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#!/usr/bin/perl -p
# an array, not a hash. because order is important
@trans_table=(
'\bmy\b' => 'me',
'\bboss\b' => 'admiral',
'\bmanager\b' => 'admiral',
'\b[Cc]aptain\b' => "Cap'n",
'\bmyself\b' => 'meself',
'\byour\b' => 'yer',
'\byou\b' => 'ye',
'\bfriend\b' => 'matey',
'\bfriends\b' => 'maties',
'\bco[-]?worker\b' => 'shipmate',
'\bco[-]?workers\b' => 'shipmates',
'\bearlier\b' => 'afore',
'\bold\b' => 'auld',
'\bthe\b' => "th'",
'\bof\b' => "o'",
'\bdon\'t\b' => "dern't",
'\bdo not\b' => "dern't",
'\bnever\b' => "no nay ne'er",
'\bever\b' => "e'er",
'\bover\b' => "o'er",
'\bYes\b' => 'Aye',
'\bNo\b' => 'Nay',
'\bdon\'t know\b' => "dinna",
'\bhadn\'t\b' => "ha'nae",
'\bdidn\'t\b' => "di'nae",
'\bwasn\'t\b' => "weren't",
'\bhaven\'t\b' => "ha'nae",
'\bfor\b' => 'fer',
'\bbetween\b' => 'betwixt',
'\baround\b' => "aroun'",
'\bto\b' => "t'",
'\bit\'s\b' => "'tis",
'\bIt\'s\b' => 'It be',
'\bwoman\b' => 'wench',
'\blady\b' => 'wench',
'\bwife\b' => 'lady',
'\bgirl\b' => 'lass',
'\bgirls\b' => 'lassies',
'\bguy\b' => 'lubber',
'\bman\b' => 'lubber',
'\bfellow\b' => 'lubber',
'\bdude\b' => 'lubber',
'\bboy\b' => 'lad',
'\bboys\b' => 'laddies',
'\bchildren\b' => 'minnows',
'\bkids\b' => 'minnows',
'\bhim\b' => 'that scurvey dog',
'\bher\b' => 'that comely wench',
'\bhim\.\b' => 'that drunken sailor',
'\bHe\b' => 'The ornery cuss',
'\bShe\b' => 'The winsome lass',
'\bhe\'s\b' => 'he be',
'\bshe\'s\b' => 'she be',
'\bwas\b' => "were bein'",
'\bHey\b' => 'Avast',
'\bher\.\b' => 'that lovely lass',
'\bfood\b' => 'chow',
'\broad\b' => 'sea',
'\broads\b' => 'seas',
'\bstreet\b' => 'river',
'\bstreets\b' => 'rivers',
'\bhighway\b' => 'ocean',
'\bhighways\b' => 'oceans',
'\bcar\b' => 'boat',
'\bcars\b' => 'boats',
'\btruck\b' => 'schooner',
'\btrucks\b' => 'schooners',
'\bSUV\b' => 'ship',
'\bmachine\b' => 'contraption',
'\bairplane\b' => 'flying machine',
'\bjet\b' => 'flying machine',
'\bdriving\b' => 'sailing',
'\bdrive\b' => 'sail',
'\bwith\b' => "wi'",
'\bam\b' => 'be',
'\bis\b' => 'be',
'\bare\b' => 'be',
'\bwas\b' => 'be',
'\bwere\b' => 'be',
'\bwere\b' => 'be',
);
while (@trans_table) {
$key=shift @trans_table;
$value=shift @trans_table;
s/$key/$value/g;
}
s/ing\b/in'/g;
s/ings\b/in's/g;
s/(\.( |\t|$))/avast($1,3)/eg;
s/([!\?]( \t|$))/avast($1,2)/eg; # Greater chance after exclamation
s/\Br\B/roll()/eg;
sub roll {
return 'r' x (rand(5)+1) if rand > 0.5;
return 'r';
}
sub avast {
my $stub=shift;
my $chance=shift;
my @shouts=(
", avast$stub",
"$stub Ahoy!",
", and a bottle of rum!",
", by Blackbeard's sword$stub",
", by Davy Jones' locker$stub",
"$stub Walk the plank!",
"$stub Aarrr!",
"$stub Yaaarrrrr!",
", pass the grog!",
", and dinna spare the whip!",
", with a chest full of booty$stub",
", and a bucket o' chum$stub",
", we'll keel-haul ye!",
"$stub Shiver me timbers!",
"$stub And hoist the mainsail!",
"$stub And swab the deck!",
", ye scurvey dog$stub",
"$stub Fire the cannons!",
", to be sure$stub",
", I'll warrant ye$stub",
"$stub Arr, me hearty!",
);
if (int rand($chance) == 1) {
return @shouts[rand @shouts]." ";
}
else {
return $stub;
}
}
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