoing effort to keep you, the Fortune reader, abreast of
-the valuable information the daily crosses the USENET, Fortune presents:
+the valuable information that daily crosses the USENET, Fortune presents:
News articles that answer *your* questions, #1:
@@ -816,7 +816,7 @@ or putatively less buggy. The replacement of a working component by a new
version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new
component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and
efficient test cases will usually be available.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
@@ -859,7 +859,7 @@ At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on
the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is
quite untrue in practice. Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather
than blinkers it.
- -- G.L. Glegg, "The Design of Design"
+ -- G. L. Glegg, "The Design of Design"
At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
@@ -889,7 +889,7 @@ Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
-Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of
+Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of
interest is easy.
Beware the new TTY code!
@@ -897,8 +897,6 @@ Beware the new TTY code!
Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.
-- David Nichols
-BLISS is ignorance.
Both models are identical in performance, functional operation, and
interface circuit details. The two models, however, are not compatible
on the same communications line connection.
@@ -950,7 +948,7 @@ Have I explained yet about the bytes?
By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other
designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun.
- -- P.J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April
+ -- P. J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April
BYTE editors are people who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
@@ -1000,7 +998,7 @@ Civilization, as we know it, will end sometime this evening.
See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.
COBOL is for morons.
- -- E.W. Dijkstra
+ -- E. W. Dijkstra
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
@@ -1018,7 +1016,7 @@ characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management.
COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler one expects from
a corporation whose president codes in octal.
- -- J.N. Gray
+ -- J. N. Gray
... computer hardware progress is so fast. No other technology since
civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
@@ -1058,7 +1056,7 @@ than the estimate the job will cost.
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
If there's anything special we can do for you, anything at all, don't
@@ -1077,9 +1075,9 @@ ANY LOST PROFIT, LOST SAVINGS, LOST PATIENCE OR OTHER INCIDENTAL OR
-- Horstmann Software Design, the "ChiWriter" user manual
-Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
-at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
-the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
+Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
+at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
+the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention
being easier to stake.
@@ -1102,13 +1100,6 @@ enormous amount of hard work. But, a certain amount of unpredictable
and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference
between adequacy and excellence.
-Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking
-process -- an exercise in logic, clear expression, and almost fanatical
-attention to detail. It requires intelligence, dedication, and an
-enormous amount of hard work. But, a certain amount of unpredictable
-and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference
-between adequacy and excellence.
%DCL-MEM-BAD, bad memory
VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
@@ -1197,6 +1188,11 @@ understand that all things on the net, particularly insults, are meant
literally. Link what transpires on the net to the causes of the Holocaust, if
possible. If regular papers won't take the story, go to a tabloid paper --
they are always interested in good stories.
+ By arranging all this free publicity for the net, you'll become very
+well known. People on the net will wait in eager anticipation for your every
+posting, and refer to you constantly. You'll get more mail than you ever
+dreamed possible -- the ultimate in net success.
+ -- Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette
I'm still confused as to what groups articles should be posted
@@ -1292,7 +1288,7 @@ DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale.
(t (append (list (implode (nf a (car c)))) (nf a (cdr c))))))
(defun AD (want-job challenging boston-area)
((or (not (equal want-job 'yes))
(not (equal boston-area 'yes))
(lessp challenging 7)) () )
@@ -1306,7 +1302,7 @@ DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Did you know that for the price of a 280-Z you can buy two Z-80's?
- -- P.J. Plauger
+ -- P. J. Plauger
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
@@ -1402,11 +1398,11 @@ until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again.
Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, et
-DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
-read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only
-came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
-divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
-separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
+DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
+read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only
+came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
+divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
+separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.
@@ -1474,7 +1470,7 @@ Even bytes get lonely for a little bit.
Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to computer
technology? U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation.
-The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
+The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
computer technology during World War II. At the C.W. Post Center of Long
Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island public school adminis-
trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth. At Harvard
@@ -1507,7 +1503,7 @@ Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is
bend a disk.
- -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
+ -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
commenting on the benefits of using computers in support
of their movement.
@@ -1541,6 +1537,7 @@ this letter and broke the chain. Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in
her terminal and she now spends her days writing documentation for IBM PC's.
Don't break the chain! Send out your ten copies today!
For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu. But if
you also want to use \skip12 for horizontal glue, whether in math mode or
not, the amount of skipping will be in points (e.g., 6pt). The rule is
@@ -1567,11 +1564,9 @@ using ad hoc techniques.
-- D. Gries
[What's good about it? Ed.]
-FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms,
and grows in every computer.
- -- A.J. Perlis
+ -- A. J. Perlis
FORTRAN is the language of Powerful Computers.
-- Steven Feiner
@@ -1735,7 +1730,7 @@ to conquer the world.
