File: fortunes

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A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
%
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
%
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
%
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.
%
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
%
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
%
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
%
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
%
Accent on helpful side of your nature.  Drain the moat.
%
Advancement in position.
%
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
%
Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
%
An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
%
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
%
Are you a turtle?
%
Are you ever going to do the dishes?  Or will you change your major to biology?
%
Are you making all this up as you go along?
%
Are you sure the back door is locked?
%
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
%
Avoid reality at all costs.
%
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
%
Be careful!  Is it classified?
%
Be careful!  UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
%
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
%
Be cheerful while you are alive.
		-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
%
Be different: conform.
%
Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
get used to it.
%
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
%
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
%
Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.
%
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
life in such a mess.
%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
%
Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
%
Beware of Bigfoot!
%
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
%
Beware the one behind you.
%
Blow it out your ear.
%
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
%
Bridge ahead.  Pay troll.
%
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
%
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
%
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%
Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
%
Chess tonight.
%
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
%
Chicken Little was right.
%
Cold hands, no gloves.
%
Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.
%
Courage is your greatest present need.
%
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
%
Do not overtax your powers.
%
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
%
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
%
Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
%
Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
%
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%
Don't feed the bats tonight.
%
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
%
Don't get to bragging.
%
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
%
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
%
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
%
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
%
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
%
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
%
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
%
Don't plan any hasty moves.  You'll be evicted soon anyway.
%
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
%
Don't read everything you believe.
%
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
%
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
%
Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
%
Don't Worry, Be Happy.
		-- Meher Baba
%
Don't worry.  Life's too long.
		-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
%
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
%
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
%
Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
%
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
%
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
%
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
%
Excellent time to become a missing person.
%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
%
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
%
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
%
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
%
Fine day for friends.
So-so day for you.
%
Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
%
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!
		-- Bryce Nesbitt '84
%
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
%
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
%
Give him an evasive answer.
%
Give thought to your reputation.  Consider changing name and moving to
a new town.
%
Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it's little enough.
%
Go to a movie tonight.  Darkness becomes you.
%
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
%
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
%
Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.
%
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
%
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
%
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
%
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
%
Green light in A.M. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
%
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
%
If you can read this, you're too close.
%
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
%
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
%
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
%
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
%
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
%
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
%
Increased knowledge will help you now.  Have mate's phone bugged.
%
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
%
Is this really happening?
%
It is so very hard to be an
on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you
grown-up.
%
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
%
It was all so different before everything changed.
%
It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
		-- Churchy La Femme
%
It's all in the mind, ya know.
%
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
%
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
not worth sending.
%
Just to have it is enough.
%
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
%
Keep it short for pithy sake.
%
Lady Luck brings added income today.  Lady friend takes it away tonight.
%
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
%
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
%
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
%
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
		-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
%
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
%
Long life is in store for you.
%
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
%
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%
Make a wish, it might come true.
%
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
%
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
%
Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.
%
Never give an inch!
%
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
%
Never reveal your best argument.
%
Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
%
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
%
People are beginning to notice you.  Try dressing before you leave the house.
%
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
%
Questionable day.

Ask somebody something.
%
Reply hazy, ask again later.
%
Save energy: be apathetic.
%
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
%
Slow day.  Practice crawling.
%
Snow Day -- stay home.
%
So this is it.  We're going to die.
%
So you're back... about time...
%
Someone is speaking well of you.
%
Someone is speaking well of you.