Presently, they met Firmware, who was dressed in tattered rags, and
hobbled along propped on a thorny stick. Firmware said to them: "The Tao
lies beyond Yin and Yang. It is silent and still as a pool of water. It does
-not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It does not seeks fortune,
+not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It does not seek fortune,
for it is complete within itself. It exists beyond space and time."
Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
@@ -1794,7 +1789,7 @@ How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
-Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
+Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
I'm a computer, and you're a person. It would never work out.
@@ -1884,8 +1879,8 @@ I have travelled the length and breadth of this country, and have talked with
the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest
authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
-- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall
- publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
- editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
+ publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
+ editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
science of data processing), c. 1957
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
@@ -1917,7 +1912,7 @@ Years later, I went back to the same hotel. I noticed the room keys had
been replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors.
There was a computer in every doorknob.
- -- Danny Hillis
+ -- Danny Hillis
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
@@ -2044,7 +2039,7 @@ lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets
lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and
think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive
Net Mail ...
- -- Casey Leedom
+ -- Casey Leedom
If Machiavelli were a hacker, he'd have worked for the CSSG.
-- Phil Lapsley
@@ -2108,14 +2103,14 @@ was running the wrong version of the gateway which was giving out the wrong
network number? Never supposed to happen. Tough. Supposing that your
software discovers that the gateway is now giving out a different network
number than before, what's it supposed to do about it? This is not discussed
-in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
+in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
get my drift.
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery.
But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine,
-is somehow enobled and no-one dare criticise it.
+is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticise it.
-- Pierre Gallois
If you teach your children to like computers and to know how to gamble
@@ -2348,8 +2343,8 @@ It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all. In other
words... their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their
superficial design flaws.
- -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products
- of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
+ -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products
+ of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
@@ -2389,7 +2384,7 @@ cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing.
really needed in the first place.
I expect every installation has its own pet software which is
analogous to the above.
- -- K.E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
+ -- K. E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
It turned out that the worm exploited three or four different holes in the
system. From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine
@@ -2523,7 +2518,7 @@ Let the machine do the dirty work.
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
- -- Dave Olson
+ -- Dave Olson
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
@@ -2588,11 +2583,11 @@ and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply that you
don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your
seat and watch the movie.
-Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
-can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
-identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
-ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
-ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the
+Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
+can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
+identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
+ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
+ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the
side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.
@@ -2654,7 +2649,7 @@ moonlit night, some horrible persona has been jabbing away at, dragging
magnets over, and surging these voodoo boxen. Fortunately, they seem to
have gotten a bit bored and fallen asleep, for it looks like Cynthia may
get to go home. However, she has made note to quickly put together a totem
-of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaniful
+of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaningful
oxide, bus grant cards, gummy worms, and some bits of old pdp backplane to
hang above the machine room. This totem must be blessed by the old and wise
venerable god of unibus at once, before the idolatization of vme, q and pc
@@ -2675,7 +2670,7 @@ MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ...
Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business.
- -- P.J. Denning
+ -- P. J. Denning
Mommy, what happens to your files when you die?
@@ -2701,7 +2696,7 @@ know what we are doing.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
-MVS Air Lines:
+MVS Air Lines:
The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching hundreds of technicians
check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at
least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet
@@ -2719,7 +2714,7 @@ mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU.
I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would
be better for us both if you were to just log out again.
-My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down
+My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down
by the seashore.
n = ((n >> 1) & 0x55555555) | ((n << 1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
@@ -2749,7 +2744,7 @@ Never trust an operating system.
Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain
sex to a virgin.
- -- Robert Heinlein
+ -- Robert Heinlein
(Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.)
@@ -2858,18 +2853,18 @@ Nothing happens.
Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea.
- "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
-"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
-born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
-program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
-stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
+ "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
+"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
+born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
+program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
+stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other
-times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
-*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
-program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
-the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
+times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
+*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
+program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
+the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest
-hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
+hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
"This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!"
"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette."
@@ -2989,24 +2984,24 @@ Only great masters of style can succeed in being obtuse.
Most UNIX programmers are great masters of style.
-- The Unnamed Usenetter
-Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
-placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
+Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
+placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn
-food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
+food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS
-and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
-modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
+and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
+modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations. Hail,
postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of
the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
May your RAMS be fruitful and multiply.
-- Curt Suplee, "Smithsonian", 4/83
-OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS
-Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
-too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
-open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
-drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
+OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS
+Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
+too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
+open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
+drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
@@ -3053,7 +3048,7 @@ design is that now a system failure can usually be considered to be the
result of two program errors: the first, in the program that started the
problem; the second, in the recovery routine that could not protect the
- -- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage
+ -- A. L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage
Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and
Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4.
@@ -3087,7 +3082,7 @@ Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Pause for storage relocation.
Per buck you get more computing action with the small computer.
- -- R.W. Hamming
+ -- R. W. Hamming
PL/I -- "the fatal disease" -- belongs more to the problem set than to the
@@ -3100,7 +3095,7 @@ Please go away.
PLUG IT IN!!!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
- -- D.E. Knuth
+ -- D. E. Knuth
Price Wang's programmer was coding software. His fingers danced upon
the keyboard. The program compiled without an error message, and the program
@@ -3130,7 +3125,7 @@ Programmers do it bit by bit.
Programmers used to batch environments may find it hard to live without
giant listings; we would find it hard to use them.
- -- D.M. Ritchie
+ -- D. M. Ritchie
Programming is an unnatural act.
@@ -3226,7 +3221,7 @@ Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with
-`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
+`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
(and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how
@@ -3325,7 +3320,7 @@ claim that the algorithm is a natural one. In fact, the creator of
differential algebra, Ritt, committed suicide in the early 1950's,
largely, it is claimed, because few paid attention to his work. Probably
he would have received more attention had he obtained the algorithm as well.
- -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J.F. Traub
+ -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J. F. Traub
Row, row, row your bits, gently down the stream...
@@ -3509,21 +3504,21 @@ so obviously designed and written by Real Men not be intended for Real Man use?
***** Special AI Seminar (abstract)
-It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
+It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
in order to perform well in complex domains. But knowledge alone is not
-sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
-we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
-"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
-wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
-IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
-about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
-forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
-rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
-succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
-in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
+sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
+we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
+"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
+wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
+IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
+about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
+forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
+rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
+succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
+in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
underlying Plato's theory of government, Kant's metaphysics, Nietzsche's theory
-of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
-IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
+of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
+IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.
@@ -3573,7 +3568,7 @@ yourself in the morning.
Such efforts are almost always slow, laborious, political, petty, boring,
ponderous, thankless, and of the utmost criticality.
- -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts
+ -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts
Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the same
rate as computers and over the same period: how much cheaper and more
@@ -3611,7 +3606,7 @@ infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
- -- R.S. Barton
+ -- R. S. Barton
Testing can show the presense of bugs, but not their absence.
@@ -3647,7 +3642,7 @@ The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull.
-- Andy Purshottam
The 11 is for people with the pride of a 10 and the pocketbook of an 8.
- -- R.B. Greenberg [referring to PDPs?]
+ -- R. B. Greenberg [referring to PDPs?]
The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing.
-- T. Cheatham
@@ -3696,7 +3691,7 @@ the inclination to get on a plane, but also the time.
assembly language with the power of assembly language."
The clothes have no emperor.
- -- C.A.R. Hoare, commenting on ADA.
+ -- C. A. R. Hoare, commenting on ADA.
The computer industry is journalists in their 20's standing in awe of
entrepreneurs in their 30's who are hiring salesmen in their 40's and
@@ -3836,21 +3831,22 @@ Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable.
-If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
+If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
-to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
-for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
+to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
+for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks. What about the new 16-bit
-computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
-they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
+computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
+they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
-- "InfoWorld", June, 1984
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
-- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
+ -- Nicholas Ambrose
The IBM 2250 is impressive ...
if you compare it with a system selling for a tenth its price.
@@ -4047,7 +4043,7 @@ The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
The net is like a vast sea of lutefisk with tiny dinosaur brains embedded
in it here and there. Any given spoonful will likely have an IQ of 1, but
occasional spoonfuls may have an IQ more than six times that!
- -- James 'Kibo' Parry
+ -- James 'Kibo' Parry
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
@@ -4076,7 +4072,7 @@ The number of computer scientists in a room is inversely proportional
to the number of bugs in their code.
The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.
- -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972
+ -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972
The only difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman is
that the car salesman knows he's lying.
@@ -4130,15 +4126,11 @@ The proof that IBM didn't invent the car is that it has a steering wheel
and an accelerator instead of spurs and ropes, to be compatible with a horse.
-- Jac Goudsmit
-The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of
-whether submarines can swim.
- -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
The relative importance of files depends on their cost in terms of the
human effort needed to regenerate them.
- -- T.A. Dolotta
+ -- T. A. Dolotta
The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
-- J. Gooding
@@ -4172,19 +4164,6 @@ one can see only a very few things at once.
The steady state of disks is full.
-- Ken Thompson
- THE STORY OF CREATION
- THE MYTH OF URK
-In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null, and
-darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM was moving
-over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there be registers;" and
-there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried; and DEC separated the
-data from the instructions. DEC called the data Stack, and the instructions
-they called Code. And there was evening and there was morning, one interrupt
- -- Rico Tudor
The system was down