How unusual!
%
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
%
Stay away from flying saucers today.
%
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
%
Stay the curse.
%
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
%
The time is right to make new friends.
%
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
		-- George Gobel
%
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
%
There is a fly on your nose.
%
There was a phone call for you.
%
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
%
Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
%
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
%
This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
%
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
%
Time to be aggressive.  Go after a tattooed Virgo.
%
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
%
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
%
Today is what happened to yesterday.
%
Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
		-- Hunter S. Thompson
%
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
%
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
it can still be changed today.
%
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
%
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
%
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
%
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
in eucalyptus trees.
%
Truth will out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
%
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
%
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
%
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
%
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
%
What happened last night can happen again.
%
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
%
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
%
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
%
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
%
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
%
You are always busy.
%
You are as I am with You.
%
You are capable of planning your future.
%
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
%
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
%
You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
department of transportation.
%
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
%
You are fairminded, just and loving.
%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
%
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%
You are magnetic in your bearing.
%
You are not dead yet.  But watch for further reports.
%
You are number 6!  Who is number one?
%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.  Therefore you
have few friends.
%
You are sick, twisted and perverted.  I like that in a person.
%
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
%
You are standing on my toes.
%
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
%
You are the only person to ever get this message.
%
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.
%
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
%
You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior executive.
%
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.
%
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
%
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
%
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
%
You dialed 5483.
%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
%
You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
%
You enjoy the company of other people.
%
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
%
You fill a much-needed gap.
%
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
%
You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to
leave it behind.
%
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
%
You have a truly strong individuality.
%
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
%
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%
You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.
%
You have an unusual magnetic personality.  Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
%
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
%
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
%
You have no real enemies.
%
You have taken yourself too seriously.
%
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
%
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
%
You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE
"SOMEONE ELSE."
%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
%
You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.
%
You look tired.
%
You love peace.
%
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
%
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
%
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
%
You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
%
You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
%
You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
be sold.
%
You need more time; and you probably always will.
%
You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
%
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
%
You now have Asian Flu.
%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
%
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
%
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
%
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
%
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
%
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
%
You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially
if they are dead.
%
You should go home.
%
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
%
You teach best what you most need to learn.
%
You too can wear a nose mitten.
%
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
%
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
%
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
%
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
%
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
%
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
%
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
%
You will be awarded some great honor.
%
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
%
You will be divorced within a year.
%
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
%
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
%
You will be married within a year.
%
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
%
You will be run over by a beer truck.
%
You will be run over by a bus.
%
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
%
You will be successful in love.
%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%
You will be surrounded by luxury.
%
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
%
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
%
You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
%
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
%
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
%
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
%
You will contract a rare disease.
%
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
%
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%
You will forget that you ever knew me.
%
You will gain money by a fattening action.
%
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
%
You will gain money by an illegal action.
%
You will gain money by an immoral action.
%
You will get what you deserve.
%
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
%
You will have a long and boring life.
%
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
%
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
%
You will have long and healthy life.
%
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
%
You will inherit millions of dollars.
%
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
%
You will live to see your grandchildren.
%
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
%
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
%
You will never know hunger.
%
You will not be elected to public office this year.
%
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
%
You will outgrow your usefulness.
%
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
%
You will pass away very quickly.
%
You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
%
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
%
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
%
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
%
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
%
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
%
You will soon forget this.
%
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
%
You will triumph over your enemy.
%
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
%
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
%
You will wish you hadn't.
%
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
%
You worry too much about your job.  Stop it.  You are not paid enough to worry.
%
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
%
You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
%
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
%
You'll be sorry...
%
You'll feel devilish tonight.  Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's
heel.
%
You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
%
You'll never be the man your mother was!
%
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
%
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.
%
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
%
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
%
You're at the end of the road again.
%
You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
%
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
%
You're definitely on their list.  The question to ask next is what list it is.
%
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
%
You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
%
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
%
You're working under a slight handicap.  You happen to be human.
%
You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
%
Your aim is high and to the right.
%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
%
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
%
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
%
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
%
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
%
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
%
Your business will assume vast proportions.
%
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
%
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
%
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
%
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
%
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
%
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
%
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
%
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
%
Your love life will be... interesting.
%
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
%
Your lucky color has faded.
%
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
%
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
%
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
%
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
%
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
%
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
%
Your present plans will be successful.
%
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
%
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
%
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
%
Your step will soil many countries.
%
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
%
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
%
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
%
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
